Easter Drunk Thread

There is 420 boxes of Girl Guide cookies sitting in my house right now.

Jealous much?

 

Better drink to figure out if a bartender is good or not: a martini, or a mojito?

 

Mojitos aren't that tough, just time consuming (if it's crowded). Martinis take time and... you know what? I don't know fuck all about martinis.

For further mixed drink questions I suggest consulting one CharlesJohnson, esquire. If that IS your real name, sir.

 

the fuck is a Girl Guide?

 

I think it's the Canadian Girl Scouts. Which is equal parts weird and hilarious.

 

I have had Patron exactly once.

I was at a bar in the Foothills, (weird-ass development that is about 20 minutes from Yuma itself) enjoying myself with a few of my friends, when an insanely drunk black man came up to our table. It was only about 9:00, so it was clear that he'd been drinking since he'd gotten off work. He looked military, but much older than us. He spoke in all caps, the way Billy Mays would.

"HOW Y'ALL DOIN TONIGHT"
"Uh, pretty good, um... gunny"
"Y'ALL NIGGAS DRINKING DAT PATRON, RIGHT?"
"Not-"
"I WANT PATRON FOR ALL DEEZ NIGGAS"

So we got Patron. I found out that I don't like tequila. Nice guy, he got us all plastered on his tab.

 

Or, you know, drink whatever the fuck you want and don't give that bartenders look a second thought. I'm guessing he didn't.

 

The day I had a Vegas Bomb was the day that I decided peach schnapps were delicious. Beats the shit outta Jager, that's for sure.

 

Yes. Girls are guides, boys are scouts but with less child rape combined with gay aversion.

Cookies are still good so GET DEE FUCK

 

For me, it's always been a 50-50 mixture of peach schnapps and Crown in the shot, with Monster as the energy drink it's dropped into. Delicious.

Looking it up, it seems to usually be peach schnapps and Canadian whiskey. Some people put coconut rum in it as well.

 

Every time you drink coconut rum, a booze fairy dies a painful death, alone and unmourned.

 

The Gin and Tonic is definitely my new Serious Alcoholic's Drink contender.

For starters, it has gin in it. Gin is awesome. Nothing quite like having a historical reputation for bringing about moral corruption and the general decay of society, or being brewed in vats in some dude's outhouse in a Thameside slum.

Secondly, it has Tonic Water. That's a clear statement of intent, right there.

"Bartender, I'd like some gin please."
"Certainly, sir. What would you like with it?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do I have to have something with it? Can't I just have gin?"
"Well sir, it is the form. Perhaps some overly cloying fruit?"
"Fuck that. I know, put some tonic water up in that bitch."
"So you want me to mix your neat, raw spirit with sour, slightly fizzy water."
"Yep."
"Water that doesn't even taste nice on its own."
"Yep."
"Hats off, sir."

Also, Gin Lane:

 

Indiana you're killing me.

I demand D26's newly employed head.

 

I really don't understand how every team sees the 2-3 zone as some kind of alien technology that's never been seen before. Shit, all you see playing pickup in any park is man or 2-3 zone. Plus you know exactly what Syracuse is going to do on defense. Yet here we are.

 

So, I just tried Black Butte Porter, since it was given to me as payment. Beer is not supposed to taste like a goddamn mocha. Fuck.

My girlfriend just texted me saying that a local bar has half-off on Malibu Rum + Pineapple for Ladies' Night. I'm happy about this...

I'm so sorry for letting down the male gender. I JUST LIKE FRUITY DRINKS, OK?!

 

I went to Purdue. I am not saddened by this turn of events. I normally don't get too into the rivalries, but most of the IU fans I've met are giant walking bags of douche, or at least acted as such the minute they found out I went to Purdue, so screw em. Less bragging idiots going on about IU as the greatest basketball college EVER!!!!!

 

Maker's Mark? Check.

Ginger Ale? Check.

Tall glass? Check.

Repressed hatred of my co-workers? Check.


GOOD EVENING, MY INTERNET FRIENDS