Excitable Boy

In college, I met up with some friends from high school who caught me up on what everyone from high school was up to. One story involved a guy I didn't know well, but who I always found to be a mild-mannered and reasonable guy. While in college, this guy was hanging out in places he shouldn't have been, like women's dorm rooms while they weren't there. Women he didn't know.

FOCUS: Who is the creepiest motherfucker you know? What makes him/her so creepy?

ALT FOCUS: Did you ever know anybody where "it's always the quiet ones?" Somebody you thought was perfectly normal until one day you find out that there's something lurking under the surface?

 

A highschool friend of mine is (I Believe) a full blown sociopath. I think he is honestly broken in a really serious way.

After highschool, he went through a fair bit of effort to get into the armed forces. After eventually making it - he washed out in about 9 months for 'medical reasons' - read psychological insuitabillity. He went and researched other military groups he could join, based on a) chances of being able to kill someone legally. b) if they'd let him take steroids and c) how much they'd pay him. He joined the french foriegn legion, put on about 40 kgs of muscle, came back to australia (having killed some people), found some legal (and some not so legal) places to cage fight, took a knee injury and worked as a bouncer for some disreputable venues until one of the more inappropriate beatings was aimed at a cop and they had to shift him to doing computer based security.

Honestly, I've got no concern being around the guy. I trust him completely with my personal safety and my stuff, but he's still not allowed to know where we live because he makes Nikki's skin crawl. I fully expect to one day see him on the news, wearing some little girl's face as a cod piece and shooting at cops or something, probably having eaten someone's eyeballs.
Interesting side notes - he's the only one of 4 siblings to have not done time in jail. Two of his brothers went in for seriously violent crimes, the third went in for drug dealing and inside of the first four months, not only gained access to acid, but felt the need to throw that acid in someone's face. He's dating an internationally known weight lifter (under 60 kgs women's weight class) and he moves from painfully adorable to disturbingly broken as she moves in and out of the room. I have no idea if she has genuinely inspired some actual emotion in him - or if he just likes having her around enough that he's putting real effort into the act.

 

I went to primary school with a guy that was one year below me and was pretty much a misfit fuckup prone to random violence from the age of 5 or so.
He got into assorted trouble right though to the age of about 20 when he was convicted of kicking a homeless man to death in the toilet of a large bus station , the homeless guy was using the toilet as shelter.

 

Considering the song, I was expecting something a bit more like this. So, DrFrlyock, are you just on a Warren Zevon kick, or what?

Focus: I might actually fit this for some of my acquaintances. I don't go places where I shouldn't be, but my near-silent walking, looming figure, and amoral discussion of highly immoral things can strangely be a bit off-putting. I don't think my sense of humor works in my favor either.

If I may give an example, once I was in Costa Rica, assisting with some sea turtle research. Now, this was the end of the nesting season, so we had to deal with turtles coming up to lay eggs and we also were paying attention to the hatching tortugitas. Now, as cool or delicious as leatherbacks may be, one thing they are not is smart. So, as we were walking along, we noticed these little tracks in the sand, showing that a baby turtle had been crawling in the direction of the ocean, like they're supposed to. Imagine my surprise when the little tard-turtle, after being less than 5 inches away from the water, turned left and started moving north up the beach.
Now, turtles navigate by light, so I'd understand it being tricked by the city to the south, causing it to turn right. But no, this little Darwin Award winner decided to take a stroll along the ocean. The tracks continued for a while, until they suddenly ended in a little pit, off to the left of the tracks, with drag marks leading to the pit. Y'see, tiny turtles have lots of predators, in this case, crabs. This is about the point where I started cracking up, imagining how excited a crab would be to have leatherback delivered for free right to his doorstep, tugging it into its hole while freaking out, having won the Crab Publisher's Clearing House Contest.

For some reason, none of the girls in the group found this half as funny as I did.

 

I knew a guy in college who used to wait until I fell asleep, and then try to cuddle with me. Apparently he thought he was in a relationship with me, but only when I was asleep. He was my college roommate's friend, and after she walked in on him trying to undress me in my sleep, she kicked him out of the apartment and we didn't talk to him for a year. This is the same guy from the "friend nobody likes" thread.

 

Um, so after you caught him undressing you while you were unconscious, you gave him a year off and then allowed him back into your life?

Fantastic idea.

Same thing happened to me once. I was on tour with a band and woke up on the promoter's couch as he was undoing my pants...

Dude gave awesome head.

 

I grew up and played sports with this guy's brother and spent the night at their house numerous times over the years. The guy was in prison off and on and when he was around he was selling crack and smoking blunts with us 9th graders. This incident, which I have been told was an attempt to collect on a six figure drug debt, got him a minimum sentence of 84 years and this state has no parole. Granted the guy probably had to answer to somebody higher up about the money and shit does roll down hill but things got brutal. He and some other guys (who were never identified and charged) broke into a home, tied up some children, raped the mother, and then sodomized and castrated the debtor over the course of several hours.

The brothers came from a middle class family and the younger has never been in trouble, is going to a decent school, football team, etc.

 

I worked with this guy that, without speaking to, you would assume is gay. He's short, crazy well-groomed hair, wears tight-fitting designer clothes (because most stores don't carry 28 size waist for men, he's small as fuck), but he is a genuinely nice guy who gets laid all the time by decently attractive girls. We will call him Jimmy.

One day, this ugly, lanky bastard comes in with those stupid circular hippie glasses, a tie dye bandanna, and long, black, curly hair. He looks out of place. Well, Jimmy's eyes widen and he makes a bee-line for the break room. I ask the weird looking guy if he needs assistance, and he speaks an awful British dialect that is hard to understand. Also, his teeth look like stereotypical Englishman teeth.

Anyways, I ask Jimmy what the deal is and apparently it's some gay dude that comes in trying to ask him out. He has had friends ask for him before, and is in on a weekly basis scoping out Jimmy's tender asshole. One day, Jimmy caved and just gave the guy a fake phone number. This is the first time this weirdo came in post-fake-number-giving. At this point, I figured this guy is here to either burn down or shoot up the place. Luckily, he didn't, and after Jimmy hid away in safety for a 20 or 30 minutes, the guy gets the hint and leaves.

That night, Jimmy drops his lanyard walking home, and only realizes this upon arrival. Fuck it, he thinks, and goes to sleep. The next morning, the lanyard is hanging on his front gate.

He is convinced the strange, gay Brit is responsible.

Other than that, I don't hang out with creepy sociopaths, so I can't really contribute.

 

I have a classmate who got put on restriction. The other guy on restriction is one of the creepiest people I have ever met. When I've seen him, the guy just has that look - you know, "I'm thinking of decorating this room with everyone's intestines, and that's a good thing!" He just walks around with this creepy smile, alternating between staring at people for inordinate periods of time and staring off into space.

The only time I actually talked to him was when I was tasked with un-fucking his room. He had left his PT cammies in his wall locker so long that they had mold growing out of them. The place smelled like a sewer, and because he lived alone, there was no roommate to hold him accountable. So he had three wall lockers to himself, one devoted to his clean clothes, another one for his miscellaneous stuff, and the last one for his laundry, pizza boxes, abandoned hot tray dinners, and other nasty shit that was growing. And while I'm pointing out shit that's screwed up with his room, he's alternating between cleaning and staring at me every time I avert my gaze. The staff sergeant in charge of us has said repeatedly, "I'm nice to that motherfucker, cause I don't wanna be on his list when he pulls a Fort Hood on our asses." I'm probably on his list, somewhere.

My classmate is now alone with this guy every night. He's woken up to find the guy just staring at him at 2 in the morning. The kid will wake up in the middle of the night and pace around the room, muttering to himself. He's said, "I'm never fucking up again, cause I'll get stuck with weirdos like <name>. I need to get out of there. He's gonna fucking kill me."

 

Only in the day. One time after a year we let him in the apartment. His friendship with my roomie dwindled after that day

 

I have a friend who is seriously a very nice, well meaning guy. But...

He's creepy as fuck when he gets drunk or high.

For example we were on vacation partying out on the beach (rocks) up in Maine and one of the girls said she had to go to the bathroom. She's going to use the bushes or whatever and about a minute after she leaves he quietly announces he's going to go check on her.

Aka, sneak up on her while she's going to the bathroom. When asked about it later he said he thought she was sending signals that she wanted him to follow her.

Uh, nope I didn't feel that vibe in the air.

You know, now that I think about it he's also the creep who hangs on until the very end of the party and tries to shoehorn himself into sleeping over if an available female is there. The problem is that it's not as if he made progress during the night with said female, but rather says he'll sleep on the "other couch" but then inquires if she has room on her couch.

I think I might need to get rid of this friend...

 

Yeah, my friend "Turbo". Turbo is filthy rich and when I say filthy rich, I mean he bought a Lincoln to MKZ and a Cadillac CTS to see which he liked more before selling the Cadillac. Bought them both. His dad is both self made rich and old money rich and Turbo gets plenty of it. That said, he can't socialize to save his life. He's cross eyed and awkward in conversation, and though he means well there's always that feeling that he could snap off at any second. He has a gun locker in his closet filled with every shotgun imaginable. Seriously, the kid has an SAS-12 pump action shotgun filled with beanbag rounds just in case "them Mondays from down the block come around" and a Mossberg 590 just for fun (both street illegal to my understanding). I could understand having a small handgun or even a sport shotgun for hunting given the area but 8 shotguns and a couple pistols is a little much.

The most awkward moment I've had with him was a night downtown with Turbo in full on shmishmammered drunk mode. He was trying to get my girlfriend drunk on triple Jack and Cokes (while I was nearby talking to friends) to which she passed them along to me. Not knowing she had passed the drinks over to me, he asked her if she wouldn't mind him staying on her couch that night as he claimed didn't want to walk all the way home. My girlfriend was a little bothered by the question and the way he found every excuse to touch or brush up against her and asked me to do something about it. I pulled Turbo aside and told him bluntly that he was making an ass out of himself, that I didn't want any misunderstandings to come of the night and that despite our friendship, I wouldn't hesitate to correct any mistakes he made that night with said girlfriend. He apologized, stammered some half assed excuse. I told him not to make excuses and to enjoy the rest of the night.

The night finished out with us waiting for him outside of a strip club well after closing time. He had gotten a limo around midnight for us all and proceeded to take us to the strip club where he disappeared back into the private room with no less than six gorgeous strippers. After getting kicked out around 5:30, we waited for ages for Turbo to reappear. He stumbled out around 6:30am muttering "Danger Zone... I'm in the Danger Zone..." over and over to himself. I have no explanation and he won't tell us what went on inside that back room but it involved a LOT of glitter and lipstick.

 

One of my friends in high school was a total loon. An average incident with him was whipping his dick out and beating off in the most public places, or telling us about the time he stuck a noodle up his dick and a towel in his ass just to see what it felt like. Most of us have made jokes about going up to a girl and saying something like 'nice shoes, wanna fuck?' Well, he did that except he was actually serious. Then he would make plans. He once told me he was psycho dawg #1 and I could be psycho dawg #2 if I wanted since I earned it, but not #1. I asked him what the fuck was wrong with him, but he just went into an elaborate seating scheme about how to pursue a girl we were meeting for dinner. It never worked out with her, but he got laid a lot more than you would think.

He was 6'9, yet couldn't play a sport to save his life and was terrified of violence. The last time I played him in basketball, not only could he not dunk, he couldn't even get it in the hoop so I beat him in a shut out. I'm 5'5 for reference. Another time he was about to get into a fight at school, but rather than using his intimidating presence to avoid it (or just duke it out), he ran to the bathroom and wept hysterically. When his girlfriend dumped him for cheating, he threated to kill himself along with the two guys who convinced her to leave the relationship. Now, I still think it was a typical high school overreaction, and that the threat was empty, but when someone claims to do that it's best to try to talk some sense into them. Fortunately after spending an hour explaining that it was his fault, and not anyone else's he let it go.

The last time I talked to him was on facebook when I was made fun of him for linking this youtube video to his status.



He still believes in all kinds on nonsensical conspiracy theories. I wouldn't mind seeing him again though. He was an interesting guy and had a lot of positive aspects that aren't in this post.

 

Brad. Creepy Brad. He had that serial killer look. And he had these freaky clear green eyes that just stared into you. Coupled with severe acne, he just looked scary. He was a hanger on, of some hanger on people in my group of friends in high school.

Creepy story 1 - Brad's grandmother died. First he told us he was glad she was dead and that she was a stupid bitch. Then when he and his family went to clean out her house, he took one moment. A scythe. Which he brought to school. Which unsuprisingly, was confiscated.

Creepy story 2 - We had all school sport on a Thursday Afternoon. My group of friends and I "played" soccer - meaning the girls sat around and got a tan, while the boys half heartedly kicked the ball around. We had to walk about 15 minutes to the soccer field and as we passed McDonalds on the way, we would stop in and get food. One day, Brad went next door to the butcher shop and purchased a raw cow's heart. He proceeded to nibble on it and when he got to the centre, where it was still frozen, he licked it like it was a fucking popsicle.

Last year, he added me on facebook. I accepted to see what he was doing. He had joined the army (what is it with these freaks and the defence force.) How he passed the psych test astounds me. He had also managed to find someone who looked semi-normal to marry. He had actually turned out to be some what attractive, however his freaky eyes spoiled it.

Sad ending to the story, he split up with his wife and ended up dying a few weeks ago. We don't know if it was an accident or he killed himself. He had a girlfriend who posted on his page that he had passed away in an accident and his last request was that his page be closed on x date. The accident sounds plausible, but how did he make that request. Strange ending to a strange guy.

 

And here I was thinking this was going to be a thread devoted to my memory. Aw, shucks, what a missed opportunity of hilarious anecdote anecdotes, and crude picture recollections from fuzzy memory. Oh well.

Focus: Shameless self-promotion aside, I think I've mentioned the obscenely corpulent guy who got caught in the dorms literally red-handed stealing a sexy red lingerie piece from a dryer minutes after it was put in because the girl forgot something and came right back. But I'm not sure if I've mentioned Creepy Guy, who I had several encounters with in the past.

Back in the days of endless scholarly pursuits in the library, often involving ravenous dogs and REAL live librarians, I used to study out front at a nice little table under the sun/stars. This was a pretty primo spot for procrastination, because it was where all the smokers in the library would come to feed their habit, and many who weren't even smokers would come simply because it's where everyone else was. Well, one day it was pretty quiet out there, just me honest-to-god actually working at one table on my own in order to complete a shitton of work due the next day with my friend at another table on the opposite side of the space at his own table working on his own assignments.

We're both working out here, and no one else is outside at the moment so it's pretty quiet. Cue Creepy Guy's arrival. Keep in mind this was my first encounter with Creepy Guy.

He walks up to me, I don't look up. I'm wearing headphones, my music is loud enough that you can hear it from across the table, I'm staring intently at a piece of paper I'm scribbling on. Creepy Guy continues to stand in front of me, 4 feet away, staring at me, waiting. Eventually I look up.

CG: "Do you mind if I sit here?"
A: "I really don't care"
CG: "Do you mind if I smoke?"
A: "If I did I probably wouldn't sit out here in the first place."
CG: "Do you mind if I...smoke?"
A: "...I don't care"

So he kicks back in the chair next to me and pulls out a piece, which he proceeds to load and smoke. I continue to work. He randomly tells me he just got back from a threesome and loves giving women massages, I tell him I really have a lot of work to do and really can't talk, he tells me I'm wasting my life with work, I refrain from pointing out he's the one getting high without any friends at the library and trying to impress strangers with bullshit. He then tells me a series of interesting facts about his life, like how he's flying to study in Bermuda for a year, oh and how he was molested as a child, and how he had vivid rape fantasies involving his third grade math teacher. I turned up my music and pretended to be listening while continuing my work. Eventually he left.

As soon as he was gone my friend from the other table came over and laughed his ass off. However his amusement wouldn't last.

The next night Creepy Guy returned, but this time neither I, nor my friend were there. No! In fact, my table friend's brand new spanking girlfriend was there! So what did Creepy Guy do? Why he did what Creepy Guy does best! He walked up to her, stared at her until she looked up, and then with a huge grin asked "Do you want a massage?"

Cue girlfriend frantically texting an SOS to my friend for an immediate evac. Which, fortunately, happened quickly since he was just inside the building.

The next night myself, table friend, and girlfriend were all sitting together at one of the tables when Creepy Guy arrived. He came and sat next to us without a word. He tried to start a conversation with us, and kept staring at girlfriend who was increasingly furiously staring into her book. He pulled out his piece and said "Damn, nothing left" so he filled it with lint and smoked the lint. After a while we told him we were too busy to talk, and after the third time he got the hint and wandered off without a word.

That night I took a nap on one of the couches at the library, and just as I was dozing off I was shaken awake. Creepy Guy woke me up so he could ask if I was sleeping. I told him to fuck off. The next day I found out he stole my lighter from my backpack. Of all the things to steal, from the thousand dollar laptop, to the hundred dollar calculator, to the dozen or so dollars worth of pens, pencils, and highlighters, he stole a $0.99 Bic lighter that I'd gotten for free anyway. What the fuck. I was still pissed regardless that he'd stolen anything from me.

The next night I was alone at the table. Suddenly, Creepy Guy. I tell him to fuck off because he stole my lighter, he plays dumb. I pretend to be really angry about it, and he eventually caves. He tells me he lost the lighter so he can't give it back. I tell him "well I guess we can't be friends anymore". He says he'll buy me a new lighter. I respond "it doesn't work like that, now the trust is gone". Creepy Guy leaves, despondent.

I only ever saw Creepy Guy twice after that, both at random events. Both times he avoided my gaze and didn't cross my path.

 

A guy who I went to college with. We'll call him Guy. He seemed perfectly decent and was always very polite. Usually wore khakis and polo shirts.

Our class went out together at the end of our final semester. A classmate's friend was able to hook us up with a few cheap kegs and it ended up being an "all you can drink for $5" night. Great night. Anyway... We were all allowed to bring a guest. I don't remember if Guy brought anyone with him, but I do remember that he wanted to get with a woman who'd been invited by someone else in the class. She ended up leaving with someone other than Guy at the end of the night. A bunch of us then left and went to another bar to drink more. Guy came along. He was handling his strikeout quite well.

Our time at the second bar came to an end and we all went our separate ways. The next morning, we all got to hear a very detailed story from Guy's roommate. Guy apparently went back to his room, sat down on his bed and started punching the mattress. His roommate and his roommate's girlfriend were there at the time. They asked him what was up. Guy muttered something about "your face" and kept punching the bed.

Roommate: "What?"

Guy: "I said shut the fuck up or this'll be your face."

Guy then dragged his roommate into the hallway, pinned him against the wall and started choking him. People intervened and the cops were called. The last anyone saw of Guy that night, he was being cuffed and supplying us with a great quote for the rest of the semester:

"LET ME HAVE MY DIGNITY!"

We understandably didn't see much of him for the rest of the semester and he was always very, very quiet.