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Find me a find, catch me a catch...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by DrFrylock, Feb 11, 2011.

  1. DrFrylock

    DrFrylock
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    This is probably never going to work, but it's not like threads cost money, so what the hell. This is a fascinating thread over on SomethingAwful, but there are too many fucking people there and so the thread grows about 700 posts a day and nobody can keep up. Let's try it here among our smaller, more elite population of Thundering Assholes.

    One astonishing thing about the Internet is that it made online dating socially acceptable. To anybody born after about 1990 this is probably the most natural thing in the world, but you guys weren't around back in the early days of the Internet going mainstream - before the Web - and on the pre-Internet online services like CompuServe, GEnie, and Q-Link. These were, as far as anyone could tell, populated almost entirely by creeps, ultranerds, shut-ins, and people on disability. Thank God that scanners were super expensive, digital cameras didn't exist, and there wasn't enough storage or bandwidth for pictures in those days.

    But now, everybody's on the Internet and they're hooking up there, too. Messaging a girl and not getting a message back is a much nicer way of getting rejected than having her look around awkwardly going "Ummmm...." in person, isn't it? I think so. I am also personally partial to the Internet because even hopeless below-average-looking idiots like myself can be pimps on the Internet and line up dates.

    FOCUS: Post a link to your profile on an online dating service and we will help you improve it here. If you don't want to have it associated with your username, PM me and I'll post it anonymously. And who knows, maybe you will meet the TiBber/TiBette of your dreams...

    FRYLOCK EDIT: This is a legitimate effort for the community to help the community, NOT for the lulz or to Wahoo anybody. Yes, sometimes the truth can hurt, but please do your best to make it hurt at little as possible, mkay? Thanks.
     
  2. Trakiel

    Trakiel
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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    You know what? Fuck it.

    Have at it, Jackals.

    (By the way, I consider this a much greater act of courage than posting ones tits/ass on this site.)
     
  3. Misanthropic

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    ...

    NETTDATA EDIT: Keep it on focus. If you're going to try and be funny, don't pick the low hanging fruit. The guy had balls enough to post his shit, so respect that.
     
  4. scootah

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    Firstly, I consider it bad enough that with a little enthusiasm - any of you idiots can find my profile. I'm certainly not volunteering for this shit show.

    Secondly, if you can't have a full head of hair, or at least something that passes for one as long as she's shorter than you - just shave your head. Bald spot is never a good look. Also, speaking as someone with a chin that needs hiding - a well groomed beard conceals a multitude of sins.

    Thirdly, it's called the sun. Many know it as the the Day Star. It's the shiny thing that burns us on the far-away roof in the big room that pizza comes from. I know it's not the most commonly sighted phenomenon in Minnesota, but they also have a synthetic substitute at certain health facilities that lets you get a tan without actually having to go outside. The monitor tan that you're rocking doesn't have the same romantic appeal.

    And finally on the topic of your photos. snapshots taken immediately after your grandmother died, from the stress of kicking your dog, not the best selling point. Smiling, or at least looking like there is occasionally some kind of positive emotion in your life could be a big help.

    Upside, you're not one of those douche bags who leads off a personals advert with a picture of his dick. That's always a bad move. Multiple pictures also help - one picture on a personals profile usually means it's the best picture ever taken of that person and if you do go for a drink with them - you're going to need to start with tequila.

    Fundamentally, a personals profile is a sales pitch. And yours kind of leads off with middle aged seasonal affective disorder. Your self summary doesn't really help. Your picture and the self summary are what 90% of people actually look at and make a decision on. Middle aged, anti social and kinda dull isn't the best first impression you could go for.

    Rephrase it to sell something about yourself. Talk about something that you're passionate about. Try and sound like you'll have something to talk about on a date, and try and sound like that something to talk about won't be your awesome world of warcraft character.

    I know this is kinda harsh, but honestly dude - profile doesn't do you any favors as it stands at the moment. There are very few women, or men, who'd read that profile and think 'wow, that guy looks like he'd be fun to hang out with'. And the exceptional rare few almost certainly have more than three cats and a battle.net account. If that's what you're looking for - gamer forums will have a better hit rate - you're targeting a niche, sell in a niche community. And still take the photo advice and try and be a bit more enthusiastic about yourself in the profile text.
     
  5. Juice

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    Take out the bit about Fantasy Fiction. Im not ranking on you and theres nothing wrong with it, but I would remove anything that would cause a girl to assume stereotypes. I love computer games, but I wouldnt tell the girl on a first date, see what I mean? I know I sound shallow and people should like you for who are, yadda yadda. But I would let a girl find out the nerdier stuff later on. Its not right but it's the way it is.
     
  6. Erasmusman

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    Yes it is a sales pitch, but look at which demographic he is aiming: fellow nerds. Appearance: scootah spot on though about the hair, beard and glasses. I would venture out and make a guess about the teeth as that is commonly a reason to keep the mouth closed. If you're like me when having to sit inside and work you will be drinking quite a bit of coffee: this is not good for the teeth. I think that when you 'fix' your appearance there is not much you'll need to fix about your description. The impression I got was that you are a funny, in a self-depreciating way, individual who is very open about who he is and what his identity is.

    A distinction should be made though between what a good profile is and how a person could change to attract more girls. I don't think Trakiel is someone who wants to change much about his identity to attract women so that is the constraint you have to work with.
     
  7. Degenerate

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    More pictures would certainly help.

    You mentioned that you like to travel around on your bike so why not emphasize that in a picture.
     
  8. Frebis

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    Get a picture of yourself that wasnt taken in your fucking office.

    Seriously, think about it, you are a pale balding middle aged man. Put a picture of you up doing something fun. Prior to contary belief, women do not want a man thats main activity is sitting in front of his computer.
     
  9. Frank

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    A ballsy move, I'm actually going to go with real advice here.

    Sometimes less information is more, I would HIGHLY suggest you remove the fact that you play video games from your profile unless you are only looking to date gamers. Most girls can deal with the fact that you play video games once they already know you, but when they're perusing dating sites they're looking for any reason to not pick you and saying you play video games is like applying chick repellent.
     
  10. Trakiel

    Trakiel
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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    I've thought about going with a shaved head, but I had a shaved head when I was in basic and I thought I looked terrible. Then again, it probably wasn't the most appropriate of context to make that judgement.

    I know my picture isn't doing me any favors either; I don't have a real picture that's been taken within the past 10 years or so, so that was just a cell phone pic I took of myself at work so I had something to put up. Getting better pictures are definately on my to-do list of improving my profile.

    About my profile itself, you're probably right in that I don't do a good job of selling myself and come across as anti-social and boring, but I haven't yet figured out how to write a profile that doesn't convey those things without seeming dishonest. I mean I am a nerd so to down play it would be misleading, which seems pointless to me. If a potential date is turned off by that sort of thing isn't it better just to be up front about it? If things took off she'd eventually find out about it anyway so the way I see it there's no point in hiding it.
     
  11. Pinkcup

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    I somewhat agree. If you're looking for a woman who also plays video games, this isn't a deterrent. I would actually throw up some specific games that you like (lady CoD enthusiasts might be turned off by, say, a man who thinks that Fable 3 is awesome and Peter Molyneux is the modern-day reincarnation of Jesus), but no more than two or three.

    The downside to this is that you're seriously narrowing your dating pool by only appealing to gamers. That's totally fine- you know who you are and who you'll get along with. But if you'd like to target a wider demographic of women, perhaps scaling down the several mentions of gaming, fantasy fiction, etc. is in order.

    I'd add another picture of yourself also, preferably one of you doing some sort of activity outside.

    Other than that, it is a great profile! Thanks for sharing!
     
  12. BL1Y

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    "I'm thinking of going back to school" is basically the mantra of the perennial loser. Not saying you shouldn't be thinking about going back to school, I'm thinking about getting an MFA, but just be aware of what it sounds like and what stereotypes it will bring to mind.
     
  13. Frank

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    Wait, wait, wait. You served in the military? Why the FUCK isn't that mentioned somewhere in your profile? And along those lines do you have anything else that are universal chick magnets? Do you have a dog? Do you do community service etc...
     
  14. travdiddy84

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  15. Nom Chompsky

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    I think the same advice, re: picture applies.

    Why not lead with a smiling one? The one you have up now sort of looks like your putting a brave face on years of molestation. If you are, I'm sorry to hear that.

    Never. Just...never.

    I'm not sure what this means, but this makes you sound like a serial killer or a racist caricature of a Native American.
     
  16. BL1Y

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    Your profile is restricted to OKC users. Can you maybe post a screen shot or something?
     
  17. travdiddy84

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    Fixed that. Sorry guys.
     
  18. Kubla Kahn

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    Kudos for the nUtZ to post yo shit here.


    Id probably knock down the slacker vibe a bit, procrastination isnt a front and center quality. Also spin the grad school/certification stuff more towards life ambition. The super senior joke isnt funny after you're 25 trust me. I think Winterbike is probably right about listing things/places you like to go out socially. I think specifics, restaurant and a favorite dish, convey a little more honestly about your personality than token list do.

    You said you were in basic? Id list that to add a manly man vibe. Unless you were dishonorably discharged for organizing a dungeon raid of the women's barracks for the level 78 panties.

    Based on one shitty angled picture I dont know where you guys are getting this second chin shit. Id only grow a beard if you arent down with shaving your head, which you probably should, and need to add to your over all hair count.
     
  19. BL1Y

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    I started to cringe when you said you had swords, but the joke is actually pretty funny.

    Too many pics with chicks. I know the whole social proof theory, but there is overkill. Looks like you're trying very hard to let other people know that girls like you. Someone else has already said this, but definitely lead with a friendlier picture.

    "She should appreciate how caring and fun I can be, as well as my sweet side."

    Not sure you know was "as well as" means.
     
  20. Kubla Kahn

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    It's a reference to the movie Casino that not many girls will get. But as for looking like a serial killer, he's one long sleeved grey shirt and a pair of leather gloves away from looking dead on Dexter sneaking through someones unlit condo.

    Id have to ask the girls here if that type of gushie shit works right off the bat in the second paragraph? Maybe a little too strong?