Browsing the births on Wikipedia for today-according-to-GMT, I scrolled to the end and saw: 1994 – Dakota Fanning. Holy shit, that little girl is, like, legal for an adult male to do unwholesome things with. Normally, I'm a creep and this sort of thing makes me go "WOO-HOO, she's legal, I could fuck her in the astronomically unlikely event I had the opportunity!" But, Dakota Fanning?! Wasn't she just a little shit like, a couple of months ago? Crikey, I feel old. FOCUS: Whether you're a centenarian or a teenager (I'm 36, for the record), what makes you feel like checking into a nursing home?