Ok, so I am recently single. This would be celebrated with more gusto if I hadn't had a rough asphalt encounter last week. Now, the last couple of days have brought me reports from guy friends that E*** has been blocking his number and calling them at 3am to verbally abuse them. He is getting their numbers from our cell provider's records. I have not confronted him about it, but we are up to four friends. I've had a couple girlfriends comment that they have had blocked hang up calls in the middle of the night, also. This morning he left me a message on facebook calling me a whore for having so many male friends. So, basically he is blaming our breakup on these guys, accusing me of cheating on him. It couldn't be the fact that he would get along with Ballsack well regarding cocaine use and was an all around trogladite not worth my energy. Nothing to do with the fact that he is a fucking immature loser, as evidenced by his behaviour. Focus: Should I say anything to him? Should I let his 35 year old temper tantrum wear itself out? This isn't the strangest behaviour I've dealt with when dumping someone, when I was 20 and broke up with a guy, he sent me a letter written in his blood. I called his mom upon receiving it and yes, he had cut his wrists and was in a psych ward. Alt-Focus: What is a memorable break-up you've endured? Have you been the crazy one?
I read this on a previous thread on taking revenge of sorts and I thought it was amazing. Register him for nambla. If its too difficult, donate money in his name. The police attention he will get will be sure to distract him for a while from bothering everyone. I think that would be hysterical.
I say fight fire with fire. If he wants to be an immature bitch, have some fun with your own immature side and post an ad on Craigslist for him seeking anonymous gay sexual encounters. Make it enticing enough that he'll be so tied up with fielding phone calls from the surrounding homosexual community that he won't have any time to bug your friends. Or, take the high road and call him. Tell him to stop calling your friends and that you broke up with him because he's a loser. Get on with his life/ get a life, etc. Or do both. If he flips out when you talk to him, just say that you never knew he was gay and his Craigslist ad is quite revealing ("Pink boas and ass pie, huh? You're a kinky fellow").
Break-up retardation can get better or worse. He'll probably and hopefully just drink himself into a coma, but I would take the high road on this. When you THINK you should react, go ahead. If you feel unsafe, you should no doubt take action but I have no idea what this guy is like personality-wise, so I would take advice from Roxette and listen to your heart. Alt-Focus Before I met my wife, my relationship before my four year bachelorhood ended in 1999 with me being pushed backwards down a flight of duplex stairs and having a ceramic plate smashed over my head. Dazed, I stumbled out into the yard because of the the "you can't hit back" rule. It isn't cowardly to back away from her if you could kill her with one punch. Her father full-nelsoned her (thanks, Jim), and I drove out of town into the sunset, never to be seen again. It was like lifting a one million pound chip off my shoulder, and the concussion was worth it. ...probably shouldn't have drove, come to think of it.
In all seriousness, this shit can get REAL in a hurry. Don't give in to the petty crap you feel like you want to do... instead, get a restraining order, and start keeping a hand-written journal of all the shit he's doing. Hopefully it'll be a phase, and he'll go back to his life and leave you out of it soon enough. If not, good luck... For what it's worth, a friend of mine went through something similar, and it wasn't until the guy had the ever-loving shit beat out of him, and was told in no uncertain terms that any contact with her again would result in his being permanently fucked up, did he get the hint.
And now that you're on the market, you should really post in the boobie thread so we can see what you're working with and offer some proper advice.
I don't have any real grounds for a restraining order, calling people names in the middle of the night doesn't merit one. I just spoke to him, he was asking why I was having my friends threaten him. The funny thing is, he harassed one of my friends whose best friend is a U.S. Marshall. This friend tracked down his number and just let him know that the law may be interested in him and some of his extracurricular activities. After I assured him that a) I had nothing to do with this interaction and that b) my friend was quite serious about knowing a U.S. Marshal who doesn't like "men" who behave this way, he apologized profusely and says it won't happen again. So, hopefully that is the end of it. He has warrants out for failure to pay child support so I guess that'll keep him in check. And in response to the rep I've received: Yup, I picked a winner at 22. I've learned a whole helluva lot!!! In the future, I'm going to run a harem and call it good.
Focus: In a parallel universe you would say something deep, poignant, explaining everything and a light switch would go off in his head. He'd suddenly understand why he's chased away everyone around him. He'd make a concerted effort to bettering himself and making his girlfriends happy. He may even take night classes, volunteer at a shelter, or rescue puppies. In reality you'd be wasting your time because he's 35 and still a cunt. Save your energy. Just ignore him completely. People like that will suck everyone they can into their pathetic, miserable little wasted lives. Why were you with this guy? Don't waste your time or your life with people you obviously know not to be worth it. Which leads me to... Alt Focus: My first girlfriend faked a rape. Around the time I was 18. Obviously, I was retarded, hopelessly "in love" for 2 years, retarded, and could not see her for what she was. Which was a miserable waste of life. Me not giving her enough attention and being generally disinterested because she was stressing me out meant she went out of her way to dig up some scumbag poolboy online, fuck him, and then claim it was rape. Before she dropped that bombshell on me she was sleeping with me for a solid 2 weeks after she and scumfucker got together. Fucking me rather vigorously, actually. I know plenty of people here went through the lab results waiting game. It stinks on ice. All those wonderful thoughts running through your head. All those things about her that didn't add up, plenty of time to dwell on scenarios and how your life could be irrevocably changed. She told me the truth later. Never will I ever, FUCKING EVER put myself through that again. I'm getting nauseated thinking about it. That was my last straw. Disconnected my phone and internet, disappeared for a month. I'm surprised she gave up trying to get me back.
<a class="postlink" href="http://www.lamebook.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">www.lamebook.com</a> , please. I've never gone through a break-up per se, but I did spend a good 6 months walking by someone in the dorm halls with neither of us acknowledging the other's existence.
It sounds like your ex has some maturity issues, which is a good thing. The best way to make an immature person angry is to remain calm, rational, and level headed. I'd imagine he wants a fight. He wants to get under your skin. Generally speaking, he wants to disrupt your life. Shut it down. Put your friends on notice and don't mention the calls to them if you ever need to speak with him. Speaking of which, don't answer his phone calls. If needs to get ahold of you, he can leave a voicemail and you can call him back. In essence, take control of everything. If you go somewhere, ride with a friend and leave your car at home. He doesn't need to know when you leave and when you come back. Don't respond to emails, texts, and IM's. Pestering someone isn't very much fun when the other person doesn't respond and they'll give up much faster this way.
We have two kids together. This keeps us in communication. I have made it clear that he doesn't get to see or talk to them if I feel he isn't being calm or rational. When he takes them for the night, he stays with them at his brothers home, which means my brother in law and his wife are supervising. He loves his kids and has been keeping his nose clean so he doesn't lose the priviledge of seeing them. Point being, I have to answer his calls much of the time. I can't just cut him off, that would be much easier.
If things are over between you two, remember that you have no legal say in if/when he sees the kids. If you deny him seeing them, that can come back and bite you in the ass, even if you were doing it for all the "right" reasons. You should get that shit sorted out sooner rather than later, and get some serious legal advice on how to deal with it.
I already filed for custody and child support, he said to "just have them garnish his checks." He still wants to see them and I want them to know their dad. I want them to know what DOESN'T qualify as a man, haha. Unless he makes some big changes...
Why did you register another account? Umm well anyway.... Dont sink to his level. Either kill him, or only talk to him when you drop the kids off. For everyone else here- This is why God invented condoms. Alternative focus: I was once dating a girl that had no idea I liked to drink as much as I do. I hid it for a few months. One Saturday we went together to her nieces birthday party. Her brother offered me a beer, and I accepted. She saw me drinking, and threw a fit. "How can you ever expect to provide for me when you are getting drunk at an 8 year old's birthday party?" Then she got in her car and drove away. I was left with the family, they then asked me to leave. I had to stand in front of their house and wait on a cab to come get me. It was snowing. My jacket was in her car. As you may expect, we aren't even facebook friends anymore.
Unless he hits you there is little to nothing the law can to do directly help your situation. It sucks but it's true in most counties. I think you know that already. The law is so very helpful in domestic cases isn't it? Well let me see: He stalked me. He smacked me around (I was then able to get the RO). So fucking logical. He stole my dog. He harassed my Mother. He harassed my friends. He showed up at the doorstep of the next person I was seeing. He wrote in black permanent marker on the door of that person "Be afrade". Yup he was SmRt and a great speller. He showed up at the friends place I was staying with yelling and screaming in the front yard and dumped out 3 big black garbage bags of my clothes that I'd left at his place the day it all hit the fan and I literally had to run out of the house. Good thing I had taken some advice and left my keys in the ignition. I could go on but I think you get the picture. Obviously he was a fucking nut case. I not only wish harm upon him, I wish death. He was a piece of shit. I was stupid, young and naive. I should have gotten out way before I did. I regret many things in life but wasting away 5+ years of my young life on him is perhaps the biggest. I wish I had some great revelation to share but I don't. Thank God I didn't breed with him. EDIT: He had a coke problem too, but he choose to smoke his. Feel better BS?
Focus: It took me a long while to realize that when dealing with contentious issues with other people, I needed to be clear exactly what the purpose of communicating was before I did so. In other words, what did I hope to accomplish by talking to them? If what I hoped to accomplish was impossible, then I didn't communicate with them, and that has avoided a shit ton of stress and angst in my life. So that's the question for you? What do you hope to accomplish if you talk to him? It sounds like he's not particularly rational, so I can't imagine telling him to stop will work. It *might* be worth it to say it once so that it's "on the record" as it were. Beyond that, keep track of what goes on, but stay calm, stay collected, and don't bother communicating if the end result cannot be what you want. Now, if you *want* to get into a big screaming fight on a phone, then sure, call him up, but generally speaking I would think you don't. Having kids, of course, complicates things immeasurably. Speak to a good lawyer as soon as possible about what, if any, repercussions on your parental rights there might be.
Having watched friends and family go through divorce*, I now have a rule about lawyers. You can pay for a good one now, or you can pay for a cheap one the rest of your life. Do some research and get an iron-spined bitch on wheels who is in good standing with your courts, and kick his ass there. Don't do happy little verbal agreements. Don't get a lawyer your friend used that "Is really nice". Go for the throat, protect your rights, and if he is a good boy, you can always throw him a treat, like extra time with his kids. Good luck. Alt Focus: I know someone who has a disabled 8 year old daughter , and a 5 year old son. Her separated husband has: broken into the home after moving out, spied on her, withheld money, pulled a bait and switch on housing, showers the kids with toys and special rules their Mom has not agreed to, all while filling her facebook page with notes and links and praise for how awesome she is. He recently beat the disabled daughters behind black and blue because she laughs when she gets yelled at. Later that night she had an allergic reaction to meds, and he delayed taking her in for several hours because 1. He'd been drinking and 2. Her bottom had hand prints all over it. Don't worry, CPS let him keep the son for the rest of the weekend. Which brings me back to my above point about lawyers. She has a cheap one.
It wasn't my break-up exactly, but I sure as fuck had to endure it. My most recent ex was a few months out of a relationship when I met her. Awhile after we started dating we found out her ex had been keeping tabs on her phone records. How did we find this out? He showed up at her apartment (with a copy of the key that he made) and snuck in while we were going at it. The best part is he didn't even confront us. He just kind of creeped back out and then called her from outside. She explained that what she and I were doing was none of his business and he left it alone. Or so we thought. The next day when she was at work he entered her place and took her sheets and comforter and burned them on the front lawn. The cops were called, but they couldn't do anything because he paid for the blankets in the first place and the landlord didn't want to take any action for him burning shit on his lawn. Then he called her up while the cops were taking their report and threatened to kill himself. At that point they wanted to find him to keep him from hurting himself, but the moron got in his car to drive to California, but only made it to Ohio. Things calmed down for a week or so, but when he made his way back to New York he started calling and texting both of us with creepy and threatening messages. Still, he hadn't done anything that would have warranted a restraining order. The girl and I decided the best course of action was to call it off until he calmed down and moved on. I still got 3 am silent phone calls from him for about two months after we broke up. The worst part is, outside of the craziness that was going on with this guy, I've never met a girl I was more compatible with. I'm hoping her recent contact with me is to let me know that we can try things again without the insanity. We shall see. Edit: Sorry if my writing comes off like a jumbled mess. The memories are a bit of a jumbled mess. I hadn't really endured anything that stressful and strange at that point in my life.
I love living on the coast, i would either say boom chain or crab bait .... wait you said you wanted them to know there dad, guess this doesn't work.