Last year my girlfriend and I went to a hockey game, because she is a huge fan of the team from where she grew up and they were playing locally. It was my first hockey game ever, and I have to say it's pretty good to watch live. They must be hurting to fill the seats this year, because I have gotten numerous calls from Jeff, my Personal Representative of the Local Team, to ask me if I want to buy more tickets, season tickets, whatever. I saw a musical last year and have been getting calls from Kevin, my Personal Representative of the Local Theater, to see if I want to buy more tickets to musicals too. I've resisted thus far, but I'm surprised they have warm bodies calling around about this. FOCUS: When have you encountered high-pressure sales? Do you have a timeshare you can never use down in Clearwater, FL? Did your cousin start selling Cutco knives? FOCUS: Have you ever been in sales? What was that experience like?
I fucking hate looking into gyms. With out a doubt a huge weightlifter type will be leaning on you to push it to the max and that the only way you'll get huge is training under his program. I wound up getting an LA Fitness membership last year, they had nice facilities and the hottest girls on average outside of my college gym (the real motivator they should be trying to sell). I was fooled twice by different trainers who swore up and down that the "fitness test" that is free to all members was not just a sales pitch for their training programs. They make it out as a beginners guide to fitness, testing Body fat, finding min-max for various lifts, and basic weight lifting technique. Instead after weighing you and taking your body fat with the hand held device they run you through their first days training program (both were circuit training programs). No real advice what so ever. I told them before hand specifically what type of information I was looking for. After realizing I wasn't buying what they were selling they'd clam up and shovel me off.
Around a month ago I got a phone call from alumni relations from my alma mater. Normally I try to hang up on these people, I have serious issues with giving donations to them, but she seemed genuine and said she was just calling for information gathering purposes. We talked for what seemed like 20-30 minutes about where I was currently living which just so happened to be a town or two over from where she grew up, what skills I felt I gained from having a math degree and what I was doing for work. When she found out I was an actuary she said that was a career path she was thinking of switching to (she was currently engineering so it's a logical step) and I gave her advice on what classes to take, what skills she needed etc. It was actually a really good discussion and I was feeling pretty good about myself. That was around the time she started asking for donations. Normally I'm direct and to the point and flat out say I will never donate to them but she was nice and built a good rapport so I just came up with some bullshit excuse about being broke, I almost caved when she was down to something like a $20 one time donation, but held firm. I genuinely felt (and still kind of feel) bad for denying her since I know it must hurt her performance metric. I'm still up in the air about whether or not she was honest about both our commonalities, I'm confident she was telling the truth about being from CT since they had my old Boston address there is no way she knew to say she grew up near where I was now without studying every town in New England before the call. She also seemed to be honest about the actuary thing too, it was possible she had that information beforehand, but I find it hard to believe she spent as much time as she did researching the job unless she was seriously interested in it. If she was lying I'm going to look her up and put her on the poker world tour.
My roommate has started selling sex toys on the side. She insists that I need more than one vibrator.
Door-to-door religious salesmen. They drive me nuts and will really try and push hard for me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. After I tell them I'm Catholic, they go into a speech about how non-denominational is the correct way to go. I try not to be too much of a dick to them, but has anyone any of these guys have visited ever decided to join them on the spot? Has it EVER worked?
You've got two holes missy, so of course you do. FOCUS: I hate door to door salespeople. If I want something, I'll go out and find it myself. Despite living on a bastard of a hill, I still get doorknockers quite often. Luckily, it's not the god botherers anymore but I think they figured out from the garden Buddha, temple lions at the front door and swords hanging in my entrance that I'm not particularly interested. The most common sellers I get are from electricity companies. Our supply was recently deregulated and the prices are going up, so the companies are scrambling for market share (problem is there's no actual difference in the tariffs, so it's all smoke and mirrors). Recently, I had a door knock from one of these guys. He was an Indian (dot, the only sort we get here) and I recognised him as the guy who had knocked on my door for the same thing 12 months before. Generally, I'm polite but dismissive with these people. They have a knack of turning up when I'm busy doing something (like sitting on the couch scratching my nuts). As soon as he identified himself, I told him I wasn't interested, just the same as I wasn't interested when he visited me with the same spiel 12 months earlier. He ignored this and kept going. I said, again, I wasn't interested. He ignored and kept prattling on about how good this company was. I switched gears, looked him dead in the eye and said, "STOP". I told him to leave, and then politely and calmly explained to him that I had now told him three times I was not interested. Further, if he didn't leave immediately, I would consider him a trespasser and remove him myself, physically if need be. He gave a frustrated little sigh like I was the complete prick ruining his quiet time and walked off. See you in 12 months, asshole.
About 4 months after I moved to a different part of the country, I was getting a little desperate for work. Not dire circumstances, but I really wanted to not be living off my savings. I met a guy in the post office and we happened to start talking, after a while I indicated that I was looking for work, and I was in IT. He said the company he worked for had some openings and he'd get some information and would I like to meet at a Starbucks near by a little later? All very vague about the jobs that were available but like I said, I really wanted to get back to work. I met him later on, and he has a binder with him and starts talking about the company he works for. Never mentioned the name of it, just talking about how great the company is and how the employees are really in charge of their destiny there. About 10 minutes into his spiel, I stop him and bluntly ask him to skip the sales pitch and get to the point. He stutters a little, then says he likes a no-nonsense approach, and then begins describing the circumstances under which I would work. I again stop him and ask him the name of the company, and he starts telling me about the company. I tell him I am walking away if he isn't direct with me. He hems and haws and then says, "it's... uh... Quixtar." I start laughing. "You mean, Amway?" "Uh, well, no, that's the parent company... but it's really great, there is a TON of money just waiting for guys like you and me to grab! It's limitless!" I asked him if that was why he's driving a 1988 Toyota Corolla with a cracked windshield and a leaking exhaust. He had parked a long ways off and didn't think I saw him get out of his car. I really wish I had that hour of my life back. (for those who don't know, Amway is a global direct-marketing company that is essentially based on a giant legal pyramid scheme - you get a cut of the profits of people you recruit, and the ones they recruit, on down the line)
Shit, that reminds me. One of our students at martial arts is into the Amway thing, and we gently rip him about it all the time. Last night we ran an inhouse first aid course (which was funny, with me sitting there with a poorly treated sprained big toe propped up on a chair.. but I digress). He turns up rabbiting on about this awesome workout energy bar he's trying to sell, and wants me to try. I ask him who makes it. Amway (whatever the fuck they call themselves, they'll always be Amway to me). He then proceeds to tell me it's better than anything on the market and cheaper, while disclosing that he doesn't actually know much about it. I tell him to give it to me, flip it over and read the nutritional table and ingredients. It's one third sugar, derived from glucose syrup. Or, in other words, it's a fucking candy bar. I point this out. He goes quiet about it for a bit. Then he opens it, eats half and points the other half at me, telling me it's delicious and I should try some. I told him where he could cram it.
As of last week, I worked in high-tech corporate IT sales. I quit the job because it was a drain on my soul and the company started fucking with my commissions (always get things in writing). It was an interesting experience though. Because I am so young, I got to go on calls with many of the more experienced salespeople. You can really tell who the great salespeople are and the ones who flat out suck. The cliché about salespeople is true for a reason. The best bullshitters were usually at the top of heap in terms of quarterly sales. Which is really sad, because when something went wrong, they ALWAYS threw some part of the engineering team under the bus to save their own ass. The engineers spend so much of their time cleaning the fuck-ups (promises) made by some of the sales guys its ridiculous. I do think getting a job in sales can be good for some people. If you are lacking in self confidence or if you are looking to break out of your introverted shell, sales will teach you to expand your comfort zone. Sales will also teach you a lot about human nature and negotiation. It teaches you to take rejection all the fucking time. You can also make a ton of money if you are good. It seemed that the best sales guys were the ones who were smooth, etc. but made the prospect do most of the talking. I believe that it is harder to keep up your guard when you are talking and everything you say is information the sales person can use to persuade and influence you. I’m assuming the salespeople at the Hyundai dealership will pitch, pitch, pitch, thinking they are “selling” you on the attributes of the car, whereas the BMW sales guys will have you telling your life story. Slow down and take a step back when you find yourself blabbering to a salesperson. Coffee’s for closers.
Car salesmen. Fuck them hard. I recently went with my girlfriend (who works in sales, 100% commission) to browse around for cars. Personally, I've worked in low-pressure sales for 5+ years and well as a stint as an inside sales phone monkey which was salary and commission, selling to a market that very poorly embraced the concept of our company, and technology in general. My point: We both know sales and their little tricks. So we see an ad one day, hung over at a diner, and it's for a local dealership. We stroll in there several hours later on a serious time crunch as we had to be somewhere 1 hour later. We get with Jay, a nice, pudgy, balding fellow who showed us only one of the cars from the newspaper ad. The other one is nowhere to be found, despite attempts to ask. My girlfriend decides she's rich out of nowhere, and asks him about rav4's. Luckily, he has a used one that's affordable, and oh my god! Only one owner? What's that, Jay? It was a little old lady who drove to the grocery store?! That's why she bought the fucking SPORT edition? This old lady sounds insane. We leave for the day but tell him we will be back to test drive it a few days later. The car handled really well when we came back. Quick acceleration, while maintaining the steering and suspension that I've come to love from driving several Toyotas the past 7 years or so. I like it, girlfriend likes it, so we ask him to price it out, reminding him that we are just looking. Well, he slaps on some retarded fees to the tune of several thousand. I tell him I am not paying a "160 point inspection fee" that's 700 because I don't even know what they did, and neither did he. "Oh, we're separate from the service department, they charge that fee, not us" Right. "Ok, well I personally haven't done this before, but I heard some people spoke with Manager and they were able to drop it, I'll be right back" Right. He probably went to the shitter, dropped a hearty loaf, and came right back telling us the manager was magically convinced. We ended up talking him down about $1800, which was nice, but my girl got fucked on the financing and warranty. When all was said and done, she was paying about $9,000 above list price, plus insurance and garage rental. Fuck Chicago tax, by the way. We said thanks, but this is far too steep. See ya! Oh, by the way, at this point we were talking to the finance lady who saw us after some other fuck pitched some shitty undercoating for only $900 with car washes included for free! Except Toyotas have a rust proof undercoat already and I can wash my own car So the finance lady brings in Jay, who goes from his laid back, joke-cracking self to a look of sheer horror. "What happened? I thought we were on the same page?" Look, guy, we asked for a price, not for a car. Now you just made things extra fucking weird. We fucked off real quick, and my girl gets calls from those cock suckers on a weekly basis still. We learned our lesson there, and when we checked out 5 or 6 dealerships in the following weeks, we never gave away phone numbers or e-mails. Just a test drive and rough price, and we'll call you if we like it. Madness, I tell you. Fuck car salesmen. In other news, I worked in both low-pressure, non-commissioned retail sales and high-pressure, commissioned phone sales. If anyone has any questions about how bad inside sales suck, shoot me a pm.
I happen to be a transient merchant, otherwise known as a door to door salesman. I've been selling home security systems (Like ADT) for coming up on 3 years now..feel free to yell at me now. While this attitude: is really common, the fact is that for most people who are able to be sold something D2D, they get a fantastic deal if a legit company approaches you. It's pretty simple - if you call up a sales rep at say ADT, you will almost always end up paying hundreds of dollars more than if the company approaches you. Naturally in a job like this there are some crazy stories if anyone wants them. Ranging from my friend who is incapable of getting a girl to hook up with him normally but has fucked over a dozen girls that he met while knocking doors, to me having the best losing-virginity story of anyone I've ever met.
I'm not really fond of butt toys but you have a point. Owning one vibrator is like only having one pair of shoes. Variety is the spice of life. Focus: I got suckered on the telephone magazine sales a couple years ago (pretty sure I was fucked up, the recorded conversation doesn't even sound like me). As a small business owner, I figured I could use them in my waiting area and it's a tax write off. It's a huge scam and there is stuff all over the internet about this one particular company but I will say this... when I tried & found I couldn't get out of my "contract", (verbal) they came way down on the price, close to half. So as it ended up, I have six magazines a month for 5 years at a price of $1.45 per magazine. Thankfully it's all paid for now and just call them if I want to switch magazines. AND since my account is all paid up, they're actually borderline nice to me now. I've always always made people send me shit in writing when they call (except for the aforementioned slipup) and I've started hanging up on the "well, we're trying to keep printing costs down so we don't have anything we could mail you".
So do you walk around a neighborhood door to door like a Jehovah witness trying to sell people on security systems? I honestly thought those days were over. I have a friend who does sales for ADT and he doesn't do the door to door routine, he sets up appointments and goes to people's houses that are already interested. Not trying to belittle you or what you do, but it just seems odd to me in this day in age you could profitably sell something as expensive as a home security system door to door without at least a warm lead.
Never mind it's the best way to case a joint before robbing it. You not only get a guided tour of the house, you legitimately ask about the expensive shit they have, where it's kept, and see their existing security (or lack thereof).
After ring shopping with my ex-fiancee, I've decided that working in a jewelry store has to be one of the most frustrating occupations out there. You get to know the couple and try to find something in their price range. You put in so much time and effort into a sale only to have them go elsewhere. Or God forbid, like I did, they come back on your day off to buy the ring you spent an hour helping them pick out. Or, like I also did, they return the ring six months later. I usually despise salesmen but I actually felt a little bit bad about each store we left empty handed. It can't be easy making commission off of such a huge life decision.
We've been getting a lot of phone solicitations lately, even though we're on the "No Call List," so I decided to change our voicemail message. "Please listen carefully as our options haven't really changed. For Spanish, press 1, Vietnamese, press 2, Mandarin, press 3, Farsi, press 4. For English, you don't need to do anything. Why would you? This is the United States and it's our official language. Oh, and pressing 1, 2, 3 or 4 doesn't do anything. You're still going to get this message in English. If you are calling for the purpose of solicitation, you are in violation of the "Do Not Call" list protocol and your number has been recorded via caller ID. Cease and desist. This is your only warning. Subsequent violations will be reported to the state attorney general. If you are calling regarding charitable contributions, we've made ours for the year and do you know who got them? Charities that don't call us, so it looks like you're out again for next year. Anyone else, please feel free to leave a message and we'll return the call when we get back. Or, we may actually be home right now and are screening this call and we're avoiding you, but you'll never know, will you?"
People still have home phones? What kind of archaic shit is this? Focus:I've worked in telemarketing twice, one trying to set up appointments for ADT salesman to come out to your house and give a spiel why you need home security. There were lists of responses to questions people might ask. For example: "My dog is all the home security I need" "Really sir, if you have an accident can your dog call 911 for you, because with ADT's panic button you can have EMT's and Police there due to our award winning response time" Very repetitive, mundane shit. Also a horrible way to spend 8 hours a day.
Dude, you've got to be kidding me. I work for a car dealer (not in sales, but all the odd jobs, car deliveries, bank runs, VIN checks, etc.) and any shit that we pull isn't HALF as bad as the shit customers try and pull on us. So you walk into a dealership, with no serious intention of buying, taking up a salesman's time (Which is money, since they don't get paid fuck all for salary), test driving a car on their dime, have him go into negotiations with the sales manager (Which isn't bullshit, cars don't magically come from the fucking ether, we pay X amount of dollars for it and have to sell it for more than that otherwise we're not a business, we're a CHARITY), take up the finance manager's time and get a quote, still with no serious intention of buying, and then just walk out. You know what? Fuck you, people like you are the reason car dealers need to be snakes in order to make sales. It's also not bullshit that the sales department and the service department are totally separate entities. Our sales manager used to get into regular screaming matches with the Service manager about how much he was boning us and jacking up the rates on used cars through the roof with all his bullshit repairs. It got to the point where he started sending the used vehicles to a private garage for service and inspections. One great example of how customers are the biggest snakes of all: We had a guy firmly committed to buying a car through us. He put down a deposit, all the paperwork was finalized, and all we had to do was pick up the car from another dealership and deliver it to him. Cut to the next day, we get a call from that dealership asking us what happened with the sale. The customer went up to that dealership, behind our backs, and bought the car directly from them for the same exact price. So the customer calls up the sales manager, gives him a bullshit story about how they're not interested in buying another car right now and are going to stick with their old one, blah blah blah. The manager answered back, "Oh really, why did I just get off the phone with [Car dealer] asking about the car you are buying from them? You're a fucking liar, kiss your deposit goodbye." Click. Again, this was hours and hours worth of time that was totally wasted on a snake in the grass customer. Don't walk onto a car lot unless you actually want a car, and don't be surprised when the salesman looks at you like you just shot his puppy when you renege on a deal 90% of the way through. That's why sales are high pressure, because they know unless the papers are signed and you are driving off the lot with a car, there is a very good chance they just wasted their time, energy, and resources on yet another deadbeat asshole. Note: Car dealers are not saints, but 10 to 1 the employees are getting fucked harder than anyone else there, customers included.
Yup. Blame it on the customer. No wonder you aren't in sales dipshit. I just had a terrible experience with a dealership myself. I had worked with this particular salesman before and it had gone pretty smoothly. I emailed the dude about a car they had on the lot, and he sent back (again this is IN WRITING) a price and financing terms. The wife and I showed up at the dealership the next day to pick it up, and magically they can't do that price anymore. When I had him call in his manager and accused them of pulling a bait-and-switch, they acted offended even after I pulled out the email that the salesman had sent the day before. But yeah, it's definitely the people that want to buy a car and be dealt with honestly that are the bad party in car deals.
Bad news for ya big guy. You know how whenever it's a telemarketer it always takes an extra second after you say hello for them to answer? Most TM companies have their reps calling 4-5 people at once, the first person to pick up and be identified as an actual human being gets put through to the rep. So, they probably aren't hearing your spiel.