From Yahoo!, via the source of all good things on the Internet: Twenty-five Manners Every Kid Should Know by Age Nine. FOCUS: Discuss the list. Did you do all of these as a child? Do you do them as an adult? If you have a child near or beyond age 9, were they practicing all these manners? ALT FOCUS: Manners in an increasingly informal world. Did you parents send you to Cotillion to learn how to eat a cookie with a fork and knife?
It's amazing how many adults lack many of these manners. Kids, not surprisingly, are even worse. I have twin brothers who turn 9 in a month. Because my parents wouldn't stand to see otherwise, they have a vast majority of this list covered. Their friends? Not so much.
In military college, we were forced to cut a hamburger in half before eating it. Growing up, my cousins would eat pizza with a knife and fork.
The list is pretty normal and general, I think. I was a polite kid, but I was also really shy. Often times shyness is misunderstood for rudeness. When I was about 9-10 I called my dad at work probably 3 or 4 times during the school year due to being sick at school or needing a ride somewhere. My mom was out of town a lot that year, taking care of my grandma 4 hours away, and I didn't have anyone else to call (this was before cell phones and we were living far away from my grandparents/aunts/uncles). Since I was very shy all I said to my dad's admin assistant was, "Hi. This is TX. Is my dad available?" Mind you, I had never been introduced to this admin in person/on the phone and had only spoken to her once or twice before asking for my dad. I later heard that she gave my dad a hard time about my phone etiquette. She thought I was ONE RUDE 9 YEAR OLD. Part of me thinks it's shitty of an adult to automatically dismiss a 9 year old as rude because she isn't making small talk, but I wish my dad had told me the name of his secretary and that, apparently, I needed to talk to her for a minute before asking for my dad. I didn't know these things as a 9 year old. I also didn't know that it was important or that a grown woman would feel slighted because I neglected to ask how her day was going. So, I feel that kids definitely need to learn basic manners, but maybe they also need to learn about bullshit and small talk at an earlier age. I went to Junior Cotillion in middle school. What a waste of time. The dances were easy and stupid, and the instructors taught us outdated ideas such as: girls are only supposed to call boys for a specific reason, not to just chat. I don't call guys to "just chat", but who really gives a fuck why you're calling someone?
For all the hate the south gets, these things are taught to most everyone down here. We might be ignorant and backwoods, but at least we're polite. I love when someone shows bad manners around the friends I grew up with, its quite a sight to see people in their 20's get offended by a lack of manners.
I take the piss out of Texans a lot, but I'll be damned if every one I've met hasn't charmed the pants off me, man or woman. Y'know, assuming they were wearing pants and/or not drooling all over themselves and into their Coors Light cans. FOCUS: I find some of these quite useful as a adult. Excellent advice, regardless of age, but especially in adulthood. Morale is a strange and wondrous thing, and nothing kills it fasters than bitching and moaning. Very true. There's something very calming and relaxing about writing a letter by hand. Give it a shot sometime. It really shines when sending things to older folks. And of course: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're supposed to put a sock on the door or some shit, but let's face facts here. Sometimes you don't have even a single second to think about anything other than fucking and sucking. Knock first, always.
When my brother and I were living with my dad and/or grandmother, we would have had our asses tanned if we didn't do every single one of those things. I vividly remember my dad telling me before company came over, that "children should be seen and not heard". I resigned myself to staring at the wall for the next hour, but it was nice when people would say that my brother and I were model citizens. After a while, I went out of my way to be polite, if only for the self-esteem boost. I'm still a bit like that now, especially around women. So the real lesson here is if you want your sons to treat women with dignity and respect, beat some manners into them.
I can't say I was particularly polite as a kid, but probably not overly rude. As I've gotten older I've become more polite, to the point that I go far out of my way to thank people and show my appreciation. This has always won me the esteem of others.
I'm surprised that #18 didn't address burping and farting. I would revise #15: Do not make fun of any child or handicapped person for any reason. Because some adults just deserve it.
This is something that has become more and more rare. I hold doors for people all the time, not because I was taught to do so as a kid, but because it's just a nice thing to do. When I do hold the door, I also expect some sort of expression of gratitude, which--again--has become a rare thing (Manner #2).
I have mixed feelings about this list. I've always sort of wanted my future children to be wild outdoorsy kids. I want screaming and getting in trouble. Sure, I would like them to say please and thank you, but fuck #6. If you are an asshole, I want my kid to be able to tell you off. Also, #13. Are we implying that kids can curse all they want, they just can't be around adults when they do it? That seems shady. Then again, little kids who curse are hysterically funny to me.
I am and always have been extremely polite to just about everyone who is not a raging dick head to me. Which is funny because my mom who is responsible for most of my upbringing is rude and very condescending to most people. My dad and I usually have to tell her to back off at least once when we're out to eat with her because she's being such a bitch to the wait staff, the funny thing is she gets all indignant about it because she thinks she's being perfectly reasonable. The one that I am awful about is table manners, I almost always forget to wait for everyone to sit down before they eat, eat with my elbows on the table, use utensils improperly, eat with my hands and just make a general mess. That's right Johnny, you suck that strange man's dick with enthusiasm, and don't fuss about it afterwards!
#13 has always bothered me, but I think it depends souly on environment. If a child is raised in househould of snooty aristocrats who don't swear, ever, then I can understand how they could find swearing offensive. But normal people aren't like that. In most homes, you break a glass and you say "Oh shit!". Stubbing your toe yields a "DAMMIT!!". The phone ringing off the hook gets a "Oh, fuck off already". They are the most expresive adjectives we have, and kids should be allowed to use them. Within reason of course. And there is something heartwarming about being told to fuck off by a 3 year old.
Even though my mom was born in Indiana, she married my father, a good ol' Alabama boy, at a very early age. He and this southern culture was a huge influence on her manners and mannerisms. My mom is also kind of a witch, so together, we were made to use manners or else get our asses handed to us. More like, if you have to ask, the answer is probably no.
I guess I don't have many specific problems with the list per se....but there's a creepy, Victorian-era "Seen And Not Heard, You're Our Little Servant" vibe that sort of permeates this whole thing. It sort of sounds like it was written by someone who views children as three-foot-tall inconveniences. Then again, I'm not sure that viewpoint is necessarily incorrect. They can be pretty fucking inconvenient.
Or unless, of course, they're really fat or stupid looking. Then they deserve it. Just be fucking original with your insults, you little shithead. "Thanks for letting me letting me sleep in Sally's room, Mr and Mrs Johnson. She was fantastic!"
I saw a fight nearly start over this at a gas station recently. Guy #1 held the door for Guy #2 and Guy #2 didn't say thank you. Guy #1 was ready to beat his ass for this breach of etiquette. I've always known that us Texans tend to be more polite than other people but I didn't really realize the extent until recently. I was in Vegas for a buddy's bachelor party and even though we were being drunk and rowdy, several people told us they could tell we were from Texas because we were so polite. Alt-Focus: When traveling to other US cities, I've seen women get annoyed when I hold a door for them. What's up with that? I can understand that women may not like being called ma'am (which I don't do nearly as much as some of my friends), but how is holding the door offensive?
I think those people often view holding doors as an extension of chivalry, not just overall politeness. Chivalry's got all this "derp de herp, women are inferior and delicate flowers so let's do stuff for them" stuff which doesn't jibe well with modern ideas about equality. So, they view you holding the door for them as saying "Oh, you weak female. You can't do this yourself." See, I'm annoyed by this, but I can see where they're coming from, if you only hold the door open for women. What's absolutely maddening is the women who get pissed at this, even when you do it for everyone, regardless of sex. Hmm, that'd be a nice addition to the list: Learn to chill the fuck out. Jumping to conclusions usually doesn't help.