You are sooooooooooo good looking! I can't stand poor phone etiquette. I have a buddy who will fuck around on his iPhone instead of interacting with the people he's with, and a girlfriend who will walk through my front door on the phone (with her mom), and continue the conversation for 5-10 minutes after coming over. Also, I have friends who crash at my place a lot since my condo is right at the oceanfront/party scene. It pisses me off to no end when they leave in the morning and the couch/wherever they slept looks like complete shit. Dude, put away the blanket and pillows, make up the bed or whatever, pick up a few fucking beer cans, and for christ sake don't leave your dip spit laying around. God help you if I accidentally spill that shit anywhere in my house.
No. Every fucking time I see a cyclist on the sidewalk I have the distinct urge to push them over / throw a metal pole into the wheel spokes. It is a sidewalk for a reason. Other rules of etiquette I adhere to: -calling professors by titles and last names. This isn't so much showing respect for their academic credentials, but to keep a nice buffer zone between me and them. Professors don't like it when you try to cozy up to them or become their friends, because they have to maintain enough impartiality to fail you or give you a bad mark. Heck, I'll even call a professor "sir" if he deserves it (you know, by being a stuffy old prick). -I will usually wear a tie if a certain standard of dress is called for. It also makes me look more competent for the labs in which we have to dress like a professional.b Things I can't stand: -wearing headphones while talking to people. Even if you're not listening to music, is it that hard? -wearing of hats during inappropriate times. I know a guy who wears a baseball cap at all times, even during labs or panels where a certain standard of dress is called for. It's almost as bad as wearing a hat while eating. -"Hi, Mr. Smith." "Actually, that's Doctor Smith." God forbid this guy have two doctorates, because then you're in for it. -Putting your bag on the seat next to you on a crowded subway train. Worse still, sitting on the outer seat on row seats in subways, with your bag on the empty inner seat. Fucking boggles my mind.
Undergrad pedestrians. Specifically the kind that wear black coats, and talk on their cellphone running through the intersection right in front of my car at night as I am hitting the accelerator because the light just turned orange. Damn you, stupid college kids. Is your class that important? One day, when it's icy or slippery or foggy outside, slamming my brakes won't do the trick. Or you'll slip. And then you'll be dead, and I'll go to jail. Seriously, jaywalk all you want, I couldn't care less. But just fucking stop on the side of the road and look to your left and your right before you decide to jump in front of my car.
MuFuckers talking on their phone while driving/texting while driving. Fine. You think you're good at it. News for you sweetheart, you're not. You just cut me off and endangered my life and the life of my passengers. I swear one day I'm going to follow the next person that does this to me, wait for them to get out of their car, smash their cell phone under my foot and then say, "Oh, you was on yo phone talkin all that good shit a second ago, then yo phone got kicked in its chest." After which I'll calmly walk away. and of course the remix
I'll add my .02. Yes the chewing with the mouth open. Yes the dead fish hand-shake. Yes the not opening doors for people. Yes the shitty phone etiquette. But, something that pisses me off the most is when little punk-ass kids and teenagers disrespect the elderly. These kids deserve to be backhanded so hard it dislocates my hand. Jebus fuck, those people have lived the punk-asses lives three times over and the kids just walk all over them. If one of my kids (god forbid I have kids) ever talks back to anyone older than them, they better run for the hills cuz my belt is about to smack them across the back. The movie Gran Torino shows it pretty damn accurately and I always laugh at that dude on the bus video who got his ass beat by the old man with a fanny pack.
People that don't control their kids in public Nothing pisses me off like having to deal with a complete strangers hellspawn when all I want is to handle my business and get out of there. Instead, I have to listen to some kid(s) bitch and moan about nothing at the loudest possible volume while causing a fucking scene and the parent ignores it completely. I'm getting pissed just thinking about it.
By this same measure, though, cyclists* who feel they don't have to follow the rules of the road. The ones who insist on riding down the middle of the lane, rather than the shoulder, who don't signal, who weave through stopped traffic at a four-way stop and cut wherever they please. I have no sympathy for them when they get hit; I'd much prefer if they rode on the sidewalks or, better yet, the designated cycle paths.[/quote] Don't even get me fucking started on bikes, where I live biking is somewhere in between a religion and a sexual fetish and they act like their god's gift to the road, just thinking about it makes me want to take a stick to somebody's spokes. I have literally played chicken with bikes on the sidewalks when I'm walking, and had people stop their bike to lecture me about what I was doing. What I wouldn't give for one "get out of jail free" card. -Speaking of cell phone etiquette, I have a friend who frequently screens his calls, which I have no problem with, as there are people I don't want to talk to at any particular time. What I do have a problem with, is that he sometimes takes a minute to decide whether or not to answer, while letting his phone ring and ring. He will literally take his phone out of his pocket, and stare at it while it rings before deciding to answer and leave the room or silence it and put it back in his pocket. So frustrating when you're trying to watch a movie. -Being late is also something that pisses me off, I'm never late unless something unpredictable like an accident happens, or if someone else whose with me causes me to be late. I just really cannot understand why people go late to stuff, but I've resigned myself that it is something I will always have to put up with. This I don't get, how is what someone else is wearing so upsetting for you? it's not like a hat is like a super short skirt or low cut top where someone might be exposing something you don't want to see. I understand that formality is an issue with hats, but considering people wear them where you work, I don't feel like that's the problem.
Slight tangent but I can't stand undergrad business students who wear a suit and tie everywhere like some Gordon Gekko/Don Draper wannabe. You don't look professional or competent, you look like a tool. You're a college kid; the only difference between you and the barely dressed hippie smoking weed on the quad is that his major is harder. Focus: I largely find etiquette to be the refuge of the self important and inflexible. If some behavioral requirement can't be justified independent of it being "polite" or "proper," it's a fucking useless requirement.
Quite true, but if I have to wear nice pants, proper shoes and a collared shirt under a lab coat, I may as well throw a tie on and complete the deal. Orange ties, for some reason, lend an air of competence that no other colour does. With reference to your second point, if anyone wants to have a laugh at people who over-do the etiquette thing, have a look over here: <a class="postlink" href="http://www.askandyaboutclothes.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=58" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.askandyaboutclothes.com/foru ... y.php?f=58</a> Example:
I'm a ball of hate when it comes to "etiquette", but there's a big rider on that. If it doesn't affect someone else, go for it. I'm a big believer in do unto others. This week's personal hates are: - People who wander around getting in other people's way without paying attention to where they're going. Being clueless is fine, but do you have to keep zig zagging in front of me and nearly tripping me up? If I could move faster on these joints and leave you for dust, I would. - The "merge hopper". It's obvious to see that when you're in a line of traffic merging on to a busy road that there's a point where everyone is coming in. If you go around that, speed down the shoulder and push your way in ahead of everyone else you're officially a douche. - People smoking in my house or car without asking. Okay, you smoke. Your choice. I don't, and I hate it. But I never make a fuss and I don't make passive aggressive noises or comment. If it bothers me, I move. However, if you're going to come onto my property and think you have to right to do it, you've got another thing coming. - People who take up the whole aisle at the supermarket. Those fucking carts never go in a straight line when they're empty, let alone when you've got Hot Pockets and Hawaiian Punch crammed to the rafters in it. So there's no hope for me of circumnavigating your circus in the scant inches that you consider is leaving the aisle open as you gossip with other shoppers or whatever. I've gotten sick of saying excuse me and getting eyes rolled at me and huffs. Now I just get a run up and reach ramming speed.
Public Transport Etiquette. Now I don't take the bus / train very often (mainly when I'm drinking and going to a game / concert or my car is fucked) but when the bus is packed with snot nosed teenagers screaming obsenities at each other and an older person / pregnant lady / disabled person walks in and NO ONE stands up, it grinds my gears. I generally sit further down the back of the bus because to me thats logical - you fill the back of the bus up first - but having said disabled/pregnant/old person have to walk down to damn near the back of the bus because I'm the only one that gives up their seat? I could kill each and everyone of them with just a look. Fuck you younger generation, you're all cunts. Oh +1 for people who light up in your car without asking, chewing gum with mouth open, and hats/talking on phone at the dinner table. I hope they all get aids.
Mine are mostly food-related. Never take a bite of something off another person's plate unless they have given you permission. Nothing kills me more than when I haven't even taken a bite and people are digging into my food. If other people have food coming out, don't start wolfing yours down. Wait for the rest of the table to get theirs and then you can all have a meal (shock) together. Most people ascribe to the whole, "If they give you permission it's fine," but I can't for the life of me eat unless everyone has their food. Don't rush people who are eating. I'm glad you can swallow a cheeseburger in two bites, but I'll probably throw it right up in your face if I try, so let me just finish at a normal person's pace. Stop tapping your toe and sighing like we're losing a race. The one thing that I find the most annoying as far as etiquette goes that isn't food-related is not looking at someone who is speaking to you. Maybe the sky is nice and blue today, but look me in the goddamn eye if I'm answering a question you just posed to me. I'm not in the habit of talking to myself and I don't appreciate being made to feel that way.
I see this in the gym quite often. These guys are bad enough, but the worst are the rejects that sing whatever crap they are listening to at anything other than hushed tones. I understand that every now and then you mouth the lyrics and sometimes add volume, but I did not buy a ticket to your fucking concert, keep that to yourself and let me workout in peace. Coincidentally, these are often the same meat heads that do one bicep curl and walk around for 15 minutes staring at themselves in every mirror possible.
"Gator Arms" are a true enemy of mine. If you are unfamiliar with the term, it's when you're that guy who suddenly develops very short arms whenever he tries to reach in his pocket to pay for the next round. Sure, he'd LIKE to pay, but he can't reach into his pocket with those little gator arms! Cheap fuck. Slurping pasta noodles or soup will probably get me borderline diving over the table at you with a butter spreader. Why anybody over the age of four still does this is beyond me, but they STILL FUCKING DO IT. When somebody "let's you in" in traffic, give them the "thank you" wave. It's reeeeeeal easy. Cell phones. Hate 'em. I can tolerate them because I realize how fucking addicted society is to them and forever will be now, and yes I have one mostly because I have a business, but I would be stunned if you could tell me the last time I talked on it for longer than 2 minutes. I hate talking on the phone in general but the dependency with cell phones nowadays is galvanizing to me: "Hello? Oh, hey bro, what's up? No, nothing. I was just telling everyone about how great cell phones are! We can use them everywhere! On the bus, in the theatre, even in funeral homes! There's nothing we can't....umm....hello?......HELLO?!...." Extra points if you wear the Bluetooth for the fashion sense. Lookin' awesome, cool dude. Toast crumbs in the butter gives me the heebie-jeebies for some reason. I want to launch Spy Hunter-like spiked balls out of the trunk of my car whenever some hot rodding fucktard pulls within one electron of my back bumper and feeds me his high beams because I should be getting out of his majesty's way instead of vice-versa. When I'm going 20 over the limit, I don't have to go faster if I don't feel like it so slow down you fucking ding-dong before you kill somebody, or hopefully yourself. If you're this person, I'll fight you out by the monkey bars at recess.
There are about a thousand of them for the gym. Not re-racking your dumbbells or removing the plates from the bar. Biceps curls in the squat rack. Not wiping down your benches, etc. However, some of my personal favorites involve the steam room. At my gym idiots will go in and shave, workout, and trim their nails inside leaving big messes of shaving cream, hair, and nails. They leave towels laying around on the chairs and footrests.
Amazingly, you can actually read with one hand without perma-fucking a book. Placing your thumb in the center of the book and supporting the back/cover of it with the rest of your fingers manages to free your other hand and not ruin other people's property. Punctuality's a big one for me. I can tolerate people being a bit late if shit happens, if traffic's bad or parking's a nightmare. To not have a good reason for the delay strikes me as quite disrespectful. Terrible eating etiquette. I can somewhat understand not properly holding the utensils, but odds are that what you have to say can wait until you swallow your food. There are times to inhale food, but odds are if you're in a restaurant, you can take the few minutes extra to eat properly. Take off the hat indoors, buddy, you've moseyed into town, odds are you can put on your city duds. This applies to the anthem too. On that note, I hate seeing people wearing the flag as a T-shirt who're trying to make themselves out to be some sort of flag-loving patriot. Here's a little tip, guy: the national symbol will not benefit from getting your pit-sweat or tobacco juice on it. Fucking turn signals. "Shoot Em Up" summed it up nicely. Spoiler Pedestrians jaywalking within a short distance of a crosswalk. A country road with no crosswalks for miles? Jaywalking's understandable, how else are you going to get across the road? If you're 10 steps from a crosswalk, and can't take the time to wait for the light to change? Might as well get a weeping Darwin branded on your neck.
Dear lady in the booth behind me, I don't think it's cute that your two year old is poking me in the back of the head while I'm trying to eat. I also don't want to know his name, and no, I'm not going to make faces at him.
Talking on the phone while you have passengers in your vehicle. Obviously, this is acceptable in certain circumstances. Need a short phone call to relay some information? Perfectly fine. But 30 minutes to catch up with your sister while I sit there, no music on, listening to your half of the conversation is insanely inconsiderate.