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Dude, I fucking suck at this

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by MooseKnuckle, Oct 30, 2009.

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  1. Beefy Phil

    Beefy Phil
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    I've adopted a method where I just look directly up when the photographer tells us to say "Cheese", as though I've suddenly spotted a low-flying helicopter or interesting-looking bird. This has spawned such classic Facebook comments as, "Why do we only see Phil's throat in every picture?" and "Jesus Christ, why can't you be photographed like a normal human being?"
     
  2. kuhjäger

    kuhjäger
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    Blinds. Fuck blinds. Once they are pulled up I can't get them down. It takes me 10 minutes to get them half down, and they are at a strange angle, therefore they are always down in the apartment . Jägerette's dad once came over and pulled up the blinds. I was noticeably twitching knowing that I would have to put them down.

    Fuck blinds.
     
  3. ssycko

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    I'm proficient at everything.

    Except finding Easter Baskets.
     
  4. mrDro

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    Singing and playing instruments. If my life depended on singing in tune or fighting a pack of hungry wolves I'd stand a better chance against the wolves. Now as far as instruments go, I got a guitar for my 15th. birthday, fast-forward 7 years and I still can't put 5 notes together.
     
  5. Kittie

    Kittie
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    I absolutely suck at lying, especially if said lie will benefit me in any shape, form or fashion. I get nervous and it's blatantly obvious. This is a sweet trait and not usually viewed as a problem. However, as a kid I constantly got caught at everything sneaky I tried to weasel past my parents and currently can not talk my way out of a speeding ticket.
     
  6. dixiebandit69

    dixiebandit69
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    I cannot win at arm wrestling. This is seriously embarassing. I once lost to my nephew-in-law (10 years my junior) IN FRONT OF MY SON. It doesn't get much worse than that, people.
    I do not understand why this is. I have arm-wrestled guys that I know for a fact I am stronger than, but for some reason I never can seem to win.
    Also, after just a couple of rounds, my elbow is killing me.
    I've tried the whole "let the other guy get tired first" strategy with no luck.
    This is something that really pisses me off.
     
  7. satan rae

    satan rae
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    Like someone has already mentioned above, I am a complete failure at being photographed.

    When I go out to the bars I usually go with a group of my girlfriends and I have one friend who starts taking pictures at the start of the night and doesn't quit until we go our separate ways home. She then posts ALL of them the next day on facebook which I honestly dont comprehend, who needs 2400 pictures on FB?
    My girls always look amazing no matter how fucked up/drunk they get but somehow I always end up looking like I just smoked a huge bowl, even when I haven't. I tend to spend the day after the bar un tagging pictures of myself.

    I also have a problem with not walking into inanimate objects. I come home bruised pretty much every day.
     
  8. shegirl

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    Redemption Seeking Whore

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    Funny I seem to remember something on the old board regarding names in which you posted a very similar story in a Rant&Rave never mentioning the Snopes story link and posting as if it had happened to you. If I remember correctly SLF found it and changed your avatar to read something not so nice like Dumb Bitch or something. Boy I bet you're glad that place is gone.

    Me and my pesky memory.
     
  9. swood

    swood
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    I look stoned in most pictures - I don't smoke weed. Or I've pulled a stupid face because I get bored after about 2 seconds of smiling because people take freaking ages to actually take a picture. I've given up on photos and just fuck around when cameras come out.

    In all fairness, I'd much rather take shit photos constantly than be one of those people that's trained their face so well that they have the same look in every photo and subsequently end up in a youtube montage:

     
    #29 swood, Nov 2, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  10. rupee

    rupee
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    Whistling.

    I can't whistle to save my life. I've had countless people try to show me, but every one has given me an explanation along the lines of: "Just do this with your tongue and blow." What? Do what with my tongue? Blow? Blow how? And while I'm sputtering with my whistle attempts whoever is trying to teach me always ends up saying, "Just watch me." Well, thanks. Dick. Because me watching you whistle the Star Wars theme is totally going to teach me and is not just a way to show how fucking smug you are with your whistling prowess.

    It's frustrating that I can't no matter how much I try, because with practice I've learned how to do stuff such as touch my tongue to my nose and snap my index finger against my thumb and middle finger.
     
  11. gtg2k

    gtg2k
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    I would put the amount of pole that has been in this girl's mouth around the mid-to-upper three digits

    FOCUS:

    I cannot blow bubblegum bubbles to save my life. I can whistle and trill my tongue, but cannot make bubble gum bubbles.
    I suck at throwing things, though in fairness to myself have destroyed both of my shoulders and rotator cuffs.
     
    #31 gtg2k, Nov 2, 2009
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  12. Supertramp

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    I can't...
    Sing on account of being tone-deaf. It sucks because I love music more than anything in the world.
    Which leads to...
    I can't play guitar much because I can't distinguish notes well, so it'll have to be all from memory.
    Which leads to...
    Grind never getting to fulfill his life dream of playing in front of a loud, raucous crowd.

    I've been playing guitar on-off for about 5 years too.

    Other things Grind can't do:
    Whistle, Blow Bubblegum, Floss, Remember Names/Faces, Organize his forms, Dance the Macarena without missing one of the moves, NOT sing along to "YMCA" by the Village People, Participate in a LOST discussion without interjecting his theory "The smoke monster represents the evil in mankind, man" multiple times, Make legible lists, Remember your birthday, Remember our anniversary, Remember to feed the dog...

    That's all that comes to mind, for now.
     
  13. carl24

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    I can't play pool, sing, or dance to save my life. I can't even really sway to the beat of the music in a convincing fashion.
     
  14. kannibis

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    So, I am proficient in most things that I do. Usually no matter what it is, within a short period of time I am at the same level or above as my direct peers, anyway. Be it beer pong, cornhole, playing guitar, driving race cars, poker......etc. you get the idea. However there is one thing that blows my freakin mind. Something that no matter how many times I try, no matter how many classes, seminars, and tutoring sessions I take, I just CAN'T figure it out. ALGEBRA

    I really dont understand why this is. It's all very concrete, nothing changes. Anyone have a secret, or technique that will help me conquer this mountain of bullshit that is algebra?
     
  15. seelivemusic

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    I can't seem to play golf well enough to be competitive with anyone except my 6 year old nephew. I've taken lessons and practiced a bunch but my lefty swing is just awful. I can putt well but that doesn't help me very much.

    I did hit a bucket of balls this summer righty and was surprised how straight the ball went but lacked any real power. I am going to take a lesson as a righty and see how it goes.
     
  16. Durbanite

    Durbanite
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    I manage to fail at:

    - not looking like a retard in photos.
    - running and anything athletics-related (apart from shot-putt).
    - understanding almost anything on the Ask A Scientist thread.
    - not being a clumsy dork.
    - women. (I had to include that, I think?)

    I think that covers most things.
     
  17. amjoyce

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    You may have shoulder issues. I'm a 250lb powerlifter and I barely beat a seventh grader arm wrestling cause my shoulders are completely fucked from bench and shoulder press. Work on your rotator cuffs, delts, and forearms.

    Speaking of which, I fucking suck at bench press cause of my shoulders. I barely bench my body weight while the people that I compete against lift nearly twice theirs. I make up for it in deadlift and squat but I would rank much higher if my bench press didn't suck ass.

    Also I can't do anything that requires balance (i.e. skateboarding, skiing, ice skating). I really can't even stand on one foot for very long without tipping over. Fuck all of you athletic people that make it look so easy and fun.
     
  18. bucketheader

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    For the most part, having a good ear is a learned skill. This is part of why playing music is hard and not everyone is a virtuoso... because it takes hard work like everything else; you can't just tune your guitar and expect to get raped by ravenous women.
     
  19. Jubes2681

    Jubes2681
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    Like a few others, I can't whistle to save my life. It's really pathetic when I try, so I've given up on it. I tend to frighten the cats when I attempt it since I sound like some sort of waspy, wavy tea kettle.

    I also really suck at swimming, which could be a potential problem as I got out to sea from time to time for research. I figure that's what those life jackets and gumby suits are for.

    I can't do the "Live Long and Prosper" finger thing. I have spent a ridiculous amount of time trying since I grew up watching Star Trey, but I just can't keep my ring finger and pinky finger together without physical restraint (tape, using my other hand, etc.).

    [​IMG]

    I also can't pee standing up. Stupid vagina, getting in the way of efficient pissing. Squatting on the walk home from the bar always sucks.
     
  20. zyang31

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    I can't remember the lyrics to popular songs to save my life. When I'm at concerts or people start singing I just mouth along to the songs and hope I don't look like a complete retard.
     
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