Don't worry it won't bite.

Or she's really smart and has got you whipped....

My mother used to breed dobermanns and we kept a couple for pets. One of them, Nikki, was as mean as they come; a great guard dog who'd been put through extensive training. We had all the warning signs around our fenced property, and if anyone so much as pointed a finger at my mother, Nikki would have them bailed up on the ground or in a corner in a split second. She'd sunken her teeth into a couple of people who ignored the warnings over the years. She was like this with everyone except my brother. All he'd have to do was pat her gently on the head and she'd immediately squat and piss herself.

Her daughter was the complete opposite. She was the gentlest, dopiest dog I've ever seen, almost to the point of being retarded. She would go to walk through doorways and miss. And often, her back legs would walk faster than her front legs and she'd end up sideways.

 

I am still waiting for my 8 month old rescue to stop peeing like a bitch. Lift up your leg and stop peeing on your paws.

 

My cat Booya is generally a loner and doesn't "play" much, but throw a ball of tinfoil in the air and she'll jump nearly six and a half feet straight up for it (no I did not throw her in this photo):

Spoiler

 

We used to have this somewhat retarded dobey mutt named Wheezy. She basically looked like a baked potato with legs. When I was a kid I'd pick her up and put her on my bed to go to sleep and she'd be out before I reached my room. I expected her to get up at some point in the night and find her own spot like the other dogs. But I'd wake in the morning and she'd be in the exact same position. First time it happened I thought she dead. I started getting too creeped out and stopped bringing her in. Also, you could stare at her from like an inch away and she would freeze, not out of fear, but just freeze into a photograph. I'd try to stare at her and try to get her to break, but I never outlasted her.

Once I came home tired and she licked my face as I was falling asleep. About 20mins later I snapped awake in horrible pain thinking someone was stabbing me in the face with an icepick. Wheezy had continued licking my cheek until she'd actually licked a hole in my face. My first thought was to belt her, but she was just so damn retarded and lovely.

 

My cat is that stereotypical indoor cat that thinks he is a mighty hunter. He attacks and chases flies, lays waste to small stuffed animals, has been known to take small toys or stuffed things and leave them in his bowl, but the one day a small, and i mean tiny, mouse got into our house, he approached it and ran off like he was on fire.

His best trait however, is his sneak attacks. He loves to wait around corners and paw people's feet and ankles as they pass. He has no claws, so its harmless, but its hilarious to see people freak out when they don't know him. When he was younger, he used to pull down these potted fake plants my mom has, create ground cover, and lie in wait. Now he is a 18 lb black cat, so he cant exactly blend in with a fake tree, but it was hilarious to watch him try. He also does this weird diagonal hop away if you ever chase him following a sneak attack. Think the classic black cat Halloween pose and then moving away diagonally, its bizarre.

 

One of my four dogs, Zeke, has a song; "Who let the dogs out" by the Baha Men. He flips out whenever he hears it. He'll be lying there quietly on the floor and we'll be watching TV or a movie. A snippet of the song will come on unexpectedly. Instantly he jumps up and comes over to me whining and crying, leans against me until it ends.

This started 5 or 6 years ago. We keep the "boys" in a 12' x 12' outdoor run that I've set up in the basement of our house while we're at work. It keeps them out of trouble and limits accidents to their area, as opposed to them finding the last vestiges of virgin carpet in the house to shit on. To let them out, I have to go down the basement stairs and walk the 20 feet or so to their run. For the longest time, as I was walking towards them I'd sing "Who let the dogs out? Who! Who! Who!". This would get them all riled up, barking and pogo-ing. It became our little ritual as I'm usually home before my wife. Never thought twice about it. Then one night we were watching a hockey game on TV and during a stoppage in play they played "Who let the dogs out". The other 3 dogs didn't react, but Zeke suddenly jumped up and started whining and crying. We hadn't put two and two together yet, so my wife and I were looking at each other wondering "What the hell is his problem?"

This happened two or three more times on different nights before it finally dawned on me that he might be reacting to the song. Still, it seemed a little improbable so the next day we conducted an experiment. I got my computer out, went on Youtube, called Zeke over, and started playing various songs. Nothing. No reaction. Then I played "Who let the dogs out". Instantly he jumped up, whining and crying and trying to climb up on me. Since then, its been Zeke's song. Its amazing that after so many years he recognizes it in a flash. Just a few weeks ago we were watching some recent movie (can't remember which) and they had a snippet of the song. Before I even had a chance to recognize the song he was up on me crying.

 

I'm not a huge cat person, but The Fiance bought a cat a year and a half or so ago........ and this goddamn thing could possibly be the greatest fucking cat on the planet.
She plays fetch.
And when I say fetch, I mean fetch like a dog. She'll not only fetch the rubber band/hair band, she'll bring it back to you, and then wait for you to shoot it off across the house again. Over and over and over again. If your sitting on the couch with your feet up on the coffee table, she'll jump up in your lap and give it to you, jump off and wait impatiently about 5 feet away for you to flick it across the house again... For fucking hours.

The only down time for us is when she can't find a rubber band/hair band, or she's sleeping. She will hunt around the house for hours looking for one. She wants to play so fucking much that we've tried hiding the things, but she eventually finds them. On top of the fridge, easy, in the medicine cabinet above the sink, she's found them there, inside a tiny cubby hole in the entertainment center, no fucking problemo.

The other kinda cool thing she does is greet you when you come home. And I'm not talking about greeting you at the door, she will literally be on the front step on the street talking to you as you pull your car up. She's been known to jump on The Fiance's car as soon as she puts it into park, expecting attention.
I'm actually surprised the goddamn thing hasn't gotten run over yet.

The only thing that she's weird about, and for legitimate reasons, is she will claw the mother of fuck out of your hand if you touch her belly. She had some cancer 6 months ago, and they had to operate, and after that, her belly is off limits.

 

I was never much of a cat person until my fatass tuxedo cat Quint came into my life. Now I cannot imagine what life would be like without them.

We have two cats. Storm is very jittery and skittish. He's one of those "I'm a cat, and I'll come to you" types. He's sweet and affectionate on his terms. In other words, he's a typical feline.

Quint, on the other hand...I swear he was a dog in another life. He comes when he's called, he speaks on command, gives kisses, gets excited when we come home, loves to be held and petted, the whole nine.

However, one trait that we find greatly amusing is his anger at being moved. He'll find a comfortable spot on our laps, in the nook on our legs, wherever. Under his sixteen pound frame, eventually something is going to go numb or overheat. If he's gotten comfortable enough to get into that snooze mode (cat owners know what I mean, he's not sleeping but he's dosing) and you feel the need to move him...he gets so pissed. All I have to do is say "Quint..." and his tail starts swishing back and forth in annoyance. If I brush my hand against him and say "Get up" he'll let out a faint "mrrrww." This hand brushing/"get up" command is followed by at least a minute of meows that get angrier with each passing second. Finally, he's pissed enough to get up, let out one last "MRRRRWWWWW" with a contemptous look and step onto some body part with his big ass to let you know he's angry.

It's funny to watch but not so funny when he puts all of his weight down on a sensitive body part in defiance.

 

My dog Monty will go ape shit as soon as he sees his lead - he knows he's going for a run.
As when I pick up my keys, because i generally take him everywhere I go (pulls women like madness)

My ex girlfriend had two Alaskan Malamutes that would howl when they heard sirens, cry when it was 630pm - dinner time, and love you to death when you got home from work because they too, knew it was dinner time.

Pictures of my dog, and her Malamutes can be seen in the pet thread.

 

I have an adopted cat that is the reason Youtube was invented. Just a few examples:

The doorframe to the guest bathroom will need some serious filler and repainting from him running across the apartment, jumping up sometimes five feet and hanging there until he slides down.

Occasionally he'll launch himself head first into the window at birds or squirrels outside.

If someone is outside in the breezeway, his hair will stand up and he'll growl like a guard dog.

He has jungle fever. Whenever I or my brother have a black woman over, he's on her like ugly on Sarah Jessica Parker. Not so with a woman of any other race.

If he's in the kitchen and sees me, if I duck down behind the counter he'll run around it to make sure I haven't disappeared.

When my brother rough-houses with him, as he goes to leave the cat will run up behind him and wrap himself around his leg for revenge.

Waving your hand above his head if he's by the kitchen table pisses him off to no end, and he'll leap into the air to get a piece of you.

And this only happened once, but I hope he does it again because it'd be hilarious: once when I was shaving, I caught him staring at me while humping the doorframe. That would have been funny on its own, but the look on his face (something like "don't look at me, I'm as confused as you are!") made it priceless.

Basically I adopted an animal that is clinically insane, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

 

One of our cats taught himself to pee in the toilet. God I wish the other 2 would clue in that would make life so much easier.