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Don't backtalk me on your wall!!!

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Revengeofthenerds, Aug 26, 2014.

  1. Revengeofthenerds

    Revengeofthenerds
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    i posted this legendary (qualifier: 40 million views) video in the wdt:



    only once i got a rep about it, did it occur to me that some people have never seen it.

    here's part of my pm in response:

    focus: as current parents, and especially for those who will be parents in the future, we are having to exercise command and control (or selectively withhold control), almost literally, in another dimension. our parents never had to deal with the internet. when we were growing up, if we even had a computer, the most our parents had to worry about was us drawing boobies on ms paint or watching scrambled porn on skinemax while eating toothpaste after we snuck out past our bedtimes.... yeah, i totally never ate toothpaste. just an example.

    but today, anytime our son or daughter even looks at a phone, we know that everything from the insane to the obscene is a few clicks away. that they can be influenced by peer pressure to the extent that "cyber bullying" is not only a new concept, but has driven children to suicide.

    how do you approach this? where do you think the line is between good parenting and over-parenting with this new facebook generation?


    alt. focus: for the three people who have never seen that video, discuss the video.
     
    #1 Revengeofthenerds, Aug 26, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  2. Juice

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    a parenting thread? wickedbitch to the white courtesy phone.

    bump.

    edit: i would move all the related posts from the wdt to this one, but my client's websense doesnt like me opening that thread so another mod will have to do it if they want.
     
  3. walt

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    our 12 year old told us once that his friend had an iphone, and wanted to know when he could have one. i told him when he graduates, gets a job, and can pay for it himself.

    they're allowed on the internet but the computer is in the living room where at any moment we can see what is on the screen. of course most of his time is spent looking at video game cheat sites, pokemon shit and the like, but someday...

    i know someone whose kid was talked into sending nude selfies under the pretext they were talking to a chick their age. turns out it was a pervert in another state.

    thing like that situation or those kids that get cyber bullied and driven to suicide, why the fuck are they allowed to spend all their time on the internet alone in their bedroom in the first place ?

    with all the things that kids can access so easily now ( or makes them accessible ) i'm not so sure one can over parent. at least not when it comes to the internet.
     
  4. shimmered

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    i've been fortunate, so far, in that i haven't had to deal too much with anyone bullying my kids like that. i say "i", i suppose i mean "we". either way. it's been a good thing so far. we believe in leading from the front, so to speak, and not making anyone feel badly about themselves. that helps in making the kids not want to be bullies. they're all three pretty compassionate, kind people.

    but.
    their emails filter through my inbox.
    i have access to their facebook pages.
    imessages all go through my laptop.
    instagram - i follow their feeds.

    snapchat and kik are only allowed until i get a sense than they shouldn't be. as soon as my gut says no...then they're deleted.

    i expect my kids to argue and have differences with other kids, and i'm okay with that, and i encourage them to work them out by talking about it.
     
  5. Kubla Kahn

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    uhh, they don't have to be locked in their bedrooms anymore to gain access to the internet. cyber bullying is a lot more insidious in some respects than traditional bullying, you get the same negative behavior from the bullies plus it is recorded publicly basically in perpetuity. having your bullied kid delete their facebook and ignore social media does not stop others from continuing the behavior or harassing the child. the only benefit, so to say, is that it can be traceable to the bullies easier than the hearsay of traditional bullying.
     
  6. Juice

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    this is something i saw a whole back of a mom who caught her daughter being a bully online:

    [​IMG]

    i have no experience parenting, but i feel like the mom having the girl write that she's a "kind, caring, smart girl," was a better message than making her feel shitty about it. obviously bullying is wrong and she's at fault, but i don't know it seemed like it would be more effective and slightly more embarrassing than forcing girl to write "i'm an evil cyber bully."
     
  7. shimmered

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    reminding her that she is in fact a kind, caring, smart girl is definitely, imo, the way to go. way better than berating her, because there's no defense against being reminded of something like that.
     
  8. walt

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    i guess when i wrote "locked in their bedrooms" i meant lack of supervision in general.

    bullying has gone on forever and will continue to no matter how many public ad campaigns and school rallies they hold to try and stop it.

    there was a case of a girl in florida who was being tormented so the parents sent her to a different school. but they still let her have her cell phone so the girls bothering her simply switched to social media and texting her until she finally killed herself.

    the problem now as i see it is parents have basically opened the door for the bullying and other problems to continue by allowing their kids to have access to things like social media or even just receiving texts without supervision.
     
  9. JWags

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    i have no kids(that i know of, lolz, classic joke!) thus only can speak to parenting secondhand, but my mom has always said "you can't watch/parent your kids at all times, so the best thing you can do is teach them the right values where you can". basically, no matter what, unless you're amish or you're home schooling your kids, they are going to be out and about, whether at school, at a friends house, etc... and they are going to have opportunities. if you teach them right in the first place, ideally, excessive monitoring isn't needed.

    everyone knows the kid that had the overbearing parents who controlled their tv watching to 45 min a week, allowed them 1 hour of video games a month, and ran their lives until they were 16. thats the kid who goes to college and is a fucking sloppy mess cause the minute they are off the leash, they raise hell. shimmered talked about monitoring her kids' fb. smart, but, there was a big deal at my sister's hs when she was a freshman when a group of asshats created fake fb profiles for fictitious girls from a neighboring school and tortured the hell out of some kids. kids are going to find a way to get around your filters and your rules, you just have to educate them the best you can and hope for the best.
     
  10. shimmered

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    understand that when we are monitoring, we're also discussing things that concern us. it's an ongoing dialogue.
     
  11. walt

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    excessive monitoring ? no of course not. but many don't seem to monitor at all and therein lies the problem.

    i've had people say to me, "you can't protect them forever.", and of course i can't. but within the walls of this home is another matter. you do your best as a parent to teach them right from wrong, that they can come to you with problems, and try to keep the wolf outside the door.
     
  12. Angel_1756

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    coming as a child of a tiger mom, i will tell you that my mother was very controlling and monitored much of my life - sat in on lessons, called teachers on her off time to get updates about my behaviour, listened in on phone calls, read my letters (because yes, we had fucking letters when i was young), read my emails, the whole bit. y'know what that taught me?

    how to sneak around.

    and i'm fucking good at it.

    just a word to the wise.
     
  13. walt

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    i certainly could never do that kind of stuff. a kid has to screw up to learn some lessons after all.
     
  14. toddamus

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    i'm definitely happy facebook wasn't around when i was in high school. can't imagine a better way for teenagers to out kids with no friends than see how many friends they have on facebook. conveniently, fb came around my freshman year of college so it worked out for me. back when i was in high school people were all about aim chat, and how many friends you had on there.

    it seems like fb can be another way to bully and marginalize the kids who maybe don't fit in quite as well. imagine you're a kid, trying to fit in and its just not working. not only do you hear it at school, but when you get home you're still a target.

    i used to visit a goalie gear facebook group that had a lot of teenagers in it, and i saw first hand how bad the cyber bullying can be. the kids were like jackals. once one kid started to get picked one more and more people would add on until the kid was a constant target and received some pretty heinous comments. hard to imagine being bullied at school, then still being available to be bullied on the internet. the kids get no break, there's no hiding for them anymore.

    unfortunately i think cyber bullying is much like the traditional form. a few parents will try to stop their kids from engaging in it, however, there will be more that don't know/don't care its going on.
     
  15. supersanscape

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    i second this. i'm chinese (canadian) and my mom is a tiger mom. i'm in university right now and i definitely saw myself fall off the wheels a bit in first year. this might be off topic but controlling parents beware: it's not just that your kid might act out when they aren't in your supervision but i feel a general lack of confidence in making my own decisions and staying motivated towards my own goals (as opposed to imposed goals) as a repercussion of my upbringing. that's my own shit to deal with and i don't want to blame my parents anymore but i've seen my friends who were brought up similarly deal with this as well.

    edit: oh and forgot to mention that for all their strictness and computer monitoring, i watched an unbelievable amount of porn back when i was an underage girl. so maybe you (parents) aren't as computer savvy as you believe...
     
  16. downndirty

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    i think the biggest difference is that kids are not allowed to fuck up. i was a hellacious kid and my parents realized life would be much easier if i was allowed to find my own way. they didn't support or advocate my awfulness, but when i fucked up they were there to say, "ok, this is as bad as it's gotten and this is what you have to do to fix it." they had a few serious rules: if they were working, so was i. school was my job and it came first. be honest with them. don't do anything that i would regret in 5 years. that last one was absolutely key: i couldn't think in broad strokes, but i understood i didn't want to lose options in college or later life. one of the biggest things i learned from my troop of gang-bangers: they act as mature as you treat them. give them autonomy and they will often try to make the right call, in as much as they understand it.

    now, children have to navigate a minefield of overly sensitive adults (here's looking at the school that suspended a kid for a gun-shaped piece of toast), the internet, and an increasingly kid-unfriendly culture. our expectations of kids have increased to the point that it's absurd and the paranoia associated with child-rearing looks goddamned pathological. it feels ridiculous to remind people that the reality is no one is actively trying to fuck, kidnap or hurt your child.

    the tiger mom thing baffles the fuck out of me. adults ought to have better shit to do than be a professional "diaper sniffer"-carlin's words, not mine.

    one thing that definitely bears analysis is what is the point of social media for kids? do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks? for me, it wasn't a positive until college, when i actually had friends scatter across the globe. in high school? it was only used for sneaking around, organizing whiskey orgies, and other anti-social fuckery. if kids prefer that to using actual phone conversations, fine, but it needs to be pretty transparent what they are getting out of it.
     

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  17. shimmered

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    i try to teach my kids kindness, fairness, and empathy. it's uphill to put it into words and much easier, i think, to live the way i want my kids to be. mainly because kids have an incredible bullshit meter, and when you're telling them one thing and doing another, you undermine yourself before you even finish the conversation. "do as i say not as i do" is a horrible parenting philosophy.


    so key. especially with the increasingly severe punishments for things like senior pranks, drug convictions, vandalism, and the like. gone are the days of people not ruining a kid's life forever for something that happened at 17-18.
     
  18. Noland

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    as part of this demographic, please do not lump me in with this fucking asshole.

    if you have to resort to gunplay to discipline your child you are an utter failure as a parent and a human being.
     
  19. Angel_1756

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    to be clear, i don't begrudge my childhood at all. i was pushed very hard and as a result, i am very successful. i wasn't the obedient daughter that my mother wanted me to be, but once that 2-3 year rebellious period was over, i was able to buckle down, get a solid degree, get a good job, and push myself just as hard as she ever pushed me.

    don't take my earlier post to mean that she tagged me like an animal and tracked my every move - but she did spy on me a bit, possibly because she knew if she asked me things directly, she wouldn't get the truth out of me. so maybe she's smarter than i've given her credit for all these years.
     
  20. The Village Idiot

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    it's funny, my parents pushed me very hard, and i managed to become a complete and utter failure at damn near everything.

    i'm not sure whether to be ashamed or proud, as i excel at failure. i need to think about that.