Focus: We've all done it. Been on a cold streak and made some desperate move to get back to your winning ways. Drive 500 miles? Go after that real ugly chick who you knew you'd regret the next day? What's the most disgraceful/desperate thing you've ever done to close?
Most Disgraceful/Desperate: Jumped in on a train, run on this girl at my buddy's party a couple years ago, during a dry spell. Worst night of my life, followed by the most worthless/despicable I've ever felt the next morning. Not recommended.
During my first year up North the pickins were slim and I found myself in about a three-four month slump. I was in a town of less than 4000 people and any girl that I was actually interested in was either in another relationship or simply not the type of girl that could help me bump-a-slump. One day at work I had a female co-worker invite me out to drinks with her and cousin who was visiting from Calgary. My co-worker was aware of my slump and kept encouraging me to come out (on a weeknight) and have a few drinks and charm her friend a little bit. Having nothing better to do on a Thursday I decided to join them. My co-worker kept saying, "She's so pretty, and so nice. I think you two would get along great!" So upon hearing this, my expectations were lowered significantly. I arrived at the bar expecting to see Rosanne Barr's body-double. Well she wasn't fat. In fact she was really fit - Great ass, good style, and a nice pair. Essentially co-worker's cousin had a million-dollar body with a 10 cent face. She had decent hair, some half-decent eyes but the most disgusting teeth that I'd ever seen - Straight up Cletus-style from the Simpsons. I genuinely felt bad for her. Every time we'd make eye-contact, I'd struggle simply not to stare at her snaggle teeth. But sure enough, we were drinking tequila and one thing quickly led to another and soon I was making out with the Cousin on the dance-floor. Half-an-hour later we were back at my co-worker's place going at it in the spare bedroom. I got the toothiest, sloppiest, drunkest BJ of my life. I woke up the next morning, and went to work with the nastiest tequila hangover ever. The worst was when Co-worker and her cousin game to the station for a tour later that day. The conversation was forced, awkward and my hangover did not make matters any easier. Sure enough, we got drunk once more during the weekend and I begrudgingly hooked up with her again. I remember the days when I had no shame, and sometimes I even miss them.
Drove 20 minutes to meet a surefire slumpbuster at some pizza joint and pretended to care for an hour and a half while she downed margaritas and pizza enough to give me a blowjob in the backseat of her car. That was all the work I had to put into that. The result? 3 more BJs in my office after everyone else had left.
Been in a couple dry spells of multiple months over the years. Twice I imported girls that I'd slept with before from other states to "come visit San Diego". Once, I let my buddies get me shithammered and fuck a fat girl. Like, broke my bed fat. Ok, probably only 180 or so, but still...
I tried to slip out with her unnoticed, but as soon as my hand touched the door, "Looks like Baxpin roped him a big-'un" could be heard coming from the general direction of my crew.
I drove 3 and a half hours. I met this girl online. Her pictures were the classic "take a picture at a downward angle to hide my fat and accentuate my cleavage" shot we all know and hate. I hadn't had sex in a couple of months so my dick had gotten a second job punching holes into drywall. I made the executive decision to drive from Seattle to Portland and not leave her vaginal area for the weekend I was going to be there. About an hour into the drive, I nearly fell asleep at the wheel. My brain started throwing red flags up as it obviously considered this to be a Bad Omen of Things to Come. I had left Seattle at about 7 PM and rolled into Portland at almost 11. What greeted me at her apartment door would be generously described as the Kool-Aid guy if he was a crossdresser with a dental plan you might have had if you lived in the Ozarks. I later found out that she sucked her thumb in her sleep. My brain began laughing maniacally at my libido as it furiously tried to think of a way to reinflate my penis. The drive had taken it out of me and I immediately lost consciousness on her couch. Looking back on it now, I think my brain felt sorry for me and knocked me out as a defense mechanism. Sometime in the middle of the night, she woke me up with a blowjob and made me fuck her. It was sad and awful. The next morning, she made me fuck her again, this time in her room. It was dark as hell and quite honestly, if I could have seen her, there only way I could have gotten hard would have been if I had stuck my dick in a freezer. After about ten minutes of this, I faked it into the condom and ran into the bathroom. I looked down to take the rubber off and it looked as if someone had thrown spaghetti sauce at my crotch. Not only did I fuck a snaggletoothed elephant, I'd gotten my red wings too. One Norman Bates shower later, I left while she was sleeping. I ran out of tears at about the hour mark on the drive back.
Most desperate was a few years ago after I got divorced from my first wife. Me and 5 buddies went to the Big Valley Jamboree, which is a huge country music festival they have here every year. I'm not a real country music fan, but everyone had told me that picking up women at this event was like shooting fish in a barrel, so hey, sign me up. The event goes for 4 days, so we figured there'd be plenty of opportunity for debauchery around the old campfire. The first night I got completely hammered and passed out, so there's one night gone. Second day I suffered a mild heat stroke from too much sun, booze and not enough water, and was pretty much out of action for night 2. On the third day I was raring to go, given that everybody else I was with had scored by now, some of them multiple times. Last night comes, and I realize my game sucks balls. The combined affects of a lobster complexion, and not having effectively showered in three days are driving the ladies away, and it's looking bad. Just when I'm about to depressingly throw in the towel, some land beast plops herself down around our campfire. She wasn't really fat...just butt ugly. It was clear she wanted to get laid, and everyone is laughing and pushing her in my direction, making comments as to you can leave BVJ without getting laid. I had decided I was going to be the bearer of high standards until she dropped the magic words - "you can fuck me in the ass if you want". And with that, all standards went out the window. I took her in the tent and fucked her in the ass, all the while these 5 jackasses are hollering outside and slamming against the side of the tent until it collapsed on top of us. To make matters worse, my buddy JT gave this beast my number, and she called me about 5 times looking for more good times. All in all, a bit of a disaster.
I was at a club with a few friends and one of them was a larger girl. This girl was a sure thing, I knew she wanted my junk AND she had already had sex with two of my friends. Now normally I don't chase larger entities or girls that have fucked my buddies, but when you're over being, you willl do anything. So I took her and one of her round friends back to the hotel they were staying at. But not before stopping at TWO places for food. We ended up talking until her friend passed out, and then I had to start kissing her to get things going. ... I received the BEST head of my life that night but even so, I was still spitting and muttering, "gross, never again, gross", all the way back to my truck.
Alcohol helps a dry streak like no other, for her and me. While drunk I'd fuck 90% of the female population, but head is different. I'd receive head from ANY chick minus the ones with cold sores.