My wife and I attend a Halloween party every year that is an absolute blast. In year's past we have been Shrek & Donkey, Papa Smurf & Smurfette, Napoleon Dynamite & Gangster Kip, and The Karate Kid & Cobra Kai. Looking for ideas on what ya'll are planning for this year. Starting early so we aren't trying to rush something awful at the last minute.
I plan to walk around my campus on Halloween dressed as Jewish Santa: red suit, black boots, black beard, and a yarmulke. I'll pass out candy bars to the pretty girls and dreidels to the less-desirable ones.
I was thinking of going as Keith Stone, but drinking Keystone all goddamned night is a no-go. Thinking of making a sleeve to put over my good beer to make it look like a Keystone.
I put on a straw Fedora that was part of joining a wine club earlier this year. Everyone that saw me in that confirmed my Halloween costume this year:
1 Slutty hispanic woman 1 black suit and tie with a white shirt 1 phone cord stuck in your ear Secret service agent
Lance Armstrong: yellow jersey, bike helmet, junk-displaying shorts, rubber hose tied around your arm, needle taped to forearm. You're all welcome.
I cannot tell you how much I desperately, DESPERATELY, want to see a slutty Bane costume. If a woman did that for me and said, "My titties have cost you your strength. Internet porn has defeated you!" I would be hers then and there.
Oh you think internet porn is your ally? You merely masturbated to the porn, I was molded by it. I didn't see a non-gigantic penis until I was a grown woman, and by then it was nothing to me but a trifle. The porn betrays you, because it is MADE BY ME!
Double Penetration and Throat Fucking are powerful agents for the uninitiated. But we are initiated, aren't we, Nom? On a side note, it looks like Roxanne is making an Edward Scissorhands costume. That would be epic.
Last time I went to a Halloween party (two years ago), I just made this, put a string through it and threw it over my neck: I live in Vegas. If you've spent any time in Vegas off of the Strip, you're all too aware of the significance.
Nope, I am making this. It's been my life's dream to have that costume, and of course I pick the dumbest year to do it because of what I imagine will be a flood of slutty Catwoman costumes. But mine will be the most accurate. MOST ACCURATE I SAY. I did consider a Bane costume, but then I'd spend the whole night having sex with myself.
http://imgur.com/QFKIK <--- just need a haircut and a mask. I was actually thinking Bane or Archer. Both because I'm lazy. Has anyone seen a decent Bane mask for less than $200, though? I have to work for money, so paying that much money defeats the "lazy" requirement. Otherwise it's going to be Archer, because I already have a suit, rocks glass and a silly airsoft gun.
I'm a bit lazy so I'm probably not even going to try to anything crazy or really inventive. I was thinking this year that I would either go as a Grammar Nazi or Captain Obvious. For the Grammar Nazi, I would wear symbols like this and be a raging douche. Spoiler For captain obvious, I would wear a captains hat and make the most blatantly obvious remarks that I could think of. (i.e. your hair is blonde, that costume makes you look like a slut, I want to fuck you). The cape is optional if you want to treat being obvious as a super power. God I'm lazy.
I'm don't think I'll be stretching the boundaries much - a white trash couple. She'll be barefoot, black eye and bruised face, empathy belly thing under her shirt. I'll have on a sleeveless t-shirt, trucker hat, bleached and distressed dad jeans, white sneakers. The icing on the cake will be when I try and pay for my drinks with an EBT card, and she'll holler from behind me, "Ya'll take WIC vouchers, right?"