I'm graduating college this year, so delete if you want. The fall semester of my junior year I studied abroad in Spain. I traveled through most of western Europe, only missing out on France. It was an amazing experience. I got to experience many different places that I normally wouldn't have, my favorite being Oktoberfest by far. As I get closer to graduation, I realize that I have to change a lot of things based on current situations. While my goal is to work in a sports program and I have experience, many of the opportunities showing up are based on the east coast and are for a ridiculously low salary. While I would normally be willing to accept the low pay to get into the industry with more experience, recent problems, mainly with my sisters inability to care for my niece, have made me realize that I need to change my expectations. For now, I have to grow up at a faster rate than I expected. As a normal college student in San Diego, I enjoy drinking on the weekends, and often on the weekdays. But I know that my priorities have changed and I need to slow down my drinking and find a job that will allow me to support myself and my niece within the next few months. For those that still have the opportunity, take advantage of all the time you have. I would love to be able to do the Peace Corps or teach abroad, but that doesn't look like something I can do anymore. Enjoy the time you have because you never know when something will cause you to have to adjust your life.
I am also very young and a different kind of "settled" so delete if it adds nothing: I graduated last June and narrowed down my desired job type pretty well or so I think(I still think it's better for me than 99% of others). I got a part-time job at one of the biggest names in the field with my bosses giving me the option of more hours all the time. When I'm in their office, I have to keep the door shut nearly all the time because 90% of employees are women in their 30/40s and all they do is talk about how cute their kids are or Oprah. I've since shyed away from continuing to climb up the ladder and instead chose to go back to college on my parents dime but for a major I have no interest in except my parents both do it and it makes a lot of money. I would have to live with my parents anyways. Plus I think being in college will give me a better chance at losing my virginity.
I am 28 and I don't even have a legal address. People in this thread who have are working every day to pay a mortgage yet claim to not be settled down boggle my mind.
Judging by your name and the pride you take in boasting about not having a legal address, I'm going to wager that you're a struggling artist living in Boston? If I promise to buy one of your cream cheese and sawdust sculptures will you stop posting garbage like that in this thread?
I've been married for 10 years, with a house, a kid and a career, including 15 years at the same company. Some would see this as the very definition of settling down, but for me it wasn't a conscious decision ("Now it's time to get married, Now it's time to buy a house" etc.), but simply a natural progression. I never had any time tables or felt any pressure - when I met the right woman and we had been together awhile, we decided to get married. When we saved up enough for a down payment, we bought a house. There were no wild escapades that I had to give up, or last hoorah necessary. I still golf, fish, drink, hike, hit the bar, etc. I still do all of the things I did before, but as others have posted, there is a time and place for them. Buying a house, getting married and/or having kids aren't death sentences, they just change the dynamics. If you really feel like you are sacrificing everything wonderful in life by doing any of these things, don't do them.
Ah, the joys of the qualifier. First, I'm saying my experience does not support your statement, but I think we're talking about different things here. What you're talking about is parents who push their kids for long term education goals for the ultimate purpose of a high paying career and high social status. What he was talking about was parents who turn around and drop their kids to sink or swim as soon as able, to force them to either settle or fail for the ultimate selfish purpose of "well it's their life now, I can save/make some money. Fuck helping them.". This is different. The first is pushy and meddling, to be sure, but at least it's supportive, even if it's only supportive towards a single goal. The second is totally unsupportive regardless of the goal. One girl I know had to get a full time job to pay for food, gas, tuition, even rent in her own home, and she was attempting to get into law school. Her parents didn't care or help in any way. He was saying "Are parents saying 'hurry up and get a settled life?'" while you were talking about "'get the life I want you to have'". I think this is important to recognize. Second, "!=" is the standard "not equal to" symbol. Not that it really makes much of a difference.
It's unfair to characterize every parent who does this as having ultimately selfish motives. It's a harsh tactic, but there are people who undoubtedly benefit from having habitual laziness or entitlement curbed by parents who recognize said habits before they're too deeply ingrained. Of course there are assholes like the ones you wrote about, but plenty of people need that kick to the balls. I'd have appreciated one, for sure. Also, I would think this approach would preclude kids from leapfrogging from school to career to wife to house to children. First, they probably can't afford the last two things on that list. Second, having to work for something without a safety net puts shit in perspective. You figure out real quick whether you actually want something when failure means more than moving back in with your parents while the divorce finalizes. The people I know who have 'settled down' or are preparing to were always very comfortably situated, never really had to struggle for too much, and tended not to venture outside the box in terms of their goals and aspirations. For them, it was such a straight, easy, downhill path that I don't blame them for taking it, but it seems like they've chosen it without fully understanding that that lifestyle isn't a foregone conclusion.
I'm glad you brought this up because I was feeling sort of confused about it myself. I just turned 27, have a kid, and I'm still going to college. I've had responsibilities since I was 15, so I don't know if that is really relevant to doing things for myself or not. If anything, I'm getting my shit together so I can make up for lost time and do crazy shit that I never had the opportunity to do because I've always had to work to survive. Is there even such a thing as a "last hoorrahh?" When I think of that, I think of people who have no more passion to live and who've succumbed to a mediocre life. People make all sorts of excuses for the sorry states of their lives. Fuck that noise. My last hoorrahh is going to be the last thing I do before I leave this earth.
And your making this blanket statment based on your wealth of personal experiance? You sir, are a dickhead. I've had mortgages on several property's over the last ten years both commercial and residential, and because of a blend of luck, hard work and good management it has given me a fair degree of financial security. Cash = freedom. As long as you can sell a property a morgage is no different from rent, in many cases because you don’t have to sign a 12 month lease it can offer even more freedom and flexibility. As long as you do your homework property is great. And what’s all this Last Horah bullshit, that’s for losers. I’ve been living with my woman for about 8 years in a houses we have owned. In May I’m going to Bali for a 10 day “boys trip” with my 2 younger brothers and some mates, and in November the wench and I are going to spend a month tooling around Europe. Living in the same house with the same person does not have to equal settling down.