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Holy shit, I'm turning into my Dad.

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by $100T2, May 2, 2011.

  1. $100T2

    $100T2
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    When I was a kid, I thought my Dad was the greatest thing ever. He could kick a kickball all the way to the fence, he could shoot hook shots like Kareem, but left handed because he was a lefty, and he would let my brother and I basically get away with murder.

    However, he also tortured us with 60s music. Dear old Dad was a hardcore hippie, having moved from Massachusetts to California in the mid 60s after Vietnam. He was into the Beatles and John Lennon, and would not listen to the hip, new stuff my brother and I liked (shit like Oingo Boingo, Duran Duran, and Depeche Mode).

    So, I was driving along with the kids in the backseat and my son was happily playing air guitar along with this guitar solo, and I realized they can sing Duran Duran songs. And Van Halen songs. I'm teaching my daughter how to dribble lefty and righty, so she won't have my right hand dominant weakness when she plays hoops. (Maybe the lefty side is from my Dad fucking schooling me until I was 19. In my defense, he played against Kareem in high school and held him to 8 points, so it's not like he sucked. Plus he would foul like a motherfucker.) When my wife isn't around, I let them play video games, eat whatever they want and have all the fun they can, as long as their school work and chores are all done.

    That's when I realized, "I'm turning into my Dad."

    FOCUS: Are you like one of your parents? Are you the exact opposite? Do you find yourself doing things (or not) specifically because of your parents?
     
  2. DrFrylock

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    I'm an introspective person and spend a lot of time thinking about why I make the decisions I do, and consequently why other people make the decisions they do. As with all parents, both of mine had a combination of strengths and limitations. I figured out who my parents really were, and why they became those people, in my early 20s, and I've spent the following decade trying to imitate their strengths while avoiding some of their mistakes.

    Mom and Dad were two different people. Mom is analytical, Dad was emotional. I took after Mom in that regard. My family structure was very traditional growing up, with Dad working and Mom at home, so I picked up my Dad's Puritan Work Ethic (which he got from his father), but not his ambition. He also had a thing about personal integrity above all else, and I picked that up, too. The downside of that is that I get risk-averse and perfectionistic. Mom is limited by fears of the world, and Dad was limited by an inability to come to terms with what he could and couldn't change in the world. I try to overcome these things.

    My brother, on the other hand, has turned into my father. It's uncanny to see it, and more than a little ironic given that they were at loggerheads for most of his childhood. He got Dad's work ethic, but also his emotion and his ambition. He's smarter than my Dad was, and has made a few better choices, so he's actually on track to have the success my Dad chased his whole life (and never achieved). Dad was pretty unhappy because he never got to the place he wanted to be, and could never come to terms with that. It will be interesting to see, when my brother does get there, whether it will make him happy or not.
     
  3. audreymonroe

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    It's scary how much I'm turning into my dad. We have the exact same moods (and mood swings), which is extra frustrating when they're not aligned and he's doing something that's annoying me and I realize that I would be acting the exact same way if I were him. We also tell stories the same way and just generally have the same demeanor. We also have the same ideals and values, but I'm wondering if that's more of a "nurture vs. nature" thing, because I'm seeing myself starting to act more like he did in his twenties, but I think that's more to do with hearing stories and getting inspired by them. We also have the same exact sense of humor, which is a relief because not many other people do and it's nice to know that at least I can crack up one other person besides myself. To go into any more specifics than that would be difficult to describe to strangers.

    I don't know much about my mom, but from what I have heard I think my main inheritance from her is her sensitivity. The typical girl "Help I'm turning into my mother" fears come from my aunt (my dad's sister) who is totally, um, eccentric but now that I'm older I can see so many similarities between us. I'm probably going to grow up to be an old lady in a big house filled with antiques, wearing crazy clothing and spending her days shopping for bargains. I don't think I could ever talk as much as her though. At least she has a big family.

    I've been watching my best friend turn into her mom this past year, right down to the eating disorder, and it is bizarre.
     
  4. hamshackler

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    While I dearly love my father, growing up I wanted to be the exact opposite of him. He's a pharmacist, I wanted to be an engineer. He played baseball, I wanted to play drums. Fast forward a few years, and I'm in school studying to become a pharmacist, I like all the same sports teams as he does, and I love the same music from the 60's and 70's that he does (steely dan, pink floyd, kansas, neil young, boston, etc). I also find myself using cheesy "dad" phrases and conducting small talk with cashiers almost exactly as he does. I've also developed a love for fishing, which is his absolute favorite hobby. Rather than push this behavior away, I just embrace it. If I'm going to be like my dad, the least I could do is be a better version of him.
     
  5. lostalldoubt86

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    I noticed a few years ago that I am like my father and my sister is like my mother. My father and I are both obsessed with a sci-fi show (my dad is a trekkie and I'm obsessed with Dr. Who.) We both prefer the outdoors to being inside, play the guitar, watch Jeopardy every night, and habitually smoke week.

    My sister and my mother were both cheerleaders in high school, get the same kinds of crazy when they are drinking, smoke the same cigarettes, and shop obsessively.

    I think it stems from the fact that I was closer with my dad growing up and my sister was closer with my mom.
     
  6. Subito

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    My dad listens to Enya. So far so good.
     
  7. lust4life

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    Once in a while I catch myself acting like my father. I cringe, get this really sick feeling in my stomach, and then take the kids for ice cream.
     
  8. Harry Coolahan

    Harry Coolahan
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    My dad is a narcissist whose emotional unavailability destroyed my parents' marriage and made him incapable of acknowledging any mistakes he made while raising me. When I was 19, I literally told him I thought the emotional damage he caused me as a kid amounted to child abuse, and he told me I needed to disconnect from that situation to see it objectively. Little did he know his tendency to do that is what kept him from being close with his family.

    The worst part is I do see those tendencies in myself as well, and apologized to an ex recently for acting exactly like that in our relationship.

    I think the fact that he doesn't recognize it in himself, even as an old man, whereas I'm self-aware enough to makean effort to break out of that habit as a young adult, will be enough to keep me from being too much like him. Hopefully.

    That said, I learned a lot about business from being involved with his various business ventures as a kid, and I see a lot of similar trains of thought in myself about seizing opportunity and taking risks, which I think is a positive quality.
     
  9. Fernanthonies

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    My parents got divorced when I was very young and I mostly lived with my mother, so the only thing I picked up from my dad was his orneriness and his love of Star Trek. I think, and The Girlfriend could probably attest to this, that I'm turning out to be like my mom quite a bit. Like someone else said, it's not something that can really be explained to strangers, but my mom has always been pretty laid back which I definitely picked up. The worst part is all the weird little phrases that she says that I find myself saying all the damn time.
     
  10. Rob4Broncos

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    This is the stage of life I've been at for the last couple of years. Right around the time I moved out away from home and freed myself of their influence (for better and for worse), I've been doing my best to make my own behavioral and lifestyle choices, while maintaining the positive ones I picked up at home.

    I'd say that I'm more like my mom than my dad, which might have a lot to do with being homeschooled from ages 7-16. To that end, I think I'm much more creative today than I otherwise would be, thanks to her artistic influence. Which works out great, because I've always been left-brain dominant. On the other hand, my mom has always been very introverted, which, in tandem with my educational upbringing, made for a very shy and lonely adolescence. It's a social habit that, to this day, I struggle to rid myself of. An aside: it's for this reason that I'm heavily in favor of pot legalization, because of the behavioral benefits it's lent me.

    Unlike my mom, my dad is and always has been very analytical. Anything to do with numbers, such as woodworking/carpentry, auto repair, and doing his own taxes, are a breeze for him. While I haven’t pick up on the stuff to the extent that he has, his overall approach to anything logical or numbers-based helped strengthened my inherent interest and ability in similar fields. Unfortunately, he’s also very risk-averse, particularly with money. He’s the kind of guy who can spend 6 hours in Best Buy shopping for a new TV and “narrow down” his choices to 6 or 7. While I’m not nearly that bad, I’m still very hesitant to make many decisions, and will instead consider all possibilities first. The quote in my signature has become a mantra of sorts lately, in an attempt to alleviate that.

    Although my mom is quite religious (and raised me and my 3 brothers in a religious upbringing), I’ve deviated far from that in recent years, as I don’t care at all for people who tell me how I ought to think or behave. I have my own views on spirituality, none of which I plan on telling to her anytime soon. As for my dad, I wish I could say that I have even half the work ethic that he does, but alas, I've always been a lazy piece of shit in all but a few select areas of life. Having spent 27+ years in the Marines, that kind of mentality is fucking difficult to keep up with. On the positive side, I'm also much more socially adept than either of my parents, but I think college and the copious use of substances deserve all the credit for that.
     
  11. xrayvision

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    I find myself behaving like my dad a lot lately. Its not necessarily a bad thing. I think my dad is a great guy and I hope to become the man he is.

    That said, I find myself making the jokes he made that I hated as a kid and I actually think they are funny now. I also find myself seeing situations in life the same way as him. Whether its something at a restaurant that I am annoyed about, or the way I feel about my mother's side of the family. I also sound exactly like him. Also, my intolerance of stupid people is pretty much on par with his.

    Better than being one of bin Laden's kids, eh?
     
  12. ghettoastronaut

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    I do exhibit a lot of my dad's habits. The way I speak sometimes, or comments I make. That said, there are several habits of his that, should I start to exhibit them, will be immediate cause for seppuku.

    -imitating various politicians, up to a decade or more after they've left office

    -singing or humming single phrases from the most annoying songs in the world, over and over and over

    -being extremely unfunny

    So far, so good.
     
  13. kuhjäger

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    My dad's wife is constantly amazed by how much my dad and I are alike.

    I don't really see it, but she and Jägerette see it.

    I did inherit his intestines though.
     
  14. Jimmy James

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    I'm 98% sure I'd be a clone of my dad if I wasn't so repressed by both of my parents. When I was living with my grandmother, she'd tell me how much I was like my dad, even down to sharing the same laugh. We both share more qualities than I care to admit, including stubbornness, and lack of control when it comes to alcohol (hence why I don't drink that often). I think my dad really wanted me to avoid the mistakes that he made, so much so that he was essentially a drill sergeant right up until I turned 18.

    Now that I'm nearing 30, he's got no problems telling me about his recreational drug abuse, bar fights, random hookups and borderline alcoholism that can only be brought on by being in the military in the 60's and 70's. I know that had I rebelled, I'd be telling my future kids about what a hell raiser I was. On one hand, I feel like I missed out on a lot. On the other hand, it's nice to be able to go through life knowing I wasn't that asshole that would drop a deuce on people's doorsteps and wake up not knowing where where I was.

    My dad and I are so much alike in the way that we think that I know exactly why he divorced my mom. I don't even hold it against him. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom. But honestly, sometimes she's a meddling harpy that won't let shit be.
     
  15. Pato

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    I'm a 100% clone of my dad. It's almost scary to see a photo from him in the 70's. It's me, except with that awesome kitsch 70's style.

    The emotional side however is completely drawn from my mother's side of the family.

    God, where's a drunk thread when you need one.
     
  16. BL1Y

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    My parents are both turning into the same person, but what makes it really weird is that they're turning into the same different person. Neither one of them is capable of holding a conversation. They actively try to not listen to each other, or most other people. It's weird, because it means they're so much alike, but are incapable of interacting with each other.

    As far as turning into my parents goes, I'm in the weird position of my dad starting to (slightly) take after me. He tells my jokes, and not as "my son told me this," but as his own joke; he's adopted some of my political and social views, ...it's kinda creepy. I don't want to sound like a complete asshole, but I think I'm smarter than my parents. Not just in the normal rebellious kid way, but in the double-digit IQ difference kinda way. It creates a very weird dynamic.
     
  17. StayFrosty

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    To begin, besides the common trait of horribly fucked-up childhoods, my parents are polar opposites. My mother is heavily religious, overly emotional, was always smothering in her protectiveness, and very close to her family (mother, siblings, etc.). Dad, on the other hand, quit church when I was 11, has always been emotionally unavailable, and from before my teen years has been very distant. He has a ball-busting work ethic, but as far as I can tell he's given up on life in a sense. In his defense, I think life has turned out to be a disappointment for him.

    Moving away from the family history, I take after him in most aspects. I have a low tolerance for stupidity, I bust my ass in regard to work, and I'm very guarded. Not emotionally unavailable in the way he is, but I'm probably more jaded than both of my parents combined.

    The way I act when I'm happy is closer to my mother, but in a more outgoing manner than she's capable of anymore; my temper is an exact copy of my dad's though - I try to ignore issues until I'm pushed just a bit too far, and then I snap off with a fury for about two minutes until I'm good again.

    There's only one way in which I really differ from my dad, and that's outlook on life. As I said, we're both jaded, and I don't really expect too much out of life. That said, my dad has an attitude that's best put into words as "You can't control anything that happens, so suck whatever is thrown at you." To an extent, this is a realistic attitude to live by, but he takes it to a point that could best be called submission. In the case of any event or circumstance that isn't wanted, he just rolls over and accepts defeat. Fuck that. I've always tried to have an attitude of acceptance of what I can't change, but a determination to change what I can, and that's something he doesn't seem to understand.

    All the rambling and nonsense aside, to put it succintly, I am becoming my father. As much as I try not to, I am slowly becoming a weary, miserable, defeated person. But, I'm fighting every day NOT to be that guy, because I've seen what that path holds and there's no way in hell I'm settling for that.
     
  18. caseykasem

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    As I've posted elsewhere, my father is a successful lawyer. He has worked his ass off since I was a kid in order to give my brother and I every opportunity to succeed. He and my mom get along very well and are best friends. He is never serious and is always joking around and loves nothing more than to make people laugh. My mom says he's a 16 year old trapped in a 55 year old's body. He's quite nerdy, analyzes the shit out of everything, and loves intellectual topics. He's got a thing for the underdog and lives to serve other people. Growing up, if anyone we knew needed a place to go for a holiday meal, they came to our house.

    I grew up not wanting to be like him but the older I get the more I'm like him. I'm going to law school in the fall (I've been warned, read Philalawyer's book, and have a guaranteed job from dear old dad as a backup). At first I didn't believe people when they would tell me I acted like my dad. We don't look anything alike but I'm taking on more and more nerdy tendencies and am a workaholic. I avoid serious conversations at all costs and would much rather tell jokes than have a heart to heart with you. I'm fine with all of this but I've also unintentionally started to repeat some of his sayings that I hated hearing when I was a kid.
     
  19. scootah

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    My mother is this incredibly patient and nice person with a completely dirty and perverse sense of humour. For a long time - those things basically described me.

    My father has no patience and a hair trigger temper. His sense of humour is much more sadistic than my mothers - just as fucked up, but dad's jokes usually have someone as the punchline. My childhood is littered with memories of my dad driving around a car park one time and going home without groceries because fuck that shit. Or trying to get a couple of screws out of the jar of screws at a hardware shop, not being able to, buying the entire jar and smashing it on the concrete outside the store to fish out the screws he wanted and go home.

    He put a lot of effort into making sure his temper wasn't ever aimed at me - and when I was little I remember that manifesting as explosive cuss words that worn't cuss words. An indian food delivery van cut him off and I remember him turning red and blasting the horn and leaning out the window to scream 'CURRY MUNCHER!' - because he didn't want to swear at me. When he didn't think I could hear, he would eviscerate people with these brutal tirades when they fucked up. He was everyone's favorite manager or teacher at his different jobs - but if you were a rude asshole in his space - you'd be the example that motivated everyone else in earshot to avoid being a rude asshole.

    I also remember my father completely cold bloodedly explaining to me that no matter what rights cyclists had on the road, if one annoyed him in traffic, he could run them off the road and into a plate glass window without a single scrap of evidence being left, and that I should remember while out on my bike, that cyclists must give way at all times.

    The older I get, the more prominent my temper gets. I'm not a violent person outside of consensual situations - but I will rip someone a new asshole if they piss me off. I have a decent fuse - but when I reach the end of that - I'll push to get someone fired or make someone cry. Fuck them for whatever they did to deserve it.

    The other day, I wanted to buy four plastic boxes from the store, I couldn't shake the 5th one free, so I just bought all fucking five of them and realized as I was walking out of the store that I was posessed by my father.

    I'm getting increasingly impatient with shopping. Online shopping annoys me because it takes too fucking long to arrive. Meatspace shopping annoys me because sales people are either impossible to find, or won't get out of my fucking face, and the shops are full of mouth breathers who won't get out of my way. I'm reasonably convinced that every person in the world who uses the roads, and isn't me, is a fucking asshole. I'm seriously considering paying $700 to get a PO box near work, because I'm having so much fucking difficulty getting mail delivered at home - and the tirade delivered to the post office customer care line will from the look of my coworkers soon become the stuff of office legend.

    I don't really want to be my father's asshole side. But I find myself more and more pissed off by people who do a shit job and make my life inconvenient because they're lazy.