Cleaning is not a disorder!

Today I got to see a close relative of mine act out a scene from Monk only for real. While left alone for about 15 minutes in a room full of displays of things for sale, she stood up and made sure all the price tags were properly affixed in their price tag holders and each and every item lined up perpendicular to its shelf. If one shelf had two different kinds of price tag holders, she rearranged them so each shelf had only one kind of price tag holder.

When you watch Monk, it's kind of funny because you know it's Tony Shalhoub playing a character and he's not really like that. When you witness it firsthand, it's not funny at all.

FOCUS: What are you obsessive and/or compulsive about?

 

If I have more than one kind of food on my plate, I have to eat each one separately. Also, I have to eat them in counter-clockwise order of how they are on the plate.

I walk around my house 10 times I day making sure that all the cupboards in my kitchen are closed.

I have 5 bookshelf in my bedroom. They are all organized in size order. Not just on a shelf-by-shelf basis, but all along the spectrum.

 

I have OCD. It's better now, but when I first developed it around 12 and finally saw a competent therapist around 16ish it really messed with my ability to deal with life. It's such an intrusive and annoying pain in the ass. The latest compulsion I have is to note and count punctuation in sets of 3s while reading. That's fucking annoying as shit, let me tell you, and has drastically fucked with my ability to enjoy a good book.

 

I click my teeth while I drive.

If I pass a road, telephone pole, large tree that deserves some attention, road lines...they are all eligible for a little click. If they're on the right side of the car, I click with the top and bottom front teeth on the right side--likewise for things on the left side. Road lines, driveways, and streets get two clicks--one when I first reach them, one when I reach the other side. It's tougher with road lines, so I usually do it for the spaces in between them. I've heard of people tapping their foot or nodding their head to do the same thing. I actually started out nodding, but I realized that I couldn't do it with other people in the car without having to answer a few questions.

Now, I don't think this is a compulsion necessarily--more of a case of extreme boredom and my brain just wanting something to do while I make the same drive to and from work. If I miss a good "clicking tree" or a street, I don't panic and feel the need to do corrective rituals like turning the volume up three levels and then down two while cycling through the intermittent wiper settings so that everything is right in the world again. Besides, if I did rituals like that, I'd miss so many clicking opportunities.

 

My kitchen has to be spotless both before and after I cook. There are no stray glasses, not a crumb, not one dirty fork on the counter before I start preparing whatever it is I am cooking.

After cooking, it has to be as clean as it was before I started. I've missed dinner parties that I have initiated because I've been scrubbing a pan. I've broken countless wine glasses because I have been drunk as an Irish Indian while cleaning. I've put off sex temporarily because there are dishes in the sink.

 

I wish I had OCD. I fucking hate cleaning, and have to force myself to do it. I only do it because society has deamed it wrong to live in filth. Stupid society.

I can't wait until I'm rich enough to have a made in my house daily.

 

I'm in the same boat, although I never saw a therapist because my parents believes that ignoring embarrassing problems makes them go away. Since I never got it checked out by a professional, I don't know what the fuck I have. My guess is a combination of mild Tourettes and moderate OCD. Having to constantly tap or rearrange shit really interferes with your day. Constantly being harassed for "taking my time" before going out and having to get up even earlier just to be on time. I have this great compulsion involving reading, too. It started almost a year ago and anytime I read a physical book, I have to constantly shift my eyes up a few lines of text. As you can imagine, it makes reading no fun at all and studying long textbook chapters for exams takes twice as long. But I guess it's worth it since it's preventing the world from exploding, or whatever the fuck my downy brain believes.

The only good thing I can really think of is how I've come to control it in public. If other people are around, I generally won't do any of that weird shit but it is still difficult to control some of the smaller ticks. I sound like a freak but I want to assure you it's not like that episode of South Park or like the people that scream obscenities all day.

 

I can't sleep if my house isn't picked up. Not completely dusted and immaculate. It just has to be in order.

I generally can't leave in the morning unless my bed is made and the house is in order.

Yea, I have those throw pillows that come off and on each time.

I always thought 'Along Came Polly' was sort of a neurotic slob of a woman.

 

I have a very obsessive personality, which used to be a problem for me when I was younger. But, I've since learned how to use this to my advantage, and it's made me much more effective at everything I do. Now when I take an interest in something, I'll completely immerse myself in it and think about it 24/7, including dreaming about it. I've applied this to my schoolwork a few times and completed literally months of work in a week. It used to be pretty stressful to try and manage a healthy balance of different things, now I find it much more satisfying to throw like 60 hours a week at a single pursuit until I feel I've accomplished what I was after, and just jump from one pursuit to another. Though, I am slowly turning into a workaholic as a result.

 

I can't go to sleep in a bed that hasn't been made first, and to take it one step further, I cannot get into a bed where the sheet hasn't been properly tucked into the foot-end of the mattress. We're not always religious about making the bed in the morning, so at night, I will take the covers off the bed entirely and completely re-make the bed before I can get back into it. That doesn't include throw pillows, etc. Just the sheets and the comforter. I also cannot sleep with a pillow that has a pillowcase that is too short. If any portion of my pillow is exposed, it gives me the creeps.

 

I have the same problem. Why can't the Mrs. and the kids understand that YOU CLEAN AS YOU GO. When dinner is over the only thing left to do should be to rinse the plates and serving dishes and put them in the dishwasher. Also, why the FUCK are people not taught how to load a freekin dishwasher!!?? OK, now I have to wash my hands 20 times and flick the lite-switch on and off for 45.

 

I really only have two: I only set my alarm clock for even numbers, and when I drink water I count the number of sips. Don't know why I do this. Maybe to keep my mind busy, or something.

 

I tap my feet to music. Left for half-beats, right for beats. If it's a particularly good song I bring in my fingers for the beat-count of the melody. I'm not even a good musician -- hell I'm tone deaf.

That's it though, I'm pretty messy and get my girlfriend to clean up my place in exchange for sexual favours.

 

I'm generally not too clean when it comes to my room, but its generally just disorganized rather than unsanitary. However, the kitchen and bathroom can't get to a certain point without me cleaning them up.

I found in college, that when I was procrastinating too much I'd go to large lengths to not write papers/lab reports or whatever I had due the next morning. I would then find myself going on massive cleaning binges at 4 am since "well it needed done too" instead of doing my schoolwork.

 

The Microwave. I absolutely cannot use a regular time setting for the microwave. If something is supposed to go in for 2:30, I set it for 2:27. If its 3:00, I do 3:13. I just don't like even settings and always have to set it for a non-conventional cook time.

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When i was younger, I gave properties to painted curbs. Red (fire lane) curbs were of course hot fire. Blue (handicapped) were cold water. White (loading zone?) were freezing ice. Yellow was neutral. If I walked on a red curb, I had to find a blue or white one as quickly as possible to counteract it. Same applied for the reverse. Makes you look pretty awkward running all over the parking lot to touch curbs instead of just walking in a straight line.

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Last week I was at the San Diego trolley station. Everytime a trolley is stopped and is ready to depart, the driver toots the horn twice. Sounds like the Roadrunner's meep-meep. I started to notice that someone behind me was mimicking the horn EVERY time the trains honked them.

I expected to see either a bum, or a little kid. Instead I saw a woman in a nice business suit honking away. She either didn't notice she was doing it, or just didn't care that 15 people were watching her do it. I must have heard that lady quack like a duck 50 times waiting for my trolley.

 

Saran wrap: If it doesn't cut perfectly and lay perfectly on whatever I'm wrapping, I have to do it over. I go through a bizarre amount of Saran wrap.

 

My father has OCD, and I don't mean he likes certain things a certain way. I'm talking As Good as it Gets OCD. I haven't seen him in years, but can very vividly remember him unplugging all appliances, making sure the stove was off, closing cupboards, unlocking and locking doors multiple times, making sure the car was locked by pulling on each of all four handles, checking for debris in front of or behind tires, washing his hands a ridiculous amount of times a day, etc. It was exhausting.

I was never allowed to develop any of those tendencies thanks to my mom bitching at me whenever there was a hint that I may repeat something of the nature. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty much the opposite. I don't give a shit if the cap is on the toothpaste, my clothes are in clean and dirty piles, my work area has no real order, and the volume to my tv is on whatever level that results from me removing my finger from the button.

However, there is one thing that I am absolutely insane about: being on time. Each night, I check my alarm clock multiple times to make sure the proper time is set and the switch is in the on position. The same goes for my phone, because a back-up is absolutely necessary. I regularly show up to appointments 15 prior to 15 prior. I've circled the block when picking up dates because I showed up WAY too early. How people can leave for an occasion with just enough time to get there is beyond me. What if there's a traffic jam?!? What if you forget something?!? YOU ARE NOT GIVING YOURSELF ENOUGH TIME TO ACCOUNT FOR ALL VARIABLES!!!!

The only good part of this is that most employers love it.

 

Likewise, while I'm driving the gas pedal becomes the bass pedal to my drum kit. It takes my friends a few times riding in the passenger seat to get used to the fact that I'm not having a seizure.

I'm also anal retentive about inane plot points:

 

I'm not very OCD, except for two standout things: Every piece of furniture in my house is at a 90 degree angle from the walls, and I have about 750 DVDs in alphabetical order. However, the reason for that is simply because it makes it easier to find a movie that looking through 14 full shelves of them before you finally find Mannequin 2 or, you know, whatever the movie may be.