Dammit! You make me want to...craft a sternly written letter

I recently started dating a girl that my roommate is in love with. I normally wouldn't do such a thing, but went ahead because A) she's cute and B) fuck him he isn't my friend. She also never showed any interest after knowing him for a year while I got her number about 30 seconds after meeting her outside my apartment.

Despite the fact that he seemed to only be slightly insufferable in the past, my life has recently become inundated with an almost adorable form of retaliation. Knocks on the wall when I play guitar after I get home from work. Notes on the counter showing concern over who has been using his salt and pepper. Hearing his casual complaints, while I'm eating, about how "somebody" keeps leaving frying pans out on the stove (I'm the only one that cooks). Angry texts when I wake up about how our (my) knives are not stainless steel (they are) and don't go in the dishwasher (they do).

Focus: Your favorite experiences with passive aggressiveness.

 

I don't feel like replying in this thread. No, there's nothing wrong, really, I just don't feel like replying.

 

Focus:

By no means is this a 'favorite' necessarily, but a lot family drama on my girlfriend's side has been caused by one of her Uncles who takes passive-aggressive letter-writing to a new extreme.

Her uncle is a devout Catholic who considers himself a strong man of faith. However this strong faith has caused a ton of problems and grief within the family. Over the past 10 years her Uncle has:

- Written a snarly letter to his nephew chastising him for choosing to baptize his son as an Anglican.
- Sent an e-mail to the rest of the family (jokingly) suggesting (in poor taste) that they kidnap said baby and baptize him as an Anglican without his nephew knowing.
- Written a letter to another nephew belittling him for being gay.
- Has written several seething e-mails to his own children over the years, criticizing their choices in life, to the point where he and his daughter are no longer speaking.
- Wrote a letter to my girlfriend criticizing her for moving in with me prior to marriage.

I've met this uncle on two occasions, and both times he has been friendly, courteous and conversational to my face. It sucks that people can be so shallow-minded. I'm all for people having faith, but not at the expense of purposely hurting those close to you.

 

My roommate was the queen of these notes. In one week, she put one on the TV (her TV that was in the living room), the thermostat, her silverware, and everything in the fridge that was hers. On top of that, she would slam doors in the middle of the night, and invited her boyfriend to stay with us for a month (She thought this would bother us, but her boyfriend cleaned our apartment while I was in class, cooked dinner for everyone, and was generally a great guy who, if he wasn't so damn faithful, I would have fucked in a second.)

All of this because we stayed up until 1 am watching TV.

 

I lived in a townhouse my senior year of college. On the second floor, there were 2 bedrooms. My one roommate would have her boyfriend over occasionally and when he would use the second floor bathroom, he would tend to get some pee on the seat. The other roommate living on the second floor made a sign and put it above the toilet that said, "IF YOU PEE ON THE SEAT AGAIN, I'LL MAKE YOU LICK IT OFF!!!!" Ahh, maturity.

Thing is, it's not like he didn't lift the seat first when he peed, so she wasn't sitting in it or anything. It was her boyfriend, who practically lived with us, that had the problem with it because he thought it was "really gross" whenever he had to go to the bathroom. She would also slam doors and stomp on the floor if we were too loud, since she always had to go to bed early for clinicals. She really sucked.

 

One of my friends almost killed another friend with a samurai sword over this exact same scenario.

Here's how it went down:
My boy T Dawg hit it off with a girl at the bar one night and ended up getting her number. One night after one of their dates, he brought her back to his place, an apartment that he and a guy named Patrick share. When they got there Patrick was on the couch and apparently had a pretty weird look on his face when he saw them come in. As it turns out, Patrick had a class with this girl and had been admiring her from afar for a very long time. Even though they had never spoken, he apparently had a serious thing for her. T Dawg did not know this. Anyway, they dated for a couple months and Patrick's behavior got weirder and weirder towards the dawg, going so far as to threatening him for no reason. One night it came to a head. T and his girl come back from a night of drinking and Patrick is there waiting for them in the living room. He accosts T Dawg accusing him of 'stealing his girl'. T and the girl start heading to his room, when he sees Patrick run over to the fireplace mantle and pull the decorative Samurai sword off of the wall. T pushed his girl toward his room and ran inside as well, just as the sword came down and stuck in the door frame. T Dawg ended up calling the police and having Patrick removed from the apartment.
Neither of us ever saw Patrick again. Like literally, never. This was a guy that I'd known since kindergarten, and homeboy just had a fucking meltdown. It's been almost 10 years since this happened and I don't know of a single friend from back home that has so much as heard a word from the guy. It's a damn shame.

Anyway, moral of the story is watch your ass dude, your roommate might be a fucking ninja.

 

I've already ranted about this roommate before but this is my favorite example of passive aggressiveness ever:

Before things started to get really bad with her, my roommate brought back a new set of pots and pans from Christmas and told us we couldn't use them "because her mom didn't want us to." (Yeah, okay.) Then, once the shit hit the fan and we weren't speaking to each other, she left a note saying she didn't want us to use any of her kitchen equipment. My roommate continued to do so because she's a bitch in a good way, and one night slipped up because she posted a picture of her snack on Twitter that had one of the other roommate's knives in it. Roommate one proceeds to argue with roommate two over Facebook messages about disrespect and blah blah blah. Then, months after the initial meltdown, she goes home for a week for her birthday and we discover that she hid all of her silverware and utensils. Her side of the drawer was empty. It was hilarious.

 

Weirdness, mayne. The post you posted pre is diffo from the post you posited post

post-script:

 

Ahh bitch roomates..... i got a bunch of those too. Managing to break frying pans, wrecking all kinds of shit around the house, never any money for repairs. I know your hate all too well. Good roomates will replace things they've broken... sadly these roomies are rare.

 

I had a roomate last year who avoided conversation and confrontation with the other roomates and myself. He was the only one of us that wasn't in school and he also worked third shift. So, none of us even saw him until the weekend. He was, however, a fairly nice guy which is weird to associate the following passive-aggressive acts with him.

A couple of passive-aggressive acts of his:
-He received one of those Pizzaz pizza cookers for Christmas. He left it in the box in our kitchen for months. After a few months passed another roomate and myself came home from the bars and decided to try it out with one of our pizzas thinking he wouldn't really care. We even neatly put it away afterward. The next morning when we awoke all of our frozen food was just sitting outside of the freezer in plastic bags...

-His mother was very nice and bought groceries for the entire house, spending over 200 dollars. She told us it was for everyone and to enjoy the food. The next day the roomate told all of us not to touch his food. We actually didn't touch his food with the exception of the milk. The recluse roomate wasn't one to drink milk and his mother bought the house 4 gallons of it. Knowing it was just going to expire, another roomate and myself drank some of it over the period of the day. We get up the next morning to find 3 of the gallons of milk poured out with the empty jugs upside down in the sink. What happened to the 4th gallon? It was in the fridge with "(Roomate's name)'s MILK, DON'T DRINK" written in black sharpie.

-Lastly, another roomate was out of toothpaste and used the recluse roomate's toothpaste, thinking that it wouldn't be a big deal because he allowed the recluse access to his shampoo for a week. The recluse noticed someone used his toothpaste because "I always face the toothpaste with the cap to the right, and the cap was to the left!" What did he do with everyone's toothbrushes? We found them all in the toilet... with urine in it.

After all of the above events he would act oblivious to their happening. You would pass him in the hall just to receive a, "hey." Fun times...

 

Not my experience, but I'm pretty surethis youtube channelfits the focus.

Apparently, idump4u.com is a service where you pay them to break up with your significant other, and then they put it on youtube. Just watching a few of them, highlights included telling a girl that she turned her boyfriend gay, breaking off an engagement because the dude was trying to fuck her mother, and while breaking up with another girl she admitted to being pregnant.

If you're gonna be passive-aggressive, at least be funny about it.

 

At a previous workplace, there was one guy who was seriously unstable. We'll call him "Shithead." One day he'd be a great, friendly colleague, and the next he'd be flipping shit over minor inconveniences. I could write a novel listing all the passive-aggressive tantrums he threw, but I'll stick with the most egregious.

I lived literally across the street from another co-worker, and we often got together to grill and watch sports. As we did most every week, I walked to his house one Monday night to watch football, eat steak and split a 12-pack. Another co-worker stopped by on his way home from the gym. Somehow, Shithead got wind of this.

I got into work the next morning and was immediately called into the HR Director's office. She sat me down while she placed a conference call to our parent company's head of HR, who was based thousands of miles away. They proceeded to pepper me with questions dancing around accusations of workplace harassment. I answered truthfully and was allowed to continue on with my work day. When I exited the HR Director's office, Shithead shot me smug, angry looks, and he gave me the silent treatment while refusing to make eye contact.

Turns out, Shithead had filed a police report against me the previous night. Among his accusations, I routinely "physically intimidated him" at work and "called him a douchebag to his face," making him feel alienated from the rest of his co-workers. None of this was true. In fact, I routinely went out of my way to invite this guy places and make him feel welcomed, as he was the newest member of the team. The reason he took these actions? He felt slighted about not being invited to the "party" the previous night. Because of the weight his accusations carried, for the next month I had to tiptoe around him, sign written agreements detailing what were acceptable actions in the workplace, hold regular meetings with HR, and convince my boss the police report was a lie.

To sum up, instead of talking to me about feeling excluded because he wasn't invited to a three-person gathering on a Monday night, he filed a false police report that threatened my job.

Oh yeah, he was later fired for stalking another co-worker. He showed up at her house one night drunk and tried to force entry. She was married, with a child, and had never given him any signals. The police report filed against him? 100 percent true. Crazy fucking Shithead. I guess I should count my lucky stars he never showed up in the office with a handgun.

 

I have a mother-in-law who is a queen of passive-aggressive guilt-tripping and bullshit. This is only the most recent example:

My wife and I decided to invite my brothers, my sisters-in-law, and my parents over to watch the Superbowl. We originally decided NOT to invite her parents for a couple of reasons. First, from my family alone, we had 8 adults and two kids coming, and there is barely enough room in our living room for that many people to sit and watch a football game. The other reason stems from a Christmas incident where my in-laws were invited and then un-invited to a Christmas Eve party at my parents' house, mostly due to similar reasons (I have a large family, and they have a small house), and we knew that her mom would bring it up to my parents in a passive-aggressive bullshit manner, causing unnecessary awkwardness or an outright fight (my dad doesn't handle that kind of thing well).

Well, the day before the game, my wife realizes that not inviting her mom is going to turn into a shit storm of passive aggressive bullshit, so she calls her mom and asks her what their plans are for the Superbowl. Her mom replies that they have church, a church meeting, followed by a potluck, so they don't know how late they'll be there or if they'll even get to watch the game. My wife simply says that an invitation to come to the game is on the table, but they say they probably won't be there.

Well, Superbowl Sunday, my in-laws stop by after their pot luck ended, right around 4 o'clock (an hour before game time). They wanted to "drop off some leftovers" (of food that, mind you, she knew my wife and I hated) which was code for "we wanted to stop by to see if you were having other people over besides us." My wife informed them that we were, indeed, having my family over to watch the game, which was why she'd called them yesterday and asked them what they were doing, and since they got done at church in time they were welcome to stay. Again, my mother-in-law politely declines, saying she just wants to get home and let the dogs out and relax. We think nothing of it, and figure it is a crisis averted as we extended the invite and she declined.

Well, cue today, my wife calls me pissed off. Apparently, she called her mom to ask her to go to breakfast, and her mom started giving her backhanded jabs cause she was upset about the Superbowl thing. According to my wife, this conversation happened (I just asked her to repeat it for me so I could type it):

Mother-in-law: "Oh, so NOW you want to see me. Why don't you call D26's mom and take her to breakfast?"
Wife: "We invited you, mom. If you wanted to stay, you could have. If you wanted to go home and let the dogs out and come back, you could have. If you were this upset about it, you could have said something then, not waited four days until I invited you to breakfast with me."
Mother-in-law: "You invited them first. It is clear who you care about more, and I'll never see my grandkids and you clearly don't care about me anymore and I've just been replaced!"
Wife: "You would see it that way." *click*

My wife just got pissed and hung up, and I can't say I blame her. She eventually calmed herself down and called back, and they argued more, which got nothing accomplished, but at least my wife didn't just hang up and ignore it, she confronted her mom (a big step for her). We literally can't have people over to our house without having to worry about how the mother-in-law is going to react, and what passive-aggressive guilt trip she is going to pull later. This is why I let my wife deal with my mother-in-law, because I would have cut ties with her by now.

The sad part is I see some of these traits in my wife. She also gets passive-aggressive about things like doing dishes or laundry, but when she does I just bust out the "you're acting like your mother" line, which is a crap-shoot of either stopping her and making her realize what she is doing or causing her to flip out and we end up fighting. It either ends passive aggressive completely, or turns passive-aggressive into just aggressive, which I can handle.

 

I honestly love my passive aggressive roommates, they do all the note-writing, whining, putting their shit off limits etc. I used to get annoyed as fuck by all of this, until I realized the best approach to this problem was to ignore it. I still leave my pubes in the shower, leave the door unlocked, and forget to wash dishes, confident in the knowledge that my spineless roomies will never confront me face-to face about anything.

 

Reminds me of a sign above a urinal in a military bathroom that said "To properly operate unit engage charging handle and release." The same organization where you no longer eat potato salad you eat "salad, potato"

 

I just had to move because of a passive aggressive roommate. He got all pissed off because I hated his loud mouth breathing WoW playing girlfriend. I started to notice how my food would be thrown out. The power would go off when he wasn't there because he would switch off the power from the circuit breaker. He would turn on loud techno music at 4am and claimed that it helped him "Raid" whatever that is. He would leave my internet cables partially unplugged so I couldn't slow down his connection when he was playing his game. He started going up to the front office of my housing complex every time I did something he didn't like. Such as when I would download music or stream a video off youtube.

I called him out and told him if the shit didn't stop he and I were going to have an unpleasant exchange of words and actions. He went to the front office and claimed that he felt his life was in danger. The front office basically just released me from my lease because they knew I wouldn't do anything, but were obligated to do something by company policy.

In short, fuck passive aggressiveness.