How Low Can You Go?

I was talking to an old classmate that I used to be great friends with in high school. We hadn't really been caught up in a few years and got a few beers and he told me a hilarious story that I felt needed to be shared here.

To give some background, my friend was going away to school and this took place in the final weeks of his freshman year of college. He had obtained a fake ID [it was just his older brothers, who looked very similar to him as the picture was of an 18year old version of his brother. My friend was 18 at this time]. Anyways, he went to the bar and one of the huge positives to this at the time was that he could make up whatever story he wanted and nobody could really bust him as nobody his age was going to be there. It was also a bar that was slightly out of town.

Anyways, so after going to a local bar on some weekend nights every once in awhile my friend sees the most attractive female he had ever seen. He shares a brief moment with her at the bar and is shellshocked. He sees her again the following weekend around the same time. He briefly talks to her and is basically stuck on this girl and decides then and there, "I'm going to go to whatever necessary lengths to bang this girl or I will never forgive myself." This girl treats my friend rather rudely in nearly every instance the times he sees her at the bar.

This girl was 23 years old, my friend was 18. My friend had a decent amount of savings [mostly didn't spend his student loan] and came up with a ridiculous plan. He decided he was just going to bullshit the fuck out of this chick knowing that nobody can call his ass out.

The next time he goes to the bar and meets her he has a new level of confidence. He introduces himself to the girl formally for the first time and buys her a drink. He makes small talk and the topic of what do you do for a living comes up. My friend said he was the CEO of a new upstart company [and this is where I sort of didn't catch all the deets, but it had me confused so I could only imagine it working on some ignorant bar slut] and she doesn't seem too impressed. He knew for some reason that she wouldn't be. Travel comes up and he mentions he is going to Hawaii the following weekend, for no reason. All of a sudden she is a little more impressed, and has actually never been. He says, "Want to go this weekend?" She obviously thinks he is joking, and my friend assures her that he is serious.

After a long back and forth over the seriousness of the question, she says if she sees a ticket she will believe it. They even work out that the dates work out for her.

My friend buys two tickets to Hawaii. First class. He by now obviously had her number and called her and asked where to meet so he can give her her ticket.

My friend then sets this up so he looks like a fucking G. He said he called the hotel he was staying at ahead of time, and told the manager or someone that whoever gives him his key for the hotel will receive $50 for addressing him by name and making some small talk to make it seem like he is a regular. He says he will be wearing something you can tell him by.

He actually goes with her to Hawaii. The hotel staff actually honors his wishes. He said he banged her in the hotel room right then and there once they got up there. He then says they went to dinner, where he had a similar arrangement with the wait staff and host at that place. He rails the fuck out of her again in the hotel.

During the middle of the night, he gets up and boards a plane back home.








He sells her return ticket home back for money.


Focus: What is the craziest, most fucked up, most awkward/embarrassing, or funniest thing you have ever done to get your nut off? Were you caught or were you successful?

 

There's a saying in engineering: "Anybody can build a bridge that stands. It takes an engineer to build a bridge that barely stands."

That is to say, if you are willing to expend infinite resources, many problems become much easier than they would otherwise be. Apparently, getting laid is one such problem. Even I can get laid for less than the cost of one-and-a-half first class plane tickets to Hawaii, a couple nights in a swanky hotel, and some outsized tips for the help. And believe me, if you knew me, you would know that's saying something indeed.

As for me, my sense of pride, small though it may be, has always outweighed my need to dip my wick in an immediate way. As such, I have no amazing stories about the lengths to which I have gone to hook up.

Anyway, this fits with our new trend of funner, less serious threads, and so let's hope this generates some awesome stories. Besides which, Mexifornia up there actually PMed me to try to sell me on how awesome this thread was going to be and to beg me to run it. Also, who can resist a guy who abbreviates "details" as "the deets?" Next thread topic might be FOCUS: What's the craziest/most embarrassing/pathetic thing you've ever done to get your thread run on TiB?

 

"Refresh... refresh... refresh... If I can just get the 600th post, then I can get ALL my threads to run... Refresh... refresh..."

 

GODDAMNIT! FUCK YOU! I NEVER BEGGED LIKE A LITTLE BITCH ABOUT IT. FUCK!



Back to the real FOCUS please now.

 

Stories of friends' crazy plots to get fucked should be applicable as well. Also, as a side focus...when did you go to extreme lengths to get laid and have it blow up in your face [not literally, hopefully]?

This one girl in my newspaper class my junior year of high school pretended to be a black chick on MySpace in order to engage in sexual talk with black dudes. One of her good friends found out and blew the whistle on her, alerting the dude to what was going on and quickly it spread around our newspaper class and she was the laughingstock. It was also great because she was a douche nozzle and highly argumentative with pretty much anyone. One of my good friends, who is pretty meek, was being given shit by her one day and he just stood up and yelled at her in the middle of class "At least I didn't pretend to be a BLACK CHICK so I could get stuffed with BIG BLACK COCK!" He emphasized the black chick and big black cock part of that line so awesomely that the whole class [even the teacher] just blew up. After the teacher finished laughing my friend got an in-school suspension for "bullying".

 

Wow, if true, your friend is a grade A scumbag who should likely have served some time and/or still be paying off the settlement.

Focus: I was dating a woman for a few months who was 15 years older than me. I was in college at the time, but on co-op (quarters devoted to interning). I was working a shitty security job so I had weird fucked up hours. Anyway, I used to drive four hours to see her after a shift, have a bunch of sex, eat, nap, and then drive back in time for my next shift. I did that once a week. The other time I saw her, also weekly, was a slightly bigger gap so I could sleep in a little before driving back.

 

I don't have any real crazy stories, but I'm pretty young and am generally attracted to women that are older than me. It's pretty frustrating to have women judge or dismiss me due to my age so I will make an effort to avoid telling her how old I am. Thankfully I look like I am 5 years older than I really am, which certainly works in my favor.

For the record, I'm 20. But when you're 18, a 24 year old girl is not going to take you seriously. I never lied about my age but I'd make a huge effort to avoid saying anything that would identify how old I was—eventually it would reveal itself but usually by then I had asserted myself enough that it didn't matter as much at that point. The biggest extreme of this was when I was 19 and slept with a 36 year old woman, who I let assume I was in my mid-20's.

 

I have the opposite problem. It's not as bad as it was in the last few years, but I definitely look younger than my age. The one time anyone assumed I was even a year older than my actual age, it was a drug rep (whose job it is to suck up to everyone). Nevermind trying to pick up chicks at bars, I can't even have a professional relationship with a co-worker without them thinking of me as their children. "Little boy" was even used as a form of address once or twice before I shut that shit down.

As for the other focus, I once revealed a personal story in the hopes that people would care and it would be relatable. Apparently not.

 

I have the same problem. I'm 23 and not that long ago a woman didn't want to give me a sample at the grocery store because I needed parental permission if I was under 12. What the fuck? I think it hurts my chances a lot intially, but most women don't care too much as long as I can act my age. I'm just hoping it pays off down the road.

The story that started this thread is surreal. I've never done anything close to that and am sure I never will. And that girl has to be really fucking stupid to believe an 18 year old was a CEO (even if she thought he was a few years older.).

 

You know, I can almost believe that someone in their early 20's would have started a company. Strictly speaking you can call yourself whatever you want if you're the owner, but it's not that impossible. What is stupid, owner of a company or not, is taking off to Hawaii when you've known someone for a week, and when you only met that person at the bar, and when the only pretense for him wanting to take you to Hawaii is to fuck you. Seriously. The girl is fucking lucky that the worst thing that happened to her was having to buy return airfare.

Although come to think of it, this would be a useful tactic in getting Hotwheelz laid.

Reminds me of meeting one of my mom's cousins this past summer:

"So, what grade are you in?"
"I'm in my fifth year of university."

 

From what I heard, she liked it.