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"How the fuck are you not dead?"

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by CanisDirus, May 10, 2016.

  1. CanisDirus

    CanisDirus
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    After a bout of weekend white-water rafting, hiking and golden trout fishing, I reflect that some people seem to be prone to accidents and that's how they get injured & others just do stupid shit that gets themselves hurt.



    And then there's just activities, like canoeing without paddles or desert-sailing, that seem inherent to some dumb risk.

    Focus:
    Stupid shit you have done and are amazed upon reflection to have come back unscathed from.

    Alternate Focus: Stupid shit you have done and got injured as a result of doing it.

    Alternate-Alternative Focus: What are some things that other people do for 'fun' or 'recreation' that you would never do?
     
    #1 CanisDirus, May 10, 2016
    Last edited: May 19, 2016
  2. Juice

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    Hey you lazy fucks, put in a personal anecdote or something when you suggest a thread.

    I almost got killed in Iceland for no other reason that wanting to jump a river to impress my friends. This was less than a year ago.
     
  3. Revengeofthenerds

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    Fireworks and gasoline don't mix.

    Actually, fire and gasoline doesn't mix. But especially fireworks. (Diesel fuel is a lot better if you must.)
     
  4. Fiveslide

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    AA focus: Wing suits. These people have my utmost respect as athletes and their sport is truly amazing to watch. But they some loony motherfuckers, jumping outta shit and "flying" that close to hard, fixed objects.

     
  5. CharlesJohnson

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    No matter what walk of life a boy is from, he has done some stupid shit. The male DNA is peculiar. Most cells/organisms evolve to protect the lifeform long enough to spread its genetic material. Then along comes men and we throw that shit right on out the window 'cause a chick might be watching. Or hear about it. Or a free beer is on the line. Or no beer. Or we already had beers and I need you to hold this one.

    Off the top of my head:

    - Thrown off a moving car hood. Did a somersault and cracked my head on the pavement.
    - Jumped off a 15 foot embankment into about a foot of water. "When you jump BANANA into the water like special forces!!" This was 3 years ago at a wedding in the middle of nowhere. In my defense we thought it was deeper. My spine.
    - Same wedding, a drunken, crazed Quebecois drove us around in a golf cart at full speed, through pitch black trails next to 15 foot enbankments (river) and into woods where coyotes were howling. We didn't have room for one guy so he laid on the roof and held on really tight. It was cool though, because he had a good grip. To keep from falling into the river we shifted the weight of the cart as the wheels skidded off the edge.
    - Started a bonfire. Fueled by rum, started taking turns jumping over the flames. Wearing shorts. And sandals. (About 2 months ago)
    - As a kid construction sites were good fun for jumping and tumbling around. We had tetanus shots, game on.
    - "I can do a tumble under the garage door as it is closing." 2 staples.
    - Binge drank 4 Loko to see what happened. I was 30.
    - Friend with a good buzz going drove us through a construction site looking for a shortcut to the road, buried the car in a sand dune.
    - Those fireworks balls that go in the mortar tube? Sometimes you can roll them down the street and if they stop under a car the gas tank typically does not explode. Good to know.
    - Neighbors get angry when teens start a wheelbarrow fire to burn the ex's shit, which turns into a firetrail down the driveway.
    - Same neighbors were lucky not to be home on 4th of July when a respected lawyer's son launched a bottle rocket out of his ass into their window. Years later, when we were grown. "Grown." Protip: If you launch one from your mouth, wear sunglasses.

    I have never played with firearms or ATVs.


    Alt. Alt. Focus: Seconded Wingsuit enthusiasts. What the FUCK are you psychopaths doing?

    Remember kids, "When in doubt, poke it with a stick."
     
  6. Revengeofthenerds

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    Sex without a condom.
     
  7. JWags

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    Focus: I used to live in a townhouse and my second story room had a balcony with a sliding glass door on it. If I locked myself out, which I did fairly regularly, I could climb the fence to our courtyard, stand on a different portion of said fence, jump up about 7 feet, grab onto a ledge, climb to another ledge, before pulling myself onto the balcony and comfortably entering my room. The fence was about 3 inches wide and had sharp stakes every 4-6 inches or so. Not great footing. Doing this hammered at least a half dozen times should have resulted in some sort of injury.

    Alt-Focus: My ex gf had a good friend who was in the upper balcony of a concert venue and there was a light catwalk off of each corner. He and friends walked onto one, hammered, and he ended up falling off and getting impaled to death on a pole-type thing below. I was stunned, absolutely crazy.
     
  8. Kubla Kahn

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    Driving while a teenage male comes to mind. We did shit that scared me more than when I actually rolled my friend's truck in college (because no one was in the bed).

    I got in an atv accident when I was a kid that made my dad say he thought he was watching me die when it rolled over me. Saved by the crevice in the hill I fell into and it rolled over me.

    I'm really surprised alcohol poisoning hasn't taken me either.

    Edit: Almost forgot when I was maybe five my brother would roll me up in blankets and push me down the stairs, for fun. I'd tumble end to end and hit the basement wall. Lucky I never broke my neck.
     
  9. Tim

    Tim
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    I have a lot of stories and I can't go bald or ever shave my head because of the number of stitches I've received and the number of scars I have on my head. The last head injury I had was when I was 12. It was the Fourth of July and I had just learned to do a back flip off the diving board. I managed to do it two or three times until I didn't. I wasn't able to clear the board and ended up hitting my head on the top and the side of the diving board. All I remember is screaming "I can't move my neck" and my dad diving in to get me out, which is not what he should have done because you're not supposed to move someone who has a neck injury. We go to our podunk hospital and they say they can't treat me because they can't deal with neck injuries. So I end up in an ambulance driving for an hour on a hard board strapped down. One of my cuts was on the back of my head so I cried and screamed every time the ambulance hit a bump. I finally saw a specialist and there was no serious injury, only strained ligaments and two cuts in my head that needed to be stitched up. The worst part about it was that Carrie was two or three people in line behind me for the diving board and I was going to ask her to go with me to the all night skate at the local roller rink. I doubt all the screaming, crying, and bleeding impressed her. I never saw her again.

    Since scalp wounds are supposed to bleed a lot I'm assuming that there was a ton of blood in the pool. I figure they had to drain it but I never went back and we moved away soon after that .
     
  10. dixiebandit69

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    Focus: Does catching live rattlesnakes with my bare hands count? Because I've done that plenty of times. The bigger ones will require a stick of some kind.
    I still catch snakes to this day, but I do have snake-handling gear for the rattlers now. I'm a public service for people who find them on their property; I catch them, and release them at a wildlife refuge out in the country.

    Alternate Focus: I've got a scar on my stomach from where I tried climbing down a pole from the third level of a parking garage on my 25th birthday.
    See my post in the tattoo thread for details.
     
  11. Misanthropic

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    AAF: Why anyone would jump out of a perfectly good airplane is beyond me. Just to say you did it? What's the point? The idea of the ground rushing up at me while I hope my chute opens doesn't sound exciting, it sounds absurd.

    Similarly, I think motorcycles are awesome, as long as someone else is driving them. I like they way they looks and sound especially Harley's, and I like the idea of riding one. But do you know what's in between you and 2 tons of vehicle moving at 60 mph when you're on a bike? Air that's what. You can be the best biker in the world, and if some dipshit runs a stop sign, turns left into you, drifts lanes, etc.,etc. you are fucked. In a car you still stand a decent chance of living. On a motorcycle you're screwed. Unfortunately I know a handful of people who have died on motorcycles, all doing what they were supposed to be doing, but someone else fucked up.
     
  12. drunkfish

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    I survived that on a bad night. That was in 2007 and I have been careful ever since. Something about waking up and being cut out of your truck reminds you to obey all traffic laws, slow down, and realize that no phone call, text, or where you were going is that important..
     

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