I'm older than some and younger than some around here, but as 36 rears its head I was pondering the pros and cons of getting older. It's something we all do, and typically a lot of it sucks, but I'm curious what other people go through. Focus: What's good about getting older? What's bad?
The good....less time for the bullshit. Things that used to upset you now just roll off your back. More financial stability and disposable income. I've learned what I like and what I don't and don't apologize for either. Most of the time I could give two fucks what others think of me but I care more deeply for those that I care about. I've figured out the only thing you can control in life is your own reactions and your own thoughts. The bad, all physical. Grey hair, skin looks less fresh, more difficulty keeping off weight, and things hurt. Edit - I forgot the worst thing. As you move into middle age, your parents get OLD. And that sucks.
Definitely the decision whether or not to have kids. At 25, you have so much time to do whatever you want. At 35, it's down to the wire. Yes or no, no takebacks or do-overs. That, and like Mya said; watching people you care for age. It's sobering when you suddenly realize that the "old" people you grew up with are all dead and that your parents are, in fact, the new old people.
I'm 34. I spent my late 20s, early 30s in chronic pain and in a dead end job. So far, getting older is quite a relief. The thing that sucks is grey hair in my beard. I see you mother fuckers, don't think I don't see you. I have little to no interest in starting a family. Flat out, I am emotionally stunted. Sharing a life seems to be an incapability and a depression/anxiety trigger. I'm also financially stable for the first time. Adding dependents does not seem to me the path towards complete financial independence. Luckily, if that is the right word, I have only my mother left to watch get old, since everyone else is already dead. Watching people age does not bother me, as it is the natural course. When someone dies unexpectedly that is what I cannot accept. Letting shit roll off my back? No. I am holding onto things even worse than before. Pathologically so. I just don't get angry, I get fucking enraged. I've had to back away from people for the first time because I *will* crack them in the jaw. I have no patience for fools, drunks, and the humorless. Fuck 'em, they have no use, no value, and poisonous to everything around you. Patience, tolerance my dick.
At a spry 43, I really don't care what people think about how I live or what I do, it has already been mentioned but it is true, I don't really give a fuck. I enjoy my hobbies and I am not looking for new ones, I like what I do for work and am not looking to advance, I like the people I hang out with and don't need new friends. I have a house that I am happy with, I have a cabin that I am happy with and I drive an older truck because I like it. Buying things to impress people whose opinion I don't care about has long been gone. Having money to go on vacation and better liquor is also a huge plus. What sucks my eyesight is starting to get worse, shit hurts now after physical activity and I can't eat or drink like I used to.
Up your fiber intake, it helps with the shitting. But yeah, basically everything he said. On top of that, I'm more inclined to figure out how to make/build something myself rather than buy cheap crap from a big box store, and I appreciate free time more and opt not to just sit in front of the TV and "waste" it. Having seen friends of my parents stagnate in front of the tv upon retirement, I've vowed to never let that happen... I'm always looking to learn and do new things, and expand my horizons. I understand now that watching someone else do something is not at all the same thing as doing it yourself. I'd rather fail massively at something than never try it at all... and even failing is a learning experience. If you stop learning, you die mentally, and then your body dies. I've learned that the issues that seem to consume everyone on a daily basis are more manufactured than anything, and have no real impact on my life, so I just don't care about them. Stuff just doesn't matter as much as it used to... it's like in high school, if little Jenny didn't like you back, your life was over... and you think you mature past that when you're in your 20's, but not really. In your 30's, you're kind of realizing the scope of how much bullshit drama affects you, and by the time you hit your 40's, you laugh and think "how the fuck did I ever waste that much time worrying about nothing?". Basically, you learn how to cut the drama out of your life, at least if you're doing it right. Friendship isn't a competition, despite what Facebook would have you believe. I have 5-6 SOLID friends... as in "I need to bury a body...", "you got shovels, or do I need to bring my own?". I then have 5-10 friendly associates. And that's it, and I'm OK with that. I cut out the cancerous ones... if you are investing more into a friendship than you're getting out of it, then it's a waste of your time. So stop being friends with that person. And the older you get, the more you're OK with that. And I never had to stretch every morning before.
I just hit 38 and to piggy back a little on what dewercs and Nett mentioned, I'm just starting to get it. I've been running my own business now for three years. Couple that with getting old enough that even those who don't remember how long I've worked here don't automatically look at me like I'm a young punk and I'm starting to feel a lot more comfortable with my life and my decisions. Two years ago I acted the way I thought respectable people would act, now I act the way I would naturally act. I still generally avoid dropping a fuck on the phone but I don't avoid swearing just to sound official. I feel like others are more comfortable with me since now they are getting an authentic look at who I am too. It's very simple but younger me would never have been comfortable. Financial stability and all the aches and pains go along with it but I like this part of my life better than my early life. Aside from fighting harder against genetics (overweight family). That pretty much blows ass.
I will be 38 in under 2 months and as I look back I agree with everything that Mya wrote, but especially the bolded parts. I think 35 was when I really just said "these are the things that I am into and none of that is bad - so FUCK YOU if you don't like it." I also agree that I have probably shrunk my group of true friends versus college, but those true friends are all folks that I would call at 2 AM if serious shit ever truly went down. Your parents getting old is terrible however, because they kick that not giving a shit thing into inappropriate overdrive. When your father grew up in the deep south and visits you in your gentrifying neighborhood his word choices can be . . . . disappointing . . . at times.
The Good (I turned 30 in October, for reference) -Having some financial stability. While I still don't have a stable career and don't have the ability to buy a house, I at least have savings and can afford to have some fun. It definitely beats being a broke college student -I am becoming more content with who I am (an introvert who is not good with women, though I have finally had some success in getting dates and am kind of seeing someone right now) and have realized that I can still have fun by myself -Being mature enough not to do stupid shit as often (but this does come with drawbacks that I'll explain below) The Bad -I have always had a hard time making friends, but it is even harder now that most people my age are getting married and having kids, and many others did so straight out of undergrad. I basically have one friend, a guy who I met in the undergrad days, and that's it. I have lost contact with everyone else that I was friends with in high school or college, and can't see myself still being friends with any of them anyway -Hangovers, and not being able to eat Taco Bell anymore. Aside from that the whole physical thing hasn't really caught up to me, thankfully -I felt like I had more free time when I worked part time and was in college full time than I do when I am only working a full time job -I'll second the person who said that they don't let things roll off their back as easily. I was so aloof when I was in my late teens and early twenties that once something was over it was over, and I never thought about it again. Now I have anger over things that happened in the past that I had long forgotten about and am haunted by stupid things I said and did from the time I was a kid up until my early twenties -This one doesn't apply to everybody, but: not having a stable career. I will have my MBA in May if everything goes according to plan, so hopefully I will find something stable instead of bouncing around from contract job to contract job -Since I got my Bachelors degree and have been in the real world, time has flown way more than it did before. There was a time when an event that I was excited about that was a month away felt like an eternity, but now four weeks is nothing. I know that my forties will be here before I know it -I'll also second seeing people age, and that kind of goes with my last point
You know what I've figured out? You'll never learn what the goal of the game is. When I was in my teens/20's I thought it was to get laid as often and by as many willing partners as was possible. That wasn't the answer. In my 30's I thought it was to have the big house, the family, the vacation house, the cars...possessions. I was over $1M in debt. That wasn't the answer either. In my 40's I simplified things somewhat and opened my own business. Then my whole family died and kind of left me questioning everything and a major alcoholic. Now, in my 50's, I just don't give a fuck. I bought a small parcel of land to retreat to until I die. I don't care if my car, clothes, house, or whatever meets anyone else's standards. I do what makes me happy. The downside is my dating pool is now grandmothers and single mothers, but since I have no desire to deal with a family ever again that's not much of a problem. That and the fact that my once glorious hair is now not so glorious. It's kinky, wavy, and gray. Not soft, curly, and brown like it used to be. It has to be kept short now or I look like a degenerate homeless person in a wind storm.
I've been waffling on adding to this thread. You know what? I can't do this. Getting old fucking sucks. Don't let anyone tell you different. The only thing that sucks more, and this is arguable, is not living long enough to grow old. Merry Christmas.
I'm in my late 20s and might be one of the youngest on the the board, but as for getting older, I stopped giving a shit about what others think (or might think.) I used to obsess over prestige quite a bit. I needed to go to a target under grad so I could get into a top 10 business school. I needed to work for a better firm or bank because mine wasn't top tier. I needed to do the golden path of finance and go from my analyst job banking to working on hot M&A deals to position myself for private equity or maybe transition to a hedge fund. When I realized that none of that was going to work out because I realized I liked free time rather than sitting an office for 16 hours a day, I got depressed over it. What would others in the field think of me? Did I fail myself? Could I not cut it? Was I not smart enough? Around 28, I just figured, "Who the fuck cares? Money is meaningless without time to enjoy life and I would rather putz around the house and hang with my friends than look at another 1,000 spreadsheets that month. I wasted 3 years chasing something that I ended up not really wanting to do anyway. From that I think I gained a sense of self awareness in what I really want. My job is busy, and makes a good living, but it's not a soulless fucking grind. I talk to the people I used to be on that path with that never jumped off and it's startling. One of them made Forbes' 30-under-30, but was dumped by her fiancé. Another one (allegedly) got a $500K bonus a year ago, but his wife left and took the kids. He attempted suicide. Some are doing way better than that, but at the end of the day they live for work. Fuck that and fuck money. I posted in the mod board about it, but I'm quitting my current gig in January and for a pay cut. I don't have a plan for what I'm going to do, and that's okay. Because whatever it is, it's going to be what I want.
This. I'm the same way, but kinda fell as backward into the realization. I was already working a job I loved, making a living that afforded me the basic expenses in life but I thought I wanted that mythical expendable income. Did a year in law school, but in hindsight I had already quit on it about midway through the second semester. Was welcome back for 2L but I wanted no part in putting forth the effort for a soulless job while my home life struggled. I'm making a lot less than I could have if I pursued that, but I'm also happy. I get time to spend with my wife and son, and the only stress I have is that which I put upon myself. That's worth a lot more to me than any money I left on the table. I'm about your age, and I'm seeing more and more people our age and younger come to this same conclusion. They're literally leaving money on the table, quitting their old jobs, and doing what makes them happy for the sake of quality of life. Not sure if it's the economy, college tuition costs, that kids are getting smarter earlier, or some combination, but it's a noticeable difference from when I started my career a decade ago and everyone was obsessed with climbing the corporate ladder and building their resume at all costs. Going after what you love is great advice, and I wasted two valuable years of my life and marriage (almost torpedoing it in the process and picking up a nifty nicotine and alcohol addiction) realizing that great take home pay was only worthwhile if you had a great home to take it to.
For the good, I think as many have already mentioned, when I turned 40 it was like a light switch of clarity went off in my head and I knew what was important, cutting the rest loose. I appreciate the simple things more, and enjoy my time with friends and family perhaps a little more than before because I don't take it for granted. There's some strange things along the way too, as I find I enjoy "old" things even more than I did before. Movies, music, etc.; I'd rather watch a good western or "classic" movie than a lot of what is being produced now. The bad ? Also as others mentioned, seeing everyone around you getting old. I suppose I'm lucky, my parents are in their early 60's but as you also find when you get older, time fucking flies. There's going to be a time in the near(er) future they win't be here anymore. That scares the shit out of me. It's hard enough already because I miss my grandparents so bad it hurts, especially today. So yeah, getting older sucks balls in that respect.
Christmas related: The bad - Not getting a dozen presents to open on Christmas morning. The good - The 2 presents I did get were way better. Plus, being able give better presents to people.
This board used to be young; looks like only us old farts have stuck around. I turned Mike Gundy old this year. Ten years ago I started growing a gut, after being underweight my whole life up until then (110 lbs when I stopped growing, 125 in my 20s, then gained over 15 pounds in about two weeks). I'm now 160 and 5'9", which on paper is healthy, except with all this fat on me I know I'm a heart attack waiting to happen. So, the reduced metabolism part of getting older sucks. Never started a family, probably won't now; if I'd done that young I could have a toddler calling me Grandpa. I have financial stability now, but that came with getting on a good public sector gravy train job and then buying a house in a depressed market; there are twenty-somethings who have done the same. I'm told I still look like a fetus, but knowing that that won't last also sucks; guess it beats looking 60. I couldn't have asked for better parents, and the prospect of losing them in the next decade isn't exactly appealing.
Shit I remember getting on the TMMB before I could drive. Now I have a mini me running around and a five year marriage. Never think about how old you are in relation to this board/previous incarnations. It's scary.
I know others on the board have lost their parents but that is one of the most difficult things I've ever dealt with. I worked with my dad and saw him every day. At the time I knew it was something that was both good and terrible in our relationship. He could never see me just as his son, nor I just as my father. But just as I feel about my brother who died in 2008 (I worked with him too, it was a family business now it's just me) I cherish the memories of seeing them so much more than I otherwise would have. It sucked watching them get old. My brother was a gymnast, he would walk around the house on his hands when I was just a kid (he was 12 years older) and when I was in my early teens, I was bigger than him and could beat him wrestling. Maybe because he was a nicer person than me and didn't want to hurt me. To watch him go from athletic to losing his breath just walking around or setting up for a show was rough, more in retrospect than at the time. I watched my father turn grey, he never really slowed down but at 68 he wasn't really that old. My mother is a different story. Unlike my dad I never saw her as exceptionally strong, physically or mentally, but she may outlast all of us physically. Mentally, she never recovered from losing my brother in 08, grandmother in '10, and my dad in '12. She doesn't remember well and does nothing to keep her mind active. Watching her mind let go and hearing her say she really has nothing to live for is hard. My aunts and uncles are old and all of my friends, remaining brother and sister are all 40+. That part of getting older is not fun and will only get worse but at the same time, the friends who are still close, probably always will be and I'm fortunate to have a relatively large group of really close friends who I know are legitimately close friends. That makes up for a lot. Anyway you look at it, there are good and bad things but as long as you've accepted who you are and embraced it, growing up (getting older) can be the best thing that's happened to any of us.