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Honey? What is this Giant Box of Ebony Porn?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Mexicutioner, Jan 6, 2011.

  1. Mexicutioner

    Mexicutioner
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    So a friend of mine that recently was married [22 years old, God help him] is in the doghouse now. He's Mormon, as is his wife, and he just got caught watching some black chicks get railed by huge dicks by her. Apparently, despite being together for 3 years, she never knew of his thing for black chicks until she found him watching it on his computer. That blows my mind that he was able to hide something like that for so long.

    Focus: What about you would you try and keep from your eventual spouse? Embarrassing? Creepy?
     
  2. Nettdata

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    I was stupid enough to keep a bunch of Polaroids from a night out with a FWB. She found $50 in the cash machine at the bar (gotta love drunks that do everything but take the money), and the bar had a cheesy photo booth. At $3 per pic, she ended up spending almost an hour trying various topless and bottomless poses, and gave me a bunch of them.

    The Wife was cleaning out a few drawers early on in the marriage and ran across them. Probably wouldn't have been a big deal except that the FWB was still friends with both my wife and I, just no longer a FWB. The real kicker was that I might have somehow forgotten to tell The Wife that we used to be FWB.

    Thus the XXX rated pics she found were not a big deal at all, and it was all forgotten in minutes.

    Yeah. No.
     
  3. DrFrylock

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    Somewhere (a comedy bit, maybe?) I heard about a theoretical service that you would pay, and if you died unexpectedly they would come in and clean out all the embarrassing bits from your house, your hard drive, etc. I still think this is a workable business model.
     
  4. lostalldoubt86

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    There are a few things I would like to hide from my future spouse (For instance, most men in America that I'm attracted to will not accept my Dr. Who obsession.) but I feel like they would find out eventually.
     
  5. Kubla Kahn

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    Focus: What about you would you try and keep from your eventual spouse? Embarrassing? Creepy?

    A little place called TiB...It's both.


    edit: At the second bar I worked at we had 4 managers. The cool one, the kid, the hot milf, and the wiener. The wiener got busted watching black porn on the office computer after leaving a DVD in it. Somehow this idiot wasnt fired and the hot milf was, sure she was grossly incompetent and over paid half of the staff on accident. I think ebony porn is worse.
     
  6. Sherwood

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    HA, I managed to watch the first four seasons on Netflix streaming, the entire 5th on various internet sites, an the first two seasons of Torchwood without my girlfriend, who I live with, knowing. I mean, i love watching the show but it's a little too hard to explain why...

    I got busted because I forgot that I'd left something in my sock drawer: my pipe. I mean, I've smoked like, once in the past six months since we moved in together, but she was still pretty mad. No, dear, I haven't been keeping it from you I just... didn't... mention it?
     
  7. Trakiel

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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    I play tabletop RPGs... You know, D&D and the like? So in other words, I have something bigger and more embarrassing to hide than porn, a drug habit, or anything else any of you clowns probably think you need to keep on the DL.

    Unfortunately it's kind of hard to hide an entire bookshelf full of books, so I've resigned myself to singledom for as long as I continue playing.
     
  8. lhprop1

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    I hide hunting and fishing purchases from my wife. Actually, I don't hide them, I just don't tell her about them. I mean, when you have 30 fishing rods sitting in the garage, she's not going to notice when #31 is magically hanging on the wall.
     
  9. E. Tuffmen

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    I too have a thing for black chicks in porn that my wife does not know about. I also like amateur stuff, but I only have a select few clips on my computer of anything. I wouldn't want her to find out though. I also hide TIB from her. She knows that I come on and follow TV show threads and get some interesting info occasionally, but she does not know I have an "account" and post. I don't bother hiding purchases from her. I just tell her I want something, we argue, and I get what I want anyway. I know I could avoid the argument and just hide it but I feel guilty lying about money stuff. That just doesn't seem right.
     
  10. Fernanthonies

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    The girl I'm dating right now has somehow managed to get me to be extremely honest with her, so there isn't much I would need to hide. She knows how much I play video games, she knows about the unreasonably large stack of Star Wars novels in my closet, she knows about my DUI, and has even found porn sites in my browser history (she didn't really care, but why the fuck wasn't I clearing my history? that's definitely fixed now).

    Then I read Kubla's post and yeah, she'll never know about this place. Some of the shit I've posted in the past, especially in drunk threads and from before I met her, I just don't think she would understand. Bad part is that it would be extremely easy for her to figure out what user name I post under if she ever did find this place.

    Also just remembered that I have an Anime collection on my computer. I don't really watch any of that stuff anymore but I used to like it and I've still got some hanging around. She knows I'm a nerd, but anime might be over the line, so I'll probably just keep that one to myself.
     
  11. toddus

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    That's just racist. So if it was white porn it would be fine Himmler?
     
  12. Trakiel

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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    Oh shit, I totally forgot about this too; and I have an entire bookshelf of it. I don't know if this is better or worse than the role-playing, but either way I'm just fucked that much more. Maybe I should just tell women I live in my Dad's basement...
     
  13. Frank n Beans

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    My wife actually busted me at the computer this last summer. I got off work early and for some magical reason that was the day she decided to come home for lunch. Yep, caught me red handed. She thought it was the funniest thing in the world. This is when she was pregnant with twins so i had gone months without getting laid since we were worried about premature labor (funny to think of it now since boys were still born 3 months early), so she was just relieved more or less that I was getting relief. I ended up getting quite a bit of action that night so somehow it was actually a turn on. Who knew?
     
  14. Fracas

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    I travel light. I've sold most of my nerdy collectable-type shit, and I don't hang on to a lot of porno, commercial or homemade. I even wiped the ex porn from my hard drive when I hit a slump and realized it was helping me stay bitter and stuck in the past. I've never been caught jerking off (my hearing isn't great, but I can sense a girlfriend's approach at 40 clicks) and I'd rethink my relationship with anyone who took that part of my biological programming too personally. I don't think any less of you for bleeding once a month.

    I have a small collection of keepsakes from past FBs and FWBs: A bra, a bodysuit, an empty hotel bottle of shampoo, a tube of lipstick, some dirty and mushy notes in loopy girly handwriting. I don't take it out much, it's locked, and no one else knows where it is. Even if I went off a bridge today, it would probably end up in the garbage or at Goodwill before anyone I know would discover it. If I told a girlfriend about it, I'd probably throw it out, as it would have no more sentimental value.

    I'll always have an avenue of expression that's safe from the ladyfriend. This and other online forums. Personal notebooks. Confusingly named Word docs. Certain friends I can drink with who won't run their holes. I believe that my relationships function better when I have some means of working out my demons in private. Forcing the entirety of my fucked-up-itude on one person seems, I don't know, selfish, to me. Give me a place to vent and I always come back more adult.
     
  15. Noland

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    I'm going to go off topic for a minute because I don't have an "eventual spouse"; I have an actual spouse.

    The first year or two you hide a few things. It's just residual embarrassment, really. For some reason you think she's not going to have sex with you because you have a serious opinion on whether or not Han shot first. She'll have a lot of reasons not to have sex with you, but that ain't it.

    But, after a while the fact that I prefer wine over beer and have original, first edition copies of the Dragonlance series on my bookshelf (Legends and Chronicles for the truly old and geeky out there) just doesn't matter anymore.

    Why hide something that makes you happy?
     
  16. JGold

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    There's one thing I've kept from every girl I've ever seriously dated: my true number. It's not in the hundreds or anything, but it's high enough I'm embarrassed to tell women I care about. I don't want to deal with the judgment. I'm clean, so it's not like I'm wronging the girls in any way. If the topic comes up, I usually try to dance around it so I don't have to lie, but if pressed I'll just say 15. Seems average for a 24-year-old. For my eventual spouse? Not sure I'd tell them the truth, either. The one girl I've dated who I saw a serious future with thought the number was 15. What the fuck does it matter, anyway? I hate the whole conversation. I never ask, and frankly, I don't want to know a girl's number, because as long as she's disease free and not fucking around on me, I couldn't care less.

    I also keep TiB, and RMMB before it, close to the vest. There are things I've posted I wouldn't want to share with real-life friends. Gotta love Internet anonymity.

    I played WoW for a while in college, and definitely kept that shit under wraps. Every time I think about reactivating my account, I remember I'd have to hide it from everyone I know, and that deters me. Thank God.
     
  17. Bogan

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    I've never really actively tried to hide anything significant in past relationships. My last girlfriend thought playing online poker in the wee hours of the morning (I'm a bit of an insomniac) was a problem so I ended up only playing when she wasn't around. She redeemed herself by watching the occasional bit of porn though, so it balanced out. I have tried to tone down my nerdiness at the start of relationships, but it shines through after a while anyway so I don't bother so much any more.

    I wouldn't care about people finding out my secrets once I've carked it (not that I really have any anyway). Perhaps if I was someone of public fame I'd want to keep that shit under wraps to save family from the media circus but other than that, why bother?
     
  18. Nom Chompsky

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    I think part of the additional hurt his wife feels at "ebony porn" is that "ebony" is a visual standard she could never hope to live up to. This is further compounded by the fact that most deliberately black porn plays that up in hamfisted ways; it's easy to imagine a wife finding it and saying "oh, this must be what you want INSTEAD of me."

    That being said, I think the idea that "ebony" is a pornographic novelty, while not racist in and of itself, has as its source the same source of racial prejudice that assumes asian men have small penises and indian women taste like curried goat.
     
  19. Nettdata

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    I'm trying to figure out what you mean by "pornographic novelty".

    To me that's like the Ron Jeremy Pez dispenser I used to have. For you young'ins, that's like a bobble head that spit out candy.
     
  20. Nom Chompsky

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    Heh, sorry I'm half in the bag. It's like 4 am and I've been drinking for 6 hours.

    I just meant that having a black woman in porn is supposedly something special, rare, different and, well, novel. At least if porn is marketed as "ebony porn." I've yet to see that phrase where it didn't seem like it was marketed to middle aged white guys who have fantasies about that chick at the DMV counter with the thick thighs and the sassy neck rolls.

    Not that all DMV workers are black, but the lady in this post it. She's not in love with it, but it's a job, you know?