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Honey, the neighbors are covering their lawn in shit again

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by D26, Mar 25, 2010.

  1. D26

    D26
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    So I was reading Cracked.com and I came across this article on the 7 most insane true stories of neighbors from hell. This got me thinking. I've always lived in an apartment, and I've had shitty neighbors, but my wife and I are about to close on a new house next month, and having a shitty neighbor in a house, where you plan to (presumably) live for a good portion of your life can really suck.

    Focus: Tell your stories of shitty neighbors. What did they do to piss you off?
    Alt. Focus: How do you deal with shitty neighbors. Give a new home owner some advice.
     
  2. Virty

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    Neighbors suck. Like seriously, I want to live a Toytoy life because of this.

    Currently both of our closest neighbors hate us. I don't know why. Seriously, I moved in my roommates told me, these guys hate us they are kind of douches, deal with it. I've tried to be nice, not start any drama. Thus far, no drama. But I'm waiting...
     
  3. breakylegg

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    What's the phrase, "Hell is full of musical amateurs"?

    I can attest to that because my last neighbor played the flute. Badly. As in at random times in the morning. I used to bang on the wall to make him stop. Eventually I got tired of listening to him fellate himself so I bought a Slayer cd, put a boombox up to our connecting wall and played the same song over and over at full blast while I went for a walk. This tactic of sonic Raid worked, but after a few days we'd have to go through it again.
     
  4. toytoy88

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    The fucking desert. I hate the fucking desert.
    One would think that I'd be the horrible neighbor given my tendencies of firing weapons, digging big fucking holes for no other reason then I want to, and scaring the fuck out of real estate agents.

    But you would be wrong.

    A couple bought the chunk of land next to my property and what do they do? Their first act was to install a couple of halogen lights that shined in my window at night. One of the reasons I live in the country is because I enjoy it being dark at night and seeing the stars.

    Seriously...do these dumb asses think they're keeping criminals at bay with these lights? They are giving would be criminals shadows to hide in and a clear view of what it is on the property to pillage. It's much easier to shoot a prowler creeping around in the darkness who's holding a flashlight to see what the fuck then it is to shoot at shadows. Dumb asses.

    But they weren't done yet, oh no.

    They built a kennel to house their 100 hound dogs that they raise and sell. I can't sit in peace and quiet on my front porch without being serenaded by those God damn dogs barking and howling at every noise they hear.

    I've threatened more then once to get a silent dog whistle and hook it up to an air compressor to make those dogs bark continually. According to county code if they get X amount of noise complaints about livestock...they lose. Thus far I haven't been that much of a dick. Yet.
     
  5. ec88

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    My neighbor isn't that bad until come summertime. Last summer, his neice or whoever had a quinceanera and he hired a huge Mariachi band to play the entire fucking night.

    He'll usually have parties almost every weekend that last until 4a.m, or whenever the cops show up because there is a girl fight going on out in the street.

    I'm waiting for the cockfights to start one of these summers, I might just have to go over there and throw some money down if that ever happend.
     
  6. toytoy88

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    When I was young and lived in an apartment, my next door neighbor used to come home at 3 AM every morning and turn up his stereo waking me up without fail.

    I quickly tired of this and one morning after he'd turned off his stereo and presumably went to bed, I exacted my revenge.

    He had a stereo. I had a guitar and a 100W amp.

    I turned my amp towards his wall and started playing. He knew all the songs I was playing (I know that because he kept waking me up playing those damn songs) and I wasn't about to give him a lullaby. I would play the song correctly for about 15 seconds, just long enough for him to get lulled into a sense of familiarity, and then I'd start hitting all sorts of fucked up notes that made even me cringe.

    He quickly learned that his stereo couldn't match me and my guitar. I could control exactly what came out of my amp and he was a wee bit limited with his stereo.

    After two of my lullaby's he got the message.
     
  7. Kubla Kahn

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    Growing up the neighbor kids played fucking basketball until ungodly hours. A ball hitting pavement will drive your ass nuts when you can't sleep. Finally when we got a dog we let her out late one night and she started barking. Not five minute later the neighbors called and my mom told them to fuck off and that she wasn't bringing the dog in as payment for years of 3 am pick up basketball games. A few land survey disputes plus this incident lead us to not talk or really acknowledge them anymore.


    In one of the houses I lived in during college we had a huge wiener neighbor that owned two houses on the street and was renting them out to other college students. The place next to ours had two, two bed room apartments. In the main one where some hardcore partying girls that we had known from the dorm, which was sweet. I couldn't tell you how many times this dude called our landlord to complain about shit that wasn't our fault. The guy, who was only like 30 and a rugby player, would not even come to us if he had a problem. Most of the time he was bitching because he was trying to show the second apartment and there was trash (various beer paraphernalia) around the stairs that led to our place. The problem was that the girls were the main cause of this. The deck and hot tub they partied in was next to our stairs and trash cans. Through out there nights they'd just try the old basketball shot into our cans, which most of the time didn't work out. We sure as hell weren't cleaning up their shit, and the guy would begrudgingly do it after receiving this news from our landlord.
     
  8. Household 6

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  9. Crown Royal

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    Personally I've never had a serious problem with neighbours, except in my first apartment my neighbours sounded like they were reinacting the good scenes from Basic Instinct over and over whenever they shut their bulsa wood door. I got a little tired of having to blast cheesy 80's action movies to drown them out, so threats were made and they kept quiet after that.

    The more interesting story was with a guy I bought things from. His neighbour swiped two of his pot plants (he swears he witnessed it), so he evened the score by dumping a bag of unmixed Portland cement into his hot tub.

    Yeesh.
     
  10. Angel_1756

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    I lived in my apartment for 5 years, and in that time, the unit next door was occupied by three different tenants.

    The second tenants were my favourite of the bunch. Shortly after they moved in, I was awoken one morning by a woman screaming "GET UP. GET UP. GET OUT OF THE MOTHERFUCKING BED YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT!", which is a lovely alarm for anyone. I figured it was just your standard domestic until I got to the elevator and saw the mom standing there, not with a husband, but with her 8 year old daughter who was clearly crying.

    Mom: "You stop your crying. You wanted to be lazy and stay in bed this morning, that's what you get. It's no wonder daddy doesn't want to live with us."

    Children's Aid got to know that woman pretty well before they moved out.
     
  11. breakylegg

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    At the same place with the flautist my next neighborly foe was the paranoid schizophrenic. I found him mildly amusing at first, the way he'd vacuum his doormat outside for a good 45minutes; another time I looked out my window just in time to see him bolt out of his apt wearing a wifebeater and a dress shirt tied around his head. He raced out and put an envelope in the mailbox then stood on the porch a while staring at the full moon.

    But over time he grew increasingly erratic and somewhat violent. Somehow he began targeting me for weird shit like flicking his porch light on and off several times when I walked by his door. Sometimes I'd shut my door and hear him slam his shut three times in a row. Other times his door would be slightly ajar with him standing just inside in his undies. I told my landlord about this, that some kind confrontation was on the horizon. I finally started packing a steak knife whenever I took out the trash or did laundry.

    Eventually I woke to hear cops at his door and they took him away. He returned briefly before leaving for months. Someone kept paying his bills so I think he must've been institutionalized for a spell.

    He returned my last month there, a shell of his former self and his car missing. Good riddance to both.
     
  12. swagger

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    I never really wondered about when or why my neighbors started to piss me off. I guess it was a series of actions: Some of them complicated and some of them just silly stuff. I think the breaking point was when they started building some construction which was illegal - it was permitted bye the government due to him working with the corrupt swines..

    (Alt. Focus:)
    At some point during this constructionbuildingcase, my dad told me implicit that it was okay for me and my friends to fuck the neighbors up. My friends and I being really immature took this assignment as it was the most important job to mankind. When drunk this assignment was even more important. As you can imagine most of the things we did, happened when drunk. We never really did anything outragous, but thinking about the amount of times we did it, makes me wonder why retaliation never came. We would: fill their lawn with those free newspapers and commercialmagazines*, they were easy excessable(?) at night, so there would be A LOT of them. Blow up different kinds of meat with fireworks in their garden, throw huge piles of garbages in their lawn etc.

    Two of my friends had cut down two of their relatively big trees with saws (while very drunk). I remember reading in the local newspaper that some guy had put a bounty(?) on, as far as i recall, around 1500$ - because he wouldn't tolerate that shit in his neighborhood . After that we stopped our games.... And yeah I should have collected those money.

    *this was ironic cause they had a huge sign on their mailbox literally saying "No fucking commercials"
     
  13. eric

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    Man, this is near and dear to my heart. My wife and I have been plagued with lousy neighbours.

    I was originally going to post all the things our current neighbours do to piss us off, but it was turning into a novella. Suffice it to say that after 9 years of their bullshit, we have an appointment with a lawyer on Wednesday and we're putting the house on the market mid-April. We moved out to the country many moons ago to a beautiful house on 6 acres to get out of the city and the noise. Unfortunately our immediate next door neighbours are white-trash, inbred, douchebag assholes who have ruined it for us. Want to sleep at night with the windows open? Forget it. Want to sit out back without having people scream profanities at each other? Forget it. Want to look at derelict vehicles and crap scattered about? Hey, you're in luck.So we're moving on, and as a final FUCK YOU we are bringing bylaw down on their heads with the backing of a lawyer specializing in making municipalities enforce their bylaws.

    To the OP's other question. First off, before moving somewhere take the time to educate yourself on the bylaws, especially regarding noise, nuisance and property standards. Keep in mind that bylaws out in rural areas are generally more relaxed that in the city, and it is harder to get them enforced way out in cottage country. Is the noise/music bylaw one that applies at all times, or only starting at 11 pm? What is the bylaw regarding grass cutting, operating machinery, repairing vehicles in the laneway etc. This may seem trivial, but when you discover that your neighbour likes to cut his grass at 7 am every Saturday morning or likes to run his angle grinder at 10:30 pm during the week it becomes pertinent.

    In terms of how deal with shitty neighbours, keep in mind that there are generally two types. There are people who simply are unaware that they are doing something to piss you off, and if you take the time to discuss with them nicely what issues you are having, they will likely do their possible to remedy the situation. For example, they may be completely oblivious to the fact that their dog is barking all day while they are at work. If you go over and talk to them in a calm manner, they will likely bring the dog inside during the day, or find a kennel. The point is that if you scream at them over the fence "You better shut that fucking dog up!!!!" you probably won't get the results you're after. That whole honey vs. vinegar thing. A nicely worded letter also works with these people.

    Unfortunately, most shitty neighbours are of the second variety. The self-centred, selfish asshole that does what he wants, when he wants, and everybody else can just fuck off. If you do go talk to them, the best you can hope for is to be rebuffed. At worst, you’ve just given them more ammunition to piss you off with. “Oh, you don’t like it when I blast country music till 1 am. Well guess what fucker? We’re going to 2 am”. At this point you can engage in a tit-for-tat described by other posters. It may give you a sense of satisfaction, but likely will simply escalate the situation. You get them back with loud music, they throw dog shit in your yard. You snowblow your snow into their laneway, they key your car. Things can degenerate quickly. The bigger issue is that if you decide to involve police and/or bylaw, your hands are just as dirty as the neighbour’s.

    Ignoring this approach, your only real recourse is the thorough and repeated application of law and bylaw. After a few visits the bylaw or police officer will get fed up of having to respond to the same shit over and over again and start issuing tickets. Having to pay fines has a tendency of changing peoples’ attitudes. The sad reality, however, is that getting the city or township to enforce their bylaws can be difficult. Furthermore, while you may succeed in getting your neighbour to stop certain behaviours through bylaw, there are plenty or legal things he/she can do to keep pissing you off and they will have the motivation to keep antagonizing you. If they are assholes, bylaw is not going to change that.

    Ultimately, if you end up next to shitty neighbours who cannot be reasoned with, my advice is to move and try again somewhere else like we’re doing. Many will say it’s just running from a problem, but I personally know people that have been locked in battle with their neighbours for well over a decade As mentioned, I myself am coming up on 9 years of not being able to fully enjoy my property. We generally stay inside since going outside is just stress and aggravation. In a crazy way, we've become prisoners in our own home because we just don't want to deal with it anymore. If it weren't for our cottage that we go to every weekend, we probably would of sold years ago.

    Life is just too short.
     
  14. eric

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    Double entendre intended?

     
  15. Dayvan

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    I already posted about my former drug-addict neighbor who convinced himself I was somehow breaking in his place and moving things around, who then also decided to 'retaliate' by trying to have someone break into my place [which never occurred because as soon as I caught wind of it I moved the fuck out].

    I've been cursed with two horrendous neighbors/roommates. They came consecutively into my life, one year after the next. The first was easily foreseeable as a potentially shitty setup, as he was my dorm-mate during my first year at a new school.

    The second one however, ended up being the worst neighbor I've ever had. He put me through psychological hell, and the worst was I never saw it coming until it was too late. He had also lived in the same dorm as the first bad neighbor, but the difference was that I considered him a friend, up until I heard the truth.

    I was moving back to attend the same school after summer and a term off. My initial living arrangements fell through a week prior to my arriving back in the state. I bummed off of a few friends couches and moved into the first place I could find... ironically enough I knew the person who I was to share my kitchen with.

    This place I still affectionately refer to as "the rat-hole". It was essentially an elongated closet with a balcony at one end and a bathroom and a kitchen in-between the other person's hallway/"apartment". It was cheap, had the essentials and best of all: utilities were free.

    Considering the length of this story I will try to condense it to the details.

    My neighbor had a huge inferiority complex, which he supplemented with huge self-delusions that turned into a God-complex. He became such a good liar over the years that not only did he believe his lies, but so did a great many other people. I didn't even find out his true age until two years after meeting him, when a mutual friend of ours confronted me about his problem with me.

    See, I was shocked to hear he had a problem with me because I had considered us on good grounds. It wasn't until he had new locks installed one day that I started asking questions. Our mutual friend had me over one day and asked me if [neighbor] had anything to worry about having me as a neighbor. After asserting that I try to only be the best of neighbors with strangers, let alone people I consider my friends, he, knowing my character, informed me that [neighbor] had been telling him and several others that I had been breaking into his apartment for weeks.

    Now astoundingly shocked, I implored him to divulge everything. On top of the fact that he thought that I was breaking in, although nothing had gone missing, he stated that he knew, "TO THE MILIMETER!" where everything in his apartment was before he left, and I simply entered and moved shit around. Here I should also add that he was a chronic pot-smoker {which in and of itself I have no problem with, however...}, and he had recently gotten heavily into cocaine. He was also convinced that I was eavesdropping on him (which is why he blasted his rap music and that fucking song from the Geico adverts, "sometimes I feel like, somebody's watching meeee", ugh) as well as two other girls in the complex who would, according to him, walk up to his door and put their ears to it.

    Worst of all was that he was trying to find people to break into my place in retaliation.

    I have NEVER wronged this guy [well, I did break a beer of his while drunk, but told him about it and tried to replace it] so I was extremely unnerved. I didn't sleep that night and thought myself a huge fool. I had also just signed a new lease to stay for an extra three months.

    We could easily hear each other through the wall, and I knew how psychotic he had become, especially now. It was psychological torture, I dreaded being home, but feared to leave and have my shit get broken into. I went to the police and provided them with a statement, then spoke to my landlord. I was lucky and had a great rental company at the time who let me out of the lease early. Three hellish weeks later I moved home.

    Post-script: He believed I was still there and our mutual friend had had enough of his shit and his lies. He started standing up for me and this made my former neighbor very suspicious. At that point he had removed the contents of our shared fridge and thrown them around the communal hallway screaming my name. Then he broke a massive hole through my former kitchen door. Then he went to the police who told him that I had already gone to them and explained the story. Then he took the police to the rental agency to convince them that I was still in fact in the state and breaking into his place... this was five days after I moved 3000mi away.

    When that went nowhere he then tried to have the police investigate my friend who had informed me of his insanity. Then he was evicted [as his behavior had been frequently reported by other tenants, and they subsequently found the new hole in the door] and his affluent family apparently shipped him back to the home-country after they discovered what he was really spending his tuition on.

    Things have been pretty tame since, a few obnoxious bass-bangers who had to be removed from our community due to a wealth of noise complaints, but on a similar note our next-door neighbor most recently had convinced us they were dead.

    How? After a few nights of heavy, loud fighting with their significant other things went dead quiet. Then for three weeks straight their TV was on. How did we know? We could hear it throughout our apartment. Initially we ignored it because we went to Europe for about a week and a half, but when it continued for a few days after we arrived home we notified the people who head our community.

    It has since stopped so they must have either notified them to keep the TV down... or they removed the body (bodies?).
     
  16. lust4life

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    I want to put garden gnomes on the front lawn with dry-erase boards cut out like comic strip caption balloons as a way of communicating with my neighbors. You know, stuff like:

    "Fuck you! At least we're not pink flamingoes!"

    "It's Hitler's Birthday! Torte @ 8 pm!"

    "Show us your tits!"
     
  17. travdiddy84

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    I grew up next door to Jehovah's Witnesses. Jehovah's Fucking Witnesses.

    Beat that.
     
  18. SaintBastard

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    A new neighbor comes by to tell you that they are new to the neighborhood? Great.

    A new neighbor comes by to tell you that they are new to the neighborhood because the judge ordered them to? Not so great.
     
  19. Saint

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    When I was first in college (JC, I know, I know) 6 of us rented a house right down the street from campus. Everyone on the block was cool as hell. There are some advantages to having 6 college football players who are up at all hours living in the neighborhood. Everyone except our next-door neighbor, who I’ll call “Bill”. Bill had an ongoing dispute with the owner of our house, something about not wanting “renters” on his block. He had a hardon for us from day 1. He would call the cops for everything. It got so bad that we basically knew all the cops on every shift by their first name. Despite popular opinion, most officers are smart intuitive people. They saw what was up pretty quick. They just showed up & shot the shit with us for a few min most of the time. They even had all our cell numbers and if they were busy or just didn’t feel like coming out would call us to see if there was actually a reason to send a car.

    All this infuriated Bill. He kept calling the police. He even went so far as to try to get a petition circulated to make the owner evict us. Now we were not perfect neighbors by any means, but the good outweighed the bad. We always tried to be considerate of those around us. I have a dozen stories about us doing good deeds in the neighborhood. (Bill probably has 300 of us fucking up) In his petition, he stated that because of us he was losing sleep and as a result would probably be fired for poor performance. (Couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that he was over 40 and had a 6 month old in the house)

    No one on our block signed the petition except him and his wife. He got 3 or 4 randoms at his work to sign but all in all pathetic. He gave the list to our landlord who laughed his ass off.

    The capper finally came when we were invited to an officer’s retirement BBQ. We went, got totally shitfaced with all the off duty officers, & they had duty officers (Read: sober) give us a lift home in squad cars. I asked if they could turn on the rollers when they pulled up. Seeing the lights Bill runs outside as we exit the cars & shake hands the the officers and thank them for the lift. All I heard out of Bill was “MOTHERFUCKER”

    Bill put his house up for sale the next week.

    Come to think of it...perhaps we were the neighbors from hell. Nah, Fuck that guy.