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Have you found your soul mate?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by downndirty, Mar 16, 2010.

  1. downndirty

    downndirty
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    <a class="postlink" href="http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singles/datingtips/88948/dating-101-have-you-found-your-soul-mate" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://dating.personals.yahoo.com/singl ... -soul-mate</a>

    Dear sweet, caramel-coated baby Jesus there is some funny here. It even comes with a top-ten list.

    "The concept of a soul-mate is thousands of years old and probably was originated by the Greek philosopher Plato." The article then stumbles along to mention 3 movies I have never seen, as if to add to the credibility of the concept. If Plato and Meg Ryan movies are wrong...then surely meaningless statistics (90% of young adults believe in a soul mate and 88% believe that destiny determines who your soul mate is) will prove the author correct.

    Surely the concept of The One shouldn't be mentioned in Dating 101. That's at least like Dating 305, after you get the Oral Sex 101, 201 and Shut the Fuck Up 205 prerequisites out of the way.

    Focus: Soul mates. Believe, disbelieve, poke fun, laugh at the article.
    2nd Focus for the married folk: How did you know you were going to marry this person?
     
  2. Crown Royal

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    There are no such things as soul mates. Imperfection is perfection. If you get along with every single thing that has to do with your better half, you need to be stun-gunned, rolled up into a carpet and de-programmed in a sleazy motel room you crazy Moonie.
     
  3. effinshenanigans

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    You try to find someone who you actually like being around when you're not having sex. That's it. The notion of a higher connection, a soul mate, is ridiculous and is born out of immature romanticism that's thrust onto society by Hallmark cards and shitty movies.

    I love my girlfriend, sure, but I'm also fully aware that if something happened between the two of us that wrecked the relationship, I'd be able to easily go find someone else who I could love.*

    *I realize that the douchbag counter argument is, "Well then she isn't really your soulmate." To that I say, "Cram fireworks into your urethra and jump into a fire."
     
  4. ghettoastronaut

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    The sooner Disney movies and society at large abandon the idea of "fate", "destiny", "soul mates" and all that horseshit, the better. More pernicious than the idea that people who remain virgins until marriage are of a superior moral character.
     
  5. Crown Royal

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    Well said. People who give up and think that life ends with a relationship does are pathetic. There is not a single person with a working brain that would ever say the line "I can't live without him/her". Well, yes you can. Life goes on, as long as you're still living.

    Break-ups and divorces are messy tragedies and nightmares, and there is no arguing that they are a ture test to human endurance. However, like any traumatic incident they can be healed with strength, will and time (and on your OWN time, not anybody else's.). And in the end, it sometimes works out much better.

    In a serious relationship you are very dependant on one another, but you can't be so selfless that you can't also depend on yourself and keep your own character traits. Otherwise, if it unfortunetly ends you have no identity, just what you were because someone else molded you that way. I don't wish that on anybody, but I've seen it happen many times and it it not a pleasant thing to witness, especially when it is a family member or friend. This is when the ugly side of booze, drugs and self-loathing rears its ugly head instead of the fun kind we so often and eloquently discuss on this board.
     
  6. Primer

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    One of the ironies of this board is that there is nobody here that will counter your argument. One reason we all enjoy this board and continue to use it is because we're all like minded people.

    Focus:

    I don't believe in soul mates. It's far to close to things like fate or destiny, which, is all about saying I have no control over my life or future.

    I don't like that, not one bit.

    It's as simple as what Ballsack the third states, there are people who are more compatible than others, it's been proven time and time again, through many failed relationships. Ideas like Soul mates are from times where finding a mate was a necessity to perpetuate your genetic material, when Mom and Dad found you a nice ________-ish boy/girl, gave their parents a couple sheep or horses and spun you a line so you would get married and be happy. In this day and age, where you don't even have to know who the father of your child is, having a life-partner-in-crime is almost unnecessary. Societies idea of marriage and life partners has changed so drastically in the last century that marriage is hardly even the same as it was once upon a time; if we are willing to recognize this change or not, it has happened.

    I will note, I do believe in love. Will everyone find a person to love? Likely. Will they be your perfect match? Unlikely but it's the imperfections in life that make us realize how good it truly is.
     
  7. Beefy Phil

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    You base this opinion on what, exactly?

    Don't get me wrong, I want for it to be the case, but there are enough people who have trouble finding someone who can tolerate them, let alone connect with them on some allegedly spiritual level.
     
  8. no use for a name

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    I don't really have any new light to shed on the topic, as I agree with the stated sentiment that a person having one true soul mate is ridiculous.

    I'm sure some of you are familiar with the blogger Tynan. I became aware of him when he wrote an article about his visit to the IHTSBIH set. Since then I check his blog out every so often when I'm bored, but he wrote an interesting article about "The One" a while back, which is fitting for this thread.

    He created a clever little calculator that allows you to enter certain criteria you look for in a mate, which then helps determine the number of people/percentage of the population that could potentially be your "the one."

    Obviously this thing can't determine minute personality traits that are essential to a life long relationship, but with the "Percentage of Attractiveness" function you can filter the number of people you think you would be physically and emotionally attracted to.

    Overall, the thing is pretty cool. Personally, I am very picky. All other factors aside, in order to develop a meaningful emotional bond with a girl, she first needs to be very physically attractive - more so than most any guys I know would accept. According to the calculator, there are 2,336 girls, or .0007%, of the US population that would be a possible fit for me. Of course, this doesn't account for all of the girls outside of the US that could be my "the one". I love foreign girls.

    Check it our for yourself: http://tynan.net/how-many-of-the-one-are-there
     
  9. toddus

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    I think the idea of soul mate is a bullshit one. What their is, is a combination of looks and personality (include intelligence and money in here) for which everyone is willing to settle. By settle I mean given the choice you would rather be with that person than not. The mix of this combination changes between person to person and over time.

    As we get older the sum of the parts for which we are willing to accept grows smaller.
     
  10. shegirl

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    This. Read what toddus wrote because it is 100% true. It's also why you don't constantly question it, you sometimes just have to go with and love in the moment. So many people overthink and tear down something that could have been good. No one knows for how long.
     
  11. kuhjäger

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    They say the eyes are the windows of the soul, and I can see my soulmate's soul as her eyes roll back in her head as the rohypnol takes effect.

    I get married in 4 months. There is a post on the old board from 4 years ago in the thread: "To those I have dated, sorry about the VD"
    where people wrote "messages" to those they had been with in the past and were currently with. I acknowledged that J was the girl I was going to marry. I was riding the U-Bahn home one day after my Swedish class, and realized that the only reason I was taking the class was to be able to communicate with her family(mainly the young kids). We had a shit load in common. We loved the same comedy, she drank heavily like I did, we were interested in languages, and took a lot of the same classes. And we just got along great. The things that I am looking for essentially, and hadn't found yet in the women I had been with.

    Do I believe in the notion that there is one person out there who is the best person for you should you subscribe to monogamy? No. There are billions of people out there whom you will never meet, and one of them is probably better for you than the person you are with.

    I typically equate people who believe in soulmates with the people who believe in love at first sight, hopelessly romantic, and probably read too much Cosmo magazine. You can have lust at first sight sure. You look at a woman and decide, "I would totally fuck her" It is an absurd notion.
     
  12. jennitalia

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    How hard is it to find an 18-24-year-old high-school-educated, smarter than average, vegan, obese Republican Muslim who makes over $250k who doesn't smoke or drink? Apparently there's none in the USA. Thank God I live in Canada.

    Soulmates? No. Someone you're freakishly compatible with? Yes. I went to a psychic once for shits and giggles once, and she told me I will meet my soulmate when I am 27 and in Australia.
     
  13. Beefy Phil

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    We are familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.


    That, or they've succumbed to the constant barrage of pop culture that capitalizes on people's secret desire to play the lead role in romantic comedy about a fate-driven struggle to find The One, despite all odds and improbabilities. See: 'How I Met Your Mother'.
     
  14. silway

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    Focus: A soul mate as a divine thing? Don't know, I'm agnostic. A soulmate as finding someone you bond with in a way that you would with no one else? Yeah, I believe in it. I'm living it. I literally cannot imagine being as close with someone as I am to my wife. Or talking to someone as openly. Or being as willing to work out whatever problems and issues might come our way. Which basically answers the second focus too. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, she knew it too, and through some hijinks I'll post about someday, we proposed to each other and got married fairly soon thereafter (about a week and a half ago now).

    Make fun of me all you (general) want, but at the end of the day I am extremely happy.
     
  15. toddus

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    I could be wrong but I don't view How I Met Your Mother as an example of true love but instead exemplifying that finding ‘the one’ isn’t what is important but instead the journey along the way. Ted’s life isn’t going to be shaped by his future wife but instead by his progression before he found her.
     
  16. toddus

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    Dude I don't doubt for a second you are very much happy and in love. But in saying your wife is the only one for you is merely causation. Your mind can't rationalize the concept of love so instead it is easier to create this notion of a soul mate. The reality is on this planet there are probably literally tens of thousands of women who would make you feel the same way, many possibly even more so.

    The problem is that somehow this reality cheapens our ideas of love. If it were openly discussed it would probably also lead to trust issues. What if she finds someone better? What if I find someone better?

    Now that isn't to say you and your wife won't live a very happy and long life together, I hope you do. Simply that is naive to say she is the only women for you. I would profer she was simply the one who met you at the right time who had all the qualities that on a sub-conscience level your brain needed to send these warm and cuddly feelings.
     
  17. Crown Royal

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    Good point, but in real life gay men do not persue women romantically or sexually, which the lead characters of that show so obviously are (gay, that is).

    Hollywood and stupid novels do cloud the minds of many today just as the did in the 30's. The problem is, people just cannot wake up and realize that there are no Knights In Shining Armour riding up to the castle. Persuing after a woman relentlessly because "She's with a sleazebag and you're Mr. Right" gets your ass kicked and you thrown in jail, because in real life that's stalking. A man isn't going to put his coat on a puddle so you can walk over it because that's a waste of a good coat and you have legs that work, so walk around the puddle. Most young assholes I see nowadays treat their better-looking girlfriends like shit, making them sit on the curb in a parking lot for hours while they continue to completely suck at skateboarding. That sort of thing doesn't improve.

    Who's the person who's right for you? My turn ons: Somebody who knows how to have fun, pay their bills, takes your side in disagreements with others, uses logic and motivation over impulse, respects your opinion and isn't afraid to criticize you fairly. That's the right person for me, the kind I married. So many people are shattered in relationships because they started one up with their eyes instead of their ears, so they went after the girl with the tramp stamp and navel piercing at the bar or the guy with the expensive spinny rims on his Escalade who brags about bying a boat "next year". Then, it turns out they were complete sluts and/or douchebags and they're shocked at that person's audacity, instead of being angry at their own social blindness. Guess what? They were fucktards BEFORE you met them, you could not or will not change that, but that isn't your fault.
     
  18. silway

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    Obviously this is all based on our various beliefs and experiences, so fair enough. One thing though. This line, which has been similarly stated by others "The reality is on this planet there are probably literally tens of thousands of women who would make you feel the same way, many possibly even more so. " Are there? There's literally no way for you to actually know that, or for me to disprove that. So we're back to belief and a type of non-religious faith. I actually don't believe, at least for myself (and admittedly, at least for right now), that all these theoretical options exist out there for me to bond with in the same way as I currently have. I've had various relationships with various different types of women and my experience and perspective is that I have found someone that is uniquely suited to me.

    It's a thread about belief, so no real way to have a conclusion I guess. The sad part, to me, is the derogatory tone that some people have to those who still have a belief in the romantic or sublime.
     
  19. Beefy Phil

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    Right, but his life is defined by that pursuit. He defines himself by that pursuit. He is, by his own admission, incomplete as a person until he finds that 'perfect woman'. This requires the faulty presumption that she even exists. And while you and I realize that this is just a character on a television show, I guarantee there are people who either a) take relationship cues from these kinds of shows or (and this is worse) b) somehow manage to relate those characters' struggles to their own lives in ways that make no sense. Whatever it takes to cram that square peg into that round hole.
     
  20. toddus

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    No derogatory tone was meant, I thought I did my best to keep respect in my response because ultimately what I think doesn't mean shit. You can believe that eating the corn out of your wifes shit gives you happiness the likes of which I can never understand. And you know what? If it made you happy I would never be able to prove you wrong.