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Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Dcc001, Jan 9, 2014.
Suggestion from Ghetto:
I need way more than 2 of those checks. There are girls I'm not on good terms with, girls I am on good terms with, a girl I'm technically on good terms with, but if she got hit by lightning tomorrow I'd have a drink to celebrate it, not a good party (she cheated on me.)
Also, depending on the SO relationship with the ex. If they ended on good terms, no problem at all, we can all be friends. If they ended on some drag down, throwing shit, screaming, I hate you, die with canceraids shit...then nope. You're not allowed to talk to that person.
The only semi-embarassing story I have while trying to reconnect with an ex, which isn't really reconnecting is that this first girl Jun, I dated for like a month in highschool. It was kiddie stuff. We broke up because I was 14 and a fucking idiot after a month. Proceed to her becoming cuter and cuter and me realize "Holy fuck, I could be with that. So we kept in touch on and off until 2011. I was dating this crazy psycho chick was jealous of everything and made me so goddamn paranoid. We ran into Jun on the street, and I felt it was sort of awkward, but what I was feeling was the fear of crazy psycho bitch doing something embarrassing (which i didn't realize until later). I then caught her on FB chat and was like "Nice seeing you, too bad it was a little awkward." "What no? It wasn't awkward." I for some reason insisted it was, and of course made it awkward and she stopped talking to me.
I haven't voted but...
2 of my exes I'm on speak when necessary terms. That's it. We aren't friends, I don't care what is or isn't going on in their life, the only reason(s) I engage with them is because I'm required to.
1 of my exes I hope life handles in the most fair and just way. His life is such a wreck and shambles, it's a train wreck you can't NOT watch...though we do not and will never speak.
Any other exes I have are a mixed bag of ambivalence, friendship, and not even knowing where they are in their lives.
If The Husband is friends with any of his exes, I don't know about it...if I did...at one time I'd've been insecure about it, but now...they're exes for a reason.
The only ex of mine that is noteworthy was jealous, violent, and seemed to get off on painting me into corners where no answer is correct. I often fantasize about her being engulfed in a pile of Wandering Spiders that spit acid every night.
Here's a tip: as soon as you realize you're in a dead-end relationship with an idiot, pull the 'chute.
My current girlfriend's last ex is very gay. My last ex put on a ton of weight and became a born-again religious zealot who married the next guy who asked her out.
Needless to say, neither of us have any particular hangups about our exes.
The rest of our exes are basically nonexistant. A high school girlfriend looked me up on Facebook last year and we talked but I certainly wasn't interested and I didn't really see any signs that she was either. I can't really see a scenario where I'd have an issue with it - I'm pretty big on trust, and if I can't trust my girlfriend with one of her exes, the relationship is probably not going anywhere.
Is it fair to call it a "relationship" if they're just bound up in the basement?
With the exception of one girl I don't even know if any my exes are still breathing.
I have no idea whether or not she talks to any of hers or even how many there are.
Some people call that trust. Others call it clueless. Semantics.
I'd say Im on good terms with most of the girls Ive been with but they are no longer in my life. One I hang out with on occasion when a group of my old work friends hang out together. A couple of others moved away and are or are getting married. I'd say I fall more into the camp that would absolutely respect the boundaries of an ex's new relationship but would hook up again if the situation was right (i.e. they were single and available) as they already know the score and it's a lot easier than picking up new girls imaright?
As far as SO others ex's? Depends on the situation. My roommate and his girlfriend while I was in college were the most toxic couple I ever knew yet she was stuck on dude and would constantly cheat on her new boyfriends with my roommate, she's married with two kids now and he assures me and I believe him that all he has to do is dial her up if he wants to fuck. She's not the best example as she is a terrible person but I feel like you have got to gauge what type of relationship they had, how it ended, etc Have they truly moved on? Are they into you enough? I am the jealous type and the shit bugs me but Ive never told any girl Ive dated they can't speak with exes....
I'm with Parker - I couldn't just choose 2 of those. Also, I didn't see "My ex was her sister, so family time was always delightful!"
Focus: how much do you keep in touch with exes?
Friends with one, but we live other towns, we've both moved on and it's no big deal when we get together. The rest pretty much ended in disaster and it's a good thing we don't keep in touch. (plus, I don't do Facebook, so they're easy to avoid)
Its completely dependent on the situation. Also the period of time since the relationship ended. Two of my very best female friends are ex-gfs. However, with both, we haven't dated in 5+ years and both breakups and such were not exactly smooth. But once we got past the cooling off period, we realized that we still had alot in common and it was stupid to throw all of that away. Granted, both of those relationships ended when I was still in college and friend groups were still intertwined. I also think both people need to have moved onto a new relationship, otherwise there is either lingering feelings or a resentment cause one party has moved on and sees nothing wrong with friendship while the other is still smarting.
I think as adults, its a bit trickier. Especially if you don't have mutual friends and common connections, prior to the relationship, cause then there is literally no reason to have contact. My first post college gf is an acquantaince I'd say. We're cordial but I rarely talk to her, we've both moved on and there is no real catalyst for contact.
As for a SO? Provided the ex is not still into them and its an amicable breakup, then I have no issues whatsoever. I only get a bit anxious when its clear the ex still thinks they have an opening and there is some resentment. That's just uncomfortable, not to mention toxic.
I occasionally sleep with or have threesomes with my exes. So, you know, pretty good terms there.
In my experience, those who would consider that to be clueless are often those who go looking for drama. I graduated from that high-school bullshit quite some time ago, and I'm glad to see another who did the same.
FOCUS: I have never, and will never, contact any of my exes. While the majority of my breakups were amicable, there is a reason(s) we broke things off. And while I realize that potential friendships and the experiences that go along with them were lost in those transitions, it's rare that I see these things work out long term. Perhaps I'm too cautious in some regards, perhaps not, but this comes from someone who currently swings. Take from that what you will.
I wish them all the very best in life, as making them happy was always the goal, but other than that I don't care.
FOCUS: I don't talk to most of my ex's, either due to breaking up on bad terms, or disinterest; there are a few I have semi-regular contact with but they're notable exceptions. I'm still friends with one of my former girlfriends and every now and then we get together and hang out or whatever; and there are two others that randomly add me on Facebook once a year (each time with a new username), talk to me a couple of days and disappear until the next year.
Now there is one ex I'd much prefer to not have in my life but I have to deal with for the time being. I dated this girl for most of a year, and it was semi-serious but she started cheating on me with some guys she had classes with. About the time I found out about her cheating I met someone else (the future ex-fiancee) and broke things off with the cheater-ex. Well conveniently enough the cheater-ex turns up pregnant and accuses me of being the father. The resulting child is two years old now, with no confirmed father, and the cheater-ex slips around behind her husbands back (she got married a year after she and I broke up) trying to get back together with me... It's a real shitty situation there. She won't consent to getting a DNA test to confirm who the father actually is and since I'm pretty sure I'm not the father I'm not going to pursue it.
My ex cheated on me about two weeks after we went long distance. It was upsetting at the time but now I don't really care, looking back the relationship was pretty much over before I even moved out of the US. Sometimes she messages me on Skype or Facebook but I never respond to her. There is no need to talk to her, and I have enough friends, I don't really want her as one.
I would not even consider dating someone who was close friends with their ex or friend with benefits, or worked closely with them. I've seen those kinds of situations too many times from an go bad from an outside perspective, I have no intention of letting it happen to me. I know logically if someone is going to cheat, they're gonna cheat, but I think having someone who they were intimate with in the past around them constantly just makes the temptation all the greater.
Another thing that's kind of along the same lines; most women have that one guy "friend" who just hangs around them all the time waiting for their chance to fuck them, probably when they are in some kind of vulnerable state. My ex had one of those "friends" and he was such a fucking douche. It's kind of funny because even though she cheated on me it wasn't with that guy, and last I heard he is still hanging around her all the time. Most women seem to be in denial about what that guy's intentions are even though it's plainly obvious. She of course projected this onto me and hated my friends who were women and was jealous of them and got extremely butthurt when I told her that just because her "best friend" was only friends with her because he wanted to bang her or was secretly in love with her didn't mean my lady friends wanted to do the same to me. So I'm always kind of wary when a girl says her best friend is a guy, not that it's a problem if they are actually friends, I've just seen that more often than not it's some kind of unrequited love thing happening.
I'm not really friends with any of my exes. One of them cheated on me and then I ended it a year later when my suspicion was confirmed. She called me a few months ago for some legal advice. She's married now to a guy she met online and she occassionaly tries to contact me via text or facebook. She's recently taken to "liking" the pictures the current girlfriend posts of the two of us.
Another ex I see pretty regularly because we still go to school together. However, we are barely on speaking terms. I have zero interest in being friends with her, as she's a crazy bitch and she doesn't have an interest in being friends with me because I sort of embarrassed her and I think she's still pretty pissed off at me.
Exes are exes for a reason. I don't feel the need to be friends with them. I've got enough friends and the exes that I do have are toxic individuals. I don't need them around. I also wouldn't want any of them sabotaging my current relationship or make my girlfriend feel disrespected by being friends with one of them.
I parted with most of my exes on good terms, which is fortunate, as they keep on turning up in my life. My very first girlfriend ever (circa 1972) looked me up on facebook. Some, including my ex-fiance, i haven't spoken to in a long time, but mostly due to typical life stuff - commitments, geography, etc. One ex i saw often at my daugter's daycare because her two sons went there also.
One of my exes, who I met through work, still works with me, and has for 19 years. We work together on numerous projects, and have had no problem maintaining a friendly, professional relationship. I like to think that banging on the boss's desk creates a bond between two people.
Another woman keeps in touch often through e-mail and facebook. A couple of recent interactions:
Misanthropic: Have to go, good talking to you.
Ex: Wait, are you breaking up with me again?
Misanthropic: I thought twice was enough
Misanthropic: Happy Birthday, a bit late. and Merry Christmas. Also, happy New Year, Happy valentines day, Happy St. Patty's day. There, I'm set for a few months..
Ex: that's about all of the holidays you ever managed to spend with me anyway.
She has a pretty good sense of humour about being dumped a couple of times by the same guy.
I kept in touch with a few old fuck buddies but no exes. The one ex I tried to stay friends with (the guy I lost my virginity to) ended up becoming a karaoke host and was "touring" in my hometown and called me up to come see him. I did, he ended up getting wasted and said a lot of ugly things to me without cause, so I walked out the front door. He proceeded to follow me to the parking lot, microphone in hand, and serenaded me with a lovely chorus of "fuck you, fuck you, fuck you you fucking bitch" which he then tried to get the bar to join in on. That was the last time I saw him.
For some reason I can only visualize that scenario in my head if the guy is British.
Scottish-Canadian. At the time, he was 40 and had just had his tongue pierced so he sang it with a lisp.