Last night my loving husband tried to finger bang when I crawled into bed.... after eating a pound of suicide wings for dinner. Do you know what that feels like? It feels like your vagina has been condemned to a fiery fucking Hell! I grabbed his wrist (while my vagina was busy collapsing inward) and I was all, "Did you have hot wings for dinner?!" And then he laughed, and felt kind bad, and said, "Yes, but my penis didn't have hot wings for dinner." But it was too late. Damage done. There was no way my scorching girl parts were having any part of any frisky business for the remainder of the evening, unless it involved a massive ice-cube dildo. This morning I woke up and kept telling him about my "chicken wing vagina," and I'm pretty sure he wanted to punch me. Anyway - I know you fuckers have done and had much, much worse. FOCUS: Share your sex bloopers (so that I don't feel so bad about my vagina being a burn victim).