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Fucked Up Pillow Talk, TiB Style

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Racer-X, Jan 27, 2010.

  1. Racer-X

    Racer-X
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    Disturbed

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    Some of my favorite threads on the old board were the "Fucked Up Pillow Talk" threads where people posted funny/disturbing things said during or after sex. Hopefully we've got enough experienced/creative people here to make this a good read.

    Here's the best I can think of right now: I had been having sex with this girl for a while and at had gotten comfortable enough that I had started with a little light ass play just to get a read on how she might respond to the subject of anal. We were going at it doggy-style and she seemed to be enjoying a finger in the ass when she suddenly turned to me and asked, "Are you gay? You seem to be really into my ass."

    Focus: Regale us with tales of your most fucked up pillow talk.

    Alternate Focus: I'm terrible at talking dirty. Either my mind goes blank or I start to giggle like a little girl. Give me some tips.
     
  2. jennitalia

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    Post-hookup, a couple of guys have uttered the words, "When we're married..." And I wasn't even dating them. Needless to say, clothes were promptly gathered and I got out of there pretty quick.
     
  3. kuhjäger

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    My favorite was with a girl from Sweden I was hooking up with:

    "I am glad you have a big dick. My last boyfriend used to be a girl, so the equipment wasn't that pleasing"
     
  4. Deanglow

    Deanglow
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    "Get over here and kiss me like a man"
     
  5. lust4life

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    "Turn over, you're snoring again."

    "You had Mexican for lunch, didn't you?"
     
  6. absolutred

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    Should still be lurking

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    I really don't like doing that... I did it too much with my Ex-girlfriend...
     
  7. absolutred

    absolutred
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    Should still be lurking

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    You should give my girlfriend lessons.....
     
  8. whatisinaname

    whatisinaname
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    Hoping to be even a fraction of the man Jim is.

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    It was first time sex for her as she asks me to go easy while she is pushing on my chest to slow my entry down. After a few deep breaths, she says, “okay, put the rest in”. I just keep on blinking not knowing how to tell her that there is no “rest” of it.

    Never one to pass up humor, I went downstairs afterwards and told my parents and my friends that were there at the beach house the story. I do not think I have ever seen adults cry from laughing like that, before or since. Hell, all I could do was laugh too.
     
  9. pterodactyl

    pterodactyl
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    After hooking up with a random girl, out of no where she says.

    Her: one of my good guy friends has AIDS...
    Me: What the FUCK?
    Her: It's ok, he's gay I've never hooked up with him
    Me: Then why would you fucking say that?
     
  10. Mossimo

    Mossimo
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    I had a drunken hookup with a married woman. The next morning we were laying in bed chatting:

    Her: So why did you and your wife get a divorce?
    Me: She was a cheating whore.
    Her: ...(She just laid there quietly looking at her ring)
    Me: ....HA HA HA HA!
     
  11. Pinkcup

    Pinkcup
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    Minus the guy who decided that post-sex was the perfect time to grill me about the number of sexual partners I've had, the worst one was the dude I unknowingly deflowered.

    Him: Oh wow, that was awesome.
    Me: Um, yeah. It was pretty good.
    Him: I've never done it before.
    Me: WHAT?!
    Him: Yeah, you're my first.
    Me: Oh. I wish you'd told me before...
    Him: Why?
    Me: Well, just....I dunno. I would've gone about this differently.
    Him: I have experience, though. I used to watch my sister like, all the time while she was with her boyfriend. So I know what to do and stuff.
    Me: WHAT?! Did she know?!
    Him: No.

    I know his sister. They're the same age. And I know when his sister started dating--she was a late bloomer. GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS.
     
  12. Danger Boy

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    After anal:
    Her: So like, you came in me, right?
    Me: Yeah.
    Her: So, do I have to worry about anything?
    Me: Like what?
    Her: Like getting pregnant?
    Me: I doubt it, but you might "give birth" to something tomorrow morning.

    After a late night booty call:
    "Ugh, I should've brushed my teeth. My mouth still tastes like... last night."

    Not one of my fondest memories.
     
  13. whathasbeenseen

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    This is the first time I've been with this girl. While inside her, her on top of me:

    "I've always wanted to have a little brother. Fuck me little brother."

    I try to maintain a straight face and not lose lumberific cohesion. 'Focus on the tits, focus on the tits', I say to myself. This one particularly nasty thought that she's uttered in what doesn't seem like real speech (it can't be. no one has these thoughts right?) makes this girl instantly climax. Very, very creepy.\

    edit. phrasing
     
  14. Fernanthonies

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    How about "Stop, I don't want to do this anymore."

    Bitch.
     
  15. M4A1

    M4A1
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    Was dating a woman a few years ago, was hitting it from behind in the bathroom, watching us in the mirror, mid stroke she utters the words: "If I gave you my heart would you break it?"

    What the fuck?!? It didn't compute until after I finished. I didn't even acknowledge the fact that she said it. Still makes me shutter a little bit.
     
  16. WASPnest

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    It's important to appreciate that this had the most exaggerated valley-girl emphasis:

    "Oh my GOD you're, like, worse than my BOYfriend!"

    Whatever dude, you try getting it up after someone has coke-bleeds all over your chest and shoulder. There was crying later, whatever, I got a really fun quote out of it.
     
  17. TheFarSide

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    I had been fooling around with a bartender from a dive seven years ago, she and I had been sleeping together for about two weeks or so. One night she came over about three in the morning after a shift, about half drunk and we headed to the bedroom after the ten minute obligatory banter. During the foreplay she told me that she was "on the rag" and it wasn't a big deal. I didn't give a shit but when it came time for her to get up and run to the bathroom to remove the cooter shooter she just looked at me and said "put your dick in me, it will be tighter with the tampon". I obliged and instantly knew that she was a crazy little thing.

    We stopped fooling around a few weeks later when I missed a hook up and she called me to tell me that she had fucked two players from the local semi-pro soccer team she had met at a party.
     
  18. Bob Trousers

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    One of the weirder fucks I've had:

    Her: Make him leave.

    Me: (confused and a little alarmed) Who?

    Her: Him.

    Me: What?

    Her: He's watching us and I don't like it (indicates with her head towards the poster of REM I had on the wall-oh, and fuck you, this was when I was a student 13 years ago)

    Me: That's a poster. It's Michael Stipe from REM.

    Her: Make him leave.

    Me: Please don't kill me. (Ok, so I thought that part)

    Somehow I managed to convince her to go home without wearing my entrails as a hat. I watched her out the front door to make sure she was ok (she only lived a few doors up), but fuck me was I weirded out. I think that what I'd mistaken for her being slightly tipsy was actually a full blown acid trip.
     
  19. abneretta

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    I once had a one night stand tell me to "get on top and make love to me." Nothing puts a damper on otherwise really good sex than someone you barely know throwing the word 'love' out there.
     
  20. slothers

    slothers
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    "Now you get to cuddle with someone with smelly hair and condom breath haha".