Fool's Goal

English woman has goal of becoming the world's fattest woman. There's a picture of her there, you have been warned.

Just the excerpts from the article are hilarious enough:

- Ms Simpson, who wears XXXXXXXL dresses, eats mounds of junk food and tries to move as little as possible.
- She already holds the Guinness World Record as the world's fattest mother, when she gave birth in 2007 weighing 240kg. She needed a team of 30 medics to deliver her daughter Jacqueline during a high-risk Caesarean birth.
- "I'd love to be 1000lb," she said. "It might be hard though. Running after my daughter keeps my weight down."
- Rather than advise her to slim down, her long-term partner Philippe, 49, instead encourages Ms Simpson to eat more... although he himself only weighs 68kg. "I think he'd like it if I was bigger," Ms Simpson said. "He's a real belly man, and completely supports me."

FOCUS: What's the dumbest goal you've ever had, and did you reach it?

 

You scoff now but you just wait until her gargantuan frame is saves Springfield from a nuclear meltdown.

 

"To fund the massive $750 weekly food shop, she runs a website where men pay her to watch her eat fast food." WHATTHEFUCK

 

How does this work? Do the viewers (enablers) still pay if the third Quarter Pounder at her feeding disappears into a fat roll without ever having found her mouth? Do they get a refund?

 

Wasn't there a movie about this? The more people who view the website, the faster the person dies?

 

In what fold?

 

I think he stands on top the scaffolding throwing flour hoping against hope to find the wet spot. I wonder how many times armpit sweat lead to an awkward situation.

 

I would hate to be her kid when she starts going to school, I mean, I know 'yo momma' jokes are a bit old-fashioned but Jesus Christ, how could you resist when the woman is actually going for a record!

 

You use a forklift and cargo straps and move her/it up and down so technically you'd need a third person to operate the forklift. Which would make it a foursome minimum depending on the size of the manatee you're trying to plow.

 

Yes, it was called "Feed," and was very emotionally scarring. Don't watch it unless you want to see a 600 pound woman naked with food splattered all over her.

 

That thing eats almost as many calories in a day as I do in a week. A whole WEEK!

 

Here is her website where you can pay to watch her eat.

http://supersizedbombshells.com/Treasure/index.html

 

You're all being way too hard on her. In fact, she is doing England a great service. When war inevitably flares up between Iran and Israel, and the global oil crisis hits, they can render her down for lamp oil, automobile tires and cooking grease. She's a one woman oil reserve.

 

Sadly, she is from New Jersey. Yet another person giving my state a bad name.

And here she is with her man.

Spoiler

Motivation to get my ass to the gym tonight.

 

Well, Jesus, her husband had to be black, didn't he. Way to break down those stereotypes.

 

He needs that big dick to even reach that disgusting stink tube buried somewhere in there.

God, that must be horrible under there. Shit and piss that's gone unwiped, sandwiches stashed for later. I'd rather stick my cock in an ocean floor thermal vent.

 

Thats the point, the ass in the back wasn't cutting it so he asked her to grow an ass in the front. She's done a hell of a job.

 

Life imitates art, sort of.

 

Hobbies include rolling around in talc powder and drowning her trainer.