I came across a piece on NPR about a research project underway in Scotland that is studying if it is possible to train the brain to forget certain memories, or at least the meanings we have attached to them (the implications for treating PTSD and depression are huge). Focus: Give us one or two memories that, if you could, you would erase from your organic hard drive.
Well duh, its called glamouring and True Blood taught me vampires have been doing it for thousands of years.
The one that really stands out for me was the time my mom walked in on me having sex. On the living room sofa. Every other memory, good or bad, I feel has contributed to my growth as a person in some way, so there isn't much else I'd like to get rid of.
I think a lot of these posts will be, not only similar, but the other party will remember seeing you pile drive a chick that looked like the sea hag from The Little Mermaid whether you recollect or not. Imagine the incredulous looks you'll get from everyone you know and you have no idea why. Focus: There's about 8 or 9 months with my first girlfriend, towards the end, that I would like to bleach from my memory. Nobody really knows what went on except us. So, I could get away with that. It was a terrible mess of insecurity, absurd and volatile emotions, hate, emotional extortion, and you fucking name it. I'm embarrassed about it. It was so white trash at times. All we needed was a bug zapper on the back porch and an ashtray that was never emptied. I would also like to forget a couple swing and misses on women. A couple of them stung more than they should have. Otherwise, there's not much I want to forget. I need all that painful crap. I need to remember all the times I was a cocksucker to certain folks. On the one hand, tragedy is a warm blanket I don't know how to live without (chronic depression for years), and on the other those experiences completely molded my life and personality. Despite the sadness, I do like the person I've become. Usually. Sometimes. When I'm drinking.
People NEED to remember bad things. That's how you learn and grow. I wouldn't erase anything; not my time in jail, not my years of agony with my ex-wife, not the times I've been called out for being an asshole. None of it. Anyway, to stay on focus, I'd erase the things that gross me out/sicken me. Like the time I went to my friend's house, and when I went to the bathroom, I saw that either he or his wife had taken a massive shit and forgot to flush. Whenever I would see them after that for awhile, that image of an unflushed toilet would appear in my head. However, I really wish I could erase things from other people's memories. That would make my life exponentially easier.
Hm. A project in Scotland to forget memories? I think I took part in phase III trials for that - it's called "drinking scotch".
Just the opposite: me walking in on my mom & dad doing the deed. But that's just one of memories of them I'd like to erase.
I agree with this to a point. My financial and professional struggles right out of college? Yes, absolutely. They help me keep perspective and realize that even though I'm not where I want to be, I've come a long ways and I'm better/smarter/more mature for the experience. But some stuff, after a point, stops being healthy and beneficial once you get past them. The friend of yours who got cheated and now is distrusting and suspicious of their significant others. The person with a shitty parent who always told them they weren't good enough and wouldn't amount to anything who still has a shitty worldview despite making something of themselves and becoming outwardly successful. Sure some of that lies with the individual, but strip away some of the most pervasive bad memories they have and its a different story. I've shared on here a few times how miserable HS was for me from a male/female dynamic. And that helped me my first semester of college when I decided I would never be like that again and set out to reinvent myself. But there is shit from those 4 years, the denials, the anxiety and obsession with minute details of my appearance, the attempt to find an explanation for something that is just fundamentally part of growing up that still sticks with me. I'm 27, above average height, and have done well for myself with girls, but I still routinely think of myself as the short, babyfaced, asexual kid I was in HS and mentally take myself out of the game sometimes. And that goes beyond simple self-doubt or insecurity, its some ingrained conditioned mindset that erodes a bit over time, but its there and its a bitch sometimes.
I've thought about this a lot - especially since Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind came out. From what I can remember about that article, I was more drawn to the second half of it or so, when they were talking more about forgetting the emotions attached to certain memories, rather than forgetting the memories altogether. I think that could be really helpful. But I think it would need to be selective. If the pain associated with a memory is beneficial to you in some way - like, say, the painful memories of an abusive relationship that would keep you from going back to that person - then it shouldn't be messed with. But, if the pain doesn't have any real tangible purpose - like painful memories surrounding the death of someone - then it would be nice to get a break from that. Being thrown back into those emotions as if they were fresh and not from years ago is mostly just harmful. It's not like that pain can change anything for the better - the memories and their effects are going to be the same regardless. So, you'd remember that it all happened, and you'd understand on a logical level that it was a negative experience, but you'd interpret it in a different way - focusing on the growth you had afterwards, for example - and not have to relive those emotions attached to it. So, yeah, if I could train myself - or however it works - to lessen the impact of my really traumatic memories to something resembling a dull ache rather than something that can be all-consuming, I definitely would. I don't want to forget them altogether, and I don't want to contort them into a happy or even a totally neutral memory, but it would be a relief to not have to relive them over and over again with as much emotional attachment. If I can remember that something was terrifying, but not actually feel terrified again when I remember it, that would be pretty sweet. But when it comes to the awful memories that have some kind of impact on me still - like the guilt or shame of the consequences from self-destructive behaviors that help keep me from repeating them - then, yeah, I'll handle it. Leave those alone.
I was in 2 pretty nasty traffic accidents about 10 months apart, my body did not suffer any really bad injuries but my brain did not get so lucky. The first one happened early one morning on I-17 in the middle of Phoenix while traveling 65 mph in heavy traffic when a drunk dude decided he did not like the way my rear tire was looking so he smashed it with his car, the next few seconds were better than doing coke because everything went slow motion and I had a huge adrenline rush, but that quickly came to an end as the impact of the center divider and subsequent door smash by drunk white bmw dude. I drive that road just about everyday and I still feel chills when I drive past the spot, I relive it in my head and it is not pleasant. The rush is gone and it is only the fear feeling like you know you are going to die. Those feelings had begun to decrease when I got hit again. This time it was head on, dumb white bmw dude tried to pick something up and swerved accrossed 2 lanes clipped the guy in front of me and hit me head on, I knew it was coming but I had no place to go and I saw the impact and airbag in slow motion and was lucky enough not to be injured badly again but then my mind started fucking with me again. I had a hard time with driving and riding in a car, on any 2 lane road I would start to think how cool it would be to take a hard left right into oncoming traffic, my mind told me that it would be a rush like the really cool one you get when you think you are going to die and I would be fine because I was able to walk away from wrecks, try to wrap your head around that for a while. I was terrified to drive but did not have a lot of choices, just as bad was riding in a car holding on for dear life at all times totally convinced I was going to get smashed, and going through that fear over and over again and wanting to kill those every driver on the road. The good news is that a lot of it has started going away but if someone comes close to hitting me my blood pressure goes through the roof, I get very angry and that whole rush of fear comes back and I relive the fear again and it takes me a day or so to get over it. So yeah, I would be happy to forget all that.
You think walking in on your parents for a brief moment is bad? Imagine you're a 15 your old kid in your bedroom trying to go to sleep. Across the hall from you is your parents bedroom. The interior walls had soundproofing that was on par with the technology of the day back in the 1920s when the house was constructed. You're lying there dreaming of baseball, fishing, that nubile blonde girl that was flirting with you in math class, or whatever a 15 year old thinks about while lying in bed when you hear your parents start making sexy talk. You specifically remember your mom say 'It's so hard' and then 'You'd better get a condom'. You're frozen, afraid to move like a sniper who has arisen the suspicion of his target. After a while, you try to cough or make some kind of noise to try and alert them to your presence but it doesn't work. Dad just keeps hammering away while your mom groans. You're trapped, forced to listen to the whole ordeal in every gruesome detail and made to live with that memory for the rest of your life. That, my friend, is an unrepressable memory.
Well, I grew up a short, pudgy, unathletic, socially awkward nerd. So, yeah, there are some painful memories that I've collected over the years. Would I give them up.........I don't think so. As others have pointed out, they've turned me into the person I am. I'm a lot more confident and assertive. I'm probably in the best shape of my life. And I'm also a lot more adept in social situations, particularly with women. If I hadn't taken monumental amounts of shit growing up, I would have had little, if any, incentive to change myself for the better. I had the time to look at myself, see what I didn't like, and make what changes I could. And I think I'm a lot better for it. Or to use Star Trek (Hey, I'm still a massive nerd. That's never changing.) to sum up my point. I should point out that I was lucky enough to never have to deal with seeing/hearing my parents fucking. If that had happened I'd hand my best friend a hammer and point to my skull and say "Get to work."
I have the same situation and I would love to erase those memories to see what type of person I would have become not growing up in hell. I like to think I turned out pretty well but I would love to see how I would be with out those impressions in my formative years.
I remember I randomly while pissing, I shit myself while out to dinner the hottest girl I knew in college. I threw away my boxers, used an entire roll to clean up and played the rest of the night commando. Told her I got a quick mom call in the bathroom, she knew nothing. I still was embarrassed as fuck though. I'd also like to forget the first time I had sex. The girl was trying not to be all clingy (of course got super clingy) and said fucked up shit afterwards. HA, I just realized how funny this was given the recent Parkerness that has been going on. She said things like "Oh the last guy I had sex with was so much better" "this guy Sean had such a huge dick" oh and she randomly bled on me. Of course we started dating for 1.5 years before I followed her to New York and she cheated on me with a fat white guy. I guess I want to forget that also. Now to masturbate with the newly forming tears.
About three weeks ago I was dozing in my bed when I felt something brush my arm. I thought it was maybe my hair or my cat, but decided to take a look. Checked under my covers, nothing. Flipped up my pillow...a three inch roach. It took me two weeks to actually spend the night at my own apartment after that - and the first night back I slept in my dining room on an air mattress for about 2-3 hours. Right now my complex is in the grip of a massive infestation and they're doing the best they can do eradicate it, but FUCK. Let's just say I'd happily erase that memory above all others (with all the memories that come from a horrendously fucked up family and an abusive relationship) because now, whenever I go to bed at night, I quintuple check my sheets and pillows. And if my hair somehow brushes any body part, I shriek and jump. I think I have a little PTSD going on. Or maybe I'll erase the moment I realized at age 17 "I want to major in criminal justice so I can help the victims of crime!" Because if I had been a little smarter with my career choice, I'd have enough money to live in a much nicer place without the roach infestation. Way to be stupid, teenage me.