Long time lurker, but had to chime in here quickly. Back in college, got drunk with a girl I'd been out with a couple times. Things get heated, and shes spending a lot of time kissing my neck. It was a bit rough, but I was drunk and it felt good at the time. Next morning, I look in the mirror and my neck is COVERED in hickeys... Seriously, it looked like I had a necklace of bruises around the whole front half of my neck. After freaking out, the next thing I realize is that it's Easter Sunday and I have to drive home to have dinner with my family and ALL my relatives. Fuck. Years later, I still haven't lived that one down...
Bravo. Although I didnt see or hear her leave the next morning I never heard from her again haha. Next morning my friends kept yelling FINISH HER and GET OVER HERE all morning with the occasional FATALITY thrown in the mix. Good times haha
In the same vein, a friend and I have a habit of quoting Duffman back and forth: "Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem!" "Ohhhhhhh yeahh!" Followed later by: "Duffman can't breathe!" "Ohhhhhhh noooo!"
Apparently she wasn't happy about the whole experience : <a class="postlink" href="http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/search?q=mortal%20kombat" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/searc ... l%20kombat</a> I don't have any super embarrassing stories but one time I was out with a girl for the first time and she challenged me to a drinking contest. Well, I'm not going to brag but I definitely can drink way more than a 110lb chick. Fast forward to later on in the night and during the process of removing clothes she leans over the side of the bed and pukes everywhere, all the while still maintaining a tight grip on my man member. And not a single fuck was given that night.
Really weird. Did I mention I was from Oregon...? Or did everyone see that in my mini profile on the left. Viking33 are you from Oregon to or was the girl? Just out of curiosity
Yeah, I cooked some Indian food and used some dry scotch bonnet in it. I didnt know the power of those peppers and used just a pinch. I just rubbed myself and it burned for ever. I also was forcing myself to eat the food which was almost unbearable so my mind kind of tuned off.
Hmm...lets see here. I was fucking some random girl I'd brought home from bars last semester and she started blowing me. Especially after a night of drinking, I tend to get pretty aggressive and that night was no different. So I'm basically skull-fucking this poor girl and apparently she has a pretty bad gag reflex (Read: my magnificent schlong was too much for a mere mortal to handle....fuck you, let me have my illusion), so after maybe 10 seconds of smashing my pelvis into her face she full on pukes on my dick. I'm talking projectile vomits all over my groin area and on the bed. My initial reaction was to hysterically laugh. And then kick her out at 3AM. Oh and I found out 2 weeks ago that the girl I fucked last month (goddamn bar sluts) gave me the clap (Chlamydia for those of you not up on American STD sland). Which i only got because after she definitely asked me if i had a condom, I drunkenly decided 'Hey! fuck this condom, it's stupid!', took it off and threw it over my shoulder and continued with the sex-ing. Good call. Instead of keeping that a secret like most normal people would, I've pretty much told everyone I know because I think it's funny that I got an STD. It's the papercut of STD's, but still.
I was fucking a girl I had been seeing off and on for a few weeks when all of a sudden the sex started feeling a lot better. It felt less like I was fucking a latex glove, and more like a slippery vagina. For the honor students out there who hadn't caught on yet, the condom broke. Shit. We had been fucking for a good half hour and there had plenty of precum collected in there. So I did what any young male would do in that predicament, I begged her to get the morning after pill. She was one of those Southern Baptist "Fucking's ok, but the pill is a sin" so I was really nervous she'd try to get out of taking Plan B. It was nighttime, so I had the whole night to ponder having a kid with this chick. Next morning we picked it up, I insisted I watch her take it, and she cried afterward. She accused me of forcing her to take the pill, that we were baby murderers, the whole lot. She then dumped me. But not before I asked her for one last fuck. She declined and hilarity ensued back at my place. Alone.
Fuck you, this brought back a memory I thought I had successfully smoked away. So, at the ripe old age of 21, I was unwisely enmeshed in an on-again off-again relationship. The girl was fairly high-strung, and came from a very conservative Christian family. There was a lot of drama, but we were monogamous, she was on the pill and we weren't using condoms. The pattern was this: we'd fight, break up, avoid each other for 2 weeks, meet up again and fuck. Then she'd call me the night after, blame me for the sex, rinse, repeat. This went on for 4 months. It was... messy. So, she arrives at my house unexpectedly about 11pm one night during one of our 'not talking' interludes, and tells me she thinks she's pregnant, and has missed not one but two periods. I am concerned. Greatly concerned. At this point I was a jobless Uni student living at home with my parents. She says that she would never abort a child - fair enough, I'm selfish, but not to the point that I would demand she spend the rest of her life believing she's going to burn in hell for my convenience. I figure my parents had my brother when they were both studying, and even though my feelings about the mother are highly ambivalent, we can, somehow, make this work (while my mind keeps up a background hum of fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck). I suggest we should go get a pregnancy test so we can start planning. She refuses. I insist. She refuses. I insist more strongly. Eventually I talk her into coming with me to the all night chemist. It is the longest, most silent car ride I've ever had to endure. The chemist glares at us, two obviously distressed kids coming in at midnight to buy a pregnancy test. I contemplate punching him in his disapproving face. We get home. She refuses to take the test. I ask why. She says she doesn't want to. I tell her to please take the test. She says that maybe she overreacted, and doesn't 'feel pregnant'. I snap. I tell her I'll never talk to her again unless she pisses on the fucking stick right now. She bursts into tears, but goes into the bathroom and takes the test. Not my proudest moment, having a girl who might be pregnant with my child burst into tears, but there is a reason our relationship was on again / off again. As you can probably guess, the test was negative. Sweet, beautiful, life-affirming (or technically life-negating, but you know what I mean) negative. The stress and tension of the last 2.5 hours vanishes, leaving me feeling drained and emotionally wrung-out. I consider becoming celibate, or perhaps castrating myself, or learning to love men, or animals. Anything to never have to go through that again. The girl tries to initiate sex. I look at her like she suggested we just walk into Mordor. She grabs my cock and tells me that hey, she wasn't pregnant, clearly the birth control is working, and she wants to fuck. I tell her that I'm not in the mood. Screaming and crying ensues. I attempt to kick her out of my house. She grabs my arm and won't let go, screaming all the while. My parents suggest we shut the fuck up and let them sleep before work. Eventually, by saying some truly unpleasant things to her in a cold fury, I convince her to let go of my arm and leave. Yeah, I had some issues for a while after that.
Focus: I figure the internet is the safest place to admit to this, but one of my most embarrassing and painful sexual encounters happened when I accidentally came in my own eye. Yeah, you read that correctly, I've given myself a facial. Back in high school, the girlfriend and I were going at it like the horny teenagers we were. After about 45 seconds of vigorous thrusting, I pulled out and looked down to see the glorious mess I was going to make on her stomach, only to realize I was looking my penis square in the eye. I was so horror struck, that I couldn't do anything but take the vengeful shot right in the eyeball, contact and all. Luckily she was confused enough about the lack of mess to buy myself some time to run into the bathroom and wash my own seed out of my eye. There was no explaining away the redness though and it took a very, very long time to live that one down.