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Get Hotwheelz Laid

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by iczorro, Jul 24, 2010.

  1. iczorro

    iczorro
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    This is a topic that has been brewing for years now.

    A fantastic writer, a fantastic person, has been confined to a wheelchair for all his days. Not simply a wheelchair, but a "I need you guys to do everything for me" kind of wheelchair.

    This particular person is one of the best day-to-day writers I've ever read, and a worthwhile presence on this board.



    So my focus is this:

    Find a way, by rook or by crook, to get Hotwheelz laid.

    I don't give a shit if it's a hooker, your friend, some girl you met, etc...

    If it's a hooker, we'll set up some innocuous paypal.

    This WILL HAPPEN.

    GET RAUL LAID!

    Edit: rename it anything you want, as long as it draws attention.
     
  2. Danger Boy

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    He's already made it clear that he doesn't want a hooker, so that's out of the question.

    There has to be a female on this board who reads his writing enough to see that he's a good shit and deserves a piece of ass. Come on ladies, you have the opportunity to change someones life here!
     
  3. Frebis

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    This thread is fucking pointless. Not to be mean, but no one other than a hooker is going to fuck him. (Sorry Raul.) He is confined to a wheelchair, and can't move at all (literally). This thread won't be fun, it will be depressing.

    There are three women on this board still. And out of the one's that are left, none of them are big enough whores to sleep with a random guy because he writes a blog. In fact I wouldn't be surprised if this post scared off one, and just left us with Shegirl and Dcc001.
     
  4. Frebis

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    Since he can't move, we can rent him a motel room with one of those vibrating beds you put a quarter in. That should help him get some motion in the ocean. Hardy Har Har.
     
  5. Denver

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    So you're telling me that something Tucker said would happen never came to fruition? I am shocked I tell you, shocked!

    I suggest setting up some sort of internet poll that requires email addresses of the respondents, which asks ladies "Would you have sex with someone in a wheelchair?" You'd probably get a decent amount of yeses from girls trying to make themselves feel better for not discriminating, at which point you send all those girls emails with a photo of hotwheelz with "Prove it." as the caption.
     
  6. effinshenanigans

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    What about committing a crime and going to jail? I'm sure he could get laid there pretty easily.

    That is, unless he wants consensual heterosexual sex. In which case that's just beggars being choosers.
     
  7. scotchcrotch

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    There has to be a quad female out there with similar desires. All we need is a facilitator and some sort of rope and pulley system
     
  8. Frebis

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    Perhaps Scootah can lend him one of these devices from his dungeon.
     
  9. toddus

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    Or just get him drunk and let him fuck the shit out of the vibrating bed and lie the next day. Perception is reality, there is no spoon and all that.
     
  10. toddus

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    Too much mechanics involved. Let's get a tard, those downies are horny little fuckers. At the very least one will grind herself against his wheelchair. Surely that counts as stealing third?
     
  11. bean

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    Maybe we can get in touch with Stephen Hawking and see if the ADA swingers group is open for new members?
     
  12. Vanilla

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    I don't think a quad female would have issues finding a guy to fuck them. Take Chater for example.
     
  13. Volo

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    Or me. Good god I'm at half mast just thinking about it.
     
  14. hotwheelz

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    Well not to be mean, but fuck you very much. I'll prove you wrong.
     
  15. toddus

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    I think he meant as a direct result of this thread. Your chances of fucking a non-hooker (ie: woman who fucks for presents rather than cash) is marginal but no one could say impossible. What we can say is there is no way it will happen from this thread. Now that we have all agreed on that, time for endless cripple jokes. And break.
     
  16. scotchcrotch

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    A few quick questions-

    Do you have a full body harness?

    How about rope, eye hooks, and a heavy duty tripod? If not, we can pick that up at a rock-climbing outlet.

    Access to livestock for heavy lifting?


    If she's on life support, is that a deal breaker? Conciousness is overrated anyways.

    I'm scoping the local hospice for you, but you might have to fuck her tracheotomy hole to avoid raising suspicion.
     
  17. hotwheelz

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    Why limit it to the tracheotomy hole? I'm going for the colostomy bag.
     
  18. Frebis

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    I think I'm just going to walk away from this fight. Proving I'm the stronger man.
     
  19. Dcc001

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    So, wait...lemme clarify here. You want to have meaningful sex with someone who legitimately cares for you, and you them? Wow. Good luck to you with that one. I'm thirty and able-bodied, and so far nada. Let me know if you figure it out.
     
  20. hotwheelz

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    As long as it's not a hooker, that's all I mean. And she wants to.