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Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by downndirty, Mar 29, 2010.

  1. downndirty

    downndirty
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    So, apparently Star Wars fans (more so than the rest of the world) are upset with George Lucas for ruining their favorite franchise. So upset, in fact, they made a documentary about it.

    <a class="postlink" href="http://www.salon.com/entertainment/movies/film_salon/2010/03/28/people_versus_george_lucas/index.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.salon.com/entertainment/movi ... index.html</a>

    Which begs the question: how the hell did they all want Star Wars to go? In as few words as possible, apparently: Make Jar Jar go away.

    Focus: rewrite movies to your satisfaction in one sentence.
     
  2. Maltob14

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    Space Cadet

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    We're introduced to Edward and Bella, after which they die from a horrific mauling by a polar bear. I'd go into more detail but it's a one sentence limit.
     
  3. Drake

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    This was an article posted on Cracked a while back. Makes Star Wars a whole lot more feasible...

    http://www.morningstar.nildram.co.uk/A_New_Sith.html

    Personally, it was George Lucas' toy... he was allowed to do with it what he wanted. He was not beholden to the fans. The fact that some people feel this way is a commentary on their pathetic lives.
     
  4. Crown Royal

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    Stomp the Yard
    The idiot studio exec who green lighted this movie dies 5 years ago from being set on fire, the movie never gets made, and the Earth is a better place forever.
     
  5. Indiana

    Indiana
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    I personally just wish he would stop going back and fucking with the originals. I mean Steven Spielberg doesn't come back out with a digitally remastered 'Jaws' every five years. Let the sleeping ton-ton lie for Christ sake.
    I remember the first time I saw the end of the 'Return of the Jedi' with fucking Hayden Christensen photo shopped in to the last scene. I spit my lucky charms all over my coffee table... then ironically, I couldn’t find all of them.

    Focus: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
    Shia LaBeouf stops the hostile aliens by calling in a favor from Optimus Prime, Harrison Ford rails Karen Allen in a romantic reunion on the side of the pyramid, and then travels back in time with the fleeing aliens to save Star Wars 1, 2 and 3.
     
  6. Vanilla

    Vanilla
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    Every Disney Movie (only Walt Disney Animation Studios ones) since the year 2000: Whomever decided to start making movies that are a pile of shit died in 1999 and Disney continued to make good movies rather than rotting the minds of a generation with bullshit that has no meaning.

    Take me back to the days of Lion King, Aladdin, The Little Mermaid. As a kid they were all great movies. When I saw Lilo and Stitch, I knew their days were over, I mean, wtf was that?

    A list of their feature films

    Note how at 2000 they just started making garbage, with Emperor's New Groove being the exception (I just think it took longer to animate which is why it came out after the other 2000 garbage).

    And who decided to start with the bullshit direct to video movies they made. Like, Lion Kind 1 1/2? Are you fucking kidding me?

    A list of their pile of crap direct to video movies

    EDIT: I think I figured it out.
    This Peter Schneider one leaving must have been the nail in the coffin.

    EDIT x2: Interesting, I dunno how I didn't find this stuff before: The Disney Renaissance
     
  7. SMUGolfer

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    Transformers 2
    Shia Lebouf is brained by Megatron in the first 20 minutes; Josh Duhamel vows revenge and calls in his brother, Timothy Olyphant, to help kick ass and double team Megan Fox.
     
  8. effinshenanigans

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    After safely evacuating Morgan Freeman and that chick who is kind of hot, the producers of the movie Chain Reaction replace the prop hydrogen, laser-powered energy machine with an actual hydrogen bomb, killing Keanu Reeves in 1996 and saving the world from his shitty acting much earlier.
     
  9. JoeFresh

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    The Fox Execs that gave the greenlight for Dragonball Evolution were killed in a freak accident and the film was never made.

    I grew up watching this show and was so excited for this movie, yet it was complete shit! Even starting the series over and over during the Namek saga wasn't as bad!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ju3akabRu4Y
    really?
     
  10. numeric

    numeric
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    Focus: Don't let George direct.
     
  11. erk33

    erk33
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    Excuse me? How are you going to justify denying the world the urban classic known as Stomp the Yard 2: Homecoming?
     
  12. dixiebandit69

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    You mean like this gem?

     
    #12 dixiebandit69, Mar 30, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  13. Sponge

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    George McFly realizes that his son is starting to look exactly like the guy his wife "made out with" in a car back in 1955 before the "Enchantment Under the Sea" dance.

    Fixed that for you.
     
  14. dcg

    dcg
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    I'd like to have seen Alice keep falling for two hours, instead of more Tim Burton nonsense. Terrible. Maybe she could land on a massive spike at the bottom at the end.


    As for Star Wars, George Lucas operated best when he was simply an ideas man. The Empire Strikes Back, the best SW movie I think, had writers and a director and take Lucas's vision and make a real movie. When he has no one reigning him in he's just crazy. You have to be pretty fucking arrogant to make Episode I to III and taht Crystal Skull bullshit, and think I'm going to pay actual money for it.
     
  15. Roxanne

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    Jack Sparrow murders Will Turner, slaps Elizabeth for being a dumb whore and then bangs her anyway.

    Then he sails around banging whores and murdering idiots like pirates ought to be doing.
     
  16. Obviously5Believer

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    Absolutely. You hear stories about Lucas' first treatments and drafts of the original Star Wars and how they were essentially long, complicated messes with strange central characters that no one could relate to. Like Luke being named Luke Starkiller and being an aging general, and Han Solo being a green skilled alien with gills. It was only after he changed the protagonist to a young man and basically copied the story of an Akira Kurosawa film (The Hidden Fortress) did it start to resemble anything like the classic we all know and love. Even they aren't safe from Lucas' retarded ideas since he decided to jam them full of CGI shit and have Gredo shoot first.

    So it's pretty obvious that if Lucas was given absolute free reign on the original trilogy like he had for I-III, we might have gotten something similar: a long, boring mess of a film with retarded characters. You just need to look at George's track record.

    THX-1138: Low budget sci-fi thriller with an original look. Now a cult classic.
    American Graffiti: Low budget nostalgic comedy. Now a Cult Classic.
    Star Wars: Made on a budget that would be equivalent to $40 million, which is not huge as far as special effects laden action/adventure films go.

    ---Decades long hiatus from directing---

    Star Wars I-III: All had budgets of well over $100 million. A suckfest from start to finish. Widely slammed by fans, critics, and haters alike. What does this tell you about George's talent as a director?
     
  17. ssycko

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    No. THIS is the definitive Star Wars review-documentary-hilariously creepy guy abducting women video:



    If you want to be entertained, you will watch all seven parts. Actually, you'll want to watch them all after watching the first video anyway, no need for me to sell you on it.
     
    #17 ssycko, Mar 30, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  18. zyron

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    Sex and the City: An Aids infected crack addict rapes all four of those ugly whores at knifepoint which causes two to commit suicide and the other two die from a new fast developing form of HIV.
     
  19. SaintBastard

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    Disturbed

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    I would have ended the movie Meet Joe Black with this scene.



    Best romantic comedy ever.
     
    #19 SaintBastard, Mar 30, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  20. Misanthropic

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    Bullworth:

    During the first scene where Beatty is gazing perplexedley into the middle distance, the camera continues to zoom out, then fades to black, sparing us from the steaming pile of crap that follows over the next 90 minutes.