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Drunk Thread? Why Yes, I'd Love Some! 1/21/11

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Blue Dog, Jan 21, 2011.

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  1. Blue Dog

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    Want to know how smooth I am?

    Yesterday, I was under the (what turned out to be false*) impression that my liquor cabinet was running low on certain items that I deem to be un-run-out-able, aka, "holy shit, I only have 3/4 of a handle of bourbon left- PANIC". So during my lunch break, I made a little trip to my favorite little grocery store/liquor emporium, and friggin' loaded up. I left that place with 4 bottles of wine, a handle of Eeeeee-Vahn Williams, and a impulse-buy handle of Vodka- just 'cause, you know, why not? Me likey Waahdka.

    But on my way home, I start to think to myself- wait a minute, I'm married now. What will The Wife think about this? Is she gonna be pissed? I mean, when she's not pregant, she likes to tie one on along with the best of them. But now, is she going to think that I'm insensitive to have fun and get all drunky in front of her instead of using that money to doing something couple-y? You know, like, I don't know, go to dinner and a movie and then hang out at Hobby Lobby until closing?

    So I think fast. I stop on the way home and pick her up just a couple of small, sweet gifts. She's been sick all week, so I got her some medicine and a DVD, and wrapped them up together with a little bow. Then, I put a single little flower through the ribbon as well, and drew her a funny little get well soon/I love you card as a little something extra that I was sure would get me some brownie points.

    She gets home from work, quickly looks at the gift I have in my hands as I stand at the door to greet her, and then runs (or waddles, I guess- she's almost 6 months pregnant) past me to the bathroom to pee for what I can only assume to be the 900th time that day. Then when she comes out, before she comes back to get her little present, she sees all of my gifts to myself that I had left in the kitchen. Her reaction:

    "Awww, baby! You got yourself some presents! Sweet- I love drunk you!"

    Then she saw her presents told me not to waste my money on her. Except for the medicine. She liked that.

    I guess I'm not so smooth after all. But Man, I love that woman.

    But anyway, I got interrupted while writing this to go to a business lunch that included raw oysters and beer. My tab after tip was $129. I'm kinda.... Weeeeeeeeeeeee!

    'Sup?

    (*It turned out that I had more whiskey hidden towards the back. Oh well, more whiskey= happy!)
     
  2. Solaris

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    You are everything I want to be and more.
     
  3. Frank

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    I will be adopting the whole "If I'm going to be sick I may as well be drunk" philosophy and have a couple drinks before bed. I feel bad for the GF* though, usually when one of us gets sick the other goes out and parties (why should two people be miserable?). But she doesn't have any friends here yet she feels comfortable hanging out with if I'm not around, shitty.

    *as bad as someone can feel for an unemployed chick who's living expenses are covered by her boyfriend... so not very.
     
  4. Durbanite

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    Since this thread is so new, here we go. Me likey.
     

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  5. Solaris

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    I like Guinness too. I know there are some barmen on this thread so it's time for some fucking education. I've worked in some of the best bars in Ireland. When I first started I rushed a pint, which means I poured it in 45secounds approx, the bar manager spotted it came up to me and said "Danny, I don't ever want to see you do that again".

    In Ireland we take our fucking Guinness properly. Now however, I've failed my Universatay and have to live with my parents in England. Jesus christ these people have no idea how to pour a Guinness, it's embarrasing. No matter how much I offer to tip, if they do exactly what I say they still fuck it up. Pouring a Guinness isn't hard. However the barstaff think I'm some drunk idiot, when really I'm offering very valuable advice.

    Here's how an expert will pour their pint of Guinness.

    1: Push forwards on the tap till the liquid colour goes from creamy, to black, hold the glass at a <45 degree angle hitting the glass halfway up. The drink should be black within 2 secounds.

    2:pull back on the tap, again 45degree angle, hitting the glass halfway up, keep it pouring like this till it levels out at the level of the harp on the side of the glass.

    3:Let it fucking settle. This means putting it down and leaving it for at least 60 secounds. And no, don't just stare at it for 60 secounds, go serve someone else fucking moron, I hate having to keep an eye on my guinness the whole time in case the barman prematurely tops it up.

    4. Very gently, holding the glass close to the tap, push forward and top it up. No need to push forward the whole way, and don't give me a shamrock in my drink (pissing in my drink as the belfast regulars call it). Then when it's leveled at the top serve it. The perfect Guinness should take two minuted from getting the order to serving.

    Fucking shitty barstaff drive me nuts.
     
  6. bewildered

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    This week was the first week of classes, and it wasn't even a full week (MLK day Monday). I feel so exhausted. I can't tell if I am truly taking too many hours or if it's just tough getting back into the swing of things, but it is rough, and I would like some wine. I have a meeting at 3, but after that, it is ON.
     
  7. Sherwood

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    Does this not seem ridiculous to you? I'm a beer snob of the highest order, but I'd never ask for a bartender to spend this much time pouring a Guinness just to make it marginally better. It's a fucking Guinness, it's mass produced. Delicious, but mass produced.
     
  8. Rush-O-Matic

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    which reminds me that IT'S ABOUT TIME this thread was open for business -- seeing as how you racist Canadians didn't even extend last weekend's thread through Monday in honor of Dr. King.

    How awesome will this weekend be? Well, I get to drive dear ol' mom for 4 hours, off to a funeral for my creepy uncle that I never liked anyway. Yay.
     
  9. Solaris

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    Absolutely not. You did it other than the way I described (skipping step one is often forgiven) and people may very well refuse to pay for their pint. Perhaps in America all Guinness is shit, but over here, when it's good it can be fucking excellant, really nice, so it's such a shame when someone fucks it up by rushing it.

    Besides, it's not really anymore time consuming than doing it any other way, most of the time is taken up in letting it settle, this means you do the first 3 steps, then put it down and serve someone else, then you come back to it, top it up and give it to the customer. It's not that hard to do and it really makes the difference.
     
  10. bewildered

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    Damned racists. I did my fair share on Monday to celebrate the King. I drank a whole glass of chocolate milk in his honor.
     
  11. katokoch

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    #11 katokoch, Jan 21, 2011
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  12. Rush-O-Matic

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    Oh, that would be awesome. (Also, it cracks me up that when Will Ferrell does that wink, it's the same as his face for his George Bush impression.) Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure everybody at this funeral is going to be related to me, so I don-- hmm, well, I do have one girl cousin that I wouldn't mind getting a blow job from.

    What? So, now I'm the only one that's thought of this before.
     
    #12 Rush-O-Matic, Jan 21, 2011
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  13. CharlesJohnson

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    One of my uncles died before I was born. His kids pretty much scattered. They came back for one of my aunt's funerals in '01. I will be damned if one of their daughters, my 2nd cousin, didn't look like a spindly Aria Giovanni. The resemblance was so acute I really did think it was her. I started asking what she did, what college, etc., hoping for a clue. Is it really so bad if it is that far removed, and you didn't know her otherwise? Well... yeah. It is. And the child would be an abomination I'd end up drowning in the tub, but goddamn, yanno?

    Err, you're just fucking twisted, dude. You need to find Jesus. And try not to fantasize about him too.
     
  14. Kraken

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    I understand what I am about to say is sacrilegious to many (especially you irishmen), but is Guiness an acquired taste? Every time I drink it my face contorts in a new way that I thought not possible for each swig. Now a nice stiff Maker's and Coke, that is something that will get the weekend started right!
     
  15. Nettdata

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    Rectally?
     
  16. Malignity

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    I'm British and don't like Guiness, and a fair few people I know don't like it. Some of them do like it when in Ireland though. There is a big difference if you have a guiness while in Ireland.
     
  17. Noland

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    Both of our sons are spending the night out with someone else. I honestly don't know who the 6 year old is spending the night with, but Mrs. Noland vetted the thing and she's the responsible one, so I'm good.

    That leaves the girl. She goes to bed at 7:00.

    Our bed was returned from the carpenter yesterday to repair it from when we broke it fucking on it 2 weeks ago.

    I bought lots of wine.

    So if you've ever watched amateur porn and thought to yourself, "Why is the MILF with the chubby, hairy guy?" You'll have an accurate mental picture of what my evening will be like. You're welcome.
     
  18. taikaviitta

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    Drinking red wine and watching Jersey Shore. I think I hate myself.

     
    #18 taikaviitta, Jan 21, 2011
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  19. PewPewPow

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    Fuck this week was ridiculous. Luckily I can start drinking 7 and 7s in a few hours.
     
  20. Diablo

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    92 on my systems test today. Did about 3 hours of computer classes, and now I'm eating a sammich and drinking a beer. Good weekend will be had.
     
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