Random shit annoys me sometimes. For example, as someone with OCD, it's annoying as fuck to listen to someone tell me how they're "OCD about [meaningless bullshit]". I also get annoyed at some new slang, internal movie inconsistencies, and slow people who also weave down hallways and block everyone behind them. Focus: What random shit annoys you? Alt-Focus: What commonly annoying thing just doesn't faze you? Are you ok in traffic? Does the sound of soup slurping make you smile?
Things that are annoying - -Old ladies who start counting out exact change at check out counters. Stores need to start having some credit card only check out lanes. -People who are in the front of the line at a traffic light and are looking at their phone. The light changes and they arent hitting the gas, causing me to sit through another fucking light cycle. -Dirty dishes left on end tables or a coffee table. Clean up after yourself you fucking slob. -People eating in movie theaters. I am insanely distracted by the sounds of rustling around in a bag of popcorn, slurping the last bit of soda, or fiddling with the plastic of a bag of candy. -When I tell someone a funny joke or story, then they turn around and tell it to another few people and get the credit for it.
Many of mine involve grocery stores - families of 5 that all shop together. WTF - have dad sit at home watching football on the couch with the kids playing nearby while mom whips through the store in 20 minutes flat (or vice versa) - people who have no awareness of their carts, leaving them dead center in the middle of the aisle so nobody can pass by and then my all time favorite courtesy of the folks that I work with who apparently don't know how to silence their phones - cutesy ring tones, my coworkers have the following - all on full blast in their offices while they are working elsewhere - A recording of her kids saying "I love you mommy...giggle" on an endless loop - Alarm sirens followed by "Your husband is calling" - Some heavy metal song that I must be blocking out of my mind because I can't recall the name
There are many things that annoy me, but two spring to mind immediately: The tendency of old people to pull the 'ohhhh, I'm confused and can't figure out the line.' This has happened numerous times to me in the past, but three times in the last 4 days. These old people (deli line, coffee line, pizza line) at 3 different places (and three different old people) pull this bullshit like they're confused, and suddenly they're cutting in line saying things like 'oh, did the line start over there? I thought it was over here, I'm confused.' Cell phone use in general. I say 'general' because most of the annoying things people do with cell phones can be summed up as follows: 'Using a cell phone and completely ignoring the circumstances around them.'
What kills me the most about that and people who still write checks, is that they don't start this process until all of the items have been scanned. You know you're going to have to pay for this stuff, it wasn't free last time you went there.
- Old people in the grocery store on a Saturday. You've got all fucking week to shop while I'm busy paying for your Social Security. Stay the fuck out of the store on the weekend. Other: Stairs are for traveling between elevations. They are not for sitting on, or a place to have long conversations. Get out of my way. When you're giving people change, don't put the receipt in their hand, then the bills on the receipt, then loose change on top of the bills. That's fucking retarded. The change often slides off, usually onto the ground, and even if it doesn't, you need two hands to sort everything out and it's a pain in the ass. Loose change first - then I can curl two or three fingers in and hold it, and still grab the receipt and bills between my thumb and forefinger, put them in my wallet, then deposit the change neatly in my pocket. This is how cashiers gave change for decades. Why it suddenly changed is beyond me. Probably because- No one can make change without the help of a calculator/register anymore, and hence they pull everything out of the drawer and hand it to you all at once. If you can't make change of a bill, any bill, you're a fucking idiot. We've been using the same denominations in this country for 200 years. How the hell do you not know how to make change?
I am a 76 year old arthritic curmudgeon with flaring hemorrhoids in the body of a 34 year old. Cell phones. Ring tones drive me batty. Apple's default is the softest, most pleasing one yet, but I long for the day where technology is so that only the recipient hears the ring. Anyone talking on a phone without excusing themselves is annoying. Though, this is just good manners. So fuck 'em. One of my gal pals, in the middle of you speaking directly at her, will take out her phone and start facebooking. While you try to talk to her. I hope everything bad in the world happens to her. Sound of kids playing outside. Lawn maintenance people. "I see you're enjoying a nice little day. Let me rev up every diesel machine we have at the same time. I piss in your face." Anyone who knocks on my door. Unless I am expecting you, kindly fuck off forever to Des Moines. My power company is city owned, and somehow, out sourced to a company 200 miles away. Good luck if you have a discrepancy on your bill. Anything involving the bank. Getting up to piss in the middle of the night. Having to take a shit right after you shower. Really, ass? Fuck you. Faggots on youtube who mislabel their videos. I hope they get dick cancer.
I can think of a couple things. One, when people or TV or movies say schizophrenia when they really mean multiple personality or dissociative disorder. Two, when movies or TV show a person, usually a medical professional, using CPR on someone bleeding profusely. I just rewatched The Devil's Advocate the other day. Charlize Theron slits her throat and the nurse starts applying CPR to her. All you're going to do is pump the blood out of the person's body with every thrust.
You fuckers texting at stoplights, holding people up, are annoying as hell. The stupid file management system and how it crashes only when someone is over my shoulder freaking out because they need their special monthly reports is also annoying as hell. We're supposed to get snow today and this reminds me I'm also severely annoyed by able-bodied people who don't bother shoveling their sidewalks, you lazy assholes making it unsafe for neighbors.
I can't stand the entitled millennial bro culture, they all wear to small v neck tshirts and beanie hats, they travel in packs and have a jargon that burns my eardrums often referring to their "insta" account blowing up. People who walk slow through cross walks annoy the fuck out of me Assholes who leave shit in shopping carts, listen you fat ass, I know you get 50 free samples at Costco but there is no reason for you to throw 50 napkins in the cart and leave them there, there are trash cans all over the place.
- Anyone who uses a car's horn in lieu of a door bell. Those people need to be shot and pissed on. If you honk outside my house, I will not come outside. I'll just be looking out the window, cursing your existence. If you're too goddam lazy to get out of you car and knock on the door, you must not have needed to see me that badly. - People with too many items in the express lane at the grocery store. I'm not talking about 12 items in the "10 or less" lane; I've been guilty of that plenty of times. I mean shitheads who bring a whole cart full of stuff. And what really pisses me off is that the monkeys behind the registers never say anything about it! They could easily tell that shit-heel to go to another lane. One time I had to wait behind some fat dumbass with a cart full of stuff, and when it was finally my turn to pay, I asked the cashier why he didn't do anything about it. His answer: "Well... That would be rude." No, you failed abortion, rude is you not doing your job right, making me wait in line while my beer gets warm. - Fat people.
I mostly keep my road rage under control while driving, and have mellowed a bit in my old age. But, this ^ during road races. Hey you stupid fuck shit. We're all going the same way to the same place. You do not need to weave back and forth across the race course. If you do feel like it's a bit crowded for your stride or simply want to change your line, that's fine. Just a quick look over your shoulder to make sure you're not cutting me off. And, if you want to make sure you get tripped from behind, be sure your pass me ever so slowly, and then drift right in front of me. I have been two feet off the center stripe for the past 5 miles, and you're going to act like you don't realize I'm there? Come at me, bro.
People who do this need to have a 20mm round put right into their engine block. That'll shut your fucking car up. Focus: Slow walkers in general, but most of the time I can go around them. But if you're taking some stairs you better be moving at a brisk pace or I'm contemplating throwing you down to get you the hell out of my way. The idiots at the self-checkout lanes who form a line behind each one instead of a general line where people take the first one that's open. I've gotten a few dirty looks (I live in Minnesota, no one would actually say anything) from people who thought I was being rude because I took "their" lane.
Focus -Drivers not moving when the light changes from red to green. The sad thing is that it's not just people on their cell phones who are guilty of this. -Getting stuck behind people buying lottery tickets and having the clerks check their old tickets when I just want to but beer or Rockstars. In this day and age shouldn't there be a way for all that lottery shit to be done all online, anyway? -People posting about politics, football, or soccer on Facebook. The politics and soccer are especially bad every four years. And yes, I have deleted some of my "friends" for these infractions, but there are still plenty of people whom I generally respect who post that shit. Alt Focus I am usually one of the most impatient people who you will ever meet, and there is probably nothing that I hate more than being stuck at red lights or in heavy traffic in the suburbs. But for some reason heavy traffic on the interstate doesn't bother that much, though it's probably because I've been lucky enough to live and work in the suburbs throughout my adult life. If I ever have to go downtown for a job then that will likely change.
Hearing people eat. I HATE the noises people make. It grosses me out. When people smack or pop gum. They look like a cow chewing cud. They might be the most intelligent, classiest person ever, but when I see that I think that they were raised in a barn. When people fart without saying "excuse me" or "sorry". This happens to me on a regular basis. Someone farts/poops and keep moving/talking like absolutely nothing happened. I heard it. You heard it. I smell it. You smell it. Or you shit everywhere and I'm the poor slob who has to clean it up bc calling the nurse or tech will take too much time. You don't have the decency to apologize a minimal amount, mutter an "excuse me" or at least blush? Fuck off.
God. I could write a fucking book. Everything annoys me. 1. Old, retired fuckers that go to the bank on Friday at noon. You've got all fucking week to rotate the balance between your 15 different accounts, some of us work and are on our lunch hour. I had one old fucker with a dolly with 5 ammo boxes full of 20 years worth of saved change hold up the line forever at noon on Friday. 2. Anyone that doesn't show a semblance of common courtesy to people around them. For example: You're not the only person in the fucking world, there are 10 people in line behind you, do not chat with the clerk about your fucking cat for 5 minutes. 3. I can sit at a red light for 2 minutes with absolutely no cross traffic. The moment my light turns green some asshole is going to blow through the intersection at twice the speed limit. 4. This happened this morning...I followed a guy for 4 miles that never took his foot off the fucking brake pedal. How am I supposed to know if you're fucking braking asshole? 5. People who get self entitled once the word "Free" is involved and do everything to game the system to get more free then they're offered. I went out with a girl once and we stopped by the grocery store for something, they gave out game pieces with every purchase for some stupid prize. She got her game piece and as we were leaving she stopped at another clerk and told them she didn't get a game piece, so she got another. She smiled at me like a fucking lunatic who just pulled off a huge heist. Date over. Stupid bitch.
People who go the wrong way, and slowly, down shopping aisles. It's just like driving you stupid fuck. Slow traffic to the right. The people going the wrong way are always the old shitheads who need their actual driver's license revoked anyway. Walmart. Why in the holy fuck do you have 20 cash registers if you only have 5 cashiers at a given time? I'd go somewhere else but with Walmart in town there isn't anywhere else to fucking go. People who don't know how to use self-checkout machines but think they do. There's one person there (MAYBE, and if they are they're only barely paying attention) for half a dozen machines. Their job is to use their magic un-fucking key when the machine inevitably takes a shit. Their job is NOT to explain to you how to use the self-checkout machine if you do not understand the basic process of scanning an item, putting it in a bag, and following the directions on the screen you illiterate dickdribble. Humans have smarted their way around natural selection and I propose a very simple solution to bring it back: every time a self-checkout machine registers someone doing stupid shit, a little hole opens up at the top of the screen, and a gun shoots them in the fucking face. People who wear the wrong shoes through airport security. Motherfucker you know they're going to ask you to take off your shoes. It's common knowledge. They've been doing it for years. No surprises. Wear something comfortable that's easy to slip off. If you must wear your shitty looking gladiator shoes that make me wanna send you on a long walk off a short bridge, then just pack them in your carry on. No need to apologize to everyone else in line while you undo your laces and laugh all pretend-embarrassed "oh my god like I swear this never happens I TOTALLY forgot laugh out loud wink face." No need, really. What you do need to do is, instead of apologize, once you finish taking those laces off so you can walk three steps into the body scanner, just go ahead and tie one end of them to the top of it, then tie the other end around your neck, and hang yourself. I believe aliens exist, I just believe they don't care to visit us because they see retarded shit like that and figure there must be intelligent life somewhere in the universe.
Toast crumbs in the butter. That shit is anarchy. People who throw every piece of garbage into a big goddamn pile on the front lawn and abandon it when they move. Unecessesary driveway motorcycle vrooming on weekend mornings. You're not "clearing out your chopper", you're asking to get kicked in the balls.
Oh Christ. In this town (And probably in Texas too) it always seems to happen with someone buying a $ .69 bag of chips with a fucking food stamp card. Once they fuck up this simple transaction beyond belief and the clerk comes over to see what the hell the issue is, they respond "No comprende." So now they have to call in a fucking translator to make this fucking simpleton understand they're an idiot. You live in this country, you're receiving free fucking food from the rest of us. Now you're holding up the God damn line because you refuse to learn English? Fuck off back to wherever you came from.
People in Ohio do not use turn signals. I don't know if a law has been passed since I took the written test to move back to this stupid state or people think they're saving money by delaying the need for new bulbs for the signals. Slam to a stop on a 45mph street and make a left, not a problem. Slow down a parade of cars without a signal on because you know your turn is coming up in the next five miles but it might be on either side. Or people who like to go slower than the posted speed limit and get pissed when you're tailgating. I especially love the old, throw on the brakes hard, trick. I've been staring at the back of your car for two miles. One, I expect you to do it, Two, I know how to get close without risking damage. Three, I have a ton of experience at it. Assholes. And I don't where to fit this, it could be a rant, in the Super Bowl thread, here. My supervisor sent this e-mail out today to let everybody as where we're working next week. She went on for a couple paragraphs about how exciting the Super Bowl will be for the nation. Yet she scheduled me to drive Sunday night so I can start work at 730 am the next day. I just have to send her the e-mail I sent her two weeks ago asking for the day off. Good times.