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Collateral Damage

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Revengeofthenerds, May 24, 2014.

  1. Revengeofthenerds

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    ER Frequent Flyer Platinum Member

    Feb 26, 2011
    El Preggo wife has been breaking out in crazy pimples and stuff because of her hormones going haywire. Because she is vain, instead of just accepting it as part of the pregnancy, she went to a dermatologist, who prescribed her a lotion which includes various acids in its recipe. Yeah, ok, sounds dangerous but I get the idea of it, and if a doctor says it's safe then it's fine. I still always take my wedding ring off though when I have to rub that acid lotion on her back, just in case.

    Cue the records screeching to a halt. Everything changed when I took a piss.

    A few hours ago, I rubbed that crap on her back. I washed my hands thoroughly. Given that I work in education, sanitizing is a big deal, and given that it was acid in the lotion's ingredients, I followed the sanitizing process I'd normally do at work. Then I went to take a piss, because it's the evening and I've had a few beers. Over the course of taking that piss, I touched my dick. With the acid-lotion hand.

    As of present, my dick is on fire in a very chemical way. Thank god it's not shedding its skin (as my wife's back does when the lotion is applied); that's probably a result of following the proper sanitation process. So apparently I just dumbed down the crap. Regardless, no man wants chemical burns on his junk.

    And all I was trying to do was help her.

    Focus: What have you done that resulted in unexpected consequences?

    Alt. Focus: Even better: ever watched someone end up on the losing/hilarious side of a good deed?
  2. The Village Idiot

    The Village Idiot
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    Porn Worthy, Bitches

    Nov 23, 2009
    Where angels never dare
    My life is a study in unexpected consequences for good deeds performed.

    My most recent bartending job is a good example. Like a good employee, I ended up covering shifts for someone when they went out on maternity leave. It was a shit shift, and for months I made no money. The employers were happy they didn't need to hire someone new, and even happier they didn't have to cover it themselves. For months I was asking for brunch menus, new drinks, etc. to try to make the shift not suck ass - I would walk out of there with $20 in cash some days (whereas if you worked that night you would walk with $250). I did it because I figured I was the new guy and it was the nice thing to do.

    Cue to return of maternity leave girl. Two weeks in, she has brunch menus, new drinks, etc. My Sunday day shift gets lunch cut altogether, so I stand around for four hours. This was one of the many reasons I left, but the point is I did a nice turn for maternity girl (whom never covered for me because my shifts sucked) - I get her shift a better result, and boom, my shift goes to hell.

    Then again, I have a habit of grabbing defeat from the jaws of victory, so maybe it's just me.