*I was going to call this something else, but all of the cool kids are hopping on the 007 title bandwagon and I want to sit at That Table in the cafeteria. The other night, my wife and I were doing something really that we've always had in common: getting shitfaced. At some downtown bar with DJ Adjective Letter Verb spinning the tunes. Not exactly our type of joint, but we didn't pick the place and the times we actually do get to go out are few and far. While going to grab drinks, I encountered "him". "He" was what must have been the most perfect attention whore in history. The second I saw him, I was immedietly reminded me of a post whathasbeenseen left on here about his encounter with the world's greatest hipster: "I saw this Indian guy in the tube this morning with a haircut straight out of No Country For Old Men, some gigantic off-brand headphones, a ready tied bow tie, hipster glasses and blue wing tips. Mind you he was also over 6'3. I rubbed my eyes and just shook my head at how my brain could not process that level of a need for attention." So this guy in front of me was wearing velcro running shoes- the kind old men wear, he has skinny jeans on but his flood cuffs were pulled up halfway to his knee in a ridiculous exaggeration. He had a pleather black jackjet on that looked like it was made out of garbage bags, a t-shirt with a photo of the cast of Perfect Srangers on it, but his hair sealed the deal. He had a Flock Of Seagulls haircut. Not on both sides, mind you. ONLY ON ONE SIDE OF HIS HEAD. He looked like on of the fucking Leningrad Cowboys. I've never seen a more ridiculous-looking human being in my life. The entire 15 minutes I stood there to drunkenly admire this wonderful, utterly pathetic waste of air he carried this enormous "so fucking what?" smirk on his face that nothing on Earth could impress him. Did I mention he was built like Humpty Dumpty? I grabbed people near me to awe this wonder and reassure myself I wasn't seeing a hallucination. They confirmed I WAS in fact seeing this guy usually with fits of laughter or something along the lines of"Are you SERIOUS?!" WHY does a human being go through this many pains to look like an asshole and thought of as one? Douchebags, Emos, "Teenage Werewolves", hipsters. They're out there. Who's to blame? Well, I personally would like to nominate all blame towards board member audreymonroe. Hipsters spawned in YOUR BACKYARD, girl. You're supposed to contain a virus to it's original habitat, but NOOOOOOOO you..if that IS your real name, good madame. let is escape like that fucking monkey from Outbreak and now they are playing dominoes in the food courts in my city. Die. All of you. Focus: Attetnion Whoring. Your close encounters, your "favourite" classic moves, your "favourite" in the fame game, and generally what parts of it get under your skin the most. Have it it, you jackals.