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Eff It- El Drunk Thread De Thursday. WOO. 1/26/12

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Blue Dog, Jan 26, 2012.

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  1. Blue Dog

    Blue Dog
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    So I'm sitting in my office today... Feeling like crap... Downing enough water over the past two days to float Kirstie Alley while STILL feeling completely dehydrated... Reliving in my mind the traumatic experiences of yesterday... Wondering where my lost innocence is being detained while it is being beaten upside the head with a hammer made out of machetes (Did you know that innocence is Machetable? 'Cause it friggin' IS)...

    You know, as a straight male, there are really only two ways to feel after having somebody put their fingers up your butt.

    There's this:



    ... And this:



    So naturally, I know that yall are thinking the same thing I am at this point- Let's friggin' Party.

    (Well, THAT, and that I might just be the oldest 28 year old in existence. Estas Bullcrap.)

    Woo.
     

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  2. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Party, indeed. I have fifth row tickets to Tool tonight.

    wut wut
     
  3. Rush-O-Matic

    Rush-O-Matic
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    At least they didn't use a hairbrush.
     
  4. rachiii

    rachiii
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    Disturbed

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    Oh thank god. This might be the most boring day in the history of my office. To amuse myself, I'm doing lots of irresponsible (and inappropriate?) shopping/reading, especially considering I'm on a work computer.

    Also, boys, please remember in your whining about your prostate exams that we ladies have to have regular gynecologic exams, which frequently involve "a finger in the anus," as my gynie so quaintly puts is, EVERY YEAR.
     
  5. Gator

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    Really?

    Did you gyno used to work in a prison?
     
  6. MoreCowbell

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    This morning, I literally sat at my desk for 3 hours reading a magazine because no one was around to give me anything to work on. Productive day in the Cowbell Office.

    Reading The Economist always makes me feel so worldly/intelligent. That magazine is 20% interesting/important info, and 80% feeling good about yourself. Never mind that I will never use that sort of information ever.

    "Indeed, the situation in Tanzania's legislature is indubitably unsustainable and alarming!" *adjusts monocle*

    What the fuck? Ladies, is this normal, or is rachii's gyno an anal fetishist?

    And Blue Dog, aren't you a bit of a young pup for those?
     
  7. rachiii

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    NO! Mean. My gyno is awesome.

    Also, I have been playing like four hours of spider solitaire a day. Come up with things for me to do, employers.
     
  8. katokoch

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    I have a fucking long list of leads to contact... wanna make a few calls?
     
  9. McSmallstuff

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    Yay, I get to say something on the drunk thread! Granted I am very sober. In fact I am so sober I am putting off a speech I'm supposed to be writing RIGHT NOW!
     
  10. McSmallstuff

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    To those of you who know about my friend, this is a story I wanted to tell you guys about the type of guy that is checking out of this world. Although he is still hanging in right now. Spoilered for being a little long and conversations that happen on death beds depress some people.

    This is Chris with a quick Joe update. Joe is very weak and has trouble verbalizing anything more than a word or two when he does talk. He is also on a catheter. However, he does have moments that remind you Joe is still Joe and mom gave her permission to share a story that happened this morning. This is not to give anyone false hope; as hospice as put it - it's "part of the process." Rather, it's a reminder that this is Joe we are dealing with and he does things in his own way.

    Joe turned to Mom this morning and and said "I'm sorry mom, but I have to go now." Mom replied "That's Ok Joe, you can go if you want. We love you very much." Joe replied "OK", smiled a little, and relaxed back into his pillows. After a few seconds, Mom asked him "Where are you going, Joe?" Joe turned his head, not an easy feat for him, looked her straight in the eye, and said "I'm going to the bathroom!"
     
  11. Gator

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    It must be like when you get a physical and the doctor asks you to turn your head and cough...

    While he licks your balls to see if he can taste any cancer.

    That's normal, right?
     
  12. The Village Idiot

    The Village Idiot
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    Porn Worthy, Bitches

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    Ok, I'll admit it, I'm an Ellen fan. Yeah, yeah, I know. Anyway, Jimmy Kimmel is co-hosting today because it's Ellen's birthday, so could somebody please, please, please explain:

    How the fuck is Jimmy Kimmel famous? Does anyone find him funny? I don't get it. Yet, he still seems to be famous?

    WHAT AM I MISSING HERE?
     
  13. rachiii

    rachiii
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    You people are such weird skeptics. It's not like I go to a child molester or something.

    Quoted from WebMD:

    Rectovaginal exam

    For this exam, your health professional will insert one finger into your rectum and one into your vagina. This helps your health professional evaluate your ovaries and uterus ligaments. This exam is not always done as part of a pelvic exam.

    ALSO: weird volume of rep points on this topic, guys.
     
  14. Trakiel

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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    Well, either you have a medical history that dictates this should be done - which is certainly reasonable - or like MoreCowbell said, your gyno is an anal fetishist.*

    *And, um, I'm pretty sure that qualifies as sexual assault.
     
  15. lyle

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    Looks like I've gone from nocturnal to plain old insomniac. I think I last slept sometime on tuesday, can't be sure though, things are awful blurry at the moment.

    Thank god I've got my friends coming round with a nice bag of weed. Hopefully I can trick my brain into letting me sleep for more than a couple of minutes. If that doesn't work, then I may as well see how long I can stay awake for.
    Could I stay awake for the entire duration of the WDT? I feel like I owe it to the TiB to at least try. The challenge is too much to resist.
     
  16. Gator

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    He just has a laminated printout of the WebMD article that you can peruse while he charges you a co-pay to administer the Shocker.
     
  17. zzr

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    I'm absolutely certain none of my wife's doctors have ever performed that procedure. If so, she'd have an appointment with them every week. She loves that move, although it works better with the thumb in the back and two fingers in front.
     
  18. Sam N

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    Just realized I'm literally the only white person that works in the office.

    And it's been that way for about six months now.

    Who says "I don't see color" is just a myth? Myth-busted.
     
  19. MoreCowbell

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    No no, he does this extra service for free. Out of concern and the goodness of his heart, you see.


    "Do you see color?"
    "Well technically yes...but very, very slowly."
     
  20. Blue Dog

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    I am! But here's my deal, for you sweethearts who are worried about me:

    For the past few days, I've had pretty bad lower back pain, but not the pain that I normally have related to the herniated discs from my fall way back. This pain kinda radiates to my stomach as well. I'm also peeing like crazy- where I normally go maybe 2-3 times a day ( I don't know- who counts their pees?), I've now been going... I don't know... A bunch more than that. It doesn't hurt at all, I'm just going a shitload more than I normally do. I also have a feeling like I'm hungover and dehydrated all the time- tired, lethargic, headache- and I find that no matter how much water I drink, I cannot quench my thirst. Just today, I've probably downed a gallon and a half or so, and my mouth and throat are still as dry as can be. More than anything, though, I just want to go to sleep right now.

    So yeah- I feel like crap. When I told my dad my symptoms, he made me go to the urologist. She checked my oil, said she thinks I have a prostate infection but she's not 100% sure (my symptoms more closely mirror kidney stones she said, except that it doesn't hurt when I pee and there was never any blood in my urine. Plus, I went and got X-Rayed and came up clean), and that my case seems very atypical.

    So now I have to take antibiotics for two weeks and go back to see them if the pain does not go away. Which means I have to still hurt until then, plus I can't drinky drink. Which I don't even want to because I'm tired and my stomach hurts from the pain in my sides, but at least I'd feel better.

    Bull. Crap-O.

    ... Maybe I'm being TOO honest with you people...
     
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