Harvesting the power of plump nuts for the greater good

I was skimming the news a while back and stumbled upon an article about Plumpynut, a cheap miracle food feeding the starving kids in Africa. How wonderful, I thought to myself, that all those thousands of kids are being saved by surplus masturbatory ejaculate. By my calculations, there are about 200 million, give or take, dudes in North America. The average guy probably beats it about, say, 5 times a week, with about 5ml of protein rich goodness per pop for a grand total of about 25ml a week. Across the continent, thats about 5 million liters a week of nutrition dense, protein rich food, down the drain. And finally, someone is doing something about that waste and collecting it to save lives.

Of course it turns out I was wrong and Plumpynut is derived from peanuts, but I feel I was really onto something.


FOCUS: When have you completely misinterpreted or understood something, and what were the consequences?

ANTI-FOCUS: Alternatively, have you had any genius ideas that nobody except you seems to appreciate?

 

Yeah, I tried to feed just one person (I won't say who) with shitpussy and was unable to deal with a single dose. Plus, I was sick for a week and lost like 15lb which was hardly the desired effect....

 

I posted this in the R and R thread, but until a week ago, the whole Kay Jewlers "every kiss begins with Kay" bull shit implied that every kiss begins with an overpriced diamond from a mall.

Then Jägerette explained that it means that the word "kiss" starts with the letter K, and tehy just were making a play on letters.

Basically I was humiliated by a woman who has poor English skills because all the ESL programs were tailored to Mexican kids.

 

When I went to summer camp, I had this little exchange with a girl.

Me: "Food made by Sisco sucks".

Girl: "Why would a famous singer make food?".

Me: "You just lost your speaking privileges".

 

I used to valet in a huge underground garage and at any given time of day multiple car alarms would be going off, from the lame ones that tell you to get away from the car in a cheesy metallic voice to those that repeat loops of variations on siren sounds. It's amazing how ineffective these devices are. No one in the garage ever seemed to give a shit about these alarms and was completely desensitized to them. That's when it ocurred to me:

why not have alarms that really get the attention of strangers and scream rape or bloody murder or "take what you want, just don't hurt my baby!" or gunshots? (Also, they don't all have to be negative. What about "who wants free weed?")

I would call these Harm Alarms.

Conversely, why wake up to shrill ringing or beeps when you could wake to a sexy voice, even one that could get you off before you opened your eyes?

I would call these Charm Alarms....

Did I mention that I am all for the legalization of pot?

 

yeah, but "win-win" would be double the price at best. I've seen that show Cathouse a few times and that one whore, Blank Soprano, is FUCKING HOT. Just hot enough to look like that chick you know that should be a pro but isn't but is.

 

2nd flicker of genius: Why invade Iraq when should've clearly invaded Mexico? We should have just gone down there, killed all the rich people, cops and soldiers and then built the place up. Seems pretty simple to me and would put an abrupt end to the influx of illegal humans and drugs: "¡sorpresa! ¡no más de frontera!"

 

Holy crap, I get it now! I honestly thought the same thing you did about that commercial until just now when I read your post. Looks like were both in the retarded boat on that one.

anti-focus: My friend and I had a genius idea to start a company that would film porn shoots for couples. Not like amateur porn to sell on the internet, but if two people wanted to make a sex tape then we would professionally shoot and edit it for them, and they would keep the only copy. Oddly enough, not many people see the merit in that idea...

PS. The average guy jerking it 5 times a week has to be a gross understatement, at least in my personal experience.

 

I guess this is sorta related, but I didn't figure out where the term Daisy Dukes came from til I was about 19. I caught an ep of Dukes of Hazard and said to my buddy, "Hey check it out. Daisy Duke is wearing Daisy Du... Oh."

 

is the poop deck really what I think it is?

 

It's a deck near the ass end of the ship. Here.

 

I think I was 30 or 31 when I first understood the corny pick up line 'if I told you you had a hot body would you hold it against me'. I had never clicked as to the double entendre, I can't remember the exact scenario but I remember feeling like a fucking moron at the time.

 

...

 

Focus: Too many to count, but the most recent of which was someone pointing out to me that in the Pokémon game I played in elementary school, all the city names were based on colors. Lavender Town, Saffron City, Indigo Plateau, blew my fucking mind. I was apparently a retarded 4th grader.

Anti-Focus: Just this weekend, my friend brought her dog to our small party, and the treats she brought with her happened to be called Pup-peroni. Someone at the party came up with the idea of redo-ing Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" song with something to the effect of "follow you until you feed me, Pup-a, Pup-peroni." Really, I don't see how a marketing campaign based on this could possibly fail, but I'm guessing Ms. Gaga will never let her song be in a dog treat commercial so it's all for naught.