I heard a radio interview with the author this morning and it was hilarious. Random everyday things that creep you out. Grown men in Boy Scout uniforms Uncle Toms thick yellow toe nails The guy that holds the handshake for too long And so on and so on..... Focus: What random everyday thing/s do you find creepy?
People who touch me on mass transit. Mostly it's the fat people who are so fat that their big fat things spill over the seat and touch my thighs. Then there are the people who spread their legs like they have all the room in the world while i'm squished against a window crying. Then there was the guy with the creepy mustache who sat next to me drawing a sexualized picture, copying what looked like a 12 year old girl winning an award in the newspaper. The old woman who stared into my phone while i was texting my girlfriend. Fucking commuting.
Homeless people. The ones you see every day with the load in their pants, sometimes their hair. They stink and are really gross. There are many different types of homeless, I'm talking about the ones to feel sorry for. If they touch you, all you can think is; bleach, antiseptic and boiling water. Generally, they're talking to themselves and are mostly harmless. They always make you wonder why they're not in a mental hospital. Bugs. Every single insect can go fuck off somewhere away from me.
People eating, I hate being around old people eating in particular. They do excessive work with their lips and smack. It's creepy.
Close talkers. I can hear just fine. I don't need someone within 6 inches of my face when we're having a normal conversation. Touching old people. Handshakes and the like really gross me out with old folks. Their skin just feels...old. And gross.
FUCKING BIRDS. I hate birds. Have you ever looked in the eyes of a bird? Any bird, even the cute ones. They have these cold, scary, reptilian eyes that look like that want to steal my soul and feed it to their sickening fucking squawking offspring. Jesus christ I fucking hate birds. Spoiler ^DIE IN A FIRE AHHHHHHHHH
I was watching the Daily Show last night and they had James Tabor, who was talking about his upcoming book about cave exploration. The people journey into the depths of the earth and try to reach the bottom of huge caves, which are essentially, aside from the sea floor, the last unexplored areas on earth. Near the end of the segment him and Stewart showed a picture of a person in a crevice, which turned out to be a renowned woman explorer, who by sucking in her stomach and shoving herself through a crack, was able to keep the exploration going all the way to the end. This crevice was maybe 5 feet tall and 8 inches wide, and descended straight down, and she was essentially trapped in it forcing herself down into the hole. I got goosebumps just watching. But THEN James started talking about the mental challenges of being down nearly 7000 feet, and this is when I nearly lost it. They started talking about a phenomenon called Rapture. They mention this: <a class="postlink" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nitrogen_narcosis" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nitrogen_narcosis</a> Which I had never heard of before. Apparently when diving there is a certain point where when you are breathing gases at a certain depth, they can cause you to feel like you are drunk, and it basically is : "temporary decline or loss of senses and movement, numbness". Apparently this is reversible when you come back up past a certain depth and can be kept at bay by breathing different chemicals. James Tabor goes on to say when underneath in the caves there is a different sort of rapture, which is like "a panic attack on meth." It's when your "psyche reaches its limits with the depth and darkness." Shuddering I lay there and watched the rest of the interview, and now I am going out to try to buy or rent that book somewhere. That sounds like the worst thing in the world that could ever happen to me, and it creeps me out beyond reason. Needless to say I doubt I am going to be exploring any caves any time soon.
Long fingernails. Especially on dudes. Yuck! Baby talk. I refuse to ever baby talk to any animal or baby. No ma'am. People who grunt/moan/make weird noises in Yoga. Really, people? Is it absolutely necessary to lay in savasana doing absolutely nothing and make weird-ass sex noises? Are you getting off laying on your back, alone? Creepy as hell.
Women who wear flip flops or sandals while their 2nd toe hangs over the front of the shoe like a fucking curb feeler. (I guess it could be guys too, but dudes in flip flops in public kinda creep me out too.)
Heavy breathers. Oh I'm sorry, was that hoagie, pizza, and 2-liter a food triathlon? don't get up, just sit and wheez some more. I guess I could just say really fat people.
Children really creep me the fuck out. I was over at a friends house for dinner one day, and we were watching a movie after dinner. His kid sat next me to on the couch. After 10 minutes they had to move the kid to a new seat because they could see how uncomfortable I was with him sitting next to me. I also only go to the mall while kids are at school. God help me if I ever knock some broad up.
I run a mobile disc jockey business and I've done dozens and dozens of weddings. PLenty of creepy things, to be sure. Nothing makes my skin crawl more than the Creepy Uncle That Dry-Humps The Bridemaids Across The Dancefloor. You are not big man on campus. You are a 56-year-old with a Selleck 'Stache and 20 Tom Collins in your bloodstream, rubbing your wrinkly scrotum up and down Cindy-Jo's thigh to the strains of The Romantics' "What I like about you". Brrrrrrrr. I know you've seen this guy too, because he travels around the continent.
Crazy Homeless Beggars- The ones with the shopping carts full of old clothes, the ones yelling loud, violent gibberish to themselves, and especially the fuckers who will walk inside an eatery, beg for money, and then eye your chicken like they're about to snatch it. I know I can destroy these people in a fight if it ever comes to that, but what about the infection I will get from touching them?! The Random Guy who puts a hand on your shoulder while he is talking to you- Not just creepy, it makes me feel violently homicidal. Old Women wearing revealing clothing and ridiculous amounts of make-up- This one might be the worst. As a bonus, if I don't throw up from the sight, I sure will from the smell. The stench from these people is several times stronger than a closed perfume store.
A cousin to my earlier post, the one I truly cannot stand is the fucktard that grinds girls' asses on the dancefloor at bars. Not girls that he knows personally, but girls he has never met. Girls waaaaay out of his league. Her friends attempt to pull the "block" move on him, but you think that's stopping this sweaty, striped-shirt sporting greaseball pervert wearing enough Hai Karate to gag a Turkish pimp? Not on my watch, toots. He'll just dance around the wall her friends put up and continue with his borderline sexual assault. If she gives him a third degree he can't ignore, there's plenty of fish on the dancefloor to continue giving the heebie-jeebies to. Every time I see this I want to bounce a beer bottle of this asshole's head.
That guy who wears a fucking speedo while swimming. Showing off your sexual features in swimwear is best left to females.
HELP! I'M DROWNING! COME SAVE ME CAPTAIN HOT-IN-SPEEDOS! Focus: People missing a tooth. Stick a chicklet in there or something. Jez. EDIT: Google it if you don't know.
The dangerous thing about this is all you have to do is ascend a few meters to get back to normal, but because essentially you are drunk a lot of people die because they forget to do this. Focus: People sitting next to you on public transport when there are spare seats available. If I am on a crowded bus or ferry I have no problems with people sitting next to you. But when it is nearly empty just sit somewhere else.