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How to make friends

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Frebis, Jul 20, 2010.

  1. Frebis

    Frebis
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    Based off a recent Rant and Rave (poor friends) and a rep point from a few people I have confirmed my worst fears. I need to make new friends. Out of my current group of friends, I've known most since I was 13. All are pretty decent guys, it's just we are moving in different directions. I no longer want to sit around and drink a case of Busch Light every weekend. Most don't have good jobs and I'm tired of having money to do things, and no one to do them with. I haven't made many new friends since I was in college. A few years ago I cut most of the college friends out of my life, because the only thing we had in common was that we drank together. The few friends that I have met in the last few years are from work, and live all over the country. Meaning when my current gig is over in a few months I'll get to see them a few times per year at most.

    Anyway, I need to make some new friends that are in a similar boat as me financially, professionally, and personality wise. I have no fucking clue how to do this. Do I just talk to people at the bar until I find someone that wants to hang out with me? Do I use meetup.com?

    I'm confused and scared about it.

    Focus: After you are over the age where social interaction is almost forced upon you, how do you go about making friends?

    I'm tempted to just move to a new place and start over from scratch. The result couldn't be much worse than what I have now. And on the plus side they wouldn't know all my fun stories.
     
  2. silway

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    Something like 99% of my friends all come from a shared large group hobby. In my experience sustained friendships require common interests and having a hobby you are into that also involves lots of other people makes making friends a lot easier. So my recommendation is to find such a hobby, if you don't have one already. It has to be something you're genuinely into, though, or else it won't actually be a shared interest. And ideally something inherently group oriented. Maybe some kind of sports league, poker league, LARPing, S&M dungeon, criminal syndicate, etc. Whatever you enjoy that requires other people and is supported by a diverse organization so you have lots of people to meet but are still a part of the same "scene."
     
  3. Frank

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    Friends of friends and making friends out of co-workers is the easiest from my experience, but it seems as though those are not options for you.

    I'm not sure if this is an option where you live but a lot of cities will have casual sports organizations where you can play stuff like dodge-ball, floor hockey and soccer with other people in their 20's and 30's, I didn't directly participate but a lot of people I know in Boston made entire groups of friends this way. Plus dodge-ball kicks ass, damn I hope they have something like this in Hartford (hopefully they meet up and play outside the city though).
     
  4. effinshenanigans

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    They have group sports in Hartford, I think. A popular one, if I recall correctly, was similar to tag and called "Run from the cops after stabbing someone." From what I hear, tons of people are into that up there.

    A site called Sportsvite.com is something that I just started looking into. It's basically a facebook (without all the retardation) for people looking to get together for pick-up games and, depending on the sport, league play. You can choose your location and the sports you're interested in, and you'll get updates via email about what's available near you. Might be worth looking into.
     
  5. LatinGroove

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    I'm currently going through a similar situation. Since you write fairly eloquently and come off like an ok guy, I'm going to assume you're not a social retard and can actually talk to people.


    Moving to another city could be one option, but then you'd still have to go through the same process. Here is what has actually worked for me and I would definitely suggest:

    I'm currently using meetup.com as one option. I have very broad interests, but a huge difference between normal people and here I've found is the people here are actually passionate about what they are doing. Another advantage I've found is some of the groups can be pretty specific or as broad as you want them. I recently joined an Aquaponics group and another for German speakers to hang out. I only recently started using it, so I can't say too much further about it without lying.

    Messageboards: I've met people off of the old board who are/were really cool. I met two super cool and hot chicks, one guy who was kind of quiet but funny and another guy who I still go fishing with on occasion. I've also met other people who were into the outdoors on other boards. Be careful with this one if you're meeting people off of here.

    People from work/friends of friends: I recently came to know of a two guys from my work that have a band. After going to see their band, through these two guys alone I've probably met 15 people in the last 3 weeks who've been equally cool who also have similar/different interests. Through another group of Portugeuse speakers I've probably met 30 or so people in the past two months alone.

    Craigslist isn't too bad either if you're looking for activity partners. I recently met someone who I've been tutoring for their Spanish. This works for you while you're sleeping/away from your PC like most other profile/forum/social networking sites do.

    The biggest things I'd like to suggest are actually be PROACTIVE about meeting people and don't get complacent. Actually get off your ass and go do the things which interest you. Also, don't sweat the meeting people off the net idea. It used to be sort of taboo and only "losers did it" but people are way more online now and really don't make a fuss about it.
     
  6. Rush-O-Matic

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  7. Nick

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  8. no use for a name

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    This. At least in my experience.

    I got a job in my hometown after college, and for the first year out the only people I really knew where the couple of high school friends who came back home as well.

    Then I joined the city's post-collegiate club lacrosse team. We obviously share a common interest (not to mention 99% of college lacrosse players party very hard, so we share that as well), and between travelling for games together on the weekends, we all became very close. I met many of my current best friends from the team.

    Then through the "friend of a friend" method, I was asked to join a league kickball team. The league has about 40 teams of 20-30 year olds, and everyone goes to the bar for pizza and beer after games. So not only did I make a bunch of friends on my team, I've met a ton of people from other teams as well.
     
  9. lust4life

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    No, it makes him sound like he's maturing and his old clique of friends is stagnating.

    If you're not into participation sports, maybe try something more on the cerebral side: book clubs, class at the local college (could be an academic interest like history, or hobby-based like photography, cooking). I think I read once that you have an interest in brewing. Check out the local home brew supply stores and see if they have any social events (tastings, recipe swaps, etc.). Volunteer work is another great way to meet people, but I would only suggest that if you have a real commitment to whatever cause you'd be supporting.
     
  10. Frank

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    Good fucking call! I've only brewed beer once so far but plan to do it again soon, it was one of those idiot proof kits that are pretty much put together for you, but I'll be damned if it wasn't one of the best beers I ever drank (imperial stout).

    From what I've seen brewers are extremely social and love helping new guys start out.
     
  11. JoshP

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    Hobbies and travel are a great way to meet people who have common intrests. I have met some people while doing both. I am a scuba diver and none of my circle of friends dive. So I just roll solo on trips and when you are stuck on a boat with 25 people for 5 days you are going to find some people to get along with. Forums for hobbies are great as well, meet up and do said hobby, if they are cool hang out other times. I have a girlfriend now, but I have also met some smoking hot chicks the same way. Since you already have something in common it is way easier to get along and be intoduced in the first place. If you are having trouble meeting people I would reccomend groups of people, confined spaces ( dive boat), and you rolling alone. It will force you to interact and be social. That's more of a "post-you have no friends intervention friend rehab" step I guess. Just put yourself out there dude. I don't know what you do for work, but if it's interacting with clients and strangers than the skill set is already there just apply it in different situations......or just get rich or famous.