Adult Content Warning

This community may contain adult content that is not suitable for minors. By closing this dialog box or continuing to navigate this site, you certify that you are 18 years of age and consent to view adult content.

"Happy Wife, Happy Life

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by walt, Aug 3, 2019.

  1. walt

    walt
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    77
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    573
    I can't tell you how many times I've heard married guys say that, and it drives me nuts. The idea of giving in to one's partner to pacify them and "keep the peace" is ridiculous to me.

    At best, you can work together as a team, which is kinda what you signed up for. At worst you can put up a fight once in a while, stand up for yourself rather than give in to their every whim "because it's easier".

    Focus: What are your thoughts on relationship dynamics? Do you find yourself saying "Yes dear" to shut your partner up?

    Alt Focus: Discussion of relationship dynamics in general.
     
  2. walt

    walt
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    77
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    573
    My wife and I get along pretty well for the most part. I can count the number of times we've fought on one hand in nearly 20 years and nearly every time I really fucked up.

    We make time to do our own thing, and I thing that's the key. We're not jammed up each others' ass all hours of the day. She does her thing, I do mine, and we do stuff together. It helps that she's really laid back. The "calm to my storm" is what I tell people.

    What I don't get is friends whose wives/ girlfriends have to know where they are, what they're doing every minute. Constantly calling, constantly texting, and pitching a fit if he doesn't respond right away.

    I think the key is to be able to go your own ways now and then. Still be your own person, like you were before you met.
     
  3. toytoy88

    toytoy88
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    1,017
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    6,854
    Location:
    The fucking desert. I hate the fucking desert.
    Personally I always sit and think "Is this really worth a fight?"

    99% of the time I decide it's not worth the effort. One of my exes told me the reason she did most of the shit she did was to get a rise out of me. She never did. We were together for 8 years and never once did I decide her antics were worth getting excited or worked up about. She ended up wondering why I walked out the door without a word.

    Perhaps if she hadn't spent so much time trying to figure out what really pisses me off by pissing me off and instead talked to me things might have been different.

    Then again, I've come to conclusion that everyone is better off if I'm not in a relationship.
     
  4. walt

    walt
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    77
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    573
    Been there done that with an ex. One day I finally got sick of the shit and walked out of her apartment without a word. Never looked back.

    I know a lot of couples end up fighting over money. We nipped that by agreeing that any purchase over $200 we'd at least run it by the other. More me running it by her since she handles the finances more than any other reason. ( I insisted on it. Not that I'm back with money but it's a story in itself. )

    I think the answer is "yes" sometimes.
     
  5. Revengeofthenerds

    Revengeofthenerds
    Expand Collapse
    ER Frequent Flyer Platinum Member

    Reputation:
    650
    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2011
    Messages:
    6,626
    Co-sign to both of these.

    Brain tumor knocked out my ability to do math so my wife handles all the finances. When I met her she didn’t know how to write a check, clean the dishes, do laundry, anything, so I’ve had to explain concepts like what our 401(k) is, how financing works, etc along the way. But in general it works out. We run any expensive purchases by one another, no real set dollar amount on it but it used to be anything over about $50 when money was tighter. It just works out better that way.

    In general, it’s a divide and conquer thing. I’m largely in charge of cooking, and she’s anal about cleanliness so she does the dishes. Our house is old as absolute fuck and shit’s always breaking, so I’m in charge of fixing it whether I know how or need to learn and get injured on the spot. I get the outside part too, mowing, gardening, tree trimming, pest control, shooting the occasional yard invader. Shooting a few times to make sure it’s dead. I’m an idiot when it comes to technology so anything like TVs or the Internet she’s in charge of fixing. She gets to pick how the bedrooms and bathrooms look, I’m in charge of the kitchen and office.

    To the second part, some arguments are worth it. You don’t let something stew, because that makes it worse. Not every disagreement has to turn into an argument, but you absolutely must let the other person know if you thoughts on something diverge from theirs.
     
  6. dixiebandit69

    dixiebandit69
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    442
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    2,266
    Location:
    The asshole of Texas
    This is my line of thinking these days.
    At about the same time every month, Jungle Julia will get worked up over some inconsequential bullshit that normally never bothers her, so I just give her some time to calm down, and usually she ends up apologizing to me.

    I definitely think I'm better off with her than without her, so I consider her PMS episodes a small price to pay.

    I wasn't always like this, though; when I was with my ex-wife, neither of us wanted to back down on anything, and that turned out about as well as you'd expect.
     
  7. scotchcrotch

    scotchcrotch
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    47
    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2009
    Messages:
    2,193
    Location:
    ATL
    My step son is a bit of a ....brat is a strong word. More like very undisciplined. Doesn’t listen, makes his mom ask him the same question a handful of times before he does something, etc. He listens to me but that’s about it because he knows better.

    It’s not all his fault, his dad is a shitty drug addict with zero self control who lets his son do whatever he wants.

    Anyways, it’s his birthday this week and my wife got him a Red Ryder BB gun. He just turned 6. Those are meant for ages 10 and up.

    I just see this becoming a safety issue as I know it’s only a matter of time before he points it at one of the other kids or worse.

    Usually I’m all about letting the wife do what she wants but I specifically told her this was a bad idea for him. She’s aloof to it all, for instance she regularly still feeds him his food like he’s an infant.

    The only thing I can do is instill the fear of god into him. I told him it’s not a toy and the one, and only one, incident I see where he’s using it recklessly I’ll take it and he’ll never see it again.

    Wife is pissed, oh well. Better than someone losing an eye.
     
  8. Revengeofthenerds

    Revengeofthenerds
    Expand Collapse
    ER Frequent Flyer Platinum Member

    Reputation:
    650
    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2011
    Messages:
    6,626
    You are completely in the right on how to handle that, in my opinion. It wasn’t until very recently that we even let my 5 year old start pointing to guns (like nerf guns) at people. Instill the fear of god in them. Just yesterday I taught my 5 year old how to shoot my Daisy RR. But only with me holding it. Goes in the safe anytime it isn’t actively in use. Gun safety, especially around children, is absolutely necessary. If you’re going to have them in the house, they have to know EXACTLY what they’re doing and prove that they’re responsible with them. And that extends to BB and pellet guns.

    Your wife is completely off base if she thinks it’s one of those things you can just hand a child and let them loose with. Sure it’s “only” BBs, but it can still cause them or others injuries they’ll have for the rest of their lives.
     
  9. scotchcrotch

    scotchcrotch
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    47
    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2009
    Messages:
    2,193
    Location:
    ATL
    No I’ll give her credit that it’s only to be used with adult supervision but I don’t trust him to listen enough. I’m the only one in the house that’s actually taken a firearm safety course.

    I had a healthy fear of my dad growing up and by god I will release a wrath if/when something happens. Firearms are all about respect. Both for the weapon itself and the safety involved with it.
     
  10. xrayvision

    xrayvision
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    391
    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2009
    Messages:
    4,766
    Location:
    Hyewston
    Shoot him with it a couple times so he knows how it feels.
     
  11. MobyDuk

    MobyDuk
    Expand Collapse
    Experienced Idiot

    Reputation:
    22
    Joined:
    May 6, 2014
    Messages:
    161
    Location:
    La La Land
    IMO, a six year old is not ready for a BB gun, hell ten years old is iffy.

    I still remember the day my 10 year old cousin grabbed my 12 year old cousin's brand new BB gun, and shot the 12 year old in the stomach at point blank range. It actually pierced the skin and about 1/4 inch of belly fat!

    There was much screaming and cursing. Since we lived next door to a Baptist church you can imagine what the next sermon was about.

    Maybe treat this as a teaching opportunity - teach the kid gun safety protocols, even set up a mini range in the back yard or nearest hill and give him shooting lessons.

    My wife and I have an agreement that any significant purchase or other important action be discussed and either party has a veto on safety items and expenses over ___ dollars. It seems to work. FWIW we both work and our incomes are separate property once joint expenses, family savings accounts and such like are met.
     
  12. Revengeofthenerds

    Revengeofthenerds
    Expand Collapse
    ER Frequent Flyer Platinum Member

    Reputation:
    650
    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2011
    Messages:
    6,626
    And the one time you’re lax about aaf
    Those things suck. We used to wait until someone went into the bushes to take a beer piss and then open up on them. You had to make the decision between finishing your piss and taking the hits, or running and getting piss all over yourself. They were airsoft before airsoft.
     
  13. AFHokie

    AFHokie
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    109
    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2010
    Messages:
    565
    Location:
    Manassas, VA
    I'm not advocating this, but under adult supervision, I was plinking targets with a .22 at six.

    I agree to use the BB gun as an opportunity to teach firearms safety and he must learn to respect and how to safely handle them, but don't cause him to fear how you treat his handling of them. To do so could cause him to want to hide when he uses the BB gun or interacts with other firearms from you.

    Overly enthusiastically locking them away, or otherwise hiding firearms from him will likely create mystery and intrigue about weapons that'll fuel his curiosity.

    What worked for me as a kid was if I ever asked about the firearms in the house my dad would get them out and let me look and feel them under his supervision. It removed any mystery or wonderment about them and dad always reinforced safe handling practices. To this day, I cannot pick up a weapon without instinctively clearing immediately. He also had a rule that we had to clean any that we handled; it was his way of ensuring I knew how they functioned and to a young kid it reduced most of the fun of handling them.