In about a month and a half (I predict closer to a month), I'm going to have my first child. A son. As a teacher-turned-administrator for over the last decade plus, specifically in the preschool environment, I know about all there is to know in educating young children. I've helped write the entire curriculum for large company, and I've advised parents with children ranging from infants up to early teenage years. My dreams are developmentally-appropriate. But that's all academics. And it in no way is applicable to the day-to-day act of raising a child. Also, schools are one of the most heavily-regulated and governed, I hate to say "industries" in the country. What you can do at school is vastly different than what you can do at home. The saying goes that no plan survives first contact with the enemy, so I'm going into this with no plan at all. I have the basics down. I've been CPR/1st aid certified since I was legal to drive (and have, unfortunately, had to use the training too many times); while I don't believe in baby-proofing houses (the only way to truly learn not to touch a stove is to get burned by it), I have negated the latent dangers. Focus: Words of wisdom for a guy about to have his first kid.... Besides "run" and "push her down stairs." Unfortunately, I'm too out of shape to run very far, and the house doesn't have any stairs. Alt. Focus: If you could go back in time and advise your parents how to raise you, what would you have suggested they do? What did they do right? What should they have done differently?
You're going to overparent the hell out of the first one. Everything gets sterilized the instant it hits the floor and you'll treat him/her like he/she was made of glass. If you have a second, you'll be a little better. If you have a third you'll let him/her juggle knives. As an example I was holding our daughter (#3) and she spit her pacifier out and it hit the floor. I was too fucking tired to bend down to get it, so I picked it up with my toes, grabbed it, and stuck it back in her mouth.
And good for you to, since the dirt eating will toughen their immune systems up from the start, meaning you won't have to bear the burden of working around allergies later on.
Let sleeping babies lay. If they fall asleep on the kitchen floor, let them be. If they fall asleep in the grass, let them be. If they fall asleep in the car on a trip, go further till they wake up. If they fall asleep on the parents bed, move them. Do not ever let them sleep on your bed or with you. That will start a bad habit you will never break.
- have a Diaper Genie for every floor in your house. No less. An empty the fucking things, don't over-stuff them. They are worth their weight in gold so have at LEAST two. Sleep in shifts, or you won't sleep period. Consider yourself lucky if you get five hours of sleep a night for the next 14 months. Your kid is going to projectile vomit in your face at random. It's going to happen, you can't prevent it so you best start mentally preparing if you have a weak stomach. Those V-shaped pregnancy pillows are great to have on your lap while bottle-feeding. It's like they were really designed for that. Rocking chair. A good one with an ottoman. This will be your bed 50% of the time because you'll pass out in it a lot. If you post your kid as your Facebook avatar I will rent an 18 wheeler and drive it back and fourth over your body until you are sandwich spread.
1. Enjoy the time when they are immobile. You can place them anywhere and you can get shit done. On the hood of a car? Good place. On the top of a tall dresser? Good place. As soon as they are able to roll over your life becomes immensely more complicated. 2. I agree with the person above, you'll over-parent the first kid quite a bit. I could tell you to relax and shit with the first kid, but nothing will get through to you until you actually go through the raising of another human. Good luck with that one. 3. Do what makes sense to you. If your parents did things a certain way that doesn't mean you have to do it. If you doctor says one thing, it doesn't mean you have to do it. Research as much or as little as you want, but remember it's your kid and your decision. Overall good luck!
Focus: Let your kid be a kid. In the end, you're raising them to leave you. They aren't going to be self-sufficient if they aren't sticking keys into light sockets every so often and learning from it. But be around to actually teach them. Alt. Focus: In that vein, my parents weren't around. They were working pretty much non-stop. When my brother and I bounced between the two of them, we were left pretty much to our own devices. The good thing is that I did learn independence at an early age. The bad thing is that it made me an awful communicator since I was alone all the time. While I'm glad I never went hungry and always had a roof over my head, I would have traded in any toy or gadget in the world to have more quality time with my parents. My mom, bless her heart, is now trying to make up for lost time by being as overbearing as possible.
Do not send daily photo updates of your kid. They look the same as they did yesterday and the day before and two weeks before that. My older brother has been doing this for the last 2 months and its annoying.
Not wanting vaccinations is proof of parental autism. Get vaccinations. Science proves Jenny McCarthy is a fucktard.
Accept the following facts now: 1) You will have to hear your kid cry. A lot. You will be unable to stop it. 2) Babies and toddlers can be manipulative as all hell. They will learn early on that crying results in mommy or daddy comforting them, and they'll use that information. You will have to wean your kid from getting him after putting him to bed, and it will suck. 3) sleep in shifts is a good plan. Wife and I did this for the first kid, as my daughter physically couldn't sleep unless one of us was holding her. I used this time to play the fuck out of some video games. 4) As much as you like to bluster about how you'll just let your kid touch a hot stove to learn, that is generally bullshit. Parental protective instincts will kick in and you'll stop him. 5) With the above poster: don't let the kid sleep in your bed with you, even once. Sets a terrible precedent, and hurts the kids independence. 6) Ever have date nights with the wife? Time alone? You generally enjoy each other's company? That shit is OVER. Having a kid WILL irrevocably change your relationship with your wife. It is often the most overlooked aspect of being a parent, but that relationship is about to change in a significant way, and it will cause tension and fights. This doesn't mean you'll hate each other or get divorced, but it will be different, and different can always lead to tension. Be prepared.
I heard shaking the baby stops the crying though, please confirm? My dad always said that a couple isnt really married until they have kids as it changes everything as D26 mentioned. Not having had kids yet, I cant relate. But i see friends with kids and they seem alright. The one person I see royally screwing her kid up is FutureWife's cousin. She had her son at 18 and she has to live with her parents to support herself and him. Now that the kids 3, she realizes that all her other 21-year old friends are going to out to bars/clubs and doing what 21-year olds do. She thinks its perfectly fine to ditch her son with her parents every friday and saturday so she can go out, get drunk, find some random dude, and get stuffed like a Thanksgiving Turkey. But hey, its fine because she buys him lots of toys, gives him soda when he wants, and lets him sleep in her bed every night since he wakes up and cries until she comes home. Oh and she has a restraining order against the father. And she wants to get married within the next 6 months (and beat us to it) because she wants to be her grandparents first grandchild to get married. Its good times.
Tell your fiancee's cousin from me that she is, in fact, a fucking idiot. It doesn't matter if you're friends are going out, you committed a life-long mistake and you have to deal with it no matter what. They teach sex Ed in grade five. It is NOT okay to make your kids a go-to babysitter or force them to raise YOUR CHILD just because you're a lazy moron.
Yup, lazy moron is right, since I moved to the south I have found situations like this way more common, my wife's cousin has 3 kids, had the first one at 14. The second one at 20 by a 63 year old crazy bastard, the 3rd just recently. She is 28, has never had a job, lives with her mom who raises her kids for her and is generally a lazy waste of a human. I don't have kids of my own but I have helped raise a little girl the past 3 years and while the wife and I have lucked out and hadn't had an issue with sleeping the best advice I can give is to just be patient. Getting angry and screaming will do nothing but make you more stressed, patience is key. Kids will break stuff, they will do dumb shit, I have always thought Dennis Leary's description of having young kids is like having drunk midgets running around your house is a perfect way to describe it.
Pick your battles. If you're constantly harping at them, one day you'll want tell them something important and they'll be tuning you out because it's more white noise to them. Teach them empathy. I've used the phrase "how would you feel if someone did that to you?" quite a bit when they were younger and sometimes it might have just been in relation to a story they were telling about classmates. You are NOT their friend. I've seen too many kids whose parents are afraid to discipline for fear of them getting angry. I have a great relationship with all my kids. I can joke and laugh with them. But they're not my friends. That will happen when they are self-sufficient. Disrespect is a huge button for me and there is no way in hell they cross that line. I'll give them a little more leeway at home but if we're out in public, nope. And honestly, now that they're older, I haven't had any issues in a while. I think the last time was a couple of years ago and Morgan wanted me to run her home after practice, even though Catherine only had about 30 minutes left in hers. I refused and told her that Catherine had waited on her numerous times in the past, so now it's her turn. She started getting a little lippy and I just looked at her and told her she needed to stop. Now. And she did. They know I mean business when I get to that point. But you have to put the time in when they're younger, even if you're exhausted and really really don't want to. Seriously, you do that, and they're easy when they get older. Have fun, joke, laugh. Let them be kids. There's plenty of time to be serious later in life. And let them eat dirt. Or at least don't freak out when you see them doing it.
You are NOT raising a child You are raising an adult. As soon as he stops sleeping in a crib establish a bedtime routine that includes reading and talking about his/her day. Smartest thing I ever did. I didn't do this until my son was around 3.5 and life would have been a lot easier had I done it sooner. Make reading a priority and do it a lot.
As an addendum to this, there are different types of crying, and you should be readily able to discern the difference. Crying when they want attention vs. crying when they're hungry vs. crying if another child or adult set them off is another vs. crying if they're in an uncomfortable position vs. crying if they're not feeling well. Once you know your child it's a lot easier (duh) because you can discern audibly, but usually just based of their mannerisms and body posture you can tell. "My son is crying, he's so sad, I must hold him and coddle him and make him happy until he stops!!!" "... Ma'am, your son isn't crying; he's imitating crying. Notice the no tears? And how he's looking at you, wanting to be held? Yeah, he just wants your attention and for you to hold him and coddle him and make him happy. Ever heard of something called Pavlovian response? He's playing you like a fiddle. Good news is, he's one smart cookie. Just let him be for a bit and he'll stop once he realizes you're onto him."