Diary of a Boring Kid

I'm not sure if anyone has called feminists irrational in the thread or not, what the "philosophy" professor was attempting poorly to explain, and what you are getting at properly here are different sides of the same coin, her side angry, your side enlightened. Highlighting the contextually taught gender roles that make up what we call masculine and feminine is great. An empowered woman questioning a man opening up a door for her, if he is doing it because he believes that is what a man should do for a woman, is essentially this.

But the issue of the heavy door that needs a stronger person to open it is interesting, because it brings up the historical necessity of gender roles, and their historical origin, rather than seemingly what big competitive men of the world teach their youngsters in between making their wives remain jobless and beating them after the kids go to bed. If we now live in a western advanced society that has no need for gender roles, as there is nothing essential that men or women do specifically, it seems to imply that whatever we understand as human has changed quite a bit too.

That is to say, if the whole process of evolution (or existence if you are a creationist) has produced and governed what has always been known as Human, is our moving into this post-survivalist technologically de-gendered world more of a fleeing of what is inherent in our human-ness? This is where I take issue with feminists; not because I feel like engendered action has a place in our world (in fact I don't), but simply because a de-gendered world seems to me to be a symptom of a much more important and interesting issue, the relation of what we know to be human historically and what is happening now.

 

Oddly enough, Bullshit does a good job of explaining manners. The whole point is to create a habit that reduces the chances of putting someone else out.

The one thing I wish older people would learn is that when you're treating someone to a meal, you should order first. It's always awkward being a guest at a fancy restaurant and not knowing if it's okay to put an appetizer or a cocktail on the host's tab. If you order both, and the host doesn't, it will be weird, and if you don't, but the host does, it's also weird. These things can easily double the price of a meal, and so a host who is mindful of his guests will take the lead so as to not put the guests on the spot. It's also good to discuss orders ahead of time, to put your guest at ease, like "If you like ceviche, you should try the appetizer, it's quite good here, and they make a martini that'll put hair on parts of your body you didn't know could grow it!"

It's also super lame to correct a guest on trivial manners issues. Your guest didn't pass the salt and pepper together? Let it go. Fixing the mistake will come across as condescending, and draw attention to the error. You only correct the error if allowing it to continue would be bad for your guest; if you know everyone else will be using a fork and knife to eat their pizza, give your guest a stiff elbow when you see him reaching with his hands so the rest of the group won't spend the entire meal thinking about what a pig he is.

Also, here in Alabama we recently passed blue light laws. If a police car is pulled over on a 4 lane road with its lights on, you have to move over to the left lane, so as to put an empty lane between you and the car (unless traffic conditions make it unsafe to do so, in which case you slow as much as you can). ...Why did this need to be a law? How are people born with such little sense of manners that they don't already do all of this by instinct?!

 

I like the awkward fast walk/slow jog it makes me do. I don't want to be rude and stroll to the door, but I feel like a bit of a goofball power walking.

 

I go far out of my way to open doors for old people. I could give a flying fuck whether they thank me or not, it's the right thing to do. Generally if I do something nice and insignificant and don't get a thanks I assume the individual is just socially inept (as opposed to being a dick).

Christ

 

I'll second that. My parents were fond of reminding us kids (and rightfully so) that their household wasn't a democracy, but a dictatorship. Sir and ma'am were abound in our house, as well as outside of it when around other adults.

A lot of people don't understand why that's such a big deal, but it's a subtle way of keeping kids in line and reminding them of which direction the power dynamic runs. Internalizing that respect for authority early on goes a long way when you're older.

 

I call my parents by their names.

My older brother picked it up when my mom's younger brother visited one time, and so when I was growing up, that's what I always heard. No reason for me to think they were called anything else. On some rare occasions I'll call my mom "mom," but can't recall ever calling my dad "dad." At least, not to him. Sometimes my brother and I refer to them as mom and dad, but that's the only time.

The bigger thing was making sure to call your friends parents by Mr. and Mrs. Friend's Parents. That's probably pretty normal, but where it got weird was when a friend's dad would refer to his wife "Mrs. Friend's Parents." You know he never called her that when talking to her, it was a term only used for friends of your children.

Many of my southern friends and I call each other by "Mr. So-and-So." It's slightly tongue in cheek, but not in a derisive way. Several of our high school teachers would call us Mr. or Miss So-and-So, and it was generally understood as a sign of respect. There are old folks who think you have to show them respect, despite not knowing them or whether they deserve it, and then there are people who work to earn your respect, no matter how much they do deserve it. Saying "I'm going to treat you as an adult" goes a long way towards getting respect yourself, especially when you're dealing with high school kids and young adults.

The first time I taught LSAT prep I was quite likely the youngest person in the room. I referred to everyone as Mister or Miss Whatever, and I think that contributed a lot in terms of getting respect from the students right away, probably subconsciously reminded them of previous teachers who spoke the same way, or maybe just triggered the "act like an adult" reflex.

When I entered BigLaw, this was actually a problem. Everyone went by the first names. I don't have a problem calling a law firm partner by their first name after we've been introduced and he says "Hi, I'm First Name." But, what was weird was when I'd refer to them to a third party. I would never use their first name, it would always be, "Oh, things are going fine, just got an interesting assignment from Mr. Last Name." Some people actually seemed put out by my formality.

 

This list is ridiculous. The thing that strikes me most is how culturally specific it is. Growing up in the US, English was my second language, and at least 50% of this list was not something I realized was expected of me in English back then (mostly because I didn't have any social role models in English). Some of them weren't even expected of me in my native tongue.*
And the rest I thought were self-evident. If I called anyone a mean name in front of my father, I was getting my ass beat, and he didn't have to spell out why.

Spoiler

*with commentary from 9-year-old me:

That's one I got all the time from my grandmother though. There's something strangely oppressive about that one, isn't there? Not only do you have to do [random crap you don't want to do], you have to like it, too. Ignore that thing called "your own opinion," it is meaningless.

As a sarcastic East Coast bastard, brutal honesty can be a hell of a lot nicer than you think. And nicety is a damn sight more humorless.

Durbanite, therapy.

 

It's funny, I still call my friends parents Mr. or Mrs. whatever, and get shit for it all the time, INCLUDING FROM MY PARENTS. I don't know why I do it either, it's just habit.

 

I'll keep that in mind when I become a 30-something.

I do know people who still call their parents "mommy" and "daddy." It's fucking weird.

 

That's right, you tell 'em, you're a 20-something unemployed lawyer living in your parents house.

 

Never called my parents "sir" or "ma'am", but responding with, "Yeah?" when they called me wasn't preferred. They wanted me to say, "Yes?" because it sounds nicer. Whatever.

Growing up I always called other adults Mr. X or Mrs. X. With clients/patients I call them by their first name, but I secretly feel a little weird about it. I think some older people WANT you to address them by their name because it makes them feel like they aren't older than dirt/being treated with kid gloves. And, some of my aunts abhor being called "Aunt". I call some by their first names, some Aunt Whatever.

 

When I was younger, all my friends' parents loved me because of how well mannered I was. This would baffle my friends. Why? Because usually I was a foul mouthed little twat and to quote Charlie Murphy I was a habitual line stepper. I was however brought up with manners. I was raised just by my mother and grandmother until the age of 11 so they did their best to instil good manners in me and I still use some of those. I always mind the please and thank yous, hold doors open and excuse myself before entering a conversation. That is if I don't know you well.

If I do, you are going to hear a lot of fucks shits etc... I try to tone it down significantly now because when I see 30 year olds that talk the way I do, I find judge their intelligence(Kettle you black as hell!). Some of the things on this list make sense, hold doors for people, be nice when applicable and so on. Some are also absolutely retarded particularly these.

Partially true, but I still feel the hours of enjoyment I got from my philosophy of better to ask forgiveness then permission as a kid outweighs the hours of grief.

Fuck that, I understand not incessantly bitching about everything, but if you disagree with something there's nothing wrong with letting people know as long as you don't do it like an asshole.

I agree, but mommy always forgets the word cunt and daddy has to remind her.

 

I've been calling pretty much everyone "Mister" since high school. It started as a joke, (fake respect is funny! FUNNY!) but it turned into a habit and now I do it instinctively. I don't know why I do it; one of my friends with a psych degree told me that it's because I keep my distance from people by using formality. It's not really formal, though. I just use it normally.

"Hey Omegaham, where's the passdown logbook?"
"Mister Fry has it. He's over there."

What's funny is when people start using it because I do it.

"Mister Fry, where's the logbook?"