Dakota Fanning is 18... God, I feel old.

Browsing the births on Wikipedia for today-according-to-GMT, I scrolled to the end and saw: 1994 – Dakota Fanning. Holy shit, that little girl is, like, legal for an adult male to do unwholesome things with. Normally, I'm a creep and this sort of thing makes me go "WOO-HOO, she's legal, I could fuck her in the astronomically unlikely event I had the opportunity!" But, Dakota Fanning?! Wasn't she just a little shit like, a couple of months ago? Crikey, I feel old.

FOCUS: Whether you're a centenarian or a teenager (I'm 36, for the record), what makes you feel like checking into a nursing home?

 

A couple of summers ago, I taught 'zine making at an all-girls summer camp. When I didn't have a class, I'd float around and help out the other counselors. In a newspaper class, one girl was drawing a cartoon. It was about some superhero and their name was SOMETHING1989. So I casually mentioned "Oh, that was when I was born." And she dramatically drops her pencil, looks up at me in disgust and awe and goes, "How OLD are you?????" I realized she had probably been born after 2000, and that now any of our years are going to make us sound ancient.

Or, when I went to see The Muppets last summer and the robot had the dialup tone and none of the kids laughed and I freaked out because none of them had absolutely any idea what that was.

But, I'm not old, and there is only one kid that I see with any kind of regularity, so I don't get many opportunities to feel that way.

 

A friend of mine I haven't spoken to in a while called me last night to tell me his mother died and remind me that it's our 20 year high school reunion this year. Those two bits of news totally sunk my night.

 

I have no idea what the big fads are right now. It seems that when I was younger there was always that fad that dominated social interactions, whether you liked it or not. Pogs, poker, beanie babies, have all come and gone. What makes me feel really old is when someone says something along the lines of 'I can't do that. I need to take care of my kid.' and then I realize they're the same age as me.

 

My younger sister took great pleasure in reminding me that I'm halfway to 50 on my birthday last week. I'm really not a fan of her right now

 

I was talking to one of my younger cousins about music. He is way into rap these days and has been getting into Jay-Z. So I told him the story of the very first song I downloaded. It was Jay-Z's Big Pimpin through Napster and it took me about 25 minutes to download it at 3 kb/s. He thought this was hilarious and showed me how he downloaded Jay-Z's entire discog at 2 Mb/s. These damn kids have NO IDEA what we had to do for music back in my day! He couldn't believe that before the ability to download came about, you simply couldn't get music unless it was from the radio or your parents spoiled you. Motherfucker made fun of me for listening to the radio!

And don't even get me started on being a 13 year old, printing out dirty pictures to masturbate to because they took so fucking long to load.

 

Kids born in the year 2000 have opinions on the internet.

 

I am having a good guffaw (as that is what old men do) at the 25 and under crowd lamenting their lost youth.

I just turned 34 and what makes me feel old is that apparently I now must have a 2 minute coughing fit first thing in the morning. That is apparently just something I do now (and I don't smoke). I was also able to throw out my shoulder sleeping. That last word isn't supposed to be fucking or fighting . . .sleeping. I hurt my goddamn shoulder sleeping.

Now you kids get off of my internet lawn.

 

I was in grade nine when Nevermind and Ten were released.

I saw The Challenger blow up on live TV, and remember it like yesterday.

Thankfully, I look ten years younger than what I am. Oatmeal, kids. That's the secret.

 

When people say things like this that make them feel old. Born, Audrey? I graduated from high school in 1989.

 

I am 26 now, and it makes me feel old when I realize that the amount of time that has passed since my senior year of high school (8 years) is the same amount of time that passed between 4th grade and my senior year of high school.

 

I turned 32 this year which is the same age my mom was when she gave birth to me. I am now half my own mother's age and the percentage will keep on climbing.

This also makes my mom feel old. My wife likes to tease me until I remind her she's about to turn 30 herself.

Realizing I started college over a decade ago is also not pleasant.

 

If I go to a bar and a hot 18 year old is drinking, she was born in 1994. Freaks me the fuck out.
On another website I'm on a guy has a "1998" in his username. I was horrified.

Though this topic really reminds me of how much Dakota Fanning annoyed me in War of the Worlds - People defending her are like 'oh she was 11' - so was Harry Potter and he stepped the fuck up.

 

I think my "fuck I'm old" moment was when I grabbed dinner with a girl I used to babysit because we were both in California, and realized she:

a) had gotten hot
b) was legal to drink

 

I feel really old when people are surprised to hear how old I am. Whenever someone younger than me asks and responds with, "Oh, really? I thought you were XX. You look really good for your age." Gee, thanks. Like I'm pretty cute for someone who's approaching menopause. UM, FOR MY AGE? I'm fucking 28 years old, not 50. I hope that when they reach 28 they hear the exact same thing tenfold so they know how ridiculous it sounds.

 

I was observing a 10th grade English class yesterday and no one knew who NSYNC was. I had to explain that it's a boy band that Justin Timberlake was in. Then a girl said "Oh a boy band, like The Jonas Brothers" and my heart almost broke right then and there. Finally, I realized they were all 7-8 years old when the band broke up. Then they were talking about the movie "Crazy Stupid Love" and didn't understand the importance of the lift from Dirty Dancing. I realized no one in high school is obsessed with the 80s anymore. The 80s were HUGE for my entire 4 years of high school and these guys had never heard of John Hughes. That should make everyone feel old. There is a generation of teenagers out there whose high school experience hasn't been influenced by John Hughes.

I think I've been living in denial because, while I have a 10 year old brother, his taste in TV and music is influenced by my siblings and me so I have no idea what kids who aren't inundated with early 2000 alt rock and episodes of Pee Wees Playhouse are into. So I know a 10 year old that fully understands the BSB NSYNC feud and a classroom of teenage girls who think The Jonas Brothers are the first group of brothers to start a band.

 

Nowadays I especially Feel old in bars, not because I am too old, but knowing that there are people in there that were still swimming in their daddy's balls while I was in high school.

THAT makes me feel older.

 

This. Every time I go in, I look around and think, "What are these fucking moron kids wearing? They look stupid." And, smirk all smugly to myself. After a few minutes, I realize I'm the one that looks stupid. Because I'm old, and I'm wearing khaki pants and a button-down shirt.

I was born in the '60's, but I've also had grey hair starting ince I was ten. It did let me buy beer underage more often in college, though.

Edit: to add. I posted this in the R&R thread a while back, but I got asked if I wanted the senior discount at the grocery store. That shit makes me feel old.

 

I'm 49 but in my mind I still think and feel like I'm in my early 30's. I've mentioned before that I have 6 kids - my oldest is 28 and my youngest is 6. What really makes me feel old is bringing my youngest to kindergarten orientation and seeing other children's parents that are younger than my oldest child! I guess that means I really am old!!

By the way, who is Dakota Fanning?