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Engagement Blings

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by DrFrylock, Sep 19, 2011.

  1. mya

    mya
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    Yeah, I think our home owner's increased by about $100 annually to add coverage. Doesn't seem to much to cover a 10K "investment".

    Fortunately I have never had to make a claim, if I lost it, I don't think it would go over so well. I did have one instance where I couldn't find it while we were on vacation. We were late to a dinner meeting/,reservation, but for some reason I wouldn't leave the room without it resulting in us tearing the room apart. I hate being late, so 99% of the time I would have just left and figured I would look more later, but this time I was insistent. We found it in the trash can of all places (maybe that was some sort of message from my husband). Thank god, I can just imagine that it would have been lost forever if housekeeping had come when we were gone.
     
  2. rachiii

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    As someone who wears very little jewelry, is terrified of losing expensive things, works in an animal shelter, and would like an understated ring when/if that should come to pass, I would suggest something along these lines: http://www.harrywinston.com/store/engagement/diamond-rings-2/products/008ahwdiamondengagementring-1 or http://www.tiffany.com/engagement/Item.aspx?GroupSKU=GRP10003#f+0/1003/2001/3001/0/1003 (Although, you know, not something that cost 10 grand.)

    For something a little more contemporary, maybe this http://www.knoxjewelers.biz/products/cashmere or even this http://www.knoxjewelers.biz/products/princess-solstice

    None of these stones are going to fall out when she's working with her hands, none of them are overly ostentatious, but they're all still classic and stunning (I think).

    With that said, I echo what a lot of the girls have said about getting her involved in the process. I could care less about jewelry, but the jewelry I have I'm incredibly picky about, and I have very distinct ideas about my future ring. She will love you for the proposal, but I've known girls who have hated their rings but not known how to tell their fiances, for fear of hurting their feelings. Maybe propose with a prop ring, and then take her with you to pick it out and just avoid that discomfort all together.
     
  3. madamsquirrel

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    I have read the entire thread and I am laughing because I also do not wear rings, have small hands, and did not want anything that stuck up and my ring is very similar to the first one you were shown. I looked everywhere in person and online and tried on hundreds of rings (this was my second wedding so he asked without the ring due to circumstances). My husband was very hesitant to purchase a less expensive ring but when I showed him the way classic settings look on me he agreed it was ridiculous. I also have a very non-traditional personality and I love that it shows in my ring. I opted to go with only one ring not two seperate bands. I have been married for two years now and am still very happy with my ring.

    Sidenote- the first jewelry my now husband purchased for me was earrings (I wear earrings every day) on my birthday when we had been dating 6 months. I loved the way they looked in the box but when I put them on they did not compliment my face well. I even asked friends, my daughters and my sister in law and everyone agreed they did not look right. Long story short, I had to confess to him that they really did not look good on me and ask if I could exchange them. He agreed and I went back to the store and exchanged them for a pair I wear all the time (I happen to have them on today in fact!). If it happens that she does not love what you choose give her the option to exchange it for something she loves. My husband was so incredible about it and now I don't have to wear something that looks bad just because he gave it to me and he does knows that I am wearing them because I truly like them.
     
  4. Kubla Kahn

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    My mom still wears this gaudy golden owl necklace I bought at a fucking flea market for her one christmas when I was like ten. She wears it all the time, even though it is ugly, she doesn't wear jewelry in general, and doesn't "compliment her" in any notable way, she likes it because I bought it for her. On the other hand she BEGGED my dad and went ring shopping for a pear shaped diamond ring, not sure on the carat/quality, that she just had to have for their 20th wedding anniversary. I think it cost about 8k. After the general wow factor wore off, she rarely wore it and eventually admitted it was a huge waste of fucking money.

    I think in general I'd want her to like it because I thought it would be something she'd like, because it was a gift I put thought into, not because I was just the cash register for her whimsey. One of the Cracked articles linked mentions the huge planning and input women have in ring shopping as kind of ruining the surprise nature of the moment of a marriage proposal, obviously it is best to have a lot of pre planning for a engagement/marriage. But as a gift or token of love I tend to side with that article.
     
  5. mya

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    Look, I know you probably really wanted a Ford F150, but I bought you a bright yellow PT Cruiser instead. What do you think?

    (I am having a hard time putting this into guy perspective, but this is kind of close as a scenario)
     
  6. Kubla Kahn

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    Cars are functional equipment, try again. Mini vans are the reason men live quiet lives of desperation.
     
  7. eric

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    I purchased the wife's engagement ring through Blue Nile. Worked out very well. I think Ballsack covered most of the points regarding picking the actual diamond, and Blue Nile has extensive information on their site as well.

    Ultimately, picking a diamond is balancing the 4C's, size and your wallet to arrive at a selection. As for colour, "D" is considered perfectly clear, but "E" and "F" diamonds are generally considered to be colourless with colour only detectable by a gemologist. Unless she's a diamond freak, you can probably get away with an F and get a bigger diamond that still looks perfectly clear to a layman.

    Google fluorescence with regards to diamonds. It impacts price, but there's some debate as to whether it actually means anything in the real world. From Blue Nile below...

    "Fluorescence refers to those diamonds that produce a visible reaction when exposed to ultraviolet radiation. In laboratory experiments with both trained gemmologists and individuals with no diamond experience (meant to represent the jewellery-buying public), no relationship was found between fluorescence and a diamond's overall appearance. Diamonds with a strong or very strong fluorescence are a better value for the end customer because the market prices them slightly lower than diamonds with faint or negligible fluorescence."

    Cut should be "Very Good" or higher as this impacts the sparkle of the diamond. The only other trick I found out was to not just look at the size as a function of carats, but actual physical size. Since a carat is a measure of weight, it really says nothing about the shape and size of the diamond. You can have two diamonds of the same weight, yet their diameters can be noticeably different. If one is a deeper V-shape, it can have the same weight as a shallower V-shape, but the shallower one will have a bigger diameter. Since the top is mainly what you see, you can maximize your bang-for-the-carat by going with a diamond of a larger diameter. Blue Nile lists dimensions when you search through their diamonds.
     
  8. mya

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    Something that wear everyday that is cumbersome or impedes how you go about your day to day business can be quite annoying. You are contradicting yourself by the way, a minivan is entirely functional equipment, you are responding to it based on other factors.
     
  9. Crazy Wolf

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    Does she want a diamond? Would she like an engagement ring? There's plenty of other things you could spend that money on, whether it's an amazing honeymoon or a payment on a house or car. I don't think there's anything to add when it comes to the technical aspects of ring-buying; that has been covered in posts previous to mine. How does she feel about engagement rings, or ethical issues related to the diamond trade?
     
  10. Kubla Kahn

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    You are suggesting functional problems when the post I was referring to was not. Notice how she had to qualify how cool her SO was when she told him that the earrings he spent time picking out and hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars on weren't her cup of tea?

    After I typed that I did realize my contradiction, as my dad had an inexplicable liking of Ford Aerostars. Of coarse it was very functional for his needs, we used them mainly for the long family trips to Florida and had the power to pull our dirtbike trailers.
     
  11. madamsquirrel

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    I just want to clarify that I am not just using my husband as a way to finance things I like. Those earrings were really not complimentary to my facial shape etc. and he wanted it to be something I wore often. I also have a silver tiger necklace (our college football mascot) that is the first gift my step son picked out for me. I wear it for games and it means alot to me that he picked it out himself. Of course it is not something I would have ever picked out for myself but I wear it and love the sentimental value of it. With something like a wedding ring that you wear day in and day out, I just think it is wonderful to have something you actually like.
     
  12. silway

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    A quick note on metals. An EMT friend of mine once commented that he hates when people have tungsten-carbide or titanium rings (both were options fo rmy wedding ring and I assume are becoming a thing for engagement rings as well). The reason was that, apparently, if EMTs need to get your rings off of you and, say, your fingers are swollen, they don't necessarily have tools that will cut through the super hard metals where as gold is considerably softer.

    No clue on how big of a deal this is, but maybe it's a factor for you.
     
  13. JProctor

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    If you got me a car that I didn't like, the implication of your post suggests I would be justified in reacting like this:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e59XIFU6oz0

    I hope I would react more graciously, and be more legitimately appreciative. Is that how you would have felt had you not liked the ring?

    But an engagement ring is somehow different and more complicated than a gift, isn't it? On some important level, it's a negotiated exchange - an inducement to get married to the guy. Why else would this thread have a very different tone (and level of entitlement) than any other thread asking for gift suggestions? If I was asking for vacation or car gift ideas for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary, would there be repeat suggestions that I do my research because it sucks if I pick badly?

    Giving an expensive engagement ring is tradition for tradition's sake. I would opt out.
     
  14. mya

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    Since you quoted me, I will respond. You are making quite a few assumptions there. As a matter of fact, I didn't mention doing research at all, my advice was to include the fiancee to insure that she gets what she likes. Based on what fry was saying about her, I assume that this will be something tasteful and practical. I in no way have made any claims that more expensive is better.

    Oh, and I didn't watch your youtube video. The "implication" of my post is that this is something that she will be wearing presumably for life, why not make sure she likes it. Similar to a car being something that you will be driving long term and people have some specific preferences on, so why not get what you want? You are drawing other conclusions based on my presumed lack of graciousness and presumed level of entitlement all on your own and based in no way on anything that I have posted here. Read again, here were my requirements....I want one ring instead of two, I don't want a big honking diamond, and I want one that sits low on my finger so I can slide gloves on and off. Yep, I am a real bitch.
     
  15. rachiii

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    and cannot edit my previous post, I would like to throw the idea of semiprecious/other stones out there. I personally have no particular attachment to being given a diamond, and may in fact prefer not to be given one. Many of the people I work with feel the same way, and have gotten engaged with semi precious stones, cameos, and other meaningful items. I know you said she won't talk about what she wants for the engagement ring, but do you have any sense about this, aside from tradition/demonstrating you can give your girl an expensive ring?
     
  16. Nom Chompsky

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    Yeah, I'm obviously against the entire idea/implication of engagement rings. Luckily though, there is a 0% chance that this will cause any conflict down the road, because all women are also against them.

    Right?
     
  17. DrFrylock

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    Thanks for the advice here; keep it coming, please

    1. I have considered taking her to pick, but I think it's a worse idea than me picking it myself. She likes it a lot when I put a lot of thought into things and is generally happy to not have to make the decision - and is usually happy with whatever I pick. In our relationship, I have never gotten in trouble for making a decision - only not making them.

    2. She has few close friends. The person who would be her best friend is sort of plastic-fantastic and probably knows my girlfriend's taste less well than I do, so I think that will just cloud the issue.

    3. I'm not opposed to a non-diamond but with no indicators one way or the other I'm thinking go with the safe bet and keep it tasteful and conservative. She would likely be OK with a non-diamond also but I don't really need to get shit from all my family and friends forever in the form of "you got her a ring with a what? What are you, a cheap-ass or just dumb?"
     
  18. Kubla Kahn

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    I just hope my futurewife has a taste for mood rings or else has a family connection in Israel or Antwerp.
     
  19. JProctor

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    You're not really addressing any assumptions I made, and are woefully missing the point. I reject the notion that an engagement ring should be a gift unlike any other expensive, long-lasting gift. You either think that an engagement ring is unlike any other expensive gift, or that every expensive gift should be picked out by the receiver. Which is it?

    You really should have watched the video, especially if you wish to criticize me for making assumptions. It's okay sometimes to not respond to someone quoting you instead of looking mouthy and foolish.

    Perhaps this will hammer my perspective home. When getting a gift, you don't get credit for having limited requirements. You are not supposed to have any requirements, period. If a ring or a car or a Christmas sweater don't meet your requirements, you are welcome to purchase your own or do without.

    Luckily for you, you have the ability to immediately shrug off all resentment you may feel about positions you concede, buy the ring and go on happily with your life without that resentment leading to future conflict. I fear I may not be as skilled at avoiding conflict down the road as you are.
     
  20. mya

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    Well, if your biggest objection is the gift aspect of it, then we will never agree. I would absolutely want to be included in the selection of a car, gift or no. If you get me a Christmas sweater doesn't fit, it's going back to the store. I appreciate the gift, but I think it makes more sense to actually like it. I got my husband an expensive grill once and he took it back because it wasn't what he wanted. Didn't hurt my feelings. He thouroughly enjoys his new smoker so we're both happy. Just how it is and has always been in the Mya household.

    (YouTube is blocked at work couldn't watch it if I wanted to)