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For Good and All: The Armageddon Thread

Discussion in 'Pop Culture Board' started by Beefy Phil, Jul 14, 2010.

  1. john_b

    john_b
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    He borrowed 100 grand and went to the strip club to blow it. Of course they were all over him.

    He's the only reason I would ever watch this movie again. If I ever catch it on TV, I'll see how close it is to either the part where he's being interviewed by the psychologist or the rant that includes "Captain America blew the landing by 26 miles.".
     
  2. Beefy Phil

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    Am I the only one who finds himself whistling Bob Denver's "Leavin' on a Jet Plane" for three days after watching the movie? I plan to have an acapella group standing on my front lawn singing it when I divorce my first wife.


    I am the only one? Well, fuck me, I guess.
     
  3. ssycko

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    I was going to rep Phil on being funny but then I saw his new avatar, which reminded me about the most awesome part of the entire movie: Russian cosmonaut Lev Andropov.

     
  4. shegirl

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    You guys...so serious. Jez. I like it. Everytime it's on I stop down to watch. It makes me laugh and cry (as mentioned above, Fichtner's speech). Sure it's mindless but, what's wrong with watching a movie for exactly that reason once in a while? Gawd.

    And I agree that the Russian was the best.
     
  5. Crown Royal

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    See? SEE??? I just don't get why dudes get all misty over that third-rate bullshit. Maybe I'll commit suicide so everybody will think I'M the bravest man alive.

    Another:

    I love during the shuttle crash when they're playing "Catch the Asteroid" how the pilots get sucked out the cockpit windows, and one actually crashes in to the windshield of the other shuttle. You actually see the EXPRESSION ON THE DUDE'S FACE as he hits the front window at thousands of mph...without damaging anything, without the guy's body being turned into a bloody skid mark.

    Funny shit. I also want to throw empties at the TV when they're all singing "Leaving On A Jet Plane". That scene was another prime example of sappy, contrived crap. Just like everything else.

    Except Stormare, who is always dependable.
     
  6. shegirl

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    See now I laughed because it's so stupid it's funny. FUNNY.

    Are you off your meds today or something? You're awfully persnippity. It's a stupid fucking movie what do you expect? Does everything have to be realistic? I mean seriously? A rock is going to crash into us so they send up a team of oil drillers to drill a hole in it, set an explosive in the hole and blow the thing up. How realistic can that be? Come on now.
     
  7. Crown Royal

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    I don't know to take it seriously, since the exact same plot (with the asteroid replaced with a comet) happened in the exact same year a little earlier with the equally mind-numbing Deep Impact, which as director Mimi Leder (who made the ULTRA-stupid The Peacemaker) intended as a "Serious thriller with serious dramatics". Right. A comet's heading towards earth, so the USA will hold an organized lottery to let 1 million citizens hide underground while the other 299 million cooperate up top by being vapourized with no anarchy whatsoever.

    I guess in the end it can't really be taken seriously. I get all nimbly-bimbly over the fact there are legions and legions of idiots out there that think this is one of the greatest "thrill rides" of our generation, which made it the #1 movie of it's year and those same people thought the half-assed mechanics of the romantic subplot and so-called teary finale was as heart-tugging as Leo taking an ice bath at the end of Titanic (another overrated film). People were crying leaving the theatre at this movie, and NOT because they felt ripped off.

    This film also gave Michael "Asshole" Bay unlimited power in Hollywood to do whatever the fuck he felt like. Up next: the (at the time) most expensive movie in history...Pearl Harbour, where he thoroughly trashes one of the most tragic and important events of 20th Century American history with countless inaccuracies centering around a super-uninteresting Silver Screen romance that soaks up more than 2 hours of the movie. "I'm going to out-Titanic Titanic!" Bay said. Umm, no you are NOT. James Cameron directed The Terminator I & II, Aliens, True Lies and The Abyss. You directed over-produced MTV videos (the most notable video being Bad Boys).
     
  8. Beefy Phil

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    Easily explained. Green Mile sucked the gravity away from the shuttle, slowing the guy down almost instantaneously. Also, E=mc2, especially on Space Texas, so clearly the light bent at precisely the correct angle to see the guys face as if I'd taken a picture of it with my Canon Rebel t2i.

    The Wonders of Science. And Canon.
     
  9. Crown Royal

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    I thought it was silly that Owen Wilson didn't use his cowboy lasso just to rope the rock in, Pecos Bill-style while the camera cirlces 360's around him in slow motion as he slowly stands up and glints like Mr. Cool. Then Stormare, dressed as Miami Vice Satan in Constantine could just blow up the rock under the watchful eye of Bad Santa who has a limp from that bone chip in his ankle. Curtain, Queue random Aerosmith song that has nothing to do with plot.

    In the sequel, they take on the flaming skull planet from The Fifth Element with the soldiers from The Last Starfighter. I hope your Canon has a wide lens because this shit just got real, Mike Lowrey.


    ...wow, that had more shout-outs in it than a hip-hop song by The Game.
     
  10. Mike Ness

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    Take this movie for what it's worth. Same spirit as "Independence Day", films like that. However if you get one thing in your head about it being unrealistic or ridiculous it will spiral out of control.



    I still get goose bumps when William Fichtner says "Permission to shake the hand of the Daughter of the Bravest man I have ever known" That and when Bruce tears the patch off for Billy Bob, I thought it was great.

    Crown's post was absolutely hysterical, I find it amazing that it's this particular movie that drives him so nuts. Try watching Troll 2 or Punisher 2 War Zone, you will love Armageddon.

    The best thing about the movie is the vast amount of great actors in the supporting roles, you literally recognize the whole cast. The story is ludicrous, but the acting and effects are great.

    I hate the part when Ben Affleck cries, all that slobber in his mouth grosses me out.
     
    #30 Mike Ness, Jul 17, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  11. Mike Ness

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    If you did it saving the planet I would ask your daughter if I could shake her hand.

    I also get Goosebumps at the end of Independence Day when Randy Quaid told the president he was sorry to keep him waiting. Awesome.


    ***** FYI I just watched a true life type thing on Bruce Willis, there was an interview with Michael Clark Duncan. It seems Willis walked up to him and told him he would change his life, he then proceeded to call a decision maker on the set of "The Green Mile" and told them he found their John Coffey. (what a swell guy..)*************
     
  12. Crown Royal

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    Yeah, or the part in 2012 when the Dali Lama throws the kid the keys to his pick-up truck and is fine with him getting the fuck out of Dodge? I squealed like I do whenever I see kittens in baskets.
     
  13. Viking33

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    Jurassic Park gave us motherfucking Velociraptors that are as fast as cheetahs and as smart as humans. Fuck your Camaro, did you see what Rexy did to those fucking Jeeps?

    Blow me.
     
  14. Justadude

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    I still find it fucking amazing that a movie that is predicated on sending rednecks into space with a nuke can even begin to try and take itself serious w/ science. Look at what rednecks can accomplish with beer, guns and fire now you want to give them fucking NUCLEAR FISSION?

    NASA even uses its shitty serious looking people spewing verbal diarrhea full of jargon as a hiring tool.

    <a class="postlink" href="http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg19526191.500-feedback.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg1 ... dback.html</a>
     
  15. roy jones

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    Argageddon was a movie?

    Hmmm...I guess I have to review BP's fault in the oil spill as I thought all of the good deep sea drillers were retired after that close call with the asteroid. I was a little glad Paris was gone, but now you've refueled my fist shaking at the French.

    FOCUS: The storyline was a little contrived, but it still holds up better than that movie where the guys go to Austin for a bachelor party...shit. What's that movie called? You know, the one where he fucks the midget stripper? Troll?...No...The Hangover?...No...Debbie Does Dallas???....The Notebook? The Human Centipede? The Little Mermaid? Fuck a Fatty Fun Time?

    Anyways, it's mother-fucking Armageddon. It put Deep Impact down so hard (Seriously, the kid outruns a tidal wave on his motorcycle.) it was like burying an atomic bomb on an asteroid (800 feet muthafucka!). It destroyed multiple cities, and killed millions of people. Jason and Freddy aren't even up there yet. It killed Bruce Willis, which I have tried to do for years unsucessfully ever since he challenged me by starring in the movie series "Die Hard" (and you will, you bastard). The only fault I can find in it is how did that Clerk get to be an astronaut?

    And where was the mystery J.J. Abrams???(Look closely. He's involved in this.)
     
  16. kuhjäger

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    My favorite astronomy blogger (which as someone who works in astronomy means something) reviewed this movie for the science there within.

    The opening of his review:

    His review can be found here:
    http://www.badastronomy.com/bad/movies/armpitageddon.html
     
  17. MisterMiracle

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    Stephen Tyler should make the rock and roll hall of fame just on the merit of writing a love song in a scene iwhere his real life daughter gets Ben Affleck's penis stuffed inside of her.

    Speaking of Affleck, his performance in the movie was at least as fantastic as Kevin Costner's accent in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.
     
  18. toddus

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    And this very formular has lead to him taking $1.5billion at the box as a director at an average of $187million a movie. I don't view his movies as a criticism of himself but rather and indictment of society.
     
  19. PIMPTRESS

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    I have had a crush on Bruce Willis since I was 10, so I like these movies for my BW fix. Milla Jovovich helps Fifth Element out too....

    and agreed on the Ben Affleck bawling/seizure moment. Gross.
     
  20. Crown Royal

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    He is the parade marshall for Generation Me: Big, dumb, loud megastupid megamovies for drooling idiots. Don't get me wrong, I do like The Rock (despite the fact Sean Connery was in prison for three decades, escapes his captors and steals a Hummer-a vehicle not five years old- and evades dozens of law enforcement officials but is caught by good ol' Nic Cage), but it's like Commando and Cobra are out again but on a much bigger scale and less trashy. At least James Cameron had interesting stories and smart humour for most of his films. That, and they kicked ass.