Girls are Assholes!

I feel similar.

I'm currently working behind a hotel bar in Greece and get to know the guests quite well. Sometimes there are just a group of girls at the bar and me, but instead of a conversation that would happen with a group of lads, the girls just try and talk to me the longest. Shouting over each other very rudely. I couldn't believe they acted like that to each other when being so called 'besties'.

I think that sometimes girls see the world as a bit more of a chess board, and other people, players. But then, like Sigmund Freud said

"The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is 'What does a woman want?'"

 

I'm equally perplexed by this.

My sister (20 years old) has a best friend who she shits on constantly. On the surface, you wouldn't know it either, because they've been friends all through high school and college. In every picture they're in together, they're having the best time ever. Once the other girl walks out of the room, the bitching begins, though--and it's vicious. If I was a stranger who just walked into some of the conversations about this other girl, you'd think that she had held my sister down, jammed a funnel into her mouth, and filled her face with piss.

I've asked her why she even bothers hanging out with her anymore, and the justification is so convoluted--involving locations of CD's and complex purse lending policies--that I've all but given up trying to even grasp an elementary understanding of their friendship. As far as I'm concerned, the girl is around so my sister has someone to hate behind their back.

 

I can't explain why girls are so mean to each other... there's a reason I went back to dating men.

Asshole girl story:

My core group of girl friends (elementary school into college) consisted of five of us. I went out of state for college and they just continued on with their little lives here. No fight or anything. Well one of them's (Sara's) grandmother died in January - and since our families are very very close, of course I went to her grandmother's house to see them. The other three were sitting right inside the door as I went in, I spoke and they completely ignored me. Whatever, I'm not here for them right? I'll go speak to Sara and it will be fine. Wrong. As soon as I got to her, she turned and walked off in the other direction. Unbelievable that I felt unwelcome in a house I spent most of my childhood in. My mom asked if I had fucked one of their boyfriends or something. It was utterly bizarre how childish four women, almost 30 years old, were being.

Now, I have two awesome best friends that I met in college and if we're mad or are going to talk shit, we do it to each other's faces.

 

I had two friends in college who were like that. They had been best friends since 8th grade, but behind each others backs they were horrible to each other. One of the girl's was jealous of the other one because she was skinnier. The other one was jealous that her friend didn't need to be a slut to get a guy.

The worst instance of this was when the bigger girl had a random hook-up with someone between the time she met her boyfriend and the time they actually started dating. I have no idea why she had to make this up to him, but her solution was to have a three-way with the sluttier girl.

The next morning, sluttier girl and the boyfriend both left to go back to their respective schools, and bigger girl went on a tirade about how slutty girl is a slut who cheats on her boyfriend all the time, and that she's probably anorexic because she's so skinny. I won't lie and say I didn't join in on the conversation, because some part of me needed to tell the group that slutty girl is a but-her-face and bigger girl shouldn't even worry about it.

Anyway, as a girl I can tell you that none of us really know why we do this. It might have something to do with the fact that girls who physically fight each other are seen as trashy or something, so we use passive-aggressive name calling to get our frustrations out? If some other girls knows of a better reason, please let me know. I would also like to understand why I'm sometimes a backstabbing bitch.

 

This behavior stems from insecurity, it is more prevalent in our younger years but many never grow out of it. Girls are friends with girls they envy, then play stupid fucking games to validate themselves. They talk shit to make themselves feel superior.

I refuse to tolerate this type of behavior, if a friend demonstrates this she is quickly dropped from my group. The rule is: If you can't say it to that persons face then shut the fuck up.

 

I think it definitely goes both ways between guys and girls, more so on the girls side obviously. Throughout high school I never really had a problem with hearing anyone talk smack behind each others back as much as I have in college which is suprisingly weird I feel. I thought your suppose to get more mature once you reach college?

Guess not. It happens alot on my team between certain people and I'm not quite sure why. It seems like people are fine hanging out one minute, but the moment they leave shit hits the fan. I suspect it's just one more thing to add to the list of conversational starters. "I can't stand so and so, insert bitchyness here."

 

Ugh, you want catty? Work in an office with 80 women and just enough men to meet the quota.

"She stole my project. She is out to DESTROY me."
"She totally BCC'ed the boss on that email. I bet they're sleeping together. That bitch."
"Trust her? When she goes out and gets that fucking haircut? Are you kidding me?"

It's ridiculous. The gossip, the backstabbing, the constant belief that people are out to "destroy" them... How do women live like this?

Fuck that noise - you've got something to say, say it to the person's face or don't say it at all.

 

It's all about fighting over territorry (men fight men for land, women fight women for men).
Men fight their battles using sticks, stones and guns.

Women fight thier battles using rumor, collusion and blackmail.

 

My question for you and all guys who feel this way is, why are YOU friends with THESE girls. I don't think girls are mean, I think those girls and people like them are mean. Not to mention dishonest. I meet mean and dishonest people all the time, and you know what, when I see that they're dishonest I CUT THEM OUT.

I don't understand why you would continue to be friends with someone who has already demonstrated that they can't be trusted. Why do you think it's just her girlfriends she talks bad about? You don't think the second you went to the bathroom the girl in example one wasn't telling your new girlfriend all about how awful YOU are?

When someone shows that they are willing to open-faced lie to someone else's face, it would be illogical to assume that they do not do the same thing to you. The same goes for men. Men are liars too. My male friends that cheat on their girlfriends and lie to their girls' faces, I stop spending my free time with because I clearly cannot trust them.

 

My ex girlfriend, "Maggie", used to talk so much shit about a girl she claimed was her "best friend" whom she knew form college in Oregon. I had so many conversations just like the following with Maggie.

Maggie: Leslie sucks balls. She's so stupid, naive, and a bitch. I can't do anything to please her. I can't believe I invited her to come visit.
Me: I though you two were best friends.
Maggie: We are but she's such a bitch. She treats me like shit and all she talks about is her eating disorder. I don't know if I ever want to see her again.
Leslie enters room.
Maggie: I'm so glad you came out. This has been so much fun.
Leslie: I know. You need to come out to Oregon in the spring.
Maggie: Oh I would love that.

Fast forward six months: Maggie goes out to Oregon to visit Leslie because "they are best friends and closer than ever". What do I hear when she gets back? "Leslie is such a bitch, she treats me like shit, she's so fucked up, etc."

This is exactly what happens. Maggie was one of the most insecure people I've ever met and had very low self esteem. Although I'm not sure what she gained by talking shit about Leslie because that girl was an absolute wreck. That girl was so fucked up she could make Lindsay Lohan look like mother Theresa. I guess it's just the weak preying on the weaker.

 

I recently spent two months on what was essentially a summer camp / french class sort of thing. I say "sort of" because that's the pithiest I can describe it. But I certainly saw lots of this behaviour: girls lezzing out for attention with each other and calling each other hot mommas one minute, and that girl turning to me once the other was out of earshot and saying how she doesn't find that girl attractive at all. Strange giggles once you were out of sight but not out of earshot. And just so we're clear, this was from an age range of early 20's to almost 40.

I found that the behaviour varied with maturity and life experience. I found that even though these people might be fun to hang out with on a Friday night, it's far more satisfying to spend time with people who aren't so god damned petty, and who furthermore don't give a flying fuck how petty you think those people are.

 

Ack, Jrussell beat me to it. Oh well, it bears repeating:

I think this kind of thing gets blown out of proportion a lot. Are there catty women? Absolutely, especially from high school to mid-college age, but from then on the issue comes down to what behavior you tolerate from friends and the type of people you surround yourself with.

I think that, in that age group, the backstabbing comes up when you don't cut someone out of your life who you don't like/don't get along with. Seems obvious, right? If you don't enjoy spending time with someone, don't spend time with them. For whatever reason, in my experience, it is harder for women to just cut someone out due to expectations ("but, we're all best friends! How could you not like so-and-so?!") or, ironically, just not wanting to be a jerk ("what do you mean you don't want to hang out tonight?! I really wanted to see you!") especially in high school/early college.

But, honestly, some people act as if they are forced to hang out with catty women. In my circle, if you are malicious or untrustworthy, someone will confront you and tell you point blank that your behavior is unacceptable. A lot of times people are just being insecure and don't realize that they are being hurtful. I've only had one time where the person didn't apologize and the behavior stop, and I just stopped hanging out with her. If your friend is hitting on your boyfriend, then both you AND your boyfriend need to tell her that that behavior needs to stop and, if it doesn't, don't contact her anymore.

Another point is that, despite the fact that men complain about it afterward, I've never seen a guy say "you're really being an immature bitch" or some variation, to a girl talking shit about someone. I can absolutely understand why: the behavior isn't directed at you and maybe you want to get laid, but keep in mind that one sharp comment from you would shut her up and probably make her think about how she presents herself. Not that you should feel at all obligated to do so, but it is kind of unfair to laugh with a girl talking shit and then complain later that she is a catty bitch - she was probably saying a lot of it for your benefit.

I think that the end lesson should be that this is not at all the standard for female behavior and if you think it is, you really need to change the type of women that you are hanging out with.

 

Uh, isn't there another thread whose topic is "friends you hate" that has a bunch of guys posting essentially the same things? This certainly isn't behavior exclusive to women. The only real difference is that there are different gender expectations for women and how they maintain relationships so catty-type things guys do to each other are glossed over while similar or equivilent behavior by women is called out.

 

I am seriously unable to understand my gender.

I thought the female gender would eventually grow up to mature and this petty shit would stop. I've learned it gets a hundred times worse if the woman in question reproduces. Then it's the fucking Mommy War.

"She's a stay at home mom! She sees her husband as nothing but sperm and a paycheck. And she has tons of time to go on the computer/shopping/etc."

"She's a working mom. She obviously doesn't love her kid if she feels the need for strangers to raise him/her. I would NEVER put my kid in daycare."

"She's formula feeding? She doesn't love her kid. Breast is best."

"She's nursing? What, does she like having a kid hanging onto her tits for a year?"

"She plunks the kid in front of the TV and lets him eat chicken nuggets for dinner? I only feed my kids organic foods I make myself and there is no TV watching in THIS HOUSE!"

And it goes on and on and on. Basically it becomes a pissing contest of who is the better mom.

I actually had one friend tell me I was a horrible person because my reproductive organs were in good working condition and hers weren't, making her unable to conceive. So, it's my fucking fault that YOU were born with wonky female parts? She was acting like I had come to her in high spirits about my annual vagina doctor appointment. In reality, she asked how my appointment went and I said "Fine, everything looks good, tests came back negative for any issues." Apparently this tidbit of information sent her into another dimension of insanity, making her believe I was mocking her uterus. The friendship ended shortly after she said "You don't even want kids. Why can't you have the infertility problem?"

In short, I prefer the company of men as my friends. I just don't have the patience for females.

 

The difference is in most cases if we have an asshole friend, we say 'You're an asshole. If you don't stop being an asshole, I'm going to fuck you up.' Then we proceed to fucking them up and then they get shunned. But see, this is all out in the open.

I went to a baseball game yesterday with a friend who did some fucked up shit a few months ago. I called him out on it the next day (when he was sober). I brought it up again yesterday and pointed to the incident as to why he hadn't seen me lately. Also brought up again to make sure he'd worked that shit out as he promised he would. All out in the open. Proof of that is that he said, "Man I wish you'd have just knocked me out that day. It would have caused so much less drama".

 

I think the reason you don't see this as much among guys (as you said) is that when guys go after each other, fists get swung. If were constantly fighting and holding grudges as much as girls, most of us would be dead in in jail, so we have to learn to let things go. Girls can fight more because the consequences are (generally) much less severe, a broken friendship and some bruised feelings. Though, when girls do get into a drag out fist fight...shit. Those things are nasty, but still, even then, on average girls have much less upper body strength, so while the fights might look worse, I doubt the girls get hurt as badly as when guys brawl.

As for the thread about the friend you hate, I think it's a very different thing. Many of those posts were about the guy who is an antisocial, creepy, party-pooper. The guy who goes out of his way to hurt you, spread rumors, etc is much less common I think.

 

I think this more or less hits the nail on the head in a way. You can just cut someone out. However in a lot of cases that is not as easy. I worked with two women who would act all sweetheartish around each other. They would hug, and joke, and act like friends. But they really didn't like each other.

But they were coworkers, and are forced to be together, and try and get along as best they can, so as to make a pleasant environment, and then they just vent by being catty to someone who is around. It isn't a perfect system.

I have also noticed that girls seem to have larger groups of girlfriends than most guys do. I have my central group of friends, and then other friends who just wouldn't fit in with the core group, so I keep them separate.

I notice girls seem to want to bring everyone into their central group as much as they can, by bringing in a friend's friend, and this leads to the infighting amongst the girls, and to the general cattiness. Rather than spending time with just one or two friends at a time, the whole crew comes along, whether or not they are close to the person who perhaps organized the get together.

If they would go by the other route and say, "hey, these people wouldn't get along with my other group of friends, but I still get along with them and like them, so I will just not mix the groups"