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HeTexted: For Dear Abby Rejects

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by effinshenanigans, Oct 8, 2012.

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  1. effinshenanigans

    effinshenanigans
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    I just found a new text aggregate site called HeTexted, where girls will post whatever messages some guy sent her asking "...So Now I'm Wondering" questions in an attempt to garner advice from the always-understanding internet about what the text may mean.

    So far, my favorite is:

    Text from guy: Is this a car [with a photo of a car]
    ...So Now I'm Wondering: What does this mean?

    The only comment was, "It's probably the start of some cheesy pickup line. Just play along and see what happens."

    Yes, we all know that one. "Is this a car? Cause I'd like to do you in the back seat. You know, if it is a car. And I'm not tripping on acid and lost in the zoo again."

    Focus:
    Dig away. Post your favorites. Share some sage advice you bestowed on these confused souls.
     
    #1 effinshenanigans, Oct 8, 2012
  2. Juice

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    Boy does that site make women look like retards. The tabs are labeled as "OMG" and "Most Hearted?" Wow.

    Favorite:

    Text From a Guy: "Hey cutie, just at a bar with a buncha people. You should come."

    ...So Now I'm Wondering: "We flirt a fair bit, and I've given him the signals that I'm into it. Does this mean he's into me too? Or does he just see me as a friend?"
     
    #2 Juice, Oct 9, 2012
  3. effinshenanigans

    effinshenanigans
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    I'm kind of hoping that a stupid guy version comes out, too.

    She texted: Hey, I just picked up some paper at Staples.

    ...So Now I'm Wondering: How bad does she want these nuts? So bad? Or just really bad?

    She texted: I'm pregnant

    ...So Now I'm Wondering: Since when did ziplock bags not work as condoms?
     
    #3 effinshenanigans, Oct 9, 2012
  4. Rush-O-Matic

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    I don't know - they're clever enough to add the "Ask a Bro" section. That looks pretty solid. I think AudreyMonroe should copy / paste some of her work chat transcripts and submit those to the "Bros." That seems like comedy gold, right there.
     
    #4 Rush-O-Matic, Oct 9, 2012
  5. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    I refuse to believe women this retarded actually exist. There are posts on this site monumentally more stupid than this. How the fuck is this even possible? I thought nobody on earth could be dumber than the people audrey talks to. To hammer my point home with a mauler:

    ARRRRRAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Kill yourself, and demand no funeral in the suicide note. Erase the memory of you from mankind, it's our only hope.
     
    #5 Crown Royal, Oct 9, 2012
  6. Nom Chompsky

    Nom Chompsky
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    Honorary TiBette

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    [​IMG]
     
    #6 Nom Chompsky, Oct 9, 2012
  7. RCGT

    RCGT
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    Wow.
     
    #7 RCGT, Oct 9, 2012
  8. Danger Boy

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    Holy shit.

    Edit:
    After reading some more I've realized that 95% of the site is pretty much this:

    HE TEXTED ME THIS...
    Hey, I like you and I think we should go out sometime. Like, on a date. Because I like you.

    ...SO NOW I'M WONDERING?
    What does this mean? Does he like me? And do you think he wants to go out sometime?
    What do I do?
     
    #8 Danger Boy, Oct 9, 2012
  9. Danger Boy

    Danger Boy
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    Mother of God.
     
    #9 Danger Boy, Oct 9, 2012
  10. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    I wish there was a way to wahoo these tumbling, tumbling morons. You can sum it up in one photo:

    [​IMG]

    So, I can't tell: is this a site where they make FUN of the response to the texts, or is this an actual advice forum for people too stupid to read and/or understand plain english?
     
    #10 Crown Royal, Oct 9, 2012
  11. BrianH

    BrianH
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    Talk about the backfire effect.

    So many of those posts affirm what us guys have been thinking for a while: that subtle emotional manipulations via text are EXTREMELY powerful when used against stupid girls.
     
    #11 BrianH, Oct 9, 2012
  12. Aetius

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    I'm pretty sure I'm gonna show up there soon. I just recently texted a girl that I saw an old fat guy with an eye patch while biking to work and it reminded me of her.
     
    #12 Aetius, Oct 9, 2012
  13. Kubla Kahn

    Kubla Kahn
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    Did I just shit myself?

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    Two exclamation points after Meryl Streep?


    FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG. She must have missed that one.
     
    #13 Kubla Kahn, Oct 9, 2012
  14. downndirty

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    Bitch please. I would watch the FUCK out of a movie about polar bears, and I don't give a shit if Batman-voiced Bale narrates it.

    But yeah, if you're watching any movie because Meryl Streep's in it...

     
    #14 downndirty, Oct 10, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  15. Loke

    Loke
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    Me and my friends had a semi-regular Hail Mary pass tradition, where we would text the most nonsensical statements we could think of to all the randoms that had gone cold in the last few months. I'm talking things like "The petunias has died. I am pissed" and "Bring the socks and ask for Gepetto."

    Worked beautifully.
     
    #15 Loke, Oct 10, 2012
  16. Dmix3

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    Seriously which of you did this? There is no way there's a woman on the planet this dumb.
     
    #16 Dmix3, Oct 10, 2012
  17. ghettoastronaut

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    I, for one, readily believe there are women out there that stupid. Don't know what's holding the rest of you back.
     
    #17 ghettoastronaut, Oct 10, 2012
  18. hooker

    hooker
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    These have to be fake.
     
    #18 hooker, Oct 10, 2012
  19. Parker

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    Not to jump on the pretentious bandwagon, but I was an RA in college, I was asked a lot of these questions because I somehow became tagged with "Advice Giver" most of these are real people.

    Currently talking to my female friend who is really fucking attractive, wondering if a guy is attracted to her. "He's texted me a few times, emailed me a lot, comes over to my desk, and says he owes me lunch for this minor thing I helped him with. He's interested right?" ...Oye...
     
    #19 Parker, Oct 10, 2012
  20. TX.

    TX.
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    There should be a website devoted to the ridiculous texts guys send that doesn't make girls look like complete doofuses. Just a list of the incriminating texts. I can think of a handful of idiotic ones over the years where I thought, "Um, seriously? Are you really trying to pull this or thinking I'm even going to consider buying into this for a split second?" I think that for every girl on that website there are several who are savvy or intelligent enough to react appropriately.
     
    #20 TX., Oct 10, 2012
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