Translation of a crying infant: "HEY, ASSHOLES!!!" ...that's it. A great way to get parenting tips: go to the closest Wal-Mart and watch the parents closely. Now, never do everything that you observed. Yes, your kids ARE supposed to wear shoes of some kind in public, Jessco!
Be firm, be fair, be consistent. You can't go wrong with these. I find that the worst behavior of my 9 nieces and nephews stem from the parent giving into the kid's BS. Some of these children are more stubborn than others. They are human; personalities vary. But, you have to out-stubborn them because if they figure out that they can win by holding out longer, they'll keep doing it. Most kids are pretty quick to pick up on that. If you start being consistent at the get-go it is so much easier for all parties instead of trying to tame a hellion later. This is why I am scared to have kids after the age of 30 or 31. I want to be young enough to get after them if need be. If they are anything like the stories I've heard about el husband, it will take a lot of persistence and will power on our part. On the other hand, if they're like me, they will be complete angels. Cross your fingers that my domesticated angelic genes outstomp whatever feral catastrophe is in his spermies.
I shoot pretty straight with my kids. Example off the top of my head: Their dad or uncles deploying. It's never been a 'thing'. It's always been - "He's doing his job, he's at work, he'll be home soon." Simple enough. If they asked questions about it, we talked about it. When their dad and I divorced - "Y'know, Dad and I just like each other better not being married to one another. We're better friends than we are spouses." and we didn't fight in front of them. Divorce number two - they couldn't wait to leave and neither could I. They've always known I'd handle things, though. Which leads to my second thing - Say it, mean it, DO it. Follow through, whatever it is, every time.
And holding your child when he wants to be held is somehow a bad thing? He's a fucking baby. I can see how outwitting an infant might make you feel good, but hold him when he wants to be held. On another, not quite as cranky note, you will have really uncomfortable conversations with your children. Like, say, last night about 6:00 when I was subjected to a 5 minute discussion of my 6 year old daughter's preferred style of underwear "They're called boy shorts, Daddy."
Parenting advice from someone whom has no children: (Yes, I know, but I'm doing it anyway) 1) If your child is acting up in a restaurant, take them outside. I have actually witnessed this twice in the past few weeks. Kid acts up, parent dutifully grabs child, takes outside. I stopped both times to thank the parents, they were much appreciative. As was I. Really, it's hard enough for me to con a girl into sex without the potential disastrous consequence literally SCREAMING IN HER EAR! Take pity on an unintentionally celibate guy. 2) Understand that your child smells. Yes, they do. You're acclimated, kind of like working in a sewage treatment plant. Taking a dump at home smells like potpourri. But not to the rest of us. 3) Do NOT dress them like yourselves. Recently, I have seen this with alarming frequency. I don't hate the kid, I hate you. 4) Do not give them anything that makes noise in public. We have those Duck Boats here, and you probably do too. I'll be walking down the street, and suddenly there will be this cacophony of duck noises, which scares the fuck out of me. I huddle and cover and think 'Holy Fuck, Hitchcock's Birds WAS a documentary!' Nope, just the kids with those stupid noisemakers, for the fourth time today. You'd think I'd learn. 5) Based on recent real life occurrences in Philly, do NOT give your child any of the following: heroin, knives, guns, dildos, noisemakers (see 4 above), fireworks, bubble wrap, packing peanuts, those old school hand held video games that you can't adjust the volume, hope, dreams, confidence, or anything else that could potentially be harmful to those around them. 6) Give them funny haircuts. This always cracks me up. 7) If they're not going to be respectful of their elders, ignorance will work nicely. 8) Do NOT ask me to watch them, ever. I can't be trusted. I will try to get them to do something funny (and likely dangerous) and film it on my iphone. I learned to do that specifically in the event someone asks me to watch their child. 9) In short, feel free to do whatever with your child. Beat them, put them in beauty pageants, starve them, put them on the back of dogs and have them joust each other. Not my problem. Just remember, there's a bunch of us, the veterans of childhood, that don't want to interact with them. I'm sure they're perfectly nice unfinished people. Once they know how to ask me how I like my steak, we'll get along great. LEGAL DISCLAIMER: Above said author knows absolutely nothing about raising children. In fact, disliked even himself as a child and didn't know how to act around himself. Avoids eye contact, last actually saw a real live child somewhere in the vicinity of 1996. Has absolutely no idea what to do in the event of interaction. Severely freaked out by babies as they look like aliens. Often queasy at the site of any bodily fluid. Afraid of inadvertent, or extremely intentional, dick punches by the little bastards. In short, author needs extreme mental help to overcome fear of children. Also hates that networks cut out all of the naughty words and nudity because your child may be watching at 2 a.m.
I have one child who is now 10. There is some great advice in this thread, although in the heat of the moment good advice often goes out the window. Two points i seldom see discussed (in this thread or anywhere else): Diapers - Don't take turns changing your child's diapers, just do it when it needs to be done. If you are anywhere near your kid and they stink/are screaming/have just finished grunting one out, get up off your fat ass and change them. Changing a diaper is not difficult. To take this "taking turns" thing to the extreme, I seen kids stewing in their own feces and urine while parents argued over who changed the kid last. Naps - for the first year or so, when no one in the house is getting much sleep, naps are your friend. After that they are a pain in the ass. Your child will require naps until the age of 3 to 5, depending on the kid and other circumstances. Unless you want a miserable, screaming child, you will be planning your days around nap time, including leaving parties or family events, getting to parties or family events late because the kid is sleeping in the car.
If your child has one of these you've probably failed as a parent: Spoiler This, however, is awesome: Spoiler
Fuck and yes. My kid is 2 and naps daily. Usually she gets put down between 11 and noon, and sleeps about 2 hours. If she doesn't get this nap, she is the monster to end all monsters. We have it either do stuff early and be home by noon or later after her nap, but damn it, that kid will be in her between noon and 2 or shit will get awful real fast.
Do not under any circumstance bring your crying child to a restaurant that I eat at or on any flights longer than 1 hour that I may be on. Thanks.
Translation: do not bring your child in public. Bringing your child in public disrupts people in public without children, and I'll be damned if I'm going to put up with your spawn existing in my general vicinity. The above is a sentiment I see frequently. Despite the fact that I'll take my kid to the car if she is even slightly acting up, and I will happily leave anyplace if she is screaming or crying, merely having a child in public will make you the object of scorn for some people, so be prepared for dirty looks from people who are angry at you for allowing your child to exist in public near them. It will happen and it will annoy you.
I see that statement often...and I wonder... How do kids learn how to act in public, if they never go in public? When my children were small, we had a very strict policy of 'no touching' in public. Hands in pockets, no touching. No touching merchandise, no touching each other, no touching windows, I expected them to walk and act like normal human beings. Now that they're teenagers they know how to behave in public without being assholes. Imagine. Putting your kids in a situation and teaching them to behave properly. It's called parenting, and it's damned inconvenient, more inconvenient than hard, but it's the job that needs doing.
I'm not a parent but if I were, I wouldn't allow my kids to have their faces buried in iphones and ipads and whatnot. I think its a gross disservice to the kids to allow them to be anti-social little turds. I have 2 little cousins, 8 and 11, and they are always being entertained by some sort of device. And when they don't have one, they are just about intolerable. Its just a version of lazy parenting. And when I see those kids interactions, they are always really obnoxious and disrespectful. I had a Nintendo as a kid, but was only allowed on it at certain times and for a certain length of time. I couldn't just waste away in front of it. And my parents never bought me any games except for Super Mario which came with it. The result is that I played outside and was pleasant to be around.
It depends on the device. Phone? No. LeapPad or LeapFrog? Hell yeah baby. They're sort of like IPads for kids, but entirely educational. Games, drawing, spelling, reading tutorials, puzzles all in one. its like Sesame Street: if you need a break, you can stick your kid in front of it and you don't have to feel guilty too. And they're great for long trips too (buy headphones).
I guess I wasn't talking about the education variants on the ipad. My cousins have their faces buried in Minecraft, which I know is different from other video games. Or whatever other app store game they download. And then when get home, its a revolving rotation between their playstation and the laptop and the nintendo ds. They don't play educational type games.
They should be taught by their parents how to act before they are taken in public, it starts at home and moves into public and Shimmered you are the exception rather than the rule. D26 there are a lot of people who don't exit, and have no common courtesy when little Johnny has a breakdown in public, they just scream at him or ignore him. Public or not that is not how you deal with asshole kids. If your kid is running up and down the aisle in an airplane or a restaurant that is not Chucky Cheez or throwing temper tantrums either one of 2 people is does not know how to behave either you or them and it is probably both. So does this make me a judgmental asshole, maybe but being the 2nd of 8 children and uncle to right at 30 nieces and nephews I have a pretty good grasp on children that are not well mannered and children that are as my siblings have spawned children who are both and surprisingly enough they take after their parents. My siblings that are entitled narcissist have kids that are too.
I've carried Morgan out over my shoulder screaming and crying from stores when she was younger. Luckily we look enough alike that people realized she was my daughter. I think I even commented to one of the workers as I was leaving "good birth control, huh?" As they got older we've had people approach us at restaurants telling us how well behaved they were. One of my pet peeves is when I see parents playing favorites. I was at a restaurant one time and the couple next to my mom and me had two girls and a boy. The boy was constantly getting up, going to the jukebox, crawling under the table. Not a word was said to him. One of the daughters followed the boy up to the jukebox to see what he was doing and she got scolded. The boy got nothing. All I could think was that those girls were going to hate their brother when they got older. Your kids will have different personalities. What works for one won't work for the other. Recognize that and don't ever say "your brother/sister isn't like that". It just builds resentment.
Showing preferential treatment for boys just shows kids how the real world works. Let women be subservient.
I'm going to hope you're trolling, and just being sarcastic. One of my major 'things' as a mom is teaching my daughter to establish and enforce boundaries - and that doing so doesn't make her a bitch, or make her a mean girl, or make her a bad person. It means she knows what she is worth, and what quality of person she wants around her. The other 'thing' is to teach my sons not to be shitbag men. No means no, not maybe, not buy her a few more drinks, not keep pressuring her until she changes her mind - it means NO. All of my kids are being taught respect - for themselves and others - and that's regardless of gender.