<a class="postlink" href="http://www.cracked.com/article_20075_the-5-most-terrifying-rites-passage-from-around-world.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.cracked.com/article_20075_th ... world.html</a> On the one hand, some of those rites SUCK and I wouldn't want to go through them. On the other, the notion that there is a definitive ritual and moment when you pass from childhood into adulthood sounds kind of attractive, and (to me, at least) seems like it would remove a lot of the self-doubt and overgrown children running around right now. Focus: Was there a moment when it hit you that you were a grown up? Alt Focus: Any crazy rites of passage stories.
I wish I could say it was when I became a mother - but it wasn't. I wish I could say it was when I got married - but it wasn't. It wasn't when I got my first divorce. Or my second. Or when I bought my first, second, or third car. It wasn't my first job, or when I joined the Army. During ALL of those times, I had a safety net to fall back on - I relied on my family for strength and KNEW that if anything shitty happened (it did) I would/could "go home". It was when I was homeless, and getting my shit together to rent an apartment. It was a shitty apartment, but it was my apartment, and I was - for the first time - providing for myself and my children without the assistance of my parents, siblings, or a husband. Setting up electrical, my own car insurance, my own cable. It was the day I realized that, yes I could have had help if I asked for it, but I could handle everything being thrown at me, and I didn't want anyone's help. I wanted to take care of my life myself.
Two incidents stand out. The day my father phoned me wanting advice how to deal with some issues with the extended family because he was stuck (I think I was 30) and I sorted the problems. And last year when I paid him back the $20k he had lent me 7 years earlier plus $14,000 interest, not because I had to but because I wanted to, and that was the % the investment had matured. I think he got a bit misty. There were others like buying my first house, moving in with the GF, travelling overseas alone, buying a new car without assistance etc but being the go to guy for dad when he was in a jam and being able to write a check for almost twice what I had needed to borrow a few years earlier made me feel like a proper formidable grown up.
We already have a definitive ritual when you pass from childhood to adulthood. We have many. It used to be graduating high school, or turning 18, or graduating college. Now they all mean nothing. And if you introduced another one, well, you know what'd happen. Inflation doesn't just affect money.
The tradition where I grew up is to kill a deer, and "get bloody", which means getting your head shoved into the entrails while you're skinning and gutting the deer. God help you if your first kill is a doe. After that bit of unpleasantness, paying my own car insurance can go fuck a duck. Aside from that, Peace Corps. It's different for everyone, but I realized that I was going to grit my teeth and deal with everything that shithole threw at me alone. My friends, my parents, my girlfriend(s) were great support, but at the end of it, I was on my own. Finally, sobering up. Looking back, in a lot of ways, I was an immature asshole and had I not snapped out of it, I would have hated the way my life turned out. Some people can drink like adults, but for me, that was the exception, not the rule. I dropped a lot of lame-ass friends, cut out a bunch of skanks and my priorities became clearer, which allowed me to do some really cool shit later in life.
When my family started hitting me up for money after I surpassed my parents in income, which wasn't difficult.
Wait, what? I'm straining to picture a scene where your dad forces your head into a body cavity of a dead animal any other way than some fucked up serial killer shit. "Son stop squirming this is for your benefit, pinch my leg if you aren't getting enough air." Duh fuck?
It's a tough question, because we're always growing - hopefully. My biggest leap towards adulthood was dealing with my father's sickness and the fallout after his death. I'd much prefer to have remained juvenile.
This is easy. I knew I was an adult when I realized that at any point I would need to be more mature than my mother and that moment could happen at any time. I realized this after I lived away from my parents for several years and operated on my own schedule and income and visited their place every now and then, but not too often and never for long. I was at my folks' house for a few days and I was setting up a printer for my mom's computer. She kept reaching over my shoulder and randomly stabbing buttons while telling me that I was doing it wrong. This is a lady who hadn't run a disk cleanup in the three years that she owned the computer and saved literally everything. I had already cleaned up quite a bit by simply running routine maintenance. Anyway, she kept reaching and stabbing and telling me that I was doing it wrong and I turned around and told her that I loved her very much and I was trying to help her out. I asked her to please stop so I could work this out. For her, this meant war. For the rest of the night she was determined to start a fight. She immediately responded that she couldn't wait until I went home. Instead of escalating the situation by threatening to never come back, I ignored it. For the rest of the night she tried to pick a fight by moving my glass or insisting that I sit at a different place at the table or interrupting- nothing major. Finally, I looked her square in the eye and said "Mom, I know you're trying to pick a fight with me because you're angry. It's not going to work. I don't want an apology. I'm not asking you for anything. However, you will not get me to argue with you. Do you understand?" And that was it. The tables had turned and they haven't changed, but they haven't changed because I am acutely aware that the balance of power is based on one person acting irrationally while the other stands by and watches the ensuing meltdown. We've made our peace since then and my mom calls me and asks for advice on how to handle personal communication issues. She recognizes that I'm an adult as much as I do. It sucks that it's come to this, but it is what it is and my mom is not the only person who I have to treat this way. My father is a very wise man. He once told me that people overreact to situations because in the end they received a favorable result. The best way to shut it down is address the overreaction on the front end and tell them it won't work. It has a very christianizing effect on a lot of people.
I'd say the same, but I'll probably be too busy drowning my sorrows and lameting the passing of my youth.
I've done a lot of things in the past few years that would constitute becoming a grown-up--buying a condo, et al--but what makes me feel the most grown up is that I actually get hurt now, and there's a recovery time associated with those injuries. When I was younger, I could fall from a two story balcony and damn near watch the bruises fade away in the shower the next morning. Now, if I sleep really hard and don't roll off my right side all night, it feels like I used my shoulder to block a charging rhino. As I type this, my left elbow is noticeably in pain, and I have no idea why. So, for me, it isn't so much what I've done, but what is happening to me that makes me feel grown-up. With that, I'm going to go grab some Motrin.
Facing the legal system in all its fucked up glory is quite a wake up call. My DUI trial is near the top of the growing up life lessons learned experiences. After reading Shimmered's post though it kind of hit home how fucking far away I am from real life adulthood (as opposed to the young at heart notions some are joking about). I still rely almost entirely on my parent(s) for security. I have yet to strike out on my own in really any meaningful way. Sobering thoughts for someone about to be 28 this month.
I think I am doing my damnedest to do it right now. I am actively trying to set up a life that I live on my own terms. I want the only limits placed on me to be my own, and "my" family's (kids/significant other) . It is hard to tell your parents to but out when they still bail you out from time to time. Ultimately, to me growing up is, like others have said, when you realize your safety net is either non-existent or unnecessary. I have had a lot of steps towards adulthood but I ultimately ended up backsliding. And right now I'm trying to stay on the path that I'm on. Instead of buying into the excuses and letting set backs stop me from reaching my goals, I'm doing my best to persevere. This is really hard for me because most of my life the things I wanted came easily, or I just didn't worry about it. After all "happiness" was only a bar away. I guess when I reach the point when I am financially stable, in a career that I chose, and have become the safety net for others, I will feel grown up.
This is going to sound lame as hell, but when I was 23 and made my first retirement plan contribution. It was the first time in my life that I put hard earned money towards anything but shelter and instant gratification.
For me it was a 4 month span that encompassed a few events that truly brought it all into perspective. My daughter was born around the end of October, and even though I was above the average age of first time parents, I still didn't feel like I suddenly became an adult. I'm of the firm belief that having a kid doesn't make you an adult. However, just a week after my daughter was born, my father was diagnosed with advanced pancreatic cancer. Without going through too much detail, he only made it a short 3 months before passing away leaving my sister and my stepmother essentially without a leg to stand on. It became my responsibility to not only take care of my newborn, but also the rest of my family until everyone could cope with the situation and get their lives back into some semblance of normalcy. Almost a year later, everybody seems to be doing the best they can given the situation. That being said, I still am "forced" to watch Phineas and Ferb with my daughter every day. Even if she's sleeping. Or not in the room. DON'T JUDGE!
Yeah. I'm 23 and just started contributing to my 401K last month. Been working a full time, salaried job for a year now- having the same routine every day took some adjusting. The other (even lamer) thing was when I realized that I hardly wear any of the crap I used to during college (printed T-shirts, ripped jeans). Unless I'm in my shop, the majority of the shirts I wear have collars now. I do a lot less stupid immature shit than I used to but still catch myself- and then feel like I am working too much and "growing up" too fast. Fuck getting old. This is weird.