Inspired by this: http://www.cracked.com/photoplasty_1366 ... und-world/ Focus: Fetishes. One you love, one you would try once and one you are creeped out by.
I am really creeped out when people want to... bump. I know, you all saw that coming. Get it? 'Coming?' Oh, I kill me.
Having someone shampoo your hair is great. At least twice as enjoyable as cramming ball bearings in your urethra. Half the reason I go to a salon instead of a barber. If I asked my barber to shampoo my head he'd probably punch me in the face. Tornado sex? That is very impractical. But I'll allow it just for bragging rights. Which is exactly how that fetish came to be. If we fail, we can just have sex to Bill Paxton in Twister. I don't understand pony play. Seems stupid to me. Degrading, penetration, yeah yeah. It'd get boring quick. Vomit, pee, enemas. I understand the degradation aspects, marking your territory, animalistic fucking. I could handle pee, but not shit. I can't deal with shit. Vomit is just too hilarious to be erotic. Belly button torture... get the fuck away from me. You're weird, your fetish is weird, and you should be forced to live in the desert, away from civilization, until you die. Holy crap the idea of that is making me shiver. Ring me when someone invents a fetish where you fuck a mime with a chainsaw while his parents watch. "THIS IS YOUR FAULT, YOU LET IT HAPPEN!" Brony Play is still the #1 wtf fetish. That is beyond pathologically fucked. Sexualizing a children's show, turning it into cosplay bestiality and domination games. Some people are not fit to live in this world.
I'm not sure why that's in the list with those others. Who doesn't like that? - I guess the hair shampoo thing, but it's never been followed by me having sex with the lady at Great Clips. - Is having 3 or 4 beautiful women get naked, touch each other and then lick me all over one? Because I'd try that once. - whatever it's called when somebody stretches Cling Wrap over their face and their partner takes a dump on them. I don't get that at all.
Love: I'm assuming BDSM is too broad in general, so I'll just pick submission, since that's mostly my kick anyway. I like to think of it as similar to how there's a stereotype of high-powered finance guys loving dominatrixes. I'm a strong, independent woman who don't need no man and have been taking care of myself and constantly working really hard trying to run my life more or less since I was 11. Sometimes, it's nice just to be told what to do. And since I don't need people, I like the feeling of choosing to give myself so much to someone. It creates this really nice bond of trust and communication and really getting to know and understand each other. It develops this great connection between two people, and I find people I'm interested in building that connection with so rarely that I just enjoy that feeling of truly belonging to someone. Plus I like everything they're bringing up anyway and it's fun and it feels good. What more do you need? Try Once: I've already tried most of the things I'd be interested in trying, so one thing I'll throw out is that thing where you drip candle wax on people. I'm not at all turned on by it. When people get super into it, it looks kind of alarming (why does it always have to be red wax? I scroll past the pictures too fast and it always looks like they're bleeding profusely) and I can't imagine the actual scenario of doing it being all that sexy. But I think it may feel pretty good, in the way that dipping your fingers into the little puddle of candle wax feels good. It would be nice and warm. (I also first thought about this in the dead of winter, so that could've been the real reason.) So I don't think I'd be Into It, but would definitely fall under the "try once" category. (Also, while I wouldn't go to one of those parties or anything, the pheromone one isn't THAT weird. I love dude smell. How your guy smells after working out or doing some kind of manual labor? Totally sexy.) Creeped Out By: While I like to think of myself as an open-minded person, there are a lot of them. One that's not on that list are adult babies. The best thing about adults is that they're NOT babies. Stop talking in a baby voice. Feed yourself. Change out of that diaper. It just wigs me out so much. Also: anything that involves needles or blood, furries, I don't even want to think about the bug one, one of my biggest fears is falling down stairs so no, CBT...those are the ones off the top of my head I guess.
I believe that's called a "Glass Bottom Boat". Love: I'm pretty dominant in the sack so naturally, I like submissive women. I like it when a girl visibly gets turned on when I tell her what to do. I really like women who get off on being called a dirty little slut during sex. I'm very respectful towards women otherwise, but for whatever reason I like pulling their hair, spanking them and calling them demoralizing names in bed. Try: That "3 women at the same time" thing sounds awesome, I'll try that. Creeped out by: What the fuck is up with sticking things in your urethra? Apparently this is a thing, and I'll never understand how it's a turn-on. The couple of times that I've been swabbed for chlamydia I felt like curling up in the fetal position in the shower and crying. I dread the day that I'm in the hospital and have to get a catheter put in. I'll be running around the room and climbing the curtains like a scared cat, with nurses chasing after me. Things aren't supposed to go in your dick hole, period.