Inspired by this: Focus: Nicknames. What was yours growing up? What was the backstory behind it? Who do you know had the best nickname or best story behind their nickname? Alt. Focus: Funny real names. There is nothing like meeting someone with a fucking hilarious name. Just imagining how someone goes through their life with a shitty name can bring a smile to anyone's face. For instance, I recently met a dude named Rupert Pupkin. Poor bastard. I wish I could show you guys a picture of this dude. He looks like like I would imagine a guy named Rupert Pupkin to look like.
Doogle. It was the word I ran around saying endlessly when I learned to speak. I don't do nicknames...I do more terms of endearment. My children have names. You should use them. I may call them something different affectionately (Tate, Bug, Belle), but I would never use those names to refer to them in conversation with another person. Nicknames are annoying. My name is Jamie. People calling me Jay, Jams, etc. is okay...but only if I'm friends with them. Otherwise, use my name.
In high school I played hockey, and helped out with the boosters. One of the kids on a team a year or two younger than me was named Ian Goodenogh (not sure on exact spelling) In casual conversation it always sounded like "he ain't good enough" Poor bastard. Mine was and still is just my last name, or a shortened version of it.
My brother used to work with a project manager, an Indian woman named Manmit. This was pretty funny, but since Toronto has a huge South Asian/Indian population, this isn't considered as a big a deal as some of you who grew up in mostly white areas might think. You're pretty much bound to encounter a few Indians with names that sound hilariously lewd to English ears around here, especially if you live in certain areas, so you kinda get used to it. I mean, fuck, I knew a guy in high school named Sukdeep and I know a girl in university named Arshdeep, so it's not like there wasn't a precedent for names that sound like crude sex acts before. Anyways, about a year ago my brother and Manmit were sent off to a business trip to South Carolina. When she'd introduce herself, everyone would respond with either a "Pardon me?" or a "Come again?". It got to the point that one guy pulled my brother aside during lunch and asked him if it really was true that he worked with a girl called Man-Meat.
My first name is Lucy. Two syllables, so obviously people will get lazy and shorten it to one: Luce. Until people start throwing it around a lot and you realize you're a girl answering to "Loose." Not so awesome, especially when you spend your formative years as the very definition of a prude. I don't mind so much when very old friends use it, but will get sort of squirmy if new people try it.
The true pronunciation of my last name is "Cook," however the way it's spelled makes it easy to misread as "Cock," among other things. Thus, I my nickname on sports teams in high school was always Cock. I was a 3-season captain my senior year, so that year my nickname was usually Captain Cock. It didn't help that almost every single announcer at wrestling tournaments read it as Cock as well, so I'd hear "Cock, (High School), you're in the hole on mat three. Cock to mat three" a few times every weekend in the winter and everyone there did too. Otherwise the best (if that's the way to put it) nickname I've had was Moses, which I got from the foreman of the street department crew when I worked for the city after my freshman year of college. One fine rainy day I was putting on some hip waders (was about to go clean storm drains) and he asked me how I liked sheep. He rationalized that, since sheep apparently back up when they are in warm water, I must have put on the waders so I could fill them up with warm water, stick a sheep's hind legs in them, and enjoy some quality sheep loving since it'd just keep backing up with its legs in the waders. Moses = shepherd = sheep fucker = me. This is the same crew that had a guy nicknamed Turtlefucker and another Ball Juice.
I seem to pick up nicknames rather easily and have countless ones through the years and by different people I've met along the way. Amoeba- First, and one I liked enough to use as my long term AIM chat name, though I was young and misspelled it with an E. My neighbor gave it to me on a bus ride home saying that I was as big as an amoeba. It wasn't a slight so I ran with it. Horshack- Manger and crew at the first restaurant I worked at gave it to me as my hair and face were pretty damn close to the character on Welcome Back Kotter. Breeze- College freshman nick name as I was laid back as fuck even to my SoCal friend who gave it to me. Hollywood- Given to me by the workers my slumlord landlord had hired to replace are bathroom. I answered the door the first day they arrived in my boxers and a pair of sunglasses, the name stuck while we lived at that house. Nacho- A tailgating nickname I picked up after the Orange Bowl a few years ago when I wouldn't shut the fuck up about the taco foam hat I got from a Taco Bell give away. There are a few others I can't remember now. In general my group of friends gave out nicknames to everyone, the Seinfeld cast had nothing on us. As prolific as we were it was all shit you just had to be there to understand.
My last name sounds like mo' money. I've gotten a lot of "Hey, Mo' Money Mo' Problems!" I guess I can't complain, except that I have no money so it doesn't fit. Other than that, I get the nicknames you'd expect with a name like Roxanne: Roxy, Rox, Fucking Whore, etc.
I have about a dozen nicknames that have evolved over the years. I earned "Chirpy" during a day-drinking binge at the beach with two of my really good friends. Others call me by my last name or some variation of it. If I really think about it, there are at least seven variations that I answer to at this point. I dig that. But the best (worst?) is my family nickname. My sisters tortured me regularly, so I've actually answered to everything from Tonka Toys to Stinky to Stink to Dadonka (yes, like the Souix name for buffalo) to loads more embarrassing ones. The one that stuck? Teenie. In fact, it's officially Little Miss Teenie Bopper. Yeah. I'm 36 and my 16 year old niece will call me AUNT Little Miss Teenie Bopper. That's what I call respect. The name stems from a local tv show that aired every Sunday when I was growing up. It was the only show we were allowed to watch before we went to church and we lived for it. It featured Al Albert, who showcased all the talent from Philly and the surrounding areas. Think America's Got Talent without the flash, budget, and talent. Well, every Sunday they had the teenie boppers--little boy and girl starlets dressed to the nines-- to sit around and tell dumb jokes and sing terrible songs. All Shirley Temple wannabes. Once a year was the Little Miss Teenie Bopper pageant and my sisters got the idea that I should be entered. Thus began my training. I had to sing for them, tell jokes, let them fuck up my hair (once it was burned because they kept the curling iron on too long), let them paint me with makeup...you know, baby sister torture. Great. Luckily my mother had enough sense not to enter me in the contest but that never stopped my sisters. And ever since, I haven't been able to shake the name if my life depended on it. Aunt Teenie, that's me. Kind of explains a lot about me and my particular brand of insanity. Enjoy the pedophilia that was the 70s:
I'm Arthur the Seventh. Seriously. I started going by Ash (which is my initials rearranged) in third grade, but stopped in fifth because Pokemon had just come out and it was really ruining the name. I started using it again on the internet in highschool, and in real life in university, and most people call me Ash now.
The best case of bad child naming I saw in High School was a girl called Rea Inwards. I couldn't wrap my head around it, why a parent would subject there daughter to be synonymous with butt sex? maybe because she was an accident or she was conceived in an anal play mishap? Needless to say she was the butt of many a joke. I've collected a few nicknames over the years though only a couple have had any permanence The Rev / Reverend Rev Dan- When I was 16 I got myself ordained online as a minister because I was bored and I thought that the ID that came with the pack would look legit enough to fool bouncers and bar staff (it didn't). For the next few years at parties and nights out I'd be asked to perform marriages between friends, do confession, bless peoples drinks and generally became known as Rev Dan. Even now, 10 years after this all started a fair few of my friends still call me by my title, though am starting to get a bit tired of it and having to explain the history of the nickname as religion is usually a big mood killer. My boss at the club I worked at a couple of years ago refused to call anybody by their actual name. As my name is Dan Lowe, I was usually called D-Lo, which caught on until after I picked up 2 girls while I was working and slept with them. Unfortunately it was a bit of a dick move, as one of the girls involved in the 3some had just broken up with her boyfriend, who was a friend of mine. Naturally my friend found out and instead of kicking my ass like I expected he ended up giving me the nickname DirtyDanLowe. I actually quite like it.
My name is Brandon and the only nickname I ever had growing up was Brando. Only a couple people still use that. Now a decent amout of people call me B. Yup, my friends are so lazy they only want to use one letter of my name. I love it when the girl uses it though.
My nickname is Punchy. I've been know, after a few beers, to punch the volleyball when I play. I look like an idiot - but it totally works (most of the time).
My last name (Bottini - relatively common Italian last name) is apparently hard to pronounce. Boh-tee-nee. Seriously? In elementary school, I was No-Weenie. Ah, immaturity... In high school, I was Bo-Bo. Some chick said it in sophomore chemistry class, and it stuck. In the last two years, I've been called pretty much everything. Examples include the following: Bottney Bologna Pasta Bow-tie Bohtinneeenee Brainteenee These days, I'm Broteenee or Booty. I guess it beats No-Weenie. Funniest thing I've ever been called was Billantee. Bitch, that's not even close.
I wonder if that kids parents named him after the Robert De Niro Rupert Pupkin. Who was incidentally a total loser, so good call on that one, parents.
The only funny one I can think of is a guy I knew in high school named Michael Hunt. He had no problem being called Mike. It was kind of funny.
Seeing as my name is Torsten, I don't get many nicknames. My last name is equally as difficult to make nicknames for. I've gotten "Torstie" from some girls, and in elementary school a friend of mine called me "Toaster" for a year or so, but other than that it has been Torsten. I guess people just aren't creative. Except my parents...Torsten? Really?
While reviewing applicant resumes at an old internship I had, I saw a "Moonlit Wang." She went to Harvard, so I guess she's doing OK, but still. For a period of time around sixth grade or so, my brother referred to me as "Bobby Hill." Because I was blonde, too potato-shaped for my own good, and had a buzz cut. Also, I complained a lot. I couldn't even argue, because it was objectively a great comparison. Things are different now: I no longer have a buzz cut.
Strangest name of anyone I've ever met would have been Genesis. He was a pretty cool guy though and I only met him in passing. Strangest name I've ever heard of was a girl in New Zealand being called "Number 16 Bus Stop". Not a nickname but still gave me reason to go WTF? My nickname growing up, and to this day I still have no idea where it came from, was Jenna Benna The Banana Blender. Yeah, my family are kinda odd. That was a "family" nickname, alone with Jenny, Jennikings, Little JenJenJenJenni. My friends used to either call me Jenz or Kitten. Allegedly I squirm around in my sleep like a cat does. I also answer to the following from my sisters and close friends: - Bitch Whore - Skank face - Lesbian licking frog lips - Mole, etc. Yep, my family are strange.
I've almost never had nicknames other than my initials, although ever since I blew off a work conference in New Orleans to go to Vegas and came home richer than when I left, a few of my work friends call me Vegas. It is ridiculous and inappropriate but I will confess to some attachment to it, although it gets awkward if they slip and use it in front of the boss that paid for the trip. At my previous job, I affectionately referred to my junior colleague as Minion for so long that my friends actually thought it was her name and used it when talking to her. She has now morphed into Pony, short for Show Pony (I didn't give her the name, but she is eminently ride-able. Ahem.) Speaking of work, there is a gentleman here by the name of Pornpit Poon, and I've mentioned before that I have had the honour of sitting in on conference calls with Mr. Richard Head and Mr. Richard Johnson. A friend of mine has the best nicknames for her friends. Her own nickname is either Stump (she's short), Boats (she motorboats her friends' tits at every opportunity. She refers to herself as straight from the waist down), or Skank (I don't know, I don't use this one personally. She can throw down.). (For those following my life story, this is the girl who got in the spa with me and the then-girlfriend many years ago). Her friends are 'Tits', ' Boobs' (different person), and Hooty McBooberson. The girl herself is awesome, but we hated her friends, despite their assets. They would get blitzed on smirnoff Ice and shriek nonsense at each other, at ear-splitting volume, for hours. They became known as the 'Grrmms', for their habit of using a great many words to say nothing. "Hey, are the grrmms going to be there?" "Yeah, we couldn't ditch them." The girl I went home with but didn't fuck on my 21st birthday was one of them, and is known as Tube-sock Tits. Yeah, go me. In high school a guy was supposedly caught jacking off in the library and was referred to as Wanker forever after. Man, he hated that name. He would fly into rages at the mention of it, but he was also a totally harmless uber-nerd. Oh, and I somehow gave a girl the nickname of Ostrich-sized Piranha. (Note: normal kids are not familiar with the words 'ostracized pariah'). Her friends loved it and it stuck.